Pregnant after Infertility Tribe - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-16-2009, 12:21 AM
 
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CRM - you're 9 weeks already?? Wow - you're almost a quarter of the way there! Yay! And yay for pooching out

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Old 09-16-2009, 02:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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CRM - you're 9 weeks already?? Wow - you're almost a quarter of the way there! Yay! And yay for pooching out
I know! It's crazy, I am weirded out by how much of this pregnancy will already have passed by before I am telling IRL. I can only complain about the nausea to you guys!! And you are almost half way there, wow!

mama to two DD's, 7 and 3 (3 rounds of IVF and more FET's than I can remember)
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Old 09-16-2009, 08:37 PM
 
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Finally, the club I WANT to join!:
There are so many familiar women here. Big hello to you all and congratulations on having made it here.
We are very early pregnant with #1 after 35 timed tries. We were successful on our second IVF...our 9th ART treatment total. Ready to be nauseous for other reasons now! The first beta was 112 and today (16 dpo) it's 265.
I feel so relieved and am really still letting it sink in. I have never been pregnant before and have no idea what to expect. I just hope and pray the pregnancy progresses well. So far so good. :

Proud Mama to Liam Greenleaf 5/31/10
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Old 09-16-2009, 09:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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poet! That's exactly why I started this thread, I am so excited to be pg, but feeling like I don't fit in in my DDC (exercise? don't!! bleeding after sex? STOP - I am a bit more freaked out than most of them ). And bursting to talk about it since I can't in real life!!

mama to two DD's, 7 and 3 (3 rounds of IVF and more FET's than I can remember)
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Old 09-16-2009, 09:36 PM
 
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Welcome Poet!!! :


Update after my freak out last weekend: I decided to wait until I see the RN from the CMN practice next week to ask to hear the h/b or see a u/s. DH very kindly reminded me that a freak out of the magnitude I was at is probably a pg symptom in and of itsself since I'm usually so mellow and level-headed I started getting a little gaggy & mild m/s on and off starting Monday so I'm feeling confident enough to last another week until my appointment at least

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Old 09-16-2009, 11:39 PM
 
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Jelenifer - yay for gaggy and m/s!!

Poet - it's lovely to see you over here - really, really lovely. You mentioned on the IVF thread that you're already getting weird odour aversions - that's a great sign. I couldn't go into the kitchen without puking for a couple of months - I was convinced there was a small animal rotting in my kitchen drain pipes. DH was more than a little... nonplussed! Hope yours isn't that bad, but you've got a nice strong start and that's a great sign!

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Old 09-16-2009, 11:55 PM
 
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Congratulations Poet!!! ::: I am so happy to see you here!!

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Old 09-17-2009, 01:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I was started to get worried about you Jelinifer, thanks for updating us. Yay for wacky emotions and food aversions - it means you're pregnant!

Perdita - that sounds horrible, how gross for you! Did your dh do all the child meals?

I have the smell thing, but not so badly. Mostly just things my dh is eating (and talking to me with his mouth full), like Doritos blech. I also have the nausea and extreme fatigue. But I am actually in the position of possibly having to increase my hours at work for the $$$ before mat leave. Crap. Hoping to put that off until the second trimester.

mama to two DD's, 7 and 3 (3 rounds of IVF and more FET's than I can remember)
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Old 09-17-2009, 03:34 PM
 
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BIG QUESTION: I buy my own insurance and it covers: infertility u/s and labs plus $2500 of fertility drugs, but no ivf procedures and NO maternity at all. I could switch to my husband's plan as a spouse with no pre-existing condition clause (preg. is often considered that) which has full maternity but no infertility. I would have to pay the whole year in full and I can switch over only at 3 times during the year: RIGHT NOW (as in by tomorrow), @ 19 weeks or before birth. If I switch over and something goes wrong, I can't get back the infertility coverage easily and if I can get it, not for a 6 mth waiting period and then I'd have to pay 2 insurances at once. I hope that made sense. WWYD? My #s are great and I AM pregnant but I know what can happen. If I waited to switch, I'd also have to pay OOP for the first 19 wks which, if I did the CVS would cost around $1600.
It's not like my current insurance is stellar for IF but it did take the edge off. Also if we had to go back to TTC, we'd use the frozen eggs first so no meds and few u/s and bw.
Enough to make your head spin? Me too! I want to root for hope of course but I keep going back and forth.
Either way, I'll have to not look back, but...this is hard. Thanks in advance!

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Old 09-17-2009, 07:34 PM
 
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Poet - I'm a bit fuzzy on the insurance thing... if you switched at 19 weeks, would you have to pay back the fertility insurance? Would it lose you anything in the meantime? I suspect with your numbers, you're in a good situation but I can definitely understand the caution!

CRM - no, DH works very early in the morning, so I had to do breakfasts... we live in a small ranch-style bungalow so the smell hit as soon as I left the bedroom. All I could do was puke! I tried doing the vinegar and baking soda thing several times in case something was stuck, but it never helped. Makes you wonder if those smells are there all the time, and we just don't notice, or whether things are just really wacky!!

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Old 09-17-2009, 10:17 PM
 
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Thanks Perdita. I'll try to explain it though I guess I need to make up my mind pretty soon now.

If I stay on my current insurance, I'll pay for the first 19 wks out of pocket, but I'll retain my IF coverage if we have a loss and have to do ivf again.
If I switch over to my DH's, we'll have full maternity coverage but we'll lose the drug benefit of $2500/yr of fert. drugs (wouldn't get that until next Jan, maxed out for this yr) plus covered u/s monitoring and labs.

So it's a tough call. Do I hang on to the (somewhat) IF coverage out of fear or just say hey, I'm pregnant, let's get going in that direction from here on out.

All thoughts welcome.

Proud Mama to Liam Greenleaf 5/31/10
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Old 09-17-2009, 11:04 PM
 
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Poet: Welcome again! I think you should ditch the IF coverage and do what you are really good at.....thinking positive and moving forward. Depending on whether or not you go with an OB or a midwife and the level of intervention you choose, the costs during the first 19 weeks can also be substantial. If the other insurance covers those weeks...it might be something to keep in mind. That is a lot to think about!

Tricia, married to DH. 2MC's & 4 yrs ttc...finally mom to Andrew6/06 and Benjamin 10/09. Adopted bro & sis 2002. My 2 fav. words: Spay and Neuter! I'm an Ultimate Viewer, 2010!

 

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Old 09-18-2009, 12:02 PM
 
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Poet - That's a tough decision. Is there anyway you can keep both? With dd, I used my insurance thru work (free) to cover maternity and was on dh's insurance ($$) as a secondary to cover infertility. Yes, it meant paying two premiums, but was worth it at the time. Is that an option for you?

This brought up another question I have. The twins in-utero are likely going to be out last children, for many reasons. However, we still have several frozen embryos. I am not willing to make any decision on them until after birth (see, Poet, we're all a bit conservative after if). However, I don't know what to do at that point. For ethical reasons, "disposal" seems wrong. However, it also seems very challenging to give up for adoption and know that somewhere we have a biological child that may come back to me as a teen with questions. Yet, I don't think we can afford to "store" them for years until we are sure about no more children. Any thoughts? I'm sure this is a sensitive topic for many, and hope all will treat it as such.

J A with DD1 7/06, lost twins 9/08
DD2 12/09 & DS1 12/09
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Old 09-18-2009, 12:31 PM
 
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Thanks for weighing in everyone. I really apppreciate it. If our fert. insurance was amazing, like covering IVF, I would be willing to pay two premiums until we get through the 1st trimester. But since the maternity coverage is not done month by month but rather paying the whole year up front, it seems funny to pay for both because if something did go wrong we'd end up paying more overall in premiums than benefits. The real benefit with the IF plan is the $2500 drug coverage, and we figured out that if we waited to switch to maternity at 19 wks, we'd be spending an extra $900 for the chance to save $2500 and that seemed ridiculous. So I think we're going to switch and if something goes wrong, we'll have the FET then we'll ask our families for some help. Phew!

J's Mom, I can understand the complexity of that decision. I'm not sure how to think it through right now, but I will be thinking about it. My gut says that in the long run, it would be too hard to donate them and never know.

Jelinifer, I am so glad things are fine and I think that fear is really natural. It feels like forever until we go in for the HB. I like your strategy with your husband's help. I did guided meditations through the IVF process and I've continued with general ones and it's helping me feel safe and at ease.

Gumby, Thanks for your positive words!

Proud Mama to Liam Greenleaf 5/31/10
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Old 09-18-2009, 02:29 PM
 
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Oh for crying out loud. I just went to switch and the maternity plan was $1000 more than it was quoted, so then we decided to wait. But I feel good about it in part because we ended up making the decision based on $ rather than fear of something going wrong. In processing it all, we had already decided together that the odds are in our favor that this pregnancy will work and we are going to go forward feeling really positive about it and that was valuable!!!

Have a great weekend everyone! We have the opportunity to go to Lake Michigan and stay in a cabin for free. Now that's a deal

Proud Mama to Liam Greenleaf 5/31/10
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Old 09-18-2009, 02:41 PM
 
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That would be a hard decision, whether to continue IF coverage. I would probably discontinue it to have maternity care though. Just because it could get quite expensive if there are any complications.

I have three frozen embryos, although at my age (43) there is pretty much no chance they could survive freezing and thawing. If they could, I would like to have another one in a couple of years, but I know dh would be against it, so I would probably donate them. Having another biological child out there would not bother me, though.

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Old 09-18-2009, 02:59 PM
 
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Have a great weekend everyone! We have the opportunity to go to Lake Michigan and stay in a cabin for free. Now that's a deal
I hope you guys have a blast!!!

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Old 09-18-2009, 09:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Have a great weekend everyone! We have the opportunity to go to Lake Michigan and stay in a cabin for free. Now that's a deal
Have a fab time!!!

Re: frozen embryos, I am thinking about this too. Assuming all will go well with this pregnancy, this will be it for us. I can't imagine donating them (but dh would at least consider it). I am leaning either towards research (which is in itself weird, but would help others in my situation) or asking them to insert them when I am least likely to get pg, which seems a bit crazylady. Not worried yet, we won't have to pay again for storage until next summer.

First prenatal appointment today. She asked if I'd had any prenatal care. Answer - no, well except for that u/s at 7 weeks. Do you find that care providers are clueless about ART? This one had no idea what ICSI meant and a limited understanding of IVF.

mama to two DD's, 7 and 3 (3 rounds of IVF and more FET's than I can remember)
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:20 PM
 
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Before this pregnancy, I'd have said my opinion for me was "no embryo left behind" (i.e., give them all a chance). But this pregnancy has been rough so far - not dangerous, just exhausting - so now I don't know. It's a moot point for us - we've never had a frostie in 4 cycles!

I don't think we'd donate (I'm not sure it's something our clinic supports anyway). I suspect we would either donate to research, or, if we had decided we don't want any more, we might transfer back at a point in my cycle where pregnancy is extremely unlikely. There's no easy answers

CRM - I spent about 30 minutes telling my midwife all about IVF. I mean, she had a basic understanding of the mechanics, but the routine, etc, she wasn't hugely aware of.

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Old 09-19-2009, 10:15 AM
 
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Left over frozen embryos:

I have 13 left over right now. I am unsure how many, if any, more kids I will have after this one. I am taking a wait and let's see approach. But my husband and I agree that we will donate them to a couple in need. However, I want to choose the couple. My clinic has an anonymous program and I am not comfortable with that. But there is a site called miracles waiting that can match people up. I am very liberal in my views and to me it is important that whoever gets these embryos is as well. But who knows, I may use all of these embryos up myself!

Congrats, Poetgirl!

Mommy to Violet Kisori born 3/3/10
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Old 09-19-2009, 10:58 AM
 
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Can I just mention that this thread makes me sooooo happy. I think it's because so many of us have been through so much with infertility and to have all of us coming together in one place again and under happy circumstances....is just a really happy feeling. Maybe these are the pregnancy hormones speaking???

Tricia, married to DH. 2MC's & 4 yrs ttc...finally mom to Andrew6/06 and Benjamin 10/09. Adopted bro & sis 2002. My 2 fav. words: Spay and Neuter! I'm an Ultimate Viewer, 2010!

 

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Old 09-19-2009, 11:43 AM
 
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Hello ladies,
I was a bit of a lurker during our ivf attempts, but I'm thankfully now able to join in on the pregnancy discussions and am glad to see this group for those of us who are dealing with an extra layer of concerns/hopes attached to our pregnancies. Congratulations to you all!!!!
just thought I'd say hello. THis was our second ivf/icsi attempt. was pregnant the first time but miscarried by week 6. I'm past the 6th week mark this time and feeling like this pregnancy will happen. I still get a bit nervous when the pregnancy symptoms aren't too strong yet, wondering if the pregnancy has ended. Seems this is pretty normal though - the nervousness. I can't wait for the 8 week u/s to ease my mind.

married to DH, mother to two amazing little boys born May 18/2010 and May 20/2013!

Infertility has been part of this journey - no more littles for us, but so grateful we have two happy healthy boys and we can now begin to heal from that experience

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Old 09-19-2009, 11:43 AM
 
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Can I just mention that this thread makes me sooooo happy. I think it's because so many of us have been through so much with infertility and to have all of us coming together in one place again and under happy circumstances....is just a really happy feeling. Maybe these are the pregnancy hormones speaking???
I feel the same way It's a shame we all live so far apart because I could defintely see us all at a coffee shop meeting up for some decaf and cocoa

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Old 09-19-2009, 09:45 PM
 
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I am so excited to have found this tribe!!! We just finished our first IVF fresh cycle and got a BFP yesterday. I am still in shock and of course trying to remain cautious in my optimism because it is still very early, but after 2.5 years ttc#2 I am just so excited

I am going to go back now and read through more of this thread, but already I recognize some names from my days on the nursingmamasttc threads and around the IF board. So exciting to see so many familiar names over here in this thread!

The short version of our story:
- started ttc #2 march 2007. Everyone told me to wean, I didn't listen. Glad I didn't since when DS did wean at 4 it did not help the IF at all.
- did all the tests a year later, all inconclusive - dx with "unexplained"
- did 3 rounds clomid, 2 IUI's and a ton of alternative therapies
- started IVF in August 09, had a bit of a rocky cycle (bumped to 450IU gonal-f, slow developing embies, not sure there would be any to transfer, etc) but ended up with 2 perfect embies to transfer at day 3, 3 embies (6 and 7 cell) and 1 blast to freeze.

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mama to big brother Mason (Jan '05) and the littles, Adam and Holden (May '10)
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Old 09-19-2009, 11:40 PM
 
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Snowbabies:
This has been weighing on my mind a little lately...the other day I read an article on CNN during lunch about the topic and haven't really been able to shake it. We have way more snowbabies in waiting than we could ever possibly use, unless we decided to give the Duggers a run for their money. I am not sure about having other bio children out there, but I am also not sure about "destroying" them (our clinic doesn't support research to my knowledge). Since we want to have 1 or 2 more children, I guess I have a while to think about it...and continue paying the storage fees.

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Old 09-20-2009, 07:05 AM
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Belly, I'm related to the Duggars. I'm not thrilled.

I was fertile once, and then rendered infertile after being hit by a car. I was 19. My fiance and I went through IVF last year, one of the youngest couples the Stanford clinic has had. I was 27 and he was 25. The first cycle took, and then we lost them. Two days before Christmas. I wanted to jump immediately into another cycle, though we had some frozen. My gut said another fresh cycle. That cycle was a big fat fail. The third time around my gut said a frozen transfer would work. We went with a natural cycle transfer, which is really new still. No drugs until the HCG shot, just lots of close monitoring.

It worked!

We started off with twins, then lost one. In another 52 days, our little girl will be considered term (though 37 weeks is still early).

I've been blessed to have my fiance. He's been so supportive in every way, from doing all the shots for me since I couldn't, to completely pampering me at every moment. He still does! If I want something, he goes to get it, no problem. He's understanding about my energy being low. He takes the vacuum from me if I'm vacuuming when he gets home from work! I appreciate everything he does so much, and always do my best to show him. He's an amazing daddy already!!
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Old 09-20-2009, 11:52 PM
 
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I love this thread, too! Sure wish we could all meet IRL! I find that it's hard to find a good tribe or ddc to get together with, since I'm not in the medical mainstream about most things but did IVF to conceive. Has anyone else felt that way? That's why it's nice to have this thread (along with all the other things that go with being pregnant after IF, such as all the years we spent ttc compared with most people).
When I think of all the years we were ttc and not conceiving, and how if we'd conceived right away we'd have a 13 year old, it makes me a bit sad.

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Old 09-21-2009, 12:06 AM
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I understand how you feel. It's hard not to snap at people who say things like, "I can't believe it finally happened! We didn't think it would take so long. It's been three months!" I think, on some level, those people are braggarts, but to call them out on it gets you chastised.

Know what else annoys me, along the same topic? People who say, "It's been 4/5/6 months and I'm not pregnant yet. I need to see a docto because I think I'm infertile. Where do I start?" No. NO. This is WELL within the range of normal, on the low time to conceive end, in fact!! I was banned from another community, yes, banned, for telling a girl who was bitching at just 4 months of trying about how her insurance wouldn't cover a fertility doctor or IVF (she actually wanted IVF at 4 months) until it had been at least a year, that the a full year is normal to conceive, and no insurance will cover IVF just because someone wants it, and if hers will cover it at a year, then she is very lucky because most people have NO coverage for infertility. I wanted to say more, but held back. Anyway, I was banned for nt being "supportive" and was called "jealous" (of what? my insurance covered the IVF we were going through, and as I had a prior diagnosed reason for infertility, bilateral blockage, we didn't have to wait a year, so I'm the one in the enviable position).

People who complain that they're infertile with no cause to think so other than not getting pregnant in a few months are really like a slap in the face to people who have a diagnosed reason or who have taken a year or more and still haven't conceived.
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Old 09-21-2009, 01:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey Sri Rahda!! I can't believe how far along you are already - congrats!! How are you feeling?

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Originally Posted by gumby74 View Post
Can I just mention that this thread makes me sooooo happy. I think it's because so many of us have been through so much with infertility and to have all of us coming together in one place again and under happy circumstances....is just a really happy feeling. Maybe these are the pregnancy hormones speaking???
Me, too!

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Hello ladies,
I can't wait for the 8 week u/s to ease my mind.
Welcome!! Yes, the u/s is very reassuring!!! My symtoms have been coming and going, so try not to worry. (Although my dh told me this morning I am getting a "pregnant ass", I guess my butt changed when I was pg with dd and he sees it going the same way. He doesn't seem to care, so I won't)
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Originally Posted by Pookietooth View Post
I find that it's hard to find a good tribe or ddc to get together with, since I'm not in the medical mainstream about most things but did IVF to conceive. Has anyone else felt that way?
Yes, I know what you mean. I would have said I was way too crunchy to do IVF, until I was told it was our only chance. I had my first prenatal appointment and they asked some follow up questions about dd, including if I'd breadfed. They were blown away by how long we'd gone, it just is normal to me, as are many things that are "normal" here on MDC.


I hear you Noelle! I don't talk about our IF in real life, so the people who have complained about not being pregnant yet after three whole months don't know how much it hurts me. I also kind of have to laugh to myself - if you only knew! Also in the people don't get it category, in my DDC there was a discussion about what BC people would use after this pregnancy and when I explained why NONE is my answer, several people mentioned the ol' once you've done IVF/adopted whatever, then you might get pregnant on your own thing. Uh, no I don't think so.

Love and light to everyone for the coming week.

mama to two DD's, 7 and 3 (3 rounds of IVF and more FET's than I can remember)
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Old 09-21-2009, 01:45 AM
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Originally Posted by crazyrunningmama View Post
Also in the people don't get it category, in my DDC there was a discussion about what BC people would use after this pregnancy and when I explained why NONE is my answer, several people mentioned the ol' once you've done IVF/adopted whatever, then you might get pregnant on your own thing. Uh, no I don't think so.
Some of us can hope, but it's not likely. We are in the hope category. Still got some snowbabies, but we'll let them go to someone else. We would like another one or two, but if a brother or sister happens, it will be natural. If it happens, it does, and if not, then we still have our one, will be thrilled, and hopefully our snowbabies can help someone else experience the joy.

So far no one has said this to me in person though. Aside from the grandmother who was glad I miscarried the first set of twins last year (evil bitch), and the close friend who ditched me because I wouldn't go out getting drunk anymore, everyone in person has been just so amazing and supportive. It's on the internet that I'm finding the stupid people. But it's also on the internet I've found some of the best people of my life, including my fiance.

all around!
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