Is this pretentious??? Your opinion please! - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 67 Old 05-29-2009, 09:39 AM
 
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Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
I sympathize and I've been there. But I think you need to re-write that letter substantially.

If I were you, I would focus - gratefully, humbly! - on the outpouring of support and generosity you have experienced from these folks before getting into what you want.
I totally agree with zinemama and think her suggested rewording of the letter is great. Personally, I agree with everything the OP said in her original letter AND I do love it when people tell me what they want for gifts... BUT I would be rubbed the wrong way by the original letter. It just came across, unintentionally, as a little preachy/bossy when, as zinemama said, the tone you want is grateful/humble. I mean, you can't lose sight of the fact that people want to buy you gifts not because they want to destroy the earth with a bunch of plastic crap, but because they are genuinely excited about the birth of your baby and want to show their love. And that's lovely, no matter what they get you!

Also, worst-case scenario, you get some crap you don't want -- you either return it and get stuff you do want, or donate it to a charity that will give it to people who could really desperately use it. Really, that's not so bad either way!

Since I am pro-registry (as long as it's being given out only to people who ask for it, of course!), I think it's best to be as specific as possible. The online registry is a great idea. From your list, Bena, I think you could be a little more specific on some things:

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Originally Posted by Bena View Post
-items to make breastfeeding or cloth diapering simpler (we have already selected cloth diapering system by Mother-ease, a locally owned, environmentally friendly business)
-books and music to stimulate imagination and curiosity
[/I]
People who don't have kids won't know what are items to make breastfeeding or cloth diapering simple. Specific items would be more helpful.
Likewise, I doubt anyone deliberately sets out to buy books and music to suppress imagination and curiosity. So if you have specific products in mind I would let people know what they are!

Becca, mommy to my little pumpkin DS (10/09)
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#62 of 67 Old 05-29-2009, 09:57 AM
 
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It must vary by store, but my BRU does not give cash for anything but a full receipt - gift receipts don't count even if it was on your registry. But save up enough small things to return, it helps when you buy carseats (p.s. Sunshine Radians are the only ones that don't emit fumes, and BRU has them online, plus they are super safe adn you can rearface the longest). You could do the same at Target and buy lots of 7th generation cleaning products (that's the only reason I go there, best price on d/w soap by far).

Wife to my corkdork and loving momma to Rolly (1/07), 2 cats, Speedy the turtle, and little Bel (9/17/09)!
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#63 of 67 Old 05-29-2009, 10:06 AM
 
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Oh, registering at Target is a great idea!
The possibilities of what to use gift certificates on are endless
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#64 of 67 Old 05-29-2009, 11:18 AM
 
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Originally Posted by hummingmom View Post
Maybe I'm an anomalous data point, but I have three children (all breastfed), and have never felt the need to use those creams. Not that I'd be bothered to get them as a gift, but they'd just be given away.

OTOH, if you were to substitute a jar of salve for, ahem, another area of the body : ... well, now you're talking. But I don't suppose that would go over well in a surprise gift basket. Or on a registry, for that matter.
I get cracky nipples so for me that's a breastfeeding necessity, all the drool seems to just make me dry and crack. Also left over Lansinoh is the best lip balm ever, if you have cracked lips it works wonders. I already am putting it on my nipples at 21wks because they already are feeling dry, ugh.

See i would never use the other, that never happens to me.

I personally love that this time we are not finding out what the gender is, people have no clue what to do when it comes to buying things. I completely understand not wanting a bunch of crap. Not finding out what the baby is has just confused everyone, which I find totally entertaining.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#65 of 67 Old 05-29-2009, 12:20 PM
 
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I understand the intent behind the note, completely, but I imagine people *I* know receiving it, and I think they'd take a rather dim view. But I really sympathize. That said one thing we did was to register at a big box and a local diaper store... The person hosting the shower also put on the invitation that it was a green/environmental/organic theme. Most people got it and some people did buy from the online local store... while others bought other 'green' things that will for sure come in handy.

For those people who didn't quite get it(!), we accepted their gifts with a lot of gratitude and graciousness.

Zubee

jog.gif   mama to DS 7/09 and married to DH bikenew.gif

 

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#66 of 67 Old 05-29-2009, 03:06 PM
 
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Well, I don't think it's pretentious, but then again I am of the same mindset as you. Other people may find it pretentious.

I had the same issue, and here's how I solved it: I refused to have a baby shower, and my partner and I told EVERYONE not to bring or buy anything. We said, "Thank you for thinking of us! We appreciate the well-wishes. We already have everything necessary for the baby, so we really don't need anything else."

Lo and behold, when baby werewolf was born, everyone came a-knockin' with gifts, food and money in-hand. We still have gifts that remain unused. At some point, we will donate them. We ate the food! : As for the money, we put it into savings for the baby.

So, I learned that everyone just loves to buy things for itty bitty babies. The grandparents are the worst offenders. They still bring things, eight months after the birth. It's not that we don't appreciate their efforts; it's just that we have no space in the apartment. We really don't. It's a one-bedroom place. Oh well. Live and let live.
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#67 of 67 Old 05-29-2009, 05:03 PM
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Most of the babyshowers I have been to- hardly anything was from the registry anyway. I found it a bit annoying when I had my own shower as we were young, had just moved long distance and bought a house- I could've used some of those things! But, now I return the favor, I buy what I think the receiver would like in whatever eco-friendly version I can find it in.

I agree with all the pps- you are going to get junk that you don't like- you can donate it or take it to a kids' consignment shop or try and return it. Lots of way to reuse a gift that doesn't work for your family. Despite me being very clear with my fam, we get tons of junk and unfortunately now they all get the kids to open it right away so there's no chance of returning it- ugh!
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