Mama's giving birth for the second or more times....poll - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Are you afraid to give birth again?
No, I am not afraid 248 73.81%
Yes, I am afraid 88 26.19%
Voters: 336. You may not vote on this poll

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#61 of 115 Old 08-20-2009, 12:49 AM
 
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Originally Posted by zjande View Post
I'm afraid! And this is baby #5!

I have lovely natural births, & always have the greatest mind blowing highs immediately afterward, but giving birth FrEaKInG HURTs! LOL I'm just 31 weeks now though, I have plenty of weeks to work on my birth affirmations, my confidence, & my peaceful excitement. I know that by the time I am 40 weeks along & SOOooOOoo uncomfortable, I'll be so impatient to hurry up & go into labor that I'll practically be a crazy person! lol

So yeah, not looking forward to the pain, but know that it is incredibly worth it.
i really think we are twins!!!

i am obviously afraid of ptl/birth and all that comes with that, but i am also afraid that i won't be able to tolerate the pain. yes, it's exciting and wonderful and worth it, but if you say labor doesn't hurt you are kidding yourself. i have ALL back labor, too. my last birth was a pitocin induction with an epidural. it was a pretty good birth despite baby being cord wrapped X2 and other 'issues' but i was in pain for 15 months from a nerve that was nicked during the epidural. my first 3 births were natural, so i know i can do it!

i'm taking a crash course in patience and coping here in the hospital. i hope that helps me attain calmness during the birth because i do not want to repeat the whole epidural fiasco.

Jen-loving Bill, mama to Teryn 18, Kalyn 16, Ricky 13, Natalie 5, Angel Zoe '07 and rainbow1284.gifAmelia Rae 22 mos bonus kids (dss) W 14, W 13 NEW grandbaby due 10/10/11

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#62 of 115 Old 08-20-2009, 02:09 AM
 
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I voted "yes". I am not currently pregnant (not confirmed, am waiting to test) and the thought of another birth scares the crap out of me. Warning: graphic labour horror story follows.

My first (and only, so far) birth was a horror story to one who is as control-freakish as I am. I wanted a home birth using a birthing tub. No interventions, no tearing, midwife. What I GOT was a GBS pos test result, an early amniotic sac rupture (high) which resulted in threats (from another midwife) of hospital/being induced, etc) if I didn't go into labour RIGHT NOW (had been experiencing super mild contractions to that point). I went thru another 6 hours of mild cx until a different midwife came and, during cervical check, accidentally ruptured (completely) my amniotic sac. Huh? Thought it was already ruptured....

This pushed me directly into hardcore active labour (not a nice transition) that shocked me with it's intensity. Like another poster, I was in a self-deluded state re "it's not gonna hurt" Hypnobabies (totally my own fault, I suppose) and with zero break between most contractions, was not ready. Add in the defective birthing tub heater and things sucked. THEN my blood pressure was through the roof, the baby's HR was high...I ended up with a transfer and a recommended epidural to bring down my BP (which it DIDN'T, by the way...and it didn't even work as half my body still felt pain. What a ripoff).

I had a cervical lip that wouldn't go away, so the midwife and the OB on call "helped" me push DD past it . Then I couldn't get her past my pubic bone..hours after hours of pushing, a total of 3 hours that felt like 30. Finally, BP so high, baby's HR so high, plus now meconium in the amniotic fluid, I was threatened with C section if I didn't get her out right away. Still unable, even with help from OB. So I ended up with a forceps delivery (was absolutely terrified of that) and a minor tear, which was the LEAST of my worries. On the way past my pubic bone, DD broke my tailbone. That was why I couldn't get her past it myself, I assume. The broken tailbone is still healing, 15 months later. What should have been a euphoric few weeks post birth was hell due to the fracture.

Baby was taken from me immediately to have deep suction but she cried before they got her there so they didn't bother. But I didn't get to hold her for almost 10 minutes. Then the OB pulled the cord to get placenta out (rushed due to premature birth coming in behind me) and 6 hours later I ended up with major blood loss (that eventually required blood transfusion)-either from pushing before fully dilated (at THEIR urging), or from the placenta being pulled out. 2 manual clot removals later (the most painful thing I've experienced considering my tailbone was broken) I was ready to die.

After birth my BP didn't drop but went up further, requiring me to go on drugs for almost 8 weeks to control it.

But...baby healthy, great breastfeeding relationship (still am!) and might be pregnant now, unexpectedly.

My plans this time around will include a hospital birth just in case of blood loss, and midwife again, and will try Hypnobabies again. I will work on relaxing and letting it happen, and giving up on the panic I felt when I thought I might have to be induced. I am terrified of interventions and being bullied. Not looking forward to the pain, though. And I am absolutely petrified my tailbone will break again. I've been told that second births are easier, and I'm praying for that to be true.

So.

Rebecca, mother of one beautiful girl born May 9, 2008, wife to Ben since June 30, 2007, and angel1.gif July 9, 2011.

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#63 of 115 Old 08-20-2009, 02:26 AM
 
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All I can do is offer a . If you do get a BFP, I hope you get your uneventful labor this time around!

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#64 of 115 Old 08-20-2009, 02:40 AM
 
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I'm afraid.

I had a home birth and it went really well overall, but there were a few minor complications. I had a cervical lip and pushed against it for a couple of hours, part of the time with the MW's hand in my vagina holding the lip aside. I tore and lost a lot of blood, barely avoiding a trip to the hospital. I was just so weak and out of it, and the pain completely blew my mind.

I'm actually more scared that I'm scared, if that makes sense. I know labor wont' go as well if I'm nervous and scared, so it's something I want to work on before getting pregnant again. It's getting close to time, though! *shiver*

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#65 of 115 Old 08-20-2009, 08:34 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Astraia View Post
I voted not afraid.

I won't say I'm looking forward to it- whenever I get diarrhea cramps I think to myself, "oh lord, there's going to be another 10 hrs of this pain pretty soon!"
I laughed out loud at this- this is me exactly. Every time I have any gas cramps or stomach upsets, I keep telling myself "Girl, it's gonna get a WHOLE lot worse that this!"
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#66 of 115 Old 08-20-2009, 10:08 AM
 
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I'm actually more scared that I'm scared, if that makes sense. I know labor wont' go as well if I'm nervous and scared, so it's something I want to work on before getting pregnant again. It's getting close to time, though! *shiver*
In Birthing from Within the author talks about "worry being the work of pregnancy," and how, in her experience, the people who worry (and deal with those emotions) are actually more likely to have the births they hope for. I'm sure this is not true in all cases (I think these might have been first time parents), but I think her point was that if you don't worry at all, there is a chance you're repressing feelings that are sure to surface during labor and complicate things. So, I think it's good that you're in touch with your scared feelings.

(I'm hoping not to offend those of you who say you are not scared at all. I'm sure you all have already explored your feelings fully through your past experiences!)

Chai, DS (3/05) and DS (2/10)
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#67 of 115 Old 08-20-2009, 11:55 AM
 
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In Birthing from Within the author talks about "worry being the work of pregnancy," and how, in her experience, the people who worry (and deal with those emotions) are actually more likely to have the births they hope for. I'm sure this is not true in all cases (I think these might have been first time parents), but I think her point was that if you don't worry at all, there is a chance you're repressing feelings that are sure to surface during labor and complicate things. So, I think it's good that you're in touch with your scared feelings.

(I'm hoping not to offend those of you who say you are not scared at all. I'm sure you all have already explored your feelings fully through your past experiences!)

That's really neat! I figured that book was on my "must read" list for a reason!

Grace - wife to Jeff and mama to Nigella (11/08) and Orrin (01/10)- expecting a new addition (05/12)! Life is a whirlwind, but I'm learning to enjoy the ride!

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#68 of 115 Old 08-20-2009, 12:49 PM
 
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I wouldn't necessarily use the word afraid either, but I am nervous that I will be unable to progress, like the first time. [I ended up with a c-section and baby in NICU for a little while - he had a little respitory trouble, nothing too scary].

And I am actually afraid of tearing badly.
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#69 of 115 Old 08-20-2009, 01:22 PM
 
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I wouldn't necessarily use the word afraid either, but I am nervous that I will be unable to progress, like the first time. [I ended up with a c-section and baby in NICU for a little while - he had a little respitory trouble, nothing too scary].

And I am actually afraid of tearing badly.
I am pretty nervous about re-tearing my rather large episiotomy that never quite healed right. I really need to work on my visualization with this, because what I see right now when I think about it is not pleasant.

Stephanie ~ Mama to Avery (7/07) & Iona (3/10)
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#70 of 115 Old 08-20-2009, 03:02 PM
 
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I'm absolutely terrified.

My first birth was okay. Labor was great, but I had a 4th degree tear. Second birth was horrendous. DS was born with an APGAR of 2, and went directly into the NICU. I just pray that everything goes well this time.
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#71 of 115 Old 08-21-2009, 03:20 PM
 
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Yes, a bit. I had a labor that was very painful but accomplished nothing (in terms of dilation) - and I ended up with a c-section that I absolutely did not want. So I am definitely nervous.

Mama to Marcus (1/05) and Arianna (3/10). hbac.gif

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#72 of 115 Old 08-21-2009, 04:19 PM
 
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No, this time around (second) I'm not worried. It hurts, really, really hurts but I am far more confident this time that I can deal. I'm a bit excited about it actually, my first birth was fast and furious and I'm hoping for the same this time around.

Now. Bringing home a newborn again. THAT I'm terrified of.
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#73 of 115 Old 08-21-2009, 07:32 PM
 
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I said "Yes." But, that's a really simple answer. If I was REALLY afraid, I wouldn't be having a home birth. I'm in a very different position than I was with first baby. I had an amazing support network before and I think being a little naive always helps. This time, I am in a new town as we recently moved and we now live in an area that is NOT homebirth or natural health friendly. So...I don't really think anything bad is going to happen, but if something happens it for sure will not go as smoothly and I won't have the same resources that I did before.

So I guess the main thing is that I don't have as much confidence in the things outside of my control. I am also not in near as good of physical shape as I was with my first as I was exercising regular, recieving regular chiro adjustments, and eating a lot healthier. Our lifestyle just completely got knocked out of wack with the move.
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#74 of 115 Old 08-21-2009, 07:36 PM
 
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I am scared b/c Ive never even gone into labor! DD was a scheduled breech c/s, so my only real "choices" this time around are midwives at giant baby-factory hospital or UC. Id prefer UC, but Im scared about that, too! I am not scared of having another c/s. If I end up w/ one, it's no big deal as Ive done that before!

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#75 of 115 Old 08-22-2009, 04:30 PM
 
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I'm somewhat afraid, but not completely. With Hunter everytime I would think about birth I'd almost throw up. I was so nervous. With this one I'm not as scared, but I'm having a homebirth and I'm scared I'd have to be transfered, even though I know its a slim chance.
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#76 of 115 Old 08-22-2009, 05:37 PM
 
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No, I'm not really afraid. I might say I'm intimidated, by the idea: it's a LOT of effort to give birth, and of course many things could go wrong which would lead to me not having the birth experience I'm hoping for. Then again, while many things COULD go wrong, chances are it'll all be just fine.

I think I'm really more afraid of the newborn stage. I had a lot of post-partum anxiety and some PPD with DD, and I am kinda of afraid of that again. Especially since DH's new job means he'll only have about 1 week of leave. My MIL is coming for 2 weeks but it's yet to be seen whether she'll be helpful or stressful. And I don't really look forward to knowing that it'll be like 2 more years before I get to sleep though the night again.

I actually had my first baby-related nightmare 2 nights ago and it was about having given birth in the hospital and having the baby sent to the NICU overnight, and when he got back they'd filled him all up with formula and he wouldn't nurse.

Erin, mom to DD (1/06) and DS (10/09)
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#77 of 115 Old 08-26-2009, 10:50 PM
 
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Yes, I am very afraid b/c I do not want another L&D like my first. It was awful! I had to be induced, pitocin was horrible, I had high bp and had to stay in bed on my side, ds had to be rushed to the NICU....I could go on. VERY traumatic.

Tara ~ SAHM to (1/05) and (10/09)
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#78 of 115 Old 08-26-2009, 10:52 PM
 
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I actually had my first baby-related nightmare 2 nights ago and it was about having given birth in the hospital and having the baby sent to the NICU overnight, and when he got back they'd filled him all up with formula and he wouldn't nurse.
This happened to me! He was in the NICU for 2 nights. They gave him formula & pacifiers (against my wishes) and he had the hardest time latching on. I had to use a nipple shield for 8 weeks and was in severe pain for a few months. It has a happy ending though b/c he nursed until he was over 4 y.o!

Tara ~ SAHM to (1/05) and (10/09)
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#79 of 115 Old 08-26-2009, 11:42 PM
 
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I had 2 easy births ( the girls) and 2 rather difficult births ( the boys). They came G,B,G,B. So I guess my take on it at this point is that every pregnancy is different, so I am not going to psych myself up when I don't know what the out come will be.

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#80 of 115 Old 08-27-2009, 09:48 AM
 
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im actually quite looking forward to it im sure once the time is nearer i'll be a bit nervous but all in all im excited about having my homebirth waterbirth
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#81 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 06:41 AM
 
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I'm afraid! And this is baby #3.
I had 2 c/s and I want a VBAC, but I have fear for a c/s again.

Regina - married 2 Kids 1998 and 2005
Baby #3 Due 04.14.2010
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#82 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 09:31 AM
 
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I agree with others that say they aren't afraid, but nervous. My second birth went really bad and my dd is permanetly disabled, so of course I'm always afraid of stuff like that. My 3rd was a vba2c and it went great, but it was really intense and painful, and I'm nervous that if I get to the hospital too early I'm going to end up with an epidural. I'm not philosophically opposed to pain meds, I just get concerned about having to lay in bed when I'm still needing to dilate and not have complete control over pushing. Last time I was 7cm when I got to the hospital, so I hope to do that again!
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#83 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 09:47 AM
 
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Not afraid, per se. I just have a healthy respect for this process and hope that it goes as well this time as it did last time. I know there are no guarantees, so I guess I'm more afraid of that than anything.
What I'm really afraid of is the newborn period, esp the night wakings. Ugh. I have a friend who loves newborns - maybe I can loan this one out for about three months

Home water birthing, non-circing, delayed vaxing, co-sleeping, babywearing, extended nursing Mommy to DS1 5/08, DS2 5/10 and wife to sweetest hubby ever.
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#84 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 10:04 AM
 
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This will be my third birth. First was a c-section...I SHOULD of beeen afraid of my treatment at the hospital but I didn't know any better! The second time I was much more prepared, did some self hypnosis and felt more in charge of my body and healthcare. My HBAC was great and very smooth and manageable......but we freaked with the NB low fever and ended up with a horrible 3 day vist to a local hospital that felt like they should punish us for having a HB (NOTHING was wrong with my child by the way and I think that drove the doc crazy, they even threatened to call CPS if I didn't comply to all the stupid tests and procedures they wanted to do) YEs, the area I live in is very anti-midwife and HB!

Anyway, with this birth I feel like it is a wild card. They say 3rd births are to a certain extent, longer or shorter labor.... and other variations. I need to keep going to the chiropractor like I did with my second, that helped a lot I think!

I remember labor starting with the second and having a fear reaction at first. I thought "I don't want to have this baby, I'm scared" but then the other part of my brain said " I REALLY don't want to be pregnant anymore so let us just have the baby! OK?"

I'm not too excited about a newborn, I just don't get all cuddly and love-dovely like some people do...... but hopefully my early bonding with this one won't be messed up like the other two!
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#85 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 11:47 AM
 
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I'm not afraid. I was a little bit the first time. Mostly of the pain and the fear of the unknown. But this time I feel a lot more confident that I can do it. With DD I went in wanting a natural birth. I was really set on it, and had it all planed out so that I could do it. In the back of my mind, though, there was still the nagging voice that kept saying, "but if you can't handle it you might get the drugs." I asked for them once in transition, but I didn't get any. So this time, I know I can do it. I know it hurts, but I can handle it. I know what it feels like to finally be able to hold my baby, and that will be able to drive me this time. I know what to expect, and for me (being a control freak) that makes all the difference.

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#86 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 12:25 PM
 
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I'm not afraid of labor even though I have horrible back labors. I'm afraid that I'm going to have the same issue with my midwife team as I had with the last team. They are are afraid of community backlash against hbac despite the fact that their governing organization supports it. This really came into play last time around when the midwife was super mean at the birth and bullied me throughout in the hope that I would transfer.
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#87 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 12:30 PM
 
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I'm not afraid, but more concerned perhaps.

This will be my third child. My first was early and had prolapse. My second was "late" and had the cord around his neck twice and was a bit blue (which while the MW wasn't concerned it did freak me out!). So, having two kids with cord "issues" makes me concerned for a third - especially as the guy across the street's kid had a cord issue and is severely handicapped because of it.

I am also very hopeful that I can keep "with it" enough not to push through crowning this time, that made for a very long healing time.

Oh, and I live FAR far away from my MW this time around so I worry that she won't make it. I'll be calling very early this time!

Liz

Wife, and mother to a small fairy, a demolition expert, a special new someone this fall and a small dachshund.
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#88 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 12:50 PM
 
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I answered yes. I wish I could say no, but I am terrified. Your birth experience depends a lot on baby's position. My guy was occipital posterior (sunny side up) and his head was turned up (I don't know if it was brow or not, but midwife said the largest diameter was coming through rather than the smallest). This caused the pain to be unbelievably strong. I had a fast intense labor in the beginning, getting to 8 cm within 2.5 hours (counting from when contractions got 2 mins apart, which happened in 1 hour from first contraction). I had the urge to push. The midwife thought he was coming. She suggested breaking my waters to make things happen, because the bag of waters was pushing against the cervix. That's when she found out he was posterior. That's also when labor stalled. My cervix began to swell, and I went down to 6 cm. Long story short, there was lots of pain, and it got stuck. Looking back, I think my body was trying to turn him, but once she broke the waters, all bets were off. Ended up with a 18 hour labor, in hospital with pitocin drip and epidural. (thankfully, was still able to deliver vaginally, with vacuum assistance) Prior to hospital transfer, my thoughts were, "get it out of me, now, I don't care how." I actually wanted a c-section at that point, just wanted the pain to stop. He had become only an "it."

For days and weeks after the birth, every time I closed my eyes to try and relax, I relived the birth trauma.

Of course, I wish I had had better capability of dealing with the pain, I wish I had had a doula, and I wish a lot of things had happened differently.

So, that is why I am afraid. I'm afraid of the pain. I plan to get help and a doula and hope to overcome this fear before labor starts, because I know that can also affect your experience. At the same time, I know that even in cases where the woman is prepared in every way, the pain can still be beyond overwhelming, if the baby's position isn't perfect. Birth can also be orgasmic, if everything is perfect.

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#89 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 01:00 PM
 
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I voted not afraid, which is true as far as it goes, but I'm really not looking forward to it. If I could just skip L&D (without all the risks associated with c/s), I would. With my first, I had PROM, pit-induction for failure to progress, then AROM (I'm not sure if the diagnosis of PROM was wrong or if it was more of a leak that got sealed?) because the pitocin wasn't doing anything, then an epidural because the pitocin suddenly hit me and I couldn't deal. After that, I was just numb and kind of out of it with low bp. I pushed for 2 hours, which felt like way too much work, and dd went to NICU with respiratory issues.

I wasn't afraid (just naive) going into my first birth, and now I'm just resigned. I'm still rather naive (or optimistic?) in that I'm not afraid of any long-term negative outcomes, but I just don't want to go through the pain. I didn't get any kind of birth-high or lovey-dovey bonding feelings when I first saw my daughter, so I don't even have that to look forward to.

Mom to DD (6/08), DS (3/10), and babyf.gifdue 6/12

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#90 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 02:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Unicorn75 View Post
Afraid? No. Not of the birth experience.

There are aspects of my first birth that I did not like, and I will work to pre-empt those issues this time around.
This. I'm nervous about being able to refuse interventions, but I know I can do the 'natural' part.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aufilia View Post
I think I'm really more afraid of the newborn stage. I had a lot of post-partum anxiety and some PPD with DD, and I am kinda of afraid of that again.
Me too.

I'm afraid of PPD. I don't feel like having a tiny newborn all over again. I'm not looking forward to not sleeping through the night for, oh, two years again. I'm not looking forward to teething and crying without the kid being able to explain verbally why and and being so dependent on me for so long...
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