Mama's giving birth for the second or more times....poll - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Are you afraid to give birth again?
No, I am not afraid 248 73.81%
Yes, I am afraid 88 26.19%
Voters: 336. You may not vote on this poll

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#91 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 03:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by limette View Post
I'm not afraid of labor even though I have horrible back labors. I'm afraid that I'm going to have the same issue with my midwife team as I had with the last team. They are are afraid of community backlash against hbac despite the fact that their governing organization supports it. This really came into play last time around when the midwife was super mean at the birth and bullied me throughout in the hope that I would transfer.
This sounds familiar. This is happening in my region too.

4 kids under 10
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#92 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 03:40 PM
 
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Yes, and here's why:

I had cryo surgery a few years before ds's birth. I had no idea that that could cause scarring and lead to difficulty in birth. It was the most horrendous experience of my life, and I'm still emotionally disturbed by it. I believe that when unchanged by disease or other things, our bodies are designed to do this naturally and that birth can be a wonderful life-changing, self-actualizing experience. I'm horrible jealous of anyone who experiences that. Because I never will. The worst part is being so misunderstood. I don't even get a "group" (like ICAN and the like). I had a vaginal birth, but only because the Air Force hospital I birthed in wasn't a fan of C's because they just didn't have means to perform a lot of them. I was "allowed" to labor for over 30 hours with no mention of it actually. The only person who brought it up was me, I begged for it. Over 20 hours of transition-like, mutli-peaked, pitocin contractions. With no drugs, only because the Dougie Howser anesthesiologist decided I couldn't bc of some technicality. He went off duty and at about 9.5 centimeters this seasoned old doc comes in and profusely apologizes for what I had to go through at his hand while she's putting a needle in my back. The only way I was able to muster enough to try and push him out (and up ) was that epi. All this happened while I was literally paralyzed from pain and flat on my back. Like I couldn't move, at all. For 30 hours.

I want a beautiful home birth. I may not have any scar tissue left, or it could have grown back with a a vengeance. I just won't know. But the fear I carry and will never be able to council away would keep me from being able to use any mental techniques for pain management. The fear-tension-pain cycle would have me beat in 2 hours!

So I'm afraid. I'm afraid of going through a millisecond of that feeling again. I'm afraid that this cut-happy hospital I'm forced to use now will have me on the operating table. Because having a scarred cervix means that you dilate incredibly slowly (it also means that your body just works even harder to compensate so its like transition the whole time) so I'll "fail to progress". I'm afraid that with an epidural I'll go even slower.

Kelly, wife to J and mama to our precious A, HE'S 5! and the parasite will emerge on or before Sept 24, 2010!
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#93 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 03:46 PM
 
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[/QUOTE]I actually wanted a c-section at that point, just wanted the pain to stop. He had become only an "it."

For days and weeks after the birth, every time I closed my eyes to try and relax, I relived the birth trauma.

[/QUOTE]

You know, this is so me. I found myself on his first birthday reliving where I was and exactly what was happening to me at "this" time. Every hour (the ones I could remember and hadn't mentally blocked out) was like a movie playing in my mind. Even the other day, on my boy's 5th! bday! I'm still doing it. Actually remembering more and not less. There is just something wrong with that.

And now I'm bawling. I don't know if its because I rarely tell this much about my birth trauma or if its hormones but wow...

Kelly, wife to J and mama to our precious A, HE'S 5! and the parasite will emerge on or before Sept 24, 2010!
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#94 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 04:30 PM
 
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The only thing I am scared about is things that seem to get out of my control, not the birth and not the pain. My last pregnancy, I had a situation that led to pitocin. With no epidural it was very painful compared to my first. While we still feel that our choice to eventually go with the pit was 100% the right one and totally our choice, it did make me feel like my body was not in control like my first birth. The thought of a normal pit free labor and delivery actually sounds like a relief and I am excited. Nervous, but excited.
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#95 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 04:30 PM
 
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I think it's the opposite in our DDC...a lot of us are really excited to do it again!

I'm not scared because I did it twice already, and I had great experiences both times. In fact, the second birth was even better than the first. I think birth is such an amazing thing, and there is NOTHING like those last few minutes of birth and first few minutes of meeting your baby. I just feel so blessed that we might have the chance to experience that again.

My first birth was natural but more medicalized than I would have liked (I had twins with health issues, even though they were term, and had to birth in the OR). My second birth I labored mostly at home, and I felt so in control, so completely connected with my body...I'd done a lot of reading both times, but it was before my second birth that I read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I think that book, more than any other, really inspired me to connect to my labor and to appreciate the intensity and work of it all. I felt inspired, confident, strong, and appreciative of my body.

With this birth, I'm going into it with my mind open, but I'm hoping it's as nice as our second birth.

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
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#96 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 04:37 PM
 
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I answered "no", because I don't feel afraid, but I feel a little nervous because birth can be so unpredictable. My first labor was great but hard, pitocin-induced at 43 weeks with no pain meds, and AROM about halfway through. So definitely intense, but also definitely doable. And relatively fast for a first labor: 12 hours from the very start of the induction to DD coming out. 15 minutes of pushing. I felt great immediately afterwards, but exhausted two days later from how much I clenching I was doing during each contraction, even though I tried every time to relax completely.

My worry is, what if the contractions don't start on their own again? Or what if I have contractions on my own, without the pit, but they drag out forever and I get really tired? How will I feel then?

In general, I feel pretty confident. After all, if I did pit and AROM with no pain meds, I'm tough, right? And if I do go into labor on my own, with no pit, I'm hoping it will be better this time around. But who knows?

thalia loves Jesus and DH wordyeight and DD#1 : 8/2007 and DD#2 9/2010
and remembering: little turtle 5/23/2006 and poppyseed 7/15/2009
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#97 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 07:16 PM
 
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I'm on my third. My first was with an epidural, my second I had an epidural which didn't work, so it was non-med by surprise. This baby I'm trying for med free. I'm not scared, not really looking forward to the birth since I don't remember the pain fondly, but I am looking forward to the easier recovery. I also have midwife issues, which is causing a bit of anxiety, but that's a post onto itself.

Don't trust anyone under 5! Mom to 3 boys under 5. Blogging to save my sanity.
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#98 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 09:20 PM
 
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I'm having my second. I had preterm labour at 30 weeks, but then didn't deliver until 38 weeks and needed to be induced after 4 days of ruptured membranes. I'm worried about those kinds of complications. My actual labour was lovely. But I felt the tearing. Which ended up taking over an hour to repair and that was the most excruciating, traumatizing pain of my life. I also hemorrhaged and fainted several times so wasn't feeling great immediately after birth. I still have pain and scar tissue 2 years later. So I am somewhat apprehensive to push the baby out and need to be sutured again. I also don't have fabulous midwives like I did last time. They don't inspire confidence, not in myself, but in them.

SAHM to DD 03/08 & DD 06/10 made with love with my DP
 
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#99 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 10:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by trancechylde View Post
I laughed out loud at this- this is me exactly. Every time I have any gas cramps or stomach upsets, I keep telling myself "Girl, it's gonna get a WHOLE lot worse that this!"
Oh my gosh how funny! I do the exact same thing!! I sit there hugging my knees thinking how horrible it feels and then I remember its *nothing* !!! I shudder every time because as bad as that is, its going to be sooo much worse.

Kelly, wife to J and mama to our precious A, HE'S 5! and the parasite will emerge on or before Sept 24, 2010!
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#100 of 115 Old 03-11-2010, 11:35 PM
 
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I'm not afraid. I had a good experience last time. I had a quick, natural labor in a hospital and delivered a healthy baby. Labor was mostly not painful and even the moments that were painful were nowhere near as painful as other experiences I've had. I went into labor without fear, viewing it as a normal, physiological process. I think that helped it not to hurt very much. It also helped that my husband was very calm, supportive, and comforting and that my doctor was "on my side" (and able to attend the birth). There are a few things I would change in retrospect, which gives me hope that this birth could be even better.

I was fortunate to be in the statistical majority of women who have uncomplicated pregnancies and healthy, full term babies. I think that it's harder to stay calm (and avoid fear) in the 10% of emergency situations were something goes wrong. It's also hard to avoid fear if your HCP and/or support people are feeling/expressing negative emotions. I think either of those things make birth harder and make subsequent births seem more scary.

daughter #1 10/13/07
daughter #2 10/08/10
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#101 of 115 Old 03-12-2010, 01:28 AM
 
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If asked this when pregnant with my second the answer would be yes. I was a little nervous with my second birth because I had a negative experience with my dd with a bad on call care dr. and really bad pitocen contractions that made me feel out of control. The way the caregiver talked to me and strong armed me into something I didn't want made me feel inadequate even though I at least ended up with a vaginal delivery. I wasn't as confident as I wanted to be for my second. I prepared better and found a better care provider and a doula but I still had my first experience in the back of my mind.

This time around I'm not nervous and I am looking foward to birth and the answer is no. I had a great experience with my ds and it brought back my confidence. It was a great experience. Right afterwards I said I could do that again. I now know that labor makes you vulnerable to stand up for what you want so I will get another doula just in case .

Dianna environmentally educated tree hugging mom of dd 9/06 and ds 10/08 newbie dd 9/10
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#102 of 115 Old 03-12-2010, 11:33 AM
 
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Nope not afraid! Loved my first (and only) labor/birth experience. I was induced (not the option I wanted) but had DS about 9 hours after starting pit. Doula was amazing and helped me have the natural unmedicated labor that I wanted. It was the most intense and empowering experience of my life. I am actually looking forward to this one. Will use water and NO induction this time (changed providers so they are willing to allow me to go to 42 weeks, if necessary).

DS is 4!
DD 8/10/10!
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#103 of 115 Old 03-12-2010, 12:42 PM
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This will be my third natural birth, second homebirth. I'm not afraid of anything going wrong with the birth, but I am nervous about going through the pain again. I was shocked by how painful labor was, both times, and I know I've forgotten the pain again and will have to remember. But I know it's worth it and I can do it. Also, I know the afterpains get worse after each baby and they hurt a LOT last time so I know it will be awful this time around.
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#104 of 115 Old 03-12-2010, 01:11 PM
 
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I am the exact opposite of some of the posters.

I am not worried about the pain, I am scared of something going wrong.
With my previous DD, they found some medical problems the day that I was induced, and risked me out of midwife care for a crash induction. Labor and delivery was intense and painful, but I felt like I could handle it. Where I was emotionally was much more difficult to handle, because I didn't know how bad her problems would be and whether she would have long term problems from it.

I guess my fear is not about *birth* itself, but that is just the turning point were I meet the babe for real and see if eveything is OK.
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#105 of 115 Old 03-12-2010, 05:43 PM
 
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I would say a bit nervous too- but I'm not sure why. This will be #2 for me and the first went perfect- no drugs, no interventions, fast delivery. So I'm not really getting why I have a bit more nerves this go round. I guess with the first time, I had no experience and that was really a good thing for me, not bad.

Mother to Elsa b. 12/06 and expecting a new one 6/10. Partner to Josh and love our two cats, Bert N Ernie.
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#106 of 115 Old 03-12-2010, 09:10 PM
 
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I wish there was a yes and no option!

Birthing DD was an intense, intimate experience. It really brought me closer to DH in ways I could not have described or been aware of beforehand. I'm grateful to the underground community and the MW who helped us out w/o questions asked. I know my body can do this! And I'm confident in that aspect.

But then the grueling parts get to me and I find little what ifs surfacing. For example, DD was very large and malpositioned. It was a long, long labor. How will that work with a toddler? I labored hard for several days...how will I care for her? At the same time, I really hope she can be present for the birth.

And then, I tore a lot last time. I don't want to do that again. I worry about that.

And the big, useless what ifs sometimes get to me. I feel that I've read a lot of stories since my last birth...I got into activism and some very strong ladies shared a dark side of the world with me. I have different thoughts in my head as opposed to the first time around. It feels to me that everything just...worked out for DD. Part of me whispers...will it just magically work out again?

But overall I've made a conscious decision to be positive and to remain confident and strong. I'm praying and hoping and preparing for a peaceful waterbirth with DH and DD. And hopefully we'll get a few pictures too.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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#107 of 115 Old 03-13-2010, 06:08 AM
 
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I am afraid because my first ended in a c-section and I am trying for a VBAC this time.

Momma to DD1 Shiala (01/06/09) and DD2 Adaline (07/16/10)
Breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping, cloth diapering, VBACing, and loving every minute
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#108 of 115 Old 03-13-2010, 11:55 AM
 
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i was a bit afraid after my second birth. she came so fast and was quite big (10lbs5oz) from the first contraction to birthing her was around 4 hours and it just felt like it was too much too fast.. but her birth up till her head was born was normal, then she had sticky shoulders and it was scary for a few moments (more for dp than me)
i knew that there was a random chance that it could happen again (or other bad things) but i also felt like i had given birth twice before and i could do it again and my third birth was completely amazing in every way.
im actually really excited to give birth again!

 

 

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#109 of 115 Old 03-13-2010, 09:13 PM
 
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I was fearful of my second birth because I ended up having to have my first removed by forceps- and her birth was long and exhausting (NO NOURISHMENT to revive my energy + laying on my back the whole time).

However, my second birth went great for a hospital birth.

When it came to my third, I knew that I could do it, and I knew it would be even better because I wouldn't be in some strange environment with strangers (nurses) coming in and out. We opted for an unassisted homebirth and it went WONDERFULLY. I wasn't really scared at all. I had a natural sense of fear, knowing that things could go wrong, but I knew God was watching over and I had a sense that things were going to go beautifully.. and they did.

I am not fearful of this labor at all. I'm actually REALLY looking forward to it. I think being informed on how natural labor is- reading about the domino effect of the hormones and the best birthing positions really helps calm ones fears.

Read articles and books by Michel Odent, and I think you cannot help but be inspired and look forward to birthing!

Christian Texan Mama to Merika (5/2005), Nolyn (1/2007), Keagan (UC baby 9/2007), Four miscarried lovelies, and sweet Evangeline Rose who arrived 9/7/2010 (home/water birth).  Expecting our fifth blessing March 2012! Viva la Vegan Pregnancy, my friends! 
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#110 of 115 Old 03-14-2010, 12:33 AM
 
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I am a bit worried that something will go wrong, but I labored at home with my first until it became obvious he was in distress (he had a true knot that was tightening on descent, and that's unlikely to happen a second time. I hope!), and the hospital interventions including a vacuum extract weren't nearly as bad as I would have thought. There is a little performance anxiety, as I know that each labor is different, and I'd really like to get my waterbirth this time, especially as this will be our last child, but in general, I'm feeling pretty good about the birth.

Now, ask me how I'm feeling about the sleep deprivation with a newborn and a toddler! That's the kind of thing I'm actually dreading.
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#111 of 115 Old 03-14-2010, 12:38 AM
 
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Yes, but not of the acutal birthing process.

I am more afraid to have a c-sec this time bec of the longer recovery. The hosp near us wont allow children under 18 to visit in the hosp, so a sect would mean a longer time away from my 20mo DS.

 Wife of 10 yrs to Oaties, Mama to Bubs 08/06/08, Rizie 04/19/10 & MRae 02/02/13 & to dog2.gif

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#112 of 115 Old 03-14-2010, 09:39 AM
 
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I had horrible, horrible back labor with my first almost 4 years ago. The birthing tub didnt help it was so bad. Am I scared, afraid of labor this time? Actually, no (oddly enough I wasn't the last time either even though I'm a wimp about pain). I know now to keep checking for posterior baby and actually try and prevent it this time, plus instead of giving birth at hospital with CNM's I'm planning on birth center or home waterbirth with a MW.

Same as last time though, the thing I am most concerned about (and trying not to be afraid about) is ending up with a csection.

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#113 of 115 Old 03-14-2010, 12:10 PM
 
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Yes, but not of the acutal birthing process.

I am more afraid to have a c-sec this time bec of the longer recovery. The hosp near us wont allow children under 18 to visit in the hosp, so a sect would mean a longer time away from my 20mo DS.
IF they are doing this for the flu season (H1N1 precautions), you might check and see if they've dropped this. The hospitals in my area were the same, but this last week or so they dropped the ban. However, they were very, very quiet about it, and I only knew because my midwife was telling people that they could bring their kids for appointments now.
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#114 of 115 Old 03-14-2010, 11:30 PM
 
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I have really made an effort to inform myself and I feel that has really helped me through the little snippets of fear that do sometimes come. Knowledge is power! read up on natural birth, the natural process, and birth stories. For me, it was my first that I wasn't sure of (after a traumatic miscarriage). But I read all I could. the next was much easier for me and I was much more confident--so much so that my MW didn't believe that I was in true labor and I ended up delivering en route! My third was another leap of faith as I decided on HB. I am confident in my body and the process of birth.

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#115 of 115 Old 03-15-2010, 02:07 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kitkatkaddoodle View Post
IF they are doing this for the flu season (H1N1 precautions), you might check and see if they've dropped this. The hospitals in my area were the same, but this last week or so they dropped the ban. However, they were very, very quiet about it, and I only knew because my midwife was telling people that they could bring their kids for appointments now.
Yes, this is why. 3wks ago I was there for an US & they told me it was still in place. I asked my OB last week if it still was in effect & he said it was - that there were a few new out breaks in the area, but I will keep asking. Maybe there is still hope if your hosps are ending it.

 Wife of 10 yrs to Oaties, Mama to Bubs 08/06/08, Rizie 04/19/10 & MRae 02/02/13 & to dog2.gif

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