Is this pretentious??? Your opinion please! - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 12:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
Bena's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 744
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We are faced by many people who keep asking where we will register for gifts and talking about things to get us.
I hate the idea of a gift registry, I can`t help but feel that I am asking for things and imposing gifts on people. Plus, the only stores that offer gift registrys are the big box style stores that I really, really dislike.

So I thought of the following note to pass on to my immediate family, with the hope that they could pass it on (I feel pretentious sending it out myself!) to extended family.

But now that it`s written, I still feel weird about it, like I`m being snobbish or difficult!!! But we feel strongly about NOT having more crap in our house (it`s not a big house!) and being invaded by baby stuff we`ll never use or would want. As you can also see, I cut short our "what we wish to avoid" list, for fear of insulting anyone.

So, I`m asking here for your opinion...do you think my message is ok? Anything else I could add?? How did you make people understand that gifts were greatly appreciated, but you didn`t want certain things???

Thanks for you imput!!!

It is our belief that the arrival of a new child should be a joyous and hopeful occasion that does not make our ecological footprint larger and does not create more stress on our already fragile planet. For this reason, we wish to share with you the following list and hope you will understand and respect our wishes for this new child and our planet.

What we would like (in no particular order!!!):
-simple toys made of natural materials such as wood or materials, that stimulate imagination and encourage creativity.
-items to make breastfeeding or cloth diapering simpler (we have already selected cloth diapering system by Mother-ease, a locally owned, environmentally friendly business)
-items purchased at small local shops (as opposed to big-box multinationals)
-books and music to stimulate imagination and curiosity
-clothes to keep a small human being warm and comfortable throughout the year
-handmade items

What we wish to avoid:

-plastic toys that make noise or need batteries
-

Bena is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 01:08 PM
 
nina_yyc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Calgary, Canada
Posts: 2,010
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I get the values behind what you're doing but honestly it's a little preachy and likely to be confusing to people who don't 'get' your lifestyle. Every mainstream toy out there advertises itself as creativity and imagination stimulating so I don't know if you'll get things you like either.

Registries are very accepted these days and since you are very particular, your family might find it easier to just buy something off a list than to try to discern your taste. Picture yourself on the opposite side - having to buy something for a super-mainstream mom, perhaps not knowing what she already has.

I would suggest doing two registries - a selective one at a mainstream store and maybe an online registry at a crunchier store if you don't have a local store that does registries. If you are local to Motherease maybe you are in Canada? There's a company called Parenting by Nature that does online registries and I've had a great experience with their products. For the mainstream store, even Toys R Us has things like books, toys (even wooden), clothes, and diaper bags.

If you cannot bring yourself to register at all, I would suggest a detailed list, including addresses, of local or online stores where you suggest that people shop. People who typically shop in big box stores might have absolutely no idea where to find natural products.
nina_yyc is offline  
#3 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 01:10 PM
 
leighann79's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Kansas
Posts: 1,345
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No thoughts on the note you wrote, but wanted to mention that you can go to www.myregistry.com and make up your own registry from any store(s).
Also, there are some cloth diapers stores (online) that you can register at. I know that Nicki's Diapers and Tiny Tush are two that have registries.

Leigh

leighann79 is offline  
#4 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 01:17 PM
 
Brisen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Eastern Ontario
Posts: 6,777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I sympathise with you completely. There's never going to be a polite way to tell people what to buy for you, but you don't want your home filled with things you can't use, but can't get rid of because it was a gift.

In your shoes, I would not bring up the environmental stuff (unless everyone you know is super crunchy/green, but if that were the case you probably wouldn't be worried) and focus instead on your lack of space.

Maybe you can tell your family, if people ask where you're registered, that you aren't registered anywhere because store x and store y (whatever places you feel comfortable with) don't have registeries. If they have a website, maybe ask if they want the address.

Maybe a happy medium would be to register at the least offensive big box store, for things you will use and meet your criteria? I see what you mean about having a list of "wants" at a store being uncomfortable, but as a clueless shopper myself, I *love* when other people have registeries. I think most people buying gifts for you want to get you something you want and will love, and it's often a relief to have it spelled out through a registry.

Good luck, and congratulations!

Mom to DS(14), DS(12), DD(9), DS(6), DS (4), and DS(2)  

***4***8****13***17***21****26***heartbeat.gif****35****40

Brisen is offline  
#5 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 01:19 PM
 
Cheshire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: My yellow submarine
Posts: 2,149
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I hated registering at the big box stores. I also did an online registry for items that we really wanted. We got things that either were not on our registry at all or just from the big box stores. No one seemed to want to shop online.

So, we took everything back that wasn't from our registry to the box stores and got gift cards. We used the funds on the gift cards for items we could use. We love the fragrance free wipes and keep packages in the car when we need them. We used them at home and I save and wash them to re-use once or twice. A stash of these washed wipes (they get really soft) was invaluable when our son had diarrhea. These were the only wipes dipped in warm water we could use to wash his bottom - it was so raw and sore.

We also used the cards to buy things like diaper rash creme, saline nose drops, thermometer, etc. Stuff that we could use.

If worse comes to worse and you don't find anything you can use save the cards to buy stuff for other showers you get invited to.
Cheshire is offline  
#6 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 01:27 PM
 
kcparker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: IC, IA
Posts: 1,614
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I TOTALLY agree with what you have on that note, but if I sent it out to my family, there would definitely be a contingent who took umbrage. I was able to tell my mom and dad/step-mom flat out that we don't want branded, plastic, loud crap, but DH's family, that's just not how they roll. Some of the plastic gomi just got 'disappeared' to the local thrift store after DH's mom was gone.

Can you find out about registering at some of the local shops and point people to those locations? Can you do a registry on etsy, always a good source for non-locals to shop for unique, handmade toys and clothing?

One thing you could do that might be a little more palatable is to have a themed baby shower, asking specifically for "a copy of a favorite book from the gift-giver's childhood for our child to enjoy," or see if the hosting person can do some kind of organizing to get people to buy you a variety of clothes sizes (nobody needs more than 7 onesies for a newborn, and the teeny stuff only fits for a few months - better to get things in the 9-12 or 12-18 or 18-24 month range because you can use them a lot longer).

What I really wanted the MOST was for people to bring no gifts, but to sign up for a time after the baby is born to bring us food and come by to visit. That first couple of months after the initial dust has settled after the birth but before you get through that first 12 weeks can be lonely, and parents are tired, sleep-deprived, and don't feel like cooking. Of course, my friend who hosted the baby shower totally ignored this very specific request, but my friends are cool enough that we did get lots of books, handmade toys, and locally produced baby blankets, so it worked out okay.

Doula, WOHM, wife to a super-fun papa, mama to the Monkey ('07), and his little brother, the Sea Monkey ('09).
kcparker is offline  
#7 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 01:32 PM
 
frogautumn's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,356
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi! The sad reality of having a baby is that people WILL BUY YOU THINGS...people you've never even met or would never ever expect...friends of the grandparents, neighbors, coworkers. People just love buying stuff for babies. Your best bet is to be specific about what you do want/need or else people will buy you whatever they want.

Your note doesn't sound pretentious to me, but hey, I contemplated writing a similar note myself! BUT...to people who don't share your lifestyle or values, it may come off as confusing (huh? what kind of toys don't have flashing lights or batteries? ). Myregistry.com is a great idea, as you can pick the specific items you want from any online store you want. Unfortunately, many people are reluctant to shop online, so maybe check out a Babies R Us too (if you have one locally). I was just in there for the first time in a long time and I was actually pleasantly shocked and surprised by how many eco-friendly things they have now.

PS--if you do wind up with a bunch of stuff you know you will never use in a million years, return, return, return! I took back half the stuff people got for DS and used the credit to buy a gorgeous changing table.
frogautumn is offline  
#8 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 01:37 PM
 
mamatolevi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 640
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If I had sent something out like that with my family (both sides), the s-storm would have made The Weather Channel.

Why not only register at a couple of on-line stores that support your philosophies rather than writing a letter? I love the idea of myregistry.com; I hadn't heard of them before. It would be easier than having to deal with the potential fallout and hurt feelings your letter might cause.

B/C folks will ask your mother and MIL, let them know these particular preferences - wooden toys, cloth diapers and the like - that you have listed. They can also let it be known to those that would take the time and trouble that you particularly treasure handmade items.

Stinkerton 12/10/01 9lbs8oz, induced to c/s; Little Man 5/20/03 7lbs11oz, r c/s, fear of another labor; Jillybean 11/18/07 10lbs8oz 37cm head, induced VBA2C; and the Wee Beastie, 9lbs8oz, 35cm head, rpt VBA2C
mamatolevi is offline  
#9 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 01:38 PM
 
carmen358's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: The beautiful west coast of Canada!
Posts: 3,214
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I like the idea of strongly suggesting help/food/visits instead. That way you aren't 'stuck' with stuff and people can still feel like they are giving you something or helping you out.

Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
carmen358 is offline  
#10 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 01:43 PM
 
mamaluvs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: In my cozy house
Posts: 284
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No matter what you say, people will buy you gifts. People love buying new baby stuff! I'm not sure how I would feel getting a letter that says no plastic/ battery toys, while I agree with it, it might set some people off. I say do an online gift registry that allows you to register for cloth diapers, natural toys etc but I would also register at a local store too. People often buy gifts last minute and may not have time to order something online. I have a friend who did her whole registry on Amazon and got few of her desired items at her baby shower because of this. I get I get your dislike of the big box stores but that is where lots of people shop. Perhaps you could register for items at those stores like diaper cream, baby shampoo etc. Target and Babies R Us are both starting to get more "green" items. If you plan on nursing, you could register for nursing bras, nursing pads, etc-both stores carry them. What about baby tylenol, motrin, hylands teething tablets, etc? Those can also be found at big box stores. Do you need a carseat? Those can get pretty expensive. My husband and I wished we had registered for my daughters Britax Marathon. It would have been nice to have been given it, rather than shelling out $265 when she outgrew her infant seat.

Mama to DD1 2007, DS 2009, DD2 2012, What a Journey this parenting thing is...
 

mamaluvs is offline  
#11 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 01:55 PM
 
Norasmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: The sunny side of the mountains
Posts: 4,336
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Honestly I would be annoyed if I got a letter like that-oh wait I did get a letter similar to that in one of my friends baby shower announcements and DH and I made fun of it...just telling the truth.

I don't like being told what I supposed to buy for someone, it makes me not want to get them anything because nothing will be good enough anyway. I get having an opinion, but it seems to come across as a bit preachy to me.

I also feel the same way when I get e-mails from people asking for food when the baby is born, then going into specific details of all organic, no sugar, bla, bla bla...trust me I get it, but when you are asking for a gift or help don't set out every little rule for people who do want to help-give them a little leeway, JMO. FWIW-I make all my own food before the baby comes, so I don't ask for things, but we are pretty self-sufficient.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
Norasmomma is offline  
#12 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 01:59 PM
 
MommyMad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 245
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Your note doesn't sound pretentious, but this is from someone who doesn't want a baby shower at all due to your same reasons.

The note is somewaht vague because it still doesn't address your needs. Chances are, you will still end up with stuff you don't need or want.

Myregistry.com sounds like a neat idea. I will venture there myself.

MC #1: 12/05; MC #2: 1/09 Mama to our first that arrived 11/2/09
MommyMad is offline  
#13 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 02:02 PM
 
umbrella's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,798
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'd not do it. Hopefully, some of the people wishing to be kind and helpful, will know you well enough to already have an idea. Perhaps just conversationally, they can pass on that you guys are weirdo hippies who ooh and ahh over blocks of wood. That happened to us some. I remember one person saying, 'I saw this, and remembered that you like that 'natural' stuff, and thought this was just for you!"

Just take back or donate the things you really don't want.
umbrella is offline  
#14 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 02:04 PM
 
HappyMommy2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,796
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't think you should send out that note. It doesn't sound gracious. At all. I would be horrified if I received that note. It's great to feel that way, but don't preach like this, it just sounds awful.

People are happy for you and want to share in the joy. Most want to buy something you like - so I think you should set up an online registry with the things you do like. And/Or register for just the few things you actually do like at BRU.

People who "get it" will notice the theme and honor your wishes. People who don't "get it" just never will, and you can't change that fact with an offensive note.

Another thought: if you register for it, it is easier to return it. If you don't register for stuff someplace like BRU, they will buy things any place and that makes it harder to return.

Keep the gross stuff unopened and return it or sell it on Craigslist. Then you can use the money to buy more stuff you need.
HappyMommy2 is offline  
#15 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 02:10 PM
 
Quinalla's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 2,334
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I too would highly recommend a universal registry that lets you register for anything online (amazon.com does one too) to at least give people an idea of what you want and you can likely register for your cloth diapers too which would save you some money.

I too would emphasize space issues and downplay environmental issues if you do a note, it will sound less preachy then. Many registries have a comment section, that might be a good place to explain your note and explain that your registry is sort of an example of what you are looking for maybe? And I am another that loves registries since I can make sure I buy the person something they really need/want.

Katie trekkie.gif - Married to Mike 06/02/01, Mom to Sydney Anne born 11/21/09 and Alice Maeryn & Oliver Thomas born 04/24/13  hug.gif 

 

 

Quinalla is offline  
#16 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 02:11 PM
 
zinemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: from the fire roads to the interstate
Posts: 6,298
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I sympathize and I've been there. But I think you need to re-write that letter substantially.

If I were you, I would focus - gratefully, humbly! - on the outpouring of support and generosity you have experienced from these folks before getting into what you want. Like so:

Dear Friends and Family,

Mr. Bena and I have been overwhelmed by the love and support you have offered us over the past months. We are thrilled that Baby Bena has so many people waiting to welcome her/him. As you can imagine, we are pretty excited, ourselves. Getting ready for a baby is, as some of you already know, a major step in life. Thank you so much for your thoughts and good wishes along the way.

Many of you have asked what you can give us for the baby and where we are registered. You are such a generous bunch - thank you! We have opted not to register for gifts (and to be honest, we can't fit much more into our little apartment!) But since many of you have been so kind as to ask specifically what you can get us, we wanted to let everyone know that we would be grateful for the following type of items:

simple baby toys made of natural materials
-items to make breastfeeding or cloth diapering simpler [here I think you need to be more specific - what items exactly?]
-books and music
-clothes
-handmade items [such as?]


While we would be delighted to receive any of these things for Baby Bena, we are also certain that the most important thing he/she will receive from you is your love and support over the years.

love,
Bena and Mr. Bena

As you see, I did edit out a lot of the "editorializing" in your list. You're right, it did come across as snobby and pretentious.

I think that a letter like this is ok to send, given that people have asked you what to get. But after you've had your say, as politely and tactfully as you can, you'll need to smile and be gracious no matter what gifts come your way.
zinemama is offline  
#17 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 02:12 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 25,596
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Norasmomma View Post
I don't like being told what I supposed to buy for someone, it makes me not want to get them anything because nothing will be good enough anyway. I get having an opinion, but it seems to come across as a bit preachy to me.
Unfortunately, I think that's part of the point. I think the OP would rather people not buy her anything than buy her the stuff she doesn't want. That's part of what makes it so awkward, because if she says "don't buy anything", nobody will take her seriously...

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#18 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 02:14 PM
 
sunshynbaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,240
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Myregistry might be a good solution, and Amazon.com has a registry too (which connects to lots of shops that sell wooden/organic toys, etc.). The note might put some people off, and confuse others who aren't familiar with the things you are requesting. For those who aren't tech-savy, I might make a note that you would like organic, natural baby supplies like wooden toys and organic clothing (short and sweet). No matter what you do, some people will buy you what they want from where they want. My BIL took one look at my registry and bought me big things we didn't ask for even though I told him we already had those second hand. Other people will buy without looking at your note or registries. If that happens a lot at my shower, I'm planning to return what I can and/or donate/sell what I don't need.

Happily married mom to DS (Aug 09) and two furry troublemakers.

sunshynbaby is offline  
#19 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 02:14 PM
 
rhiandmoi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: San Jose CA
Posts: 1,524
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would not send out that note. If someone is going to throw you a shower I would have them include a small list of the things that you do want/need without any sort of value statements or commentary.

Something like:
Bena and Mr. Bena are so happy that you want to help them welcome their little one to the world! They don't have a registry, but here are some of the things that baby (and mommy)would love to have:
  • Unpainted wooden or other hand made toys or items
  • Cloth diaper covers, wetbags, etc
  • Clothes for a growing baby
  • Fun, Funky, and one of a kind items
  • Your love and visits!
rhiandmoi is offline  
#20 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 02:20 PM
 
Norasmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: The sunny side of the mountains
Posts: 4,336
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Unfortunately, I think that's part of the point. I think the OP would rather people not buy her anything than buy her the stuff she doesn't want. That's part of what makes it so awkward, because if she says "don't buy anything", nobody will take her seriously...
I get what you are saying, but I think it how someone says "Please buy _____". Not we don't want you to buy_____. If I was to get this letter I would just feel like no matter what I bought it wouldn't be appreciated anyway because it would be the "wrong" thing no matter what-it all in how things are phrased. With new moms I always make a mommy's sanity gift basket anyway with Hyland's teething tabs, Tylenol, breast cream, milk storage bags and something simple like washcloths, then no one can really complain-they all are things that are needed at some point.

Trust me I have gotten this letter before and I was offended by it.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
Norasmomma is offline  
#21 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 02:23 PM
 
AuntieLiz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Northern Utah
Posts: 499
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't know that I'm a fan of the letter. That would not go over well in my family, and if I received a note like that, in spite of sharing the same perspective, I don't think I'd appreciate it as a gift-giver. KWIM? You can be sweet as pie in your wording, but it still appears aggressive. I love the idea of setting up the "myregistry.com" and simply directing people there. It answers the "where are you registered/what can I buy for you?" questions yet also showcases what YOU are interested in without being "preachy." I've been very selective on the things I've put on my registry, hoping it will steer any gift-givers in the right direction (in my case, cloth diapers, a nursing pillow, a breast pump, wooden toys, etc). I can't stop people from buying me clothes/toys/accessories that I don't like, but... it's the spirit of generosity that matters, and at the end of the day if all my kid's clothes are dirty and I have to dress him in a Spongebob getup... so be it.

Doula ~ CBE ~ Life Partner to my ManBearPeach ~ Multiple-miscarriage Survivor ~ Homebirthing, Breastfeeding, CDing, Babywearing, Co-Sleeping Mama to my Boy Bean , born 9/30/09!
AuntieLiz is offline  
#22 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 02:29 PM
 
cristeen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 14,677
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
While I completely understand the sentiment behind it, I think the way you have laid it out is liable to cause some backlash.

I think a more approachable way to put it would be something like:
We're trying to reduce our carbon footprint, so we will be cloth diapering and breastfeeding our new addition. We would like to encourage our family and friends who feel the need to shower our child with gifts to consider buying used or organic whenever possible. We would also love to start building this child's library, so we would love copies of your favorite childhood books.

Then do a registry for things like natural toys and have a frank heart-to-heart with both the person throwing the shower and your families so that they know the rest (and can convey it to anyone who asks). I also recommend having catalogs sent to family members who will use them (Nova Naturals is the one I sent my web-illiterate grandmother).

I will second what a pp said though - I registered for my wedding at Amazon - and only 4 people bought off the registry. We did wind up with an awful lot of cash/checks, though. I absolutely REFUSE to frequent BRU/TRU, so there's no way I'm going to register there (I break out in hives just walking through the door) - just the thought of having to go in there to return stuff makes me queasy. I went ahead and registered on Amazon again - for everything from cloth diapers to wooden toys to baby gates. This time most of the people involved are web-literate, so hopefully they'll be a little better about it.

I would also recommend talking to family about the big purchases. My grandmother volunteered for a big purchase, so I asked her to get the (convertible) car seat. It's not the crib she was wanting to buy, but it means we'll be able to come see her.

Cristeen ~ Always remembering our stillheart.gif  warrior ~ Our rainbow1284.gif  is 3, how'd that happen?!?! 

We welcomed another rainbow1284.gifstillheart.gif  warrior in May 2012!! 

2012 Decluttering challenge - 575/2012

cristeen is offline  
#23 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 02:45 PM
 
KLM99's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 948
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wouldn't send the letter either, though I too would love if people would follow it for our family as well. We just let people know that we have a tiny tiny condo and that their help would be most preferred. We also made a registry on Amazon, which links to tons of wood toy and cloth diaper shops. Then anything we did get that we didn't want to use, we graciously thanked the giver (of course) and then passed it on to a thrift store or other donation place.
KLM99 is offline  
#24 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 02:54 PM
 
dosergirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Boston
Posts: 1,332
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i think everyone above me covered it all, but i agree. you can defniitely register at independent stores and register for the things you want your baby to have. that is the point of a registry, to make sure people get you the items that you actually want.
we are registered at jilliansdrawers for example so people can buy us cloth diapers, wooden toys, organic clothes and breastfeeding supplies.

i am also registered at babiesrus because there were things i wanted there as well and my family especially expressed that they would like to shop there.

but look around, there are way more options out there then just main stream. local stores will probably create registries for you for sure. you can also make a favorites list on etsy and direct people there.

tons of ways to do this without being preachy or weird lol

SAHM to Coraline Mae, born 09/16/09. Expecting #2 10/04!
mdcblog5.gifsigncirc1.gifcd.giffly-by-nursing1.gif

Vice President of Boston Babywearers

dosergirl is offline  
#25 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 03:02 PM
 
jimblejamble's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Central California
Posts: 2,779
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Myregistry.com lets you add things from pretty much any store on the internet. I have things from Amazon, Etsy, Kellyscloset, and Target.

Edit - My mom keeps talking about wanting to "spoil the baby rotten" (ugh!) with toys and I just said, "Remember when you made all those clothes for my bear when I was little? I'd love if the baby could receive hand-made toys like that." She found a felt horse pattern on Etsy and is going to be making a bunch of little horses for Baby.

Chris' family isn't very creative. They have a LOT of money and always want to shower everyone with gifts and if you decline something from them they take it very personally, so I'm just going to keep stressing to my sister-in-law (who is throwing the baby shower): NOTHING battery-operated, simple, nice toys and books. I mean really, why does a newborn baby need toys anyway? They can't hold them or do anything with them. Oh well...

Formerly known as "JessicaRenee".  hang.gif  Single mama to Jude (Sept '09)!  biggrinbounce.gif

jimblejamble is offline  
#26 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 03:41 PM
 
rebeccalynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 431
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would not suggest sending the letter either, but would also suggest the universal registry. Just like moms that register at the big box stores write little notes about what kind of nursery theme, diaper brand, colors, bottle system, etc. they would prefer along with selected registry items, I would suggest that you structure your universal registry similar but for cloth diapers, a sling, clothes, toys, etc. with all of the web addresses (& phone numbers) along with the item names/descriptions.

People both "green" and not fall into 2 gift giving categories in my experience 1) tries to give a gift that will be used/loved and 2) gives whatever they want to give you no matter if it is wanted/useful or not. People that are "mainstream" run into the problem all of the time also with people giving them random baby gifts that they did not register for at all and will not use. It still baffles me to this day how people can be so narrow sighted in gift giving, but it is just fact that many, many people are. You need to come to terms now with the fact that you are not obligated to keep it. Return it and try to find something useful (I got lanolin, thermometer, car seat, etc with the store credit from all of the babies r us & target items that we returned). Or pass it on to someone else that will use it, then at least the impact is lessened. If someone asks about a gift, you can just say that it did not work in your house or that it did not work for your baby and you passed it on to a mom/baby who was in need.
rebeccalynn is offline  
#27 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 03:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
Bena's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 744
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
[QUOTE=Norasmomma;13840260]Honestly I would be annoyed if I got a letter like that-oh wait I did get a letter similar to that in one of my friends baby shower announcements and DH and I made fun of it...just telling the truth.

I don't like being told what I supposed to buy for someone, it makes me not want to get them anything because nothing will be good enough anyway. I get having an opinion, but it seems to come across as a bit preachy to me.

QUOTE]

That`s EXACTLY my problem!!! I hate being sent to a gift register, and that`s why I don`t feel comfortable getting one. I also should point out that I`ve made it clear I do NOT want a shower.

The problem is, I don`t think people will understand this, adn go ahead with getting stuff anyways. That`s where my dilema stems from.

I do appreciate all your input....I especially like the "no room" approach...I agree alot of people will understand that a bit more.

I know I`m certainly not the only person with the dilema!!!
Bena is offline  
#28 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 04:10 PM
 
Oonah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Centre Court
Posts: 961
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If you don't want/need anything then don't do a registry.

But registry or not you are going to get gifts that you do not want/like/need. People are excited and they want to give. Don't preach to or alienate these generous folks, accept graciously and return/donate the items you don't want to keep.
Oonah is offline  
#29 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 04:32 PM
 
holyhelianthus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: the Southern California desert
Posts: 8,823
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree with the PPs. I so understand where you are coming from but really they just aren't going to get it and you'll probably just hurt feelings.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Norasmomma View Post
I don't like being told what I supposed to buy for someone, it makes me not want to get them anything because nothing will be good enough anyway.


Isn't gift giving about the person you are giving it to not about you? And isn't this especially true when it's for a new couple or child when the items are *needed*? I do like being told what to get for someone so that I know that they will like it and use it. It's about them and their needs.

I just think the whole mindset "I want to get people what I want to get them not what they want/need/will use" to be missing the point of gift giving and to be more than a little self-serving.

Maggie, blissfully married mama of 5 little ladies on my own little path. homeschool.gif gd.gifRainbow.gif
holyhelianthus is offline  
#30 of 67 Old 05-28-2009, 04:52 PM
 
plantmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,493
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree the letter could come across as preachy (and I AGREE with you).
And I agree you probably can't avoid some less than desirable gifts.
I gave away a lot of stuff to a place that helps low income single moms and moms new to the country who have very little means. A lot of people don't mind disney characters or flashy toys and brand new is even better. But we preferred to avoid those sorts of things so we gave them away. As well as things I simply just didn't like.
It is worth trying to explain what's important to you to people who will give your children gifts over the years though, grandparents etc.
Dh and my parents all consistently give wonderful gifts after we talked about not buying things made in China etc....
AND like others have said there are online stores which offer registries (if you can reconcile to a registry) that carry lots of great natural things.
Good luck!
plantmama is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off