|View Poll Results: Are you afraid to give birth again?|
|No, I am not afraid||248||73.81%|
|Yes, I am afraid||88||26.19%|
|Voters: 336. You may not vote on this poll|
I'm not afraid of labor even though I have horrible back labors. I'm afraid that I'm going to have the same issue with my midwife team as I had with the last team. They are are afraid of community backlash against hbac despite the fact that their governing organization supports it. This really came into play last time around when the midwife was super mean at the birth and bullied me throughout in the hope that I would transfer.
I had cryo surgery a few years before ds's birth. I had no idea that that could cause scarring and lead to difficulty in birth. It was the most horrendous experience of my life, and I'm still emotionally disturbed by it. I believe that when unchanged by disease or other things, our bodies are designed to do this naturally and that birth can be a wonderful life-changing, self-actualizing experience. I'm horrible jealous of anyone who experiences that. Because I never will. The worst part is being so misunderstood. I don't even get a "group" (like ICAN and the like). I had a vaginal birth, but only because the Air Force hospital I birthed in wasn't a fan of C's because they just didn't have means to perform a lot of them. I was "allowed" to labor for over 30 hours with no mention of it actually. The only person who brought it up was me, I begged for it. Over 20 hours of transition-like, mutli-peaked, pitocin contractions. With no drugs, only because the Dougie Howser anesthesiologist decided I couldn't bc of some technicality. He went off duty and at about 9.5 centimeters this seasoned old doc comes in and profusely apologizes for what I had to go through at his hand while she's putting a needle in my back. The only way I was able to muster enough to try and push him out (and up ) was that epi. All this happened while I was literally paralyzed from pain and flat on my back. Like I couldn't move, at all. For 30 hours.
I want a beautiful home birth. I may not have any scar tissue left, or it could have grown back with a a vengeance. I just won't know. But the fear I carry and will never be able to council away would keep me from being able to use any mental techniques for pain management. The fear-tension-pain cycle would have me beat in 2 hours!
So I'm afraid. I'm afraid of going through a millisecond of that feeling again. I'm afraid that this cut-happy hospital I'm forced to use now will have me on the operating table. Because having a scarred cervix means that you dilate incredibly slowly (it also means that your body just works even harder to compensate so its like transition the whole time) so I'll "fail to progress". I'm afraid that with an epidural I'll go even slower.
For days and weeks after the birth, every time I closed my eyes to try and relax, I relived the birth trauma.
You know, this is so me. I found myself on his first birthday reliving where I was and exactly what was happening to me at "this" time. Every hour (the ones I could remember and hadn't mentally blocked out) was like a movie playing in my mind. Even the other day, on my boy's 5th! bday! I'm still doing it. Actually remembering more and not less. There is just something wrong with that.
And now I'm bawling. I don't know if its because I rarely tell this much about my birth trauma or if its hormones but wow...
I'm not scared because I did it twice already, and I had great experiences both times. In fact, the second birth was even better than the first. I think birth is such an amazing thing, and there is NOTHING like those last few minutes of birth and first few minutes of meeting your baby. I just feel so blessed that we might have the chance to experience that again.
My first birth was natural but more medicalized than I would have liked (I had twins with health issues, even though they were term, and had to birth in the OR). My second birth I labored mostly at home, and I felt so in control, so completely connected with my body...I'd done a lot of reading both times, but it was before my second birth that I read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I think that book, more than any other, really inspired me to connect to my labor and to appreciate the intensity and work of it all. I felt inspired, confident, strong, and appreciative of my body.
With this birth, I'm going into it with my mind open, but I'm hoping it's as nice as our second birth.
My worry is, what if the contractions don't start on their own again? Or what if I have contractions on my own, without the pit, but they drag out forever and I get really tired? How will I feel then?
In general, I feel pretty confident. After all, if I did pit and AROM with no pain meds, I'm tough, right? And if I do go into labor on my own, with no pit, I'm hoping it will be better this time around. But who knows?
and remembering: little turtle 5/23/2006 and poppyseed 7/15/2009
I was fortunate to be in the statistical majority of women who have uncomplicated pregnancies and healthy, full term babies. I think that it's harder to stay calm (and avoid fear) in the 10% of emergency situations were something goes wrong. It's also hard to avoid fear if your HCP and/or support people are feeling/expressing negative emotions. I think either of those things make birth harder and make subsequent births seem more scary.
This time around I'm not nervous and I am looking foward to birth and the answer is no. I had a great experience with my ds and it brought back my confidence. It was a great experience. Right afterwards I said I could do that again. I now know that labor makes you vulnerable to stand up for what you want so I will get another doula just in case .
I am not worried about the pain, I am scared of something going wrong.
With my previous DD, they found some medical problems the day that I was induced, and risked me out of midwife care for a crash induction. Labor and delivery was intense and painful, but I felt like I could handle it. Where I was emotionally was much more difficult to handle, because I didn't know how bad her problems would be and whether she would have long term problems from it.
I guess my fear is not about *birth* itself, but that is just the turning point were I meet the babe for real and see if eveything is OK.
Birthing DD was an intense, intimate experience. It really brought me closer to DH in ways I could not have described or been aware of beforehand. I'm grateful to the underground community and the MW who helped us out w/o questions asked. I know my body can do this! And I'm confident in that aspect.
But then the grueling parts get to me and I find little what ifs surfacing. For example, DD was very large and malpositioned. It was a long, long labor. How will that work with a toddler? I labored hard for several days...how will I care for her? At the same time, I really hope she can be present for the birth.
And then, I tore a lot last time. I don't want to do that again. I worry about that.
And the big, useless what ifs sometimes get to me. I feel that I've read a lot of stories since my last birth...I got into activism and some very strong ladies shared a dark side of the world with me. I have different thoughts in my head as opposed to the first time around. It feels to me that everything just...worked out for DD. Part of me whispers...will it just magically work out again?
But overall I've made a conscious decision to be positive and to remain confident and strong. I'm praying and hoping and preparing for a peaceful waterbirth with DH and DD. And hopefully we'll get a few pictures too.
Breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping, cloth diapering, VBACing, and loving every minute
i knew that there was a random chance that it could happen again (or other bad things) but i also felt like i had given birth twice before and i could do it again and my third birth was completely amazing in every way.
im actually really excited to give birth again!
However, my second birth went great for a hospital birth.
When it came to my third, I knew that I could do it, and I knew it would be even better because I wouldn't be in some strange environment with strangers (nurses) coming in and out. We opted for an unassisted homebirth and it went WONDERFULLY. I wasn't really scared at all. I had a natural sense of fear, knowing that things could go wrong, but I knew God was watching over and I had a sense that things were going to go beautifully.. and they did.
I am not fearful of this labor at all. I'm actually REALLY looking forward to it. I think being informed on how natural labor is- reading about the domino effect of the hormones and the best birthing positions really helps calm ones fears.
Read articles and books by Michel Odent, and I think you cannot help but be inspired and look forward to birthing!
Christian Texan Mama to Merika (5/2005), Nolyn (1/2007), Keagan (UC baby 9/2007), Four miscarried lovelies, and sweet Evangeline Rose who arrived 9/7/2010 (home/water birth). Expecting our fifth blessing March 2012! Viva la Vegan Pregnancy, my friends!
Now, ask me how I'm feeling about the sleep deprivation with a newborn and a toddler! That's the kind of thing I'm actually dreading.
I am more afraid to have a c-sec this time bec of the longer recovery. The hosp near us wont allow children under 18 to visit in the hosp, so a sect would mean a longer time away from my 20mo DS.
Wife of 10 yrs to Oaties, Mama to Bubs 08/06/08, Rizie 04/19/10 & MRae 02/02/13 & to
Same as last time though, the thing I am most concerned about (and trying not to be afraid about) is ending up with a csection.
DS 2006 DiaperFreeBaby March 2010, DD 2011
caution: one-handed nak
IF they are doing this for the flu season (H1N1 precautions), you might check and see if they've dropped this. The hospitals in my area were the same, but this last week or so they dropped the ban. However, they were very, very quiet about it, and I only knew because my midwife was telling people that they could bring their kids for appointments now.
Wife of 10 yrs to Oaties, Mama to Bubs 08/06/08, Rizie 04/19/10 & MRae 02/02/13 & to