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#1 of 67 Old 02-01-2004, 12:23 PM - Thread Starter
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Family and AP

My parents practiced aping so I never got any flack from them. I have a VERY non-ap sister and she acts like she humors me. "Silly Julie, but who wants to listen to her rant?" kind of attitude. That totally doesn't bother me. I know she is wrong and I know the parenting she practices stems from her laziness and her refusal to see past herself and recognize her children as people. Anyway, she respects my way of doing things when she is with us and she knows the only way she can watch Tain is if she does those same things. So it works out.

We don't have extended family that we are close to at all so that isn't an issue for us.

What bothers me most are the IL's. I believe that they think of themselves as AP parents. But they really aren't. They never co-slept, they never thought twice about vaxing, they didn't sling their kids. It seems like their whole parenting trend was to push their children away (I KNOW they don't see that in their history-and they did do a lot of family things together like trips to Nat'l parks, but it isn't the same as doing it every day, all day. yk?). Now my MIL mourns that her adult children don't confide in her.

I don't bother to point out that waking up in the morning with your 2 yr old asleep in your doorway b/c he had nightmares and didn't feel safe crawling in bed with you is not a way to instill trust. My dh still has nightmares. And he still battles them alone. It makes me so mad. When I was 8 I was still crawling in bed with my parents after a nightmare. But I rarely have them now.

Anyway, that was not my point. The thing that gets me is that they downplay things that are important to me. Like ds screaming in the car. Their response is that kids can be like that. My response is that is doesn't have to be like that. They don't respond very quickly to him crying at all. It is really frustrating. I feel like they treat me like I am too overprotective and I will eventually grow out of it when I realize my kid isn't REALLY the worse for wear. God, I hope not. My ds trusts me implicitly. I know for certain they can't say that about their kids.

Also, my MIL did have comments about co-sleeping. She always starts off these things by listing her reasons for not doing them (like I care). She did this to justify her hospital births, her non co-sleeping, her allowance of her dd to cry for long periods in the car, her substitution of formula for her dd, etc. Anyway, she said that my dh always kicked her and her dd made her too hot-she would get all sweaty wherever her dd was touching her. Then she says that the marriage came first and if you don't separate parenting from your marriage/make "marriage" time, your marriage won't last/be healthy. OMG! I tell you, Tain in our bed is not the reason we don't have sex very much. And there are plenty of other rooms in the house. The kids are here b/c of our marriage. They are a part of our marriage. Not worrying about them or ostricizing them makes my marriage better. In her defense, she told me this when dh was sleeping on the couch instead of in the bed with us. But still. Like we don't know how to make our marriage work. And FYI lady, your marriage had and still has a lot more problems than ours, thank you very much.

As for slinging, she once again listed reasons she never did it, but other than that she doesn't say anything. I don't think she thinks it is detrimental to the baby so what can she say? I think she worries that I am giving too much/not taking care of myself. And she has a history to support that. But my dh is ten million times more helpful and supportive than hers was at the time and I am not extroverted and isolated like her. I do get lonely, but that has nothing to do with AP.

The hardest parts are 1) I really don't understand why she has to justify her past actions to me instead of just being supportive. I DON'T CARE why she did what she did. Justifying them makes me feel like she is unsupportive 2)Her heart is in the right place and she only says it all b/c she loves us so much. How do you debate that? I find that I let her say her piece, state my position a tiny bit and bottle the rest. She doesn't try to hurt my feelings and I try to avoid saying things I know will hurt hers.

God, sorry about the vent. This is really the first time I have put a million little incidents together and realized how irritated it makes me. I don't like venting to dh about his parents. He doesn't need any more fuel to be unresponsive to them, yk? Plus, he never points out my parents many failings to me. He's so much more gracious. So there is very little outlet for me.
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#2 of 67 Old 02-01-2004, 03:36 PM
 
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My mom is pretty supportive of our parenting choices. At times she thinks we're nuts but she seems to at least understand that those choices are ours to make. She realizes that we are the only ones that have to live w/ our choices. She has actually become a big breastfeeding advocate since my oldest was born. She'll give the hairy eyeball to anyone who looks at me funny for breastfeeding or slinging my kids. She also would get even more angry at the "your baby can't breathe" comments then I would when my oldest would be nursing in the sling. I think my mom has a lot of regret over how she raised us. She wasn't "allowed" to breastfeed my brother and she brestfed me for 6 months and then my ped told her I needed to wean imediately because I was getting too fat! She now regrets that. She did try to do as much w/ us as possible but the society pressure was pretty great to just leave us in the playpen all day. Sad.

My in-laws on the other hand are another story, although they have pretty much given up in us. :LOL When my oldest was a newborn my mil would walk in my house pretty much ignore me and then rip my baby out of my arms. She'd scream while my mil would bounce her and say "you don't scare me. You can cry all you want, you migt scare your parents but not me". I would have to literally rip her back out of mil's arms and nurse her to calm down. Until my oldest was around 2 everytime she would see my mil she would cry! I still have a very strong reaction to the smell of her perfume. If some walks by me wearing the same fragrance it turns my stomach into knots. I'm still working on getting over my anger amd resentment towards her. It's very hard. My dh really thought I was making most of it up until one day he left the room and she started in on me and he happened to return quicker then she expected and heard her comments to me. It was such a relief! I'm not sure our marriage would have surrived my dd's first year had that not happened. She use to be the biggest cause of our fights. My sil also makes lovely comments about how we are raising our girls. HEr favorite is to make digs at co-sleeping. Why does it bother her so ##$% much. We have NEVER told her she has to co-sleep so what's the big deal. She and her husband also threw a fit the first time we went out to dinner w/ them after our oldest was born because I wouldn't give her a bottle but insisted on nursing her right there at hte table w/ a sling. They almost didn't go w/ us to dinner that night.

Now that I've given you more info then you ever wanted. I must be going. Great topic btw!
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#3 of 67 Old 02-01-2004, 04:09 PM
 
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Posting quickly so I get a notice when there is a new post.
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#4 of 67 Old 02-01-2004, 04:53 PM
 
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I'm not very close to my parents so they don't think to criticize my parenting choices. I was born at home and bfed (less than a year though) so they have no problem with that.

My ILs were not ap at all - typical 1960s hospital births, spanking, formula, solids at 4 weeks - but they don't seem to have a problem with bf in their house. They did tell a few stories about bf babies who nearly starved, but that's because of their generation. Of course if you bf a baby according to "the doctor's instructions" it will starve! They don't know about the home birth plans and I don't plan to tell them until after it's over. They most likely assume we will go to the same hosp as last time.

About bh ctx...I've never had one! Not with this pg or the last.:
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#5 of 67 Old 02-01-2004, 04:59 PM
 
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Wow! Thanks everyone for sharing - the good and the bad. I'm not really sure how my ILs will handle my parenting style. Since DH and his sis were adopted neither was breastfed, and there wasn't any co-sleeping (I think the fear of home-visits probably decreases the desire to do anything non-mainstream when you've adopted). My MIL and DH were very attached, though, and are still very close. My MIL's first comment when I told her I wanted to do extended breastfeeding was, "How long?" in a worried voice. I just explained that the WHO reccomends a minimum of two years for optimal health and she seems okay then. We shared our birth-plan requests for family members with them and they said they could respect all of it, which was a big relief for me. My parents comment was, "You don't have to ask anyone's permission to parent how you want!" and my response to that was, "I'm not asking (the in-laws) permission - I'm explaining what has to be respected if you want to be at the birth or around us." I guess we'll see if they actually do respect it...

My mom's mother didn't breastfeed, and I know that not all of her sisters breastfed. But my mom is super-supportive and has been telling me and my sister the benefits of breastfeeding our children since we were about 12 years old! She told me that she breastfed me and my sis "for a long time - a really long time" and then admitted that she breastfed to about 18 months each time. It was obvious that her family made her feel like that was WAY too long - how sad. But I figure now everyone in the extended family won't be surprised by me breastfeeding! (My sis is 20 months younger than me, and my dad told me that while mom was pregnant and nursing me her milk supply dropped and then she had the flu and lost her milk altogether so I was weaned - I had never heard the whole story.)

Mama to DS (05/04) and DD (11/05), married to a wonderful DH.
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#6 of 67 Old 02-01-2004, 11:19 PM
 
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Today, dd, who is 3.5, came to me clutching her stomach. SHe said, "Mamma, my belly hurts. I think the baby is moving." Really, she needed to have a BM...but now, every time her belly does something, she tells me the "baby" is doing something. SO cute.

Peace,
Paula
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#7 of 67 Old 02-01-2004, 11:24 PM
 
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my inlaws are total hippies!
my MIL had a planned UC with my husband and used the same midwife i am using for my SIL. they are into organic foods and natural medicine and they make bags to sell at ren fests, and have been doing this for 22 years! they are cool people. MIL is so happy i am using her midwife and i invited her to be a labor support/doula for me. oh and sometimes (like last night) DS and DSS spend the night at their house and they all sleep in one bed, so its just like home for them!

my mom is ANOTHER story alltogether!
lets see where to start....
she did nuse me , she says for over a year, dont know how true that is. i never felt attached to her, she was pretty verbally abusive. she has worked as an RN in labor and delivery for all my life, but in the past 5 years got promoted. now she is in charge of the "watch child" system in all the hospitals in Austin. watchchild is the computer system that manages all the fetal monitoring. yuck
she also teaches childbirth classes, IMO from a completly hospital point of view...

when i got pregnant with DS i suggested HB and she told me no way (living in her home) and told me horror stories to convince me DS or I would die if we did one.
when i was in labor she never called my midwife (i was busy LABORING..lol) so she could basically be in charge..and after hours of nurses and her suggesting i get an epidural i did. then when DS was born i was speachless and crying and so badly wanted everything silent, and here she is over my shoulder saying" oh my baby, my baby" --set the tone for later as youll see--
totally rained on my parade...
while i lived with her she constantly told me how to hold him how to do this how to do that...a constant stream of directions...very annoying. i moved out when he was 6 months old and finally slowly got into being a mother for myself and making my own choices. when i decided to stop his vaccines (right before his 12 month) she flipped out on me and a couple of months later told me she thought i was a horrible mother....anyhow the next day CPS was at my door. she had reported me- for no vaxing (they said big deal), for not feeding him (my fridge was full of organic food), beating him (had never laid a hand on him ,sheesh!), for breastfeeding him and doing exstacy (no IDEA where that came from )
anyhow i had to deal with all these stupid accusations and after they closed the case the worked told me it was my mom who reported me..duh!
well that was almost 2 years ago AND I STILL HAVE NOT SPOKEN TO HER. she thought she had control over me because the title to my car was in her name, though i was paying for it. so she reported it stolen and i had to give it up...but i found a way to buy another car and lost the 3 K I'd already put into my old one...
she trys all the time to get ahold of me through my family and friends and she is all apolgetic, but never apologizes for calling CPS...she didnt see me get married, and she's never met DH or DSS...

her reasoning for calling CPS was she thought they would give kiryn to her if they took him from me..she is nuts....she wants control of me and since she cant have that she wants to have him. i have had nightmares for 2 years about her taking kiryn from me.

now usually, because i am afraid of her and because i have no sympathy for her, i have no motivation to talk to her...but being pregnant is skrewing with me!! i am actually considering going and talking to her! i wouldnt let her see my kids or give her any info about me as far as where i live ect (dont want another CPS visit!) but i feel like tlkaing to her..but at the same time it makes me feel like throwing up when i think about it....i also would want to do this after DD is born because im not gogin to want to leave her while i go, nor will i want to take her, KWIM?

what do you ladies think?

mdcblog5.gif   Liz mama to DS 10, DSS 9, DD 6, DS 3, DD 2 , Aquila- dec 19th 2009 died at my homebirth, and....welcome Willow born 9-16-10 (9 weeks early)  nut.gif
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#8 of 67 Old 02-02-2004, 12:52 AM
 
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Wow, liz, that sucks . If it was me, I wouldn't talk to her, but I get mean and cranky and I think that's a really really personal decision to make. Good luck with it.

My mom was not terribly AP but she's all in favor of it. She would have breastfed all of us for longer than she did, but she had negative support in that area because my father was psychotic. "Nurse in public? It barely happened in the house!" One of my sisters nursed until 22 months because she was stubborn. Two of my siblings were weaned at 8 and 9 months, I was weaned at 6 weeks (because I was "obviously starving" : ) and my oldest siblings was not nursed at all. My mother is a huge advocate of co-sleeping, especially if you're nursing. She actually laughed at me when I said I wanted to put the baby in a bassinet while I was pregnant with Eli and said that she'd eat her jacket if Eli wasn't in bed with us by the time he was 3 weeks old. :LOL

She's amazed at the sling. "He always smiles when you stick him in that thing, he loves it!" Well, yes, because he knows he can nurse while we're walking in it. :LOL In general, she can't say too much that's negative about my parenting, because as things stand right now my son is the only one of her grandchildren who's not already on the path to a life of therapy. :LOL

When I told her that I wanted to delay his 12-month vaccinations and wait until he'd at least tripled his birth weight, she said it made sense to her. That's what they're basing that schedule on, anyway, and he's not quite there yet. He's just plain too small. When I said I wanted to do them one at a time, and to skip some entirely, she totally understood that. I guess for her, it all boils down to my "knowing better and doing better".

MIL was also not a terribly crunchy parent, but she can see that we love our son and are doing what we know to do, and that we make an effort to make the right choices for him. She knows that when I say "No cow's milk before he's 3" I'm not just making an arbitrary judgement; there's a good reason. FIL leans towards the mainstream, but his wife really keeps him in line. It's very easy with Eli, though, because he's such a happy easygoing little man. We must be doing something right, you know? :LOL

MIL is very respectful of our choices, even when they're not things she did (and her kids didn't eat candy or watch tv either). DH offended her a few weeks ago, though. FIL was talking about the fact that Eli will wake up at night and scream (he's very sad because he misses his breastmilk at night ). He said "We never had that problem with you, because you slept in a crib from the beginning and learned to sleep through the night on your own." Dh said that he didn't see any need to make Eli's suffering worse by putting him into a baby jail. :LOL That hurt MIL's feelings, and she told him that it wasn't about putting him in jail. He apologized for making his mother feel bad, but he told me later "Well, that's how I feel about it. If he needs to be with us at night, he belongs with us. Besides, I like waking up and rolling over and kissing his little head!" :LOL

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#9 of 67 Old 02-02-2004, 10:31 AM
 
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Our folks are pretty good about letting us parent the way we want. My mom was suprisingly supportive of my unmedicated freestanding birth center birth as well as breastfeeding (I was adopted so she never had the opportunity to do either).

For us, our son was the proof that our parenting methods were great! He was such a delightful baby and toddler. So bright and smart and happy, his grandparents couldn't help but concede that we were doing a great job!

Tamara
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#10 of 67 Old 02-02-2004, 11:02 AM
 
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Liz, I'm sorry you've had to go through so much with your mother. I have no idea what it would be like to be in your situation, so I can't say if you should talk to her or not. It sounds like she's been pretty disrespectful of you and your choices in the past. In my opinion, trying to steal your son from you by calling CPS is unforgivable. Just listen to your heart and base your decision on what you truly feel is right.
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#11 of 67 Old 02-02-2004, 11:56 AM - Thread Starter
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Liz-that does sound aweful! I would keep my distance as well, although like everyone else says, that is a really personal decision. A lot of my siblings are kind of crazy like that and for my life, it is not worth the contact. The more contact I have with them, the more scared I get and the crazier my life is.

Okay, so this is probably way TMI, but at 5 am this morning dh rolls over and starts taking off my panties. I struggle to wake, thinking, yea! Finally a time when we both aren't too tired to have sex and ds is still asleep!!! Then he just kind of stops, then pulls them back up and rolls over. I whispered that he was confusing me and he never answered. WTF?! So I went from being asleep, to being randy, to being confused and frustrated and currently am just plain pissed. The thing that gets me is that I get up with ds in the morning, every morning b/c dh works late hours. Only ds always gets up earlier than I am comfortable with. (dh and I figured out that whether or not I feel rested has nothing to do with how many hours I slept-within reason-and everything to do with the level of sunlight) The night before last I had stayed up late to play a game with my bro and I told dh last night that I was really tired. So I have been up since 5 am this morning and I am finding it really hard to imagine myself being civil when dh gets up. Men!

He did clean the house for me before going to bed, though, which was wonderful to wake up to. Maybe I'll just focus on that.

I forgot to say in my last post that aside from MIL's justifications for her hospital births, the IL's never said anything about our hb. I never asked their opinion and they never offered. It was actually quite nice. They are that way about most things. I told dh yesterday that I obviously have a problem with MIL's comments if I am venting them so much on MDC. He says she says that b/c she feels like our parenting is a reprimand to her. She feels threatened and defensive. I told him that is stupid. I don't care how she parented her kids. They are obviously good people. But that doesn't mean that I want to do the things she did. And that doesn't mean that if we were raising our kids at the same time that she would do what I do. It's ridiculous. But it doesn't change the fact that she feels that way.

Rowan was kicking a lot this morning, so at least I had some company
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#12 of 67 Old 02-02-2004, 12:51 PM - Thread Starter
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Sorry, forgot to mention something (as usual )

I was watching PBS last night and there was a show on about urban elephants. The opening scene was a birth in a concrete barn. The mother was chained on 2 of her legs. When she birthed the calf, she had them completely stretched taut so when the HUMANS pulled the calf away and rubbed it down (why???) she couldn't reach it. She was tugging on her chains and trumpeting and the other elephants in the barn were making noises and I cried and cried. I just felt like, god, we do this to other animals now? Let her have her baby, inspect it after she knows it's okay.

I think I cried through the whole show. It was so tragic the way so many elephants live depressed, lonely lives. The end scene was 2 old, injured circus elephants that were being reunited in a sanctuary. One had been transported after living 20 yrs in a zoo by herself. The other was the last one in the barn that evening (the barn is always open so they can come and go. They had put the new one in a pen by herself until they were sure she wouldn't be attacked). When the caretakers came out in the morning, they found that the 2 had bent the steel bars of the pens, trying to get to each other. Once they were able to get the gate open enough, the 2 were inseparable. They found out that they had been in the circus together and they think that the zoo one had been like a surrogate mother to the other. It showed so many scenes of them just touching each other.

I couldn't help but draw parallels to our own births and lives. I think it is criminal that it isn't enough that we do this stuff to ourselves, but that we do it to other animals too. I don't know why it bothered me so much. Maybe b/c I know elephants are so similar to humans in their attachments. They grieve after a death, they love each other, they carry their babies for 22 months! They look out for each other. I don't know. But it is still really bothering me today.
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#13 of 67 Old 02-02-2004, 01:19 PM
 
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Liz--That just breaks my heart. I'm so sorry you had to go thru that and that you are still dealing with it. I know that it is very stressful to not have a relationship with one of your parents. It sounds like your Mom really has some stuff to work thru on her own, and then she needs to make ammends with you. People can change, but it's your call as to whether you think that's truly the case. Your first priority (as I know you know) is to your children.

Julie--My DH sometimes puts the moves on me in the middle of the night and is TOTALLY asleep. He usually has no recollection of it in the morning. I, unlike you, am usually ready to KILL him for waking me up so that may be why he says he doesn't remember it. But in all reality, your DH was probably having a really great dream. Hope you guys can work out a time to relieve some frustration soon!

As far as AP parenting and what our families think. My family thinks I'm pretty nutso. My family wasn't supportive of bf, cd, or co-sleeping. They all thought I was making it harder on myself. My in-laws just thought the co-sleeping was strange. But they all just said we were weirdos and then left us alone. Now discipline, I know they all think we are bonkers. So it can be a little stressful to try to convey that just because you don't spank you aren't permissive. We try to just not talk about it and just model it instead. So far this is working okay.

Alright, well, my dd is ready for my full attention. My appt for ultrasound is this afternoon. Please keep me in your thoughts/prayers.
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#14 of 67 Old 02-02-2004, 01:55 PM
 
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I'm not telling MIL anything about our plans. She knows we have a midwife, but I doubt she made the leap to homebirth from that. I'll let DSO tell her if he wants to.

My parents on the other hand are okay with it. My dad thinks waterbirth is really neat and is very encouraging. But then I got my general distrust of doctors from him (he physically stopped the OB from using forceps when I was born)

I'm sure they'll be supportive of anything we do. My mom tried to breastfeed me, but without any support it didn't go well. But they carried me in a snuggli all the time. There are lots of pictures of them with this red sack strapped to them and the top of my head sticking out.

My mom was a little concerned about the baby sleeping in the bed with us. DSO is a heavy sleeper and so was I until recently (I'm certain it's a hormonal change) I actually prefer the idea of a sidecar (even if we don't use it, it's nice to have the option) So they're buying us a crib.
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#15 of 67 Old 02-02-2004, 03:28 PM
 
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Elephants in the wild have "midwives." There is a story in Open Season about an elephant in the zoo having great difficulty giving birth. She was kept in a room by herself, and was thrashing about so much she was a danger to herself and the unborn elephant. Zoo officials had no idea what to do, so they called another zoo, and were told to bring in several other female elephants. Those elephants helped the other one give birth without human interference.

It just shows, if you tried to make animals birth in the way that humans are expected to, they would have problems.
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#16 of 67 Old 02-02-2004, 11:51 PM
 
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thank you ladies for your support, have i mentioned lately that i love these boards?
i dont know what i am going to do..if she was anyone else but my mother i would have NO probelms what so ever with not giving her a second chance..but i have no siblings, and no dad and it was alway just me and her, messed up as that relationship was...and its definatly not like im going to call her up for babysitting! :LOL im just still very much emotionally involved in some ways..like i still have dreams, lots of kinds from nightmares to weird abck like it was dreams about her... its probably best for ME that i dont speak to her...but i know she is a bitter sad woman and i am her only child...and being pregnant does remind you how much you invest into having a baby..i hope my kids dont hate me one day! and everytime i do something in parenting i regret i feel SO guilty...that it makes it really hard for me to JUDGE anyone else...most moms are doing the best they can with what they have got... i am not avoiding her out of spite (though there was soem of that in the begining!) but mostly fear of being manipulated and controlled and having my power as a mother taken away from me...i think i am stronger now, well i KNOW i am..but i dont know if i am strong enough to be stronger than her... i just do worry sometimes that she could just like die one day (she has tons of health problems) and i would never get the oportunity to disscuss everything with her..not even to tell her how much she hurt me.. anyhow i am SOOOOOO tkaing up to much thread room on this..i am just thinking aloud i suppose!

the topic of the elephants breaks my heart... humans are so cruel..at least a woman has a choice in the matter of birth, if she dosnt like it she can get up and leave, but to chain the mama elephant away from its baby, that is horrid..reminds me of dumbo but way worse. its crazy how some people truely belive they deserve the right to RULE other living things just because they were born human and not some other animal. yuck

mdcblog5.gif   Liz mama to DS 10, DSS 9, DD 6, DS 3, DD 2 , Aquila- dec 19th 2009 died at my homebirth, and....welcome Willow born 9-16-10 (9 weeks early)  nut.gif
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#17 of 67 Old 02-03-2004, 12:20 AM
 
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Just a quick post before I go to bed. I had the appt today. My hematoma is still there, same size as before. The good news is, it's not any larger and the baby didn't have any blood in it's bowel. Both of those things mean that I've not had any more bleeding. It's basically a big bruise right now. So...that still leaves me up in the air about my prenatal care and my ultimate birth plan. I'm calling my midwife tomorrow to talk about the reults and try to formulate a plan. The one thing I know for sure is no more ultrasounds for a month. The doctor I was/am seeing is very laid-back about this whole thing and very positive overall. He seems to think I'm only at a slightly higher risk for pre-term labor, placental abruption etc. And has pretty much said that he considers me low-risk. So...if the bruise would just GO AWAY.
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#18 of 67 Old 02-03-2004, 03:08 AM
 
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Hi everyone. It's great to see so many other June mamas! I read as much as I could of this thread and hope I can hop in here too!

I'm about 20 weeks along (according to the u/s I had last night--more on THAT in a sec) with baby number 4. EDD 6/29. My other three are Soren, age 9 1/2, Mirabai, age 7, and Chiara, age 3. All three were born at home--Soren was a waterbirth, in fact. This baby is my new husband's first and our last. I thought I was done at three kids, especially after Chiara came out weighing 9.10, but lo, never anticipated going through a divorce and falling in love all over again!

We have planned another homebirth but are now in wait and see mode. Over the weekend I started having what I thought were just BH contx. but then they started getting intense, and my back started hurting. I got checked by an on-call MW (mine was out of town until today) on Saturday morning and she found that I was 50% effaced but not dilated. Under strict orders to drink more I went home only to have the contx. pick up again--significantly (3 mins. apart)--last night. Got checked again--more effacement, no dilation...off to the ER just to be on the safe side. A bag of IV fluids made the contx. stop, so apparently I was dehydrated (the #1 cause of premature labor in my state!). Then, the u/s, which showed a perfect baby (no gender revealed) and also a complete placental previa. SO...there's a good chance it will resolve and I can have another homebirth...but if it doesn't things could get psycho. Premature birth by c-section, extended hospitalization...all possible. The hospital OB was optimistic that it would resolve and I could go ahead with my homebirth (he was REALLY nice--I am so not a fan of OBs, male OBs in particular, but he was REALLY kind and gentle and respectful. Whew!).

We'll see! I am remaining optimistic and just want to make sure this little person makes it out safe and sound.

As for the rest of me, I work at home, amicably share my fabulous three kids with their father and stepmother, and am looking forward to warm weather as I have been sososososo cold for too long now.

Looking forward to getting to know you all over these next few months!
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#19 of 67 Old 02-03-2004, 03:32 AM
 
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Welcome AnnaNicole!

Liz... you are such a strong woman for separating yourself from your mom. Your son is lucky to have a great strong mom like you!

My family is pretty supportive of how we parent. My mom breastfed all my brothers and carried us all in a snuggli. I was only breastfed for four months because she didn't know any better. My dad lets me do whatever I want and doesn't say anything. My mom was very disappointed when DS weaned at such an early age.

DH's family... well they are supportive but also question everything. They never would let DS cry it out and they give him lots of attention and spoil him with love, but they thought it was weird that I breasfed him longer than a year (once we got closer to two years they thought it was pretty disgusting), that we cloth diaper, delayed solids and that I made my own baby food! Once they saw how easy it was they were amazed and supported us more. DH was raised in a very formula-fed, processed foods disposible diapers kind of way. He even has issues sometimes, especially when it comes to controlling his temper and not yelling at DS when he gets frustrated. He tries hard though. He just didn't have good role models at home.

I have been feeling so dehydrated even though I drink a TON of water. I go through about 3L a day while at work and last night I thought I was going to die of dehydration. I was at a friend's house with my son when it hit me and I had to run home, chug a bottle of water and lay down. And of course, DS didn't want to even leave so I had to fight with him out the door. Sigh...

Mom to 4! Welcomed Aila Wren on Friday, February 25th!
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#20 of 67 Old 02-03-2004, 09:31 AM
 
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Welcome AnaNicole. Sounds like you and I are both hoping for homebirths but in a wait and see situation. I hope you have no more repeats of last night. The good news about placental previa is that it corrects itself about 80% of the time. I'm pulling for you!

Well, I'd better get some work done before my dd gets up. I had a totally slack work day yesterday thanks to that appointment.
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#21 of 67 Old 02-03-2004, 12:42 PM
 
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... we're having a











BABY! :LOL :LOL :LOL

I wanted to see the gender, but every time they looked we saw feet or legs. I'm like "great, the baby's got wide feet, we knew that was gonna happen going into this!" :LOL

Everything that we could see looked fine, but we couldn't see everything. The Dr who did the ultrasound (genetic counselor, actually) said that he'd rather see things more clearly, but as far as he could tell there was nothing wrong, and size-wise the baby is growing nicely.

I am incredibly frustrated not to know the gender, it just drives me crazy! And now Dh and I have to fight about boy names again, I was really hoping that we'd be able to avoid it or to at least know that the struggle wasn't for naught, kwim? Argh!

Seedling and Ana, I'll keep you in my thoughts. I know all about not getting the pregnancy or birth experience that you want.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#22 of 67 Old 02-03-2004, 01:15 PM
 
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Most of my family just thinks AP is just way more work than is necessary. : When he was a newborn, they CONSTANTLY wanted me to put him down, when he fell asleep. Roland was a VERY light sleeper, si I'd just put him down, and he would wake instantly. Then I'd just nurse him back to sleep, and not put him down. Eventually, my mom started asking if she could hold him for me, instead. He'd stay asleep... as long as he was in arms.

I had one confrontation about not having circumsized him. Word must have gone around in the family (starting from whom, I don't know) because we were at Grandmas for dinner. I started to change his diaper in a corner of the livingroom, and suddenly I was SWARMED by them. My cousin started telling me horror stories about how intact boys get infections all the time. I told her that wasn't true, and we had already decided not to circ. She kept going. By this time I was almost finished re-dressing Roland. He let out a big wail, so I just said "Don't worry, Roland, Mommy & Daddy aren't going to let anyone mutilate you" (I used the strongest word I could think of) and sat down to nurse him. They never said another word.

Only 2 people in my family gave me a hard time about breastfeeding. My sisters. They SAY they're pro-breastfeeding, but no one should ever have to see that. Apparently, it's like watching me pick my nose, and feed boogers to my kid. At one of my sisters' houses, I got banished to another room to nurse him (I never went back over to her place after that) It was during that nursing session that I decided that in MY house anyone giving their baby formula is going to be banished, because I don't want to see THAT.

We didn't co sleep. We tried, but Kevin is a really deep sleeper, and it became apparent relly quickly that it just wasn't going to be safe for our family. I set up the crib right next to our bed. When he was a couple of months old, I started to hear alot of negativity about it. Apparently, it was going to ruin our marriage. Eventually, I just let them in on a few of the details of exactly how well our marriage was going (there ARE other rooms in our house) Of course, after that, they didn't want to risk getting another earful of my sex life, and kept their mouths shut.

Those were the big issues for us. Now all I ever hear about is that we should let mom babysit him more (but thats just because she wants to) and that I'm over-protective of him around dogs. Oh, and my Aunt doesn't think we should have gone ahead and had his haircut (in my arms) because he was crying and saying "Owie!" while it was done. Isn't that typical of how a 2 year old might react to having his hair cut for the first time ever? My mom was with us, and turned it into a photo op... you can tell from the pictures he isn't freaking out that badly.


I brought the ulrtasound pictures over to my grandparents house yesterday. They had never seen anything like it.I think they snapped off nearly a whole roll of film on Roland. They are the first in their group of friends to be great-grandparents, and they love to show him off. Plus, they really like being told that they don't look old enough to be great grandparents!

~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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#23 of 67 Old 02-03-2004, 02:27 PM
 
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Rynna, too bad you couldn't find out the sex! Dang, that really sucks. Do you plan on any more ultrasounds?

Harriet, if I have a boy, I often wonder how our families will react to us leaving him intact. When I was pg with dd, dh's brother said if we had a boy the hardest thing would be seeing the circumcision. I immediately said "we aren't doing THAT!" He, his wife, and my other brother in law were a little shocked. They said "why?" in a very disgusted manner. I said because we aren't Jewish or Islamic and there's no medical reason to do it. They really didn't know what to say. It breaks my heart all the time that my dh had to go through that. And I'm sure no anesthesia was used. It just kills me to think about it.
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#24 of 67 Old 02-03-2004, 04:26 PM
 
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My mom firmly believes that circumsision is the reason men are such sissies when it comes to pain. She says that for a baby to feel pain so intensely, so early in his life, that it must make that connection in his brain (to react to pain) really, really strong. It makes sense to me. Then again, my intact DH is a BIG WHINER when it comes to pain!!:LOL

~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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#25 of 67 Old 02-03-2004, 04:43 PM
 
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My parents are totally anti-circ. My brother, born at home in 1981, was intact. Dh's parents are not that way, though! I'm sure they would be surprised, if we had a boy. I'd have to instruct them not to retract and all that. Maybe a sign on a diaper that says "My penis needs no special care"?
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#26 of 67 Old 02-03-2004, 05:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by HomebirthHarriett

I set up the crib right next to our bed. When he was a couple of months old, I started to hear alot of negativity about it. Apparently, it was going to ruin our marriage. Eventually, I just let them in on a few of the details of exactly how well our marriage was going (there ARE other rooms in our house) Of course, after that, they didn't want to risk getting another earful of my sex life, and kept their mouths shut.

People shut up about co-sleeping ruining our marriage when, 2 months after our 2 children came home to us through adoption, we got pregnant. That show'd them. Now people say, "We haven't had sex in months and we DON'T co-sleep -- how'd you do it?" I explain that sneaky sex is what keeps the romance alive and co-sleeping forces sneaky sex...but if you sleep without your children, it's just the same old humdrum thing...and who wants the same old same old when they can get a little sleep instead?
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#27 of 67 Old 02-03-2004, 05:28 PM
 
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I think that co-sleeping keeps my marriage more fresh because we HAVE to find not only the time but a place. We now even have a secrect "code". I think it makes things so much more fun then just rolling over in bed not that it's not nice to do that sometimes but I like our arrangement.
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#28 of 67 Old 02-03-2004, 05:32 PM
 
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We only co-slept for 18 mnths, had dd is our room for 2 years but during that time we probably had some of the most inventive love-making of our whole married lives. We did appreciate having our bed back once dd transitioned to her own room but that was due more to being able to sleep soundly without getting kicked in the head (dd got very active in her sleep towards the end).

But people sure did think we were weirdos!
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#29 of 67 Old 02-03-2004, 06:18 PM
 
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Co-sleeping...what can I say....

We have been co-sleeping since my oldest was born, with one or two children in the bed at a time. Over the years, I have gotten pregnant 7 more times....Hmmmmm Oh yeah! I know, when the TV broke in the livingroom, we had nothing else to do! :LOL

Seriously, I love having my little ones in bed with me. One night, dd was about 3yo, and she fell asleep in her bedroom by herself. I was inclined to leave her, and let her sleep. Dh felt bad...he said "No one else in the house sleeps alone!" Isn't he SWEET!!!! All of the younger kids have hooked up with an older sibling to sleep with. As they get older, they do sleep in their own bed, but no one has to go to a room alone unless they want too.
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#30 of 67 Old 02-03-2004, 08:30 PM
 
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Thanks Seedling and eilonwy--and to everyone for your welcome!

You know, as I have thought about this previa thing, I've come to realize that I can take just about anything the establishment wants to throw at me, aside from an extended hospital stay, but my worries are more for the baby, if we're faced with a premature delivery. I just cannot imagine being separated from my newborn by a plastic box (a salad bin, as Ayun Halliday put it) and wires. I know how hard it is to parent a hospitalized child, and she (my second child) was full-term and only in the hospital for a day at a time! It REALLY affected our bond and her sense of security.

Which is a good segue into the discussion about AP parenting. We have done all of this from the get-go and yes, I got some flack from people. My brainless former FIL informed me that Soren would get penile cancer since we didn't circ, and I don't know how many people marveled at how he didn't drown when he was born underwater (you mean, he didn't drown? they'd ask, gazing into his obviously LIVING face). The ignorance about this sort of thing--especially among those of the older generations, can be staggering. I do feel fortunate to have had the support of my mother and sister (heck, my sister used to date Peggy O'Mara's son, so she saw the positive effects of AP firsthand!) and my father, for the most part. Of course, my former husband was also on board with this--the only thing we disagreed on was homeschooling....

And I can honestly say that co-sleeping saved my daughter's life. Long story short, she stopped breathing while she was nursing on her second day. After many tests and hospitalizations she was diagnosed with reflux, which caused her to have countless apneic episodes (her lips would actually turn blue!). Her most scary episode came when she was in the hospital for the second time. I nursed her, put her down in her crib to sleep (generally I slept with her even at the hospital) and stepped out to grab a snack. I hadn't done that ever but there was nobody from my family there with me, so I figured ten minutes...told the nurses...
When I returned the room was full of nurses. They had REVIVED her. I was shaking...and wondered what would have happened if we put her down in a crib at night...or even for a nap! Her apnea would wake me up because she was right there with me....
I shudder to think...she would have been a SIDS baby.

Frankly, when people give me grief about co-sleeping all I have to do is tell them the short version of that story.
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