giving baby MY last name - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 14 Old 02-27-2009, 05:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Any one married who kept their own name giving baby their last name? Do you think that would be a hassle for us or baby at any point?

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#2 of 14 Old 02-27-2009, 05:35 AM
 
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Sure, plenty of people do it. Both my kids have my last name. It has never been an issue at all. What kind of problems are you worried about?
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#3 of 14 Old 02-27-2009, 06:16 AM
 
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I did, and it is not a hassle at all. The only problem I have had really is when the older children were in school, DH suddenly changed his mind and wanted the next child to have his last name. I told him that I did not want that division in the home where half the children have one name and the other half, the other. Really, it was a joint decision and it was DH's idea to begin with so it is quite unfair of him to change his mind like that. So things have been kept how they are.
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#4 of 14 Old 02-27-2009, 11:51 AM
 
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My dh and I were not married when we had our first two dc.

I did give them my last name first and hyphened his last name.

Now that we are married I no longer use my last name with theirs. Unfortunately it's a big expensive legal deal to have it officially changed, but I don't have any issues using just the later part of their last name for anything.....school, ins, etc.

Mama to Zoe (8/00), Morgan : (10/01), Brooke9/06), Casey 20wks (2/08), and Riley : (2/09)
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#5 of 14 Old 02-27-2009, 12:30 PM
 
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Honestly i don't know why more people don't do it.
I think the only thing that would happen is that your dp would get called by their last name when with them. This happens to me a lot at doctors offices and stuff. My kids have dh's last name.
Another thing that might happen is that people occasionally assume he is their step father based on different last names. It might be a pain sometimes to explain it but I don't think it should keep you from doing it if that's what you want.
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#6 of 14 Old 02-27-2009, 01:19 PM
 
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nak
what plantmama said. My Mom had a different last name than us & quite frankly as a teenager I found it rather annoying & a pia. I was constantly having to correct people 'cause they were too lazy to read.

Doula mama to dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08) and expecting (Apr '17)
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#7 of 14 Old 02-27-2009, 01:34 PM
 
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When we got married we agreed that girls would have my last name and boys would have his.

I would have preferred that all get my last name but I was willing to compromise to this solution.

However, as we got closer to TTC, DH got cold feet. we aregued about it for a long time and eventually decided to hyphenate the 2 names. Which is a problem because my last name is already hyphenated. My dad's last name is hyphenated (very common in the UK) so I ahve always had a hyphenated name.

Eventually we decided to give them the first half of my name hyphenated to his last name.

So I have my last name, DH has his last name and the kids have a different last name to either one of us.

They do however, have the same last name as each other.

We had to change their names legally and it was a bit of a pain and no one is totally happy with it but it was the best we could do.

I say, if you can get him to agree to the kids having your last name, go for it!

Me (42), DH (41), DD (7), DS1 (5) and DS2 Aug 02/09
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#8 of 14 Old 02-27-2009, 01:59 PM
 
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We weren't married until Oliver was 11 1/2 months old, but we had decided long before we even TTC'd how we were going to do it. I kept my last name, DH kept his, and our kids have our names hyphenated, mine first just because that way the name sounds less snobby
The only problem that's come up is that, like a PP said, since we've been married everyone just assumes I changed my name :

Me + him = DS 01/08 & DD 09/09 X2
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#9 of 14 Old 02-27-2009, 02:05 PM
 
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I'm married and kept my last name but ds and future baby will have dh's last name.
I just think its easier It's hard enough explaining to people that 'I' have a different name.

I also am big on doing family trees, and I can't imagine how much more difficult that would be if people had different last names throughout my families history.

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#10 of 14 Old 02-27-2009, 02:07 PM
 
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dh and i weren't married when dd was born and i gave her my last name. dh did not care for that much, but i told him dd would have whatever last name i had, married or not. end. of. discussion. when dd was 13 months dh and i got married. i took his last name and we went through the courst to get dd's last name changed. it was a HUGE pain, and $150, but it got done. a word of advice if anyone does want to change their dc's last name; include the middle name of your dc on all of the court papers. when i sent the change order to vital records to get the birth cert. changed, they omitted dd's middle name b/c it was not on the order, even though it was on her original birth cert. we had to go to courst AGAIN and get the change order ammended (another $150). it's all right now, but it sure was a PIA. :
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#11 of 14 Old 02-27-2009, 02:34 PM
 
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"I also am big on doing family trees, and I can't imagine how much more difficult that would be if people had different last names throughout my families history."

My family came over in like 1902 or so, and some of us got Ellis Islanded, and others didn't. So my very immediate family have a rather ethnic, hard to pronounce, hard to spell last name, but there are cousins out there with 2 different anglicizations, one of which doesn't even remotely look like the original name. Just saying

I took my husbands last name largely because my maiden name was long, hard to pronounce, and even harder to spell (and some family issues, and because I'd rather not be googleable), and our children will share that last name. However, I can promise you that anything that even remotely resembles the last name counts, legally. So if you wanted your children to have the last name Smith but they decide later to hyphenate to, say, Smith-Johnson, that works too, without dealing with legal changes (my niece is doing this; her parents weren't married, her legal name is the mom's last name but the dad's is added socially, and effectively legal for stuff like school documents).

I think having a different last name across a nuclear family can be a pain in the butt, but it will probably be less so as time goes on because blended families are more common. In my own situation my parents were married, I had my dad's last name/mom's married name (M), they got divorced, mom never changed her name back (L) but had a kid with another guy who has his last name (J). There was a chance that there'd be 3 different last names in my 3 person immediate family. The most that happened was that school and my little sister's friends would default to calling my mother Mrs. J when she was really Ms. M. There was never any confusion as to who the parent was, never any legal hassles, etc. Heck, I even have a friend whose mother socially changed her name entirely, adding a letter to her first name and changing the pronunciation, and picking a different variant of her last name. From what I know, that wasn't really a big deal, though there'd be double takes when she'd answer to the other name in class rosters.

Ashley, Pagan treehugger.gif mama to E (6/09) and my beautiful hbac.gif baby T (4/3/12)
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#12 of 14 Old 02-27-2009, 04:36 PM
 
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I hyphenate my last name. DD's middle name is my maiden name, and her last name is DH's last name.

mama to DD (7), DS (3.5), and another DS arriving in August!

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#13 of 14 Old 02-27-2009, 04:43 PM
 
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I agree with those who say more people should do it. My children have two last names, no hyphen. Honestly I would of preferred them just to have my last name, but we came to this agreement since DH felt the same way about his name.

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#14 of 14 Old 02-27-2009, 05:38 PM
 
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We picked a boy's and a girl's name, and decided that a boy would keep my name and a girl would get my husband's. We had a boy, so he has my name. If we have another kid, he/she will have his last name. I don't see anything wrong with that.
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