Mama's giving birth for the second or more times....poll - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Are you afraid to give birth again?
No, I am not afraid 248 73.81%
Yes, I am afraid 88 26.19%
Voters: 336. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 02:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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After reading a bit in my DDC I'm realizing that many mother's that are going to be giving birth for the second or other subsequent time are really afraid of their labors/birth. I'm trying to get a broader perspective of this. Please give an explanation for your answer. If you are afraid, why? Did you have an especially long or paiful labor? Do you know what made it so painful? Did you baby got to the NICU? If you are not fearful please explain why you aren't. Thanks ladies. I just find this subject so interesting and at the crux of a lot of labor problems. If we can recognize and address what we are afraid of, maybe we can help ourselves have smoother births.

Stephanie-33 lucky mama of 5 precious ones: DD-12, DS-9 , DS-6 , and DD-3 and Bridget Alannah  SHE'S ONE NOW! loving wife to DH-38
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#2 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 03:01 PM
 
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hmmm afraid isn't the right word. Sometimes the thought makes me nervous and other times I'm estatic I get to do it again.

Karen happily partnered mother of 3 beautiful girls (teen/toddler/newborn).
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#3 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 03:06 PM
 
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Afraid? No. Not of the birth experience.

There are aspects of my first birth that I did not like, and I will work to pre-empt those issues this time around. I think the critical aspect is finding a birth team that you implicitly trust, who can advocate for you during delivery.

Erin, WOHM yogi mommy to DD (2005):, and DS (2010)

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#4 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 03:07 PM
 
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I would say that "afraid" is the wrong word for me too. Like a lot moms here my first birth was not was I expected it to be. As much as I KNOW I can do it again, sometime I just don't want to. We have planning a homebirth (last birth was in birth center water birth)... sometimes I fantasize about getting an epi... but alas I know I can do it again.

90% I feel really good and confident and feel like my hypnobabies is working, but other times I just don't want to do it.

Kimberly
(Mama to West (11/07) Mabel Kelly 10/02/09)
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#5 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 03:08 PM
 
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Scaredy-cat here.

First birth was the easiest, because I was prepared for the worst and got to be pleasantly surprised.

Second wasn't hard, but it was harder than I expected, and I felt pretty shell-shocked for some time afterward. Especially 'cuz I'd read so much about if I do it 'right', it 'doesn't hurt'.

Now am pregnant again a bit sooner than we expected, and I'm not yet ready to deal with pain again! So, preparing for the worst. I have six more months to get ready, but, right now, I honestly am still feeling frightened!

Edited to add: My fear is just the PAIN. Not worried about things going wrong any more than usual, because I have a good history and a lot of knowledge. Just don't want PAIN. But still want a homebirth!

Tamara: Aspiring doula, partner to Brazilian musician, mom to THREE GIRLIES!
(4/01, 6/07, & 12/09)
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#6 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 03:14 PM
 
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There was a point during transition of my last birth that I felt like a caged animal. I couldn't do anything to escape the intensity of what I was feeling. I wanted to run away, make it stop, etc. I panicked for a moment. I don't want to feel that again. That is what I hope to avoid with this labor. 90% of the labor was fine, it was that 10% period that makes me nervous.

Mama to : '05, '08, '10 and expecting our 3rd homebirth.jpgJanuary '13

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#7 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 03:21 PM
 
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Nervous is a better word for me, but there is some fear of the unknown too. Both births I've had resulted in alot of bleeding that was able to be stopped with pitocin, but still, I have some apprehension about it happening again. I've heard that pitocin labor, both times, is what caused the bleeding, (an exhausted uterus) but I still wonder if that's all it was. I was told both times by the nurse that she had never seen anyone bleed as much as I did, so that put some fear into me...other then that I am so excited that I get to do this again and am excited to be 'super woman' again with no pain meds ...even if I have pit again which they BETTER not try to give me!!! I'll run FAST, they won't be able to catch me, right?? I want a totally natural birth this time, no interventions, which makes me a bit nervous, cause does it ever really go as we expect??
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#8 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 03:26 PM
 
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For me, I'd say it's just fear of the unknown. Every birth is different, so there's always something to wonder about and be nervous about. Also, last time around I had a c-sect b/c my daughter was breech. I did have labor, but only about 5 hours after my water had broken. This next time, I'm planning/hoping to have a VBAC, so that will be way different and therefore, scary. Exciting too though!

Gina, wife to DH, mama to my heart breaker Cecelia (10/13/07) and
welcoming our new baby boy Henry (03/08/10)
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#9 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 03:29 PM
 
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Nope. Our first birth was an un-medicated hospital birth, and went more or less smoothly (it can happen, regardless of what you read on MDC ) even with meconium-filled waters etc.

I birthed DD, looked at DH and said "I can do that again!"

This time I have a wonderful midwife instead of the standard OB practice (who, by the way, were fine too...) and am delivering at a smaller community hospital set up for midwife births - actually I'm quite pumped about it!

Perdita - newly SAHM to DD July/05 & DS Feb/10 joy.gif
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#10 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 03:37 PM
 
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I'm not scared. My first two were hospital births and I was very fearful of giving birth in the same way a third time. My third was an UC and it was wonderful. I feel confident about doing another UC this time around.
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#11 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 03:37 PM
 
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Labor scares me a teensy bit. Going through the terrible twos again... That's what's got me in a sweat!

Mom to Delia  (5/25/07) and Alex  (4/10/10) and 2 spoiled kitties
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#12 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 03:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tammylsmith View Post
Labor scares me a teensy bit. Going through the terrible twos again... That's what's got me in a sweat!
LOL I feel ya on that one!

Stephanie-33 lucky mama of 5 precious ones: DD-12, DS-9 , DS-6 , and DD-3 and Bridget Alannah  SHE'S ONE NOW! loving wife to DH-38
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#13 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 03:49 PM
 
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i'd have to go with nervous, more than afraid. I am more nervous about going late again than the actual labor. i did it once, i can do it again. not looking forward to the pain, but then there is nothing like hearing your brand new baby cry and feeling them warm & squishy on your belly once they've made it out-true bliss! And my DS did end up in the NICU which totally freaked us out, but it was precautionary (he had a lot of fluid in his lungs) and he came home after 5 days- not so bad, just another unexpected hiccup in the whole process (he's a thriving energetic 2 yr old now....do little boys ever stay still?!?)

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#14 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 03:50 PM
 
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I voted no, because I am not afraid of the labor/delivery.

I am anxious that my lo might come too early...my last was born just before 35 weeks with no warning signs of preterm labor.

My first birth was fine. I never felt like I couldn't do it or like I wanted painkillers or anything like that. It wasn't a walk in the park, but totally doable, and I know I can do it again, even if this one is harder than that.
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#15 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 03:51 PM
 
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I'm the calmest I've ever been this third time around. The first time I was scared of the unknown, but also very naive. The birth went wonderfully but I did bleed a lot and had to have a shot of pitocin to stop it. The second time I was definitely more nervous because I knew what the pain felt like and didn't really want to do that again. But once again, birth went well, 3 hours total, but was hard and fast and then the placenta tore and didn't all come out right away. I also had my uterus prolapse, probably from pushing before I was all the way dialated and trying to get the placenta out. That took 3 weeks of bedrest and months of exercises to "heal" from so I'm nervous about that happening again. But overall I'm pretty calm this time. I'm healthy, will stay in shape, and I know how to handle the pain, I know my body can do it, and that's it's a wonderful miracle.

Mama to three wonderful girls, H (9-2-04), A (8-23-07), and Q(4-24-11, our Easter baby). Married to D since (6-3-00).

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#16 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 03:56 PM
 
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Nope, I have no fear this time around. I had the most amazing natural childbirth last time so I know what my body is capable of doing and how completely short lived any pain might be. I trust my midwives and know they know my wishes so I am actually very excited about giving birth this time.

Christina, mom to Alaina, Addison, Noah, and Magdalyn
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#17 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 04:32 PM
 
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Not afraid. I know what to expect and I did Hypnobirthing and Hypnobabies with #2 which helped tremendously. Going to use them again. I am looking forward to birthing!

Linda - Mom who will never be afraid to use an Epi-Pen again! Epi-Pens save lives!
Charlie 4 yrs old, Harry 2 yrs old & someone new March 8, 2010!
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#18 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 04:40 PM
 
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I wan't afraid the first time, and I'm not afraid this time. With my dd's birth I knew that I was going to need to surrender and was able to figure out how to do that. I fully expected pain and that didn't bother me. My sister gave me advice once, in totally different circumstances, "this too will pass." And it will.

Some people are afraid of the pain...but it is the best pain you'll ever experience. Nothing like breaking your leg or something...you're birthing your child! But I've never been afraid of pain; rather I think of it as a necessity of life (character building, if you will). I was a second child though, and my sister inflicted a lot of pain on me growing up (now we're best friends ) and truly, it made me stronger. I've actually opted for no Novocaine for minor fillings because I hate that more than the little pain from drilling.

I didn't go into it expecting to "manage the pain" I just wanted to get through it. That I think is the tougher part...how to find your way through it without letting the pain get to you.

I'm an introvert and I think that served me well preparing for and experiencing labor. I didn't go into it thinking anyone else would be able to help me through it (although I wanted people there nonetheless); I just knew it was up to me. And I was able to go inside myself and experience birth very quietly and calmly. Early on though, I was expressing myself in a kind of frantic way and my midwife told me that I was using up my energy that way (she said it better than that though ) and I got it immediately and changed what I was doing and kind of found my place.

I'm really fortunate though; I was raised by a midwife turned OB nurse (who had the last three of four babies at home) in an extended family that loves birth and isn't afraid of it. I had witnessed six births (between the ages of 2 & 25) before giving birth myself. I wrote my dd's birth story for my midwife's newsletter and talk a lot more eloquently (I hope) there than I have here. I posted it for those who are interested.

Momma to my sweet kiddos DD (2.19.07) and DS (9.27.09) and wife to the most amazing man (7.24.04)
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#19 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 04:42 PM
 
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For me it is just concern over something going "wrong" or something bad happening to the baby. Labor is labor-- but the more you do something, statistically, the more chances there are for something bad to happen, y/k?

I'm actually pretty calm this time, for some reason I was very anxious during my last pregnancy. I had a lot of anxiety. My baby was born with relatively little pain (until transition! ugh, then it was mighty laborious ), and no major complications. She was healthy and is now a very busy 2 year-old.

But I was worried something would happen to her...

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#20 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 04:51 PM
 
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.......


Me (27) DH (30)...9 Years

DD (7) ~ DD (4) ~ DS (3)

Praying our April 2013 baby sticks!! joy.gif


Babies in Heaven...angel.gif 9/04 angel.gif 2/05 angel.gif 3/11 angel.gif 4/11 angel.gif 6/11 angel.gif 11/11 angel.gif 2/12 (along with my tube greensad.gif )

 

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#21 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 05:19 PM
 
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I voted "not afraid" but will clarify. I was nervous but not afraid about my first birth, because I had prepared myself (and hired a good doula) and was confident that I could do it. It was more difficult than I'd expected but I came through it fine and upon reflection felt that it was a really good indicator that I'd be able to handle anything in future births. (DD1 was posterior and my labor didn't progress; I ended up with cytotec, pitocin, an epidural and almost 3 hours of pushing, but hey, I got her out the preferred path after all, which was quite an accomplishment, y'know?)

So when my second birth came around I was again nervous but not afraid -- I expected it to be easier than my first but had no idea if that would actually be the case. It was; her birth was quick and not very painful; I felt positively triumphant afterwards.

This is my third time around and I'm really looking forward to it. There is still some "stage fright" type nervousness, but I expect the process to go well once again. And if it doesn't I'll have professionals there to help me, so there's not much point in fearing that at this stage.

DD1 (Oct 99), DD2 (Sep 02), DD3 (Oct 09)
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#22 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 05:25 PM
 
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I am another that is looking forward to it!!!

I really love the birthing part of pregnancy... especially now that I have UCed and seen what birth can be like when there is no stress and I am able to go inside myself completely...

I am looking forward to giving birth again in a few months

 
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#23 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 05:40 PM
 
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Definitely not afraid of labor/birth. Never have been.

Aeona - married to super hot nerd Toby . . . mama to Grace (9) Evangeline (7) Duncan 11.14.08   and Henry (4) born at home. Expecting again early December!  

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#24 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 05:55 PM
 
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I am so looking forward to laboring at home again. It was hard work, but so awesome at the same time. My first was hospital born & lots of things happened & my 2nd was homeborn--totally different atmosphere & so cool.

We are planning our 3rd waterbirth, but hopefully it will actually happen instead of not like the first 2.

A doula who married a cop & became a mama to 3 boys: G 12/22/00, my rainbow baby B 2/2/07 and L 2/10/10 my CBA2V baby, waiting for my little caboose late February 2013 & always remembering my two angels 2006 & 2012.

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#25 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 06:02 PM
 
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I'm a little afraid since last time I gae birth in a wonderful British birth center where I had access to competent, mom-centered, evidence based care, plus pain relief at the same time. Now I am in home in the US and feel I have no choice but to give birth at home. I think I can probably do it, but I am afraid of unmitigated childbirth pain. I am also REALLY afraid of having to go to a US hospital if something goes wrong and having to deal not only with the completely messed up system there, but also with the hostility that is sure to confront me as a homebirth attemptor.

I have actually wracked my brain for any way that I can financially go to Europe (either the the UK again or my husband's country, Finland) to give birth the second time. Its just not possible...I would have to leave work a month early, and then take care of my current baby myself until I went into labor, and there's no guarantee my husband could make it there in time.

I should be able to do what my ancestors have done for all of human history until my grandma. But its daunting. I hate the US healthcare system so much right now. Even more than usual.
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#26 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 06:05 PM
 
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I had a long/traumatic birth and my baby stayed in the NICU five days, but I am not afraid to give birth. I feel like this is a fresh start - a chance to learn from the problems with the last birth. I am very hopeful.

Chai, DS (3/05) and DS (2/10)
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#27 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 06:06 PM
 
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I am baking number 10 and I am not afraid at all. Even back on number 2 and three I had no fear. I guess I was too nieve to be afraid then, and too much experience under my belt now.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#28 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 06:16 PM
 
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Nope, not at all afraid. My midwife is super skilled and even at the worst part of my labor the last time, she knew that she had to get the baby out right away or I was going to wilt. She pulled all her tricks out and got that baby out of me in record time. 8 hours of labor, only 1 hour 45 minutes active hard labor. I feel like this time around I'll be even more prepared.
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#29 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 06:23 PM
 
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I haven't read all of the replies. But I checked "Yes." My first experience gave me, shall we say, a bite of "reality sandwich!" Before then, I'd just watched those silly Hypnobirthing videos of women "breathing out" their babies , and I deluded myself into thinking that I could be one of them.

On the other hand, to a degree I'm not as afraid this round simply because I realize how out of my control birth is. How's that for a paradox?

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#30 of 115 Old 08-18-2009, 06:46 PM
 
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I'll be honest. I'm a bit afraid of labor this time. This will be my third. But, I'm not afraid of the pain or the length (though shorter would be better!) I'm afraid of bleeding again. I've had two PPH's. I'm going to be more proactive this time. I'll start taking iron supplements during my second trimester and will be asking my midwife next time I see her what else does she recommend with my history. I'll also be having this baby in the hospital where the happy blood products live, so that will ease my stress a little (my second was a home birth and I should have transferred, but refused (I was in shock) It wasn't a pretty sight.)

Mama of three.
 
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