Help me stop feeling crabby when people ask how I'm feeling/doing - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-31-2009, 03:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel like such a rotten person. I'm getting so annoyed that every conversation I have with everyone in my life revolves around how I'm feeling.

I know that everyone is just thinking of me, and being supportive and it makes me feel awful that the response in my head is always like "I'M FINE! : "

I usually just answer "today's a great day, how are things with you?" and some folks change the subject, but some are like "no, no, are you ok? how are things going?"

Does this happen to everyone? I swear I will never, ever ask a pregnant lady how she's feeling ever again!

mom to Andrew   born Feb 6th, already a mom to child with fur; and still missing and still wondering about the lost possibilities Mar 17, 2009
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Old 08-31-2009, 03:13 PM
 
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Just wait until you're 41 weeks :
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Old 08-31-2009, 03:30 PM
 
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well, no one wonders how i'm feeling but i'd imagine it would be nice to feel cared for.

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Old 08-31-2009, 04:26 PM
 
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I hear ya!

I really don't want to talk about it. I also don't want to talk about whether I think it's a boy or a girl, whether we've thought about names yet, whether it feels different than my last pregnancy, blah, blah, blah.

I feel like such an unappreciative brat, but sometimes I just wish people would leave me alone!

My sister keeps saying she's worried about me and my mama keeps saying my sister is worried about me -- what does she think is going to happen? that I'm going to explode in a flash of light? I'm not dying here, I'm baking a baby! I may be crabby, but I'm not on the verge of emotional breakdown or suicide or anything!

I know they mean well and they love me, and I just try to keep that in mind and be kind to them.
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Old 08-31-2009, 04:27 PM
 
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Maybe use it as an excuse to ask for something you're craving - like a milkshake, or coconut cream pie, or chocolate bar? Then continue on like "well, no one's gotten me that pie yet" when they ask in the future.

I find it particularly annoying when people ask me this, but then obviously don't really care about my answer, which a few people tend to do who we see around. It's almost like they want to hear something dramatic and horrible is going on with my pregnancy, I dunno. I just say "Oh, I'm great" even if I'm not, but I'd love a more interesting response.
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Old 08-31-2009, 04:49 PM
 
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Maybe use it as an excuse to ask for something you're craving - like a milkshake, or coconut cream pie, or chocolate bar? Then continue on like "well, no one's gotten me that pie yet" when they ask in the future.
I like this idea.

My standard answer though is "great!" I get so sick of everyone assuming that just because I'm pregnant, I have to be miserable, or that it sucks or something. Sure it's the height of summer - but it'd be the height of summer whether I was pregnant or not. What on earth does that have to do with anything?

Like I just got off the phone with my grandmother, and the first thing out of her mouth (as always the last 9 months) was how're you feeling? Well, today I'm feeling kinda crappy, so that was my answer. She immediately jumped all over that, "why? What's the matter?" Like I was going to shatter or something. Well, I didn't sleep well last night and you just woke me up from my nap with the telephone... how am I supposed to feel about that? <sigh>

But with pretty much everybody else I stick to "great"

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Old 08-31-2009, 05:24 PM
 
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I feel like such a rotten person. I'm getting so annoyed that every conversation I have with everyone in my life revolves around how I'm feeling.

I know that everyone is just thinking of me, and being supportive and it makes me feel awful that the response in my head is always like "I'M FINE! : "

I usually just answer "today's a great day, how are things with you?" and some folks change the subject, but some are like "no, no, are you ok? how are things going?"

Does this happen to everyone? I swear I will never, ever ask a pregnant lady how she's feeling ever again!
anytime i know specific circumstances, good or bad, about someone, i tend to check in with them on that regularly. add to that, that pregnancy is a big deal physically, and it makes a LOT of sense to me.... i don't think you're rotten, i just think it's a big adjustment to get used to people being in your business! i'm not looking forward to it either, especially from strangers/people i'm not close too; but i know i do the same thing to pregnant friends/family..... and non-pregnant friends and family too!

me+him for 15 yrs, welcomed our little one march 25th, 2010.

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Old 08-31-2009, 05:30 PM
 
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Just commiserating!

When people ask me how I'm feeling, my new reply is (with a chuckle), "Pretty cranky lately." They usually back off after that
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Old 08-31-2009, 07:09 PM
 
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Commiserating too!!!!!

This is why we didn't tell many people. We let them figure it out themselves as I started to show. I hate the insincerity (sp?) factor. When some people ask, I think in my head, what do you care? If I wasn't pregnant you wouldn't give me a second thought. When I broke my ankle, you didn't care. As if a baby is some kind of disability. I also didn't tell my mother until I was 22 weeks for this reason. We don't really get along. I'm adopted and she's never had children. She really doesn't get it at all. I'm on my 3rd. If there is something of interest going on, I'll let you know. On Saturday someone who really does not like me because of a community dispute finally heard through the grapevine that I am pg. She called just to shoot the breeze. I spent the whole phone call wondering why the heck I answered the phone. She is also a story teller. She told me the nurse wouldn't let her hold her husband's hand during labor because it would get broken. She said the nurse said they have to fix a lot of husband's hands. At that point I pinched my 2 year old so I had a reason to get off the phone.

I have to bite my tongue some days to prevent myself from telling people to bug off. For some people I just say, I'm fine. Baby is fine. Nothing of any particular interest going on. I'm due mid-October. Babies come when they want too. I don't care what the gender is. Now is there anything else you need to know?

Oh boy am I cranky with this pregancy. I wish we could just appear with baby in arms rather than go through all these months of nosy baloney!

Stephanie: married mom to 4

Located just slightly left of sanity.

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Old 08-31-2009, 07:34 PM
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wow! i thought i was the only one!
i usually don't answer and respond with a "how are YOU doing?"
it even sparked an argument with my mother...she didn't see the big deal that "how are you doing?" was the beginning of every phone call...i had to tell her that she had NEVER asked me this before.

Reluctant 'Sconie, chassid and mama to sweet toughie Ada Bluma 9/9/09 and loving pittie-mix ("Judge the deed, not the breed!")
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Old 08-31-2009, 10:09 PM
 
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It's hard after awhile answering the same questions over and over again, and then on the occasion when you don't give the the "right" answer they chastise you for not not being so grateful. As if you have no right to be in a bad mood. But it is hard for some to see outside of the moment, past their own perspective, as if you are miserable all of the time. This hasn't happened to me yet, but it will. You aren't alone! frogautumn I think cranky is a great answer, with a sort of an evil eye for added emphasis!

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Old 08-31-2009, 10:12 PM
 
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I agree! I feel bad getting grumpy about it, because they're just trying to be kind... But everytime I tell them I feel good, people never seem to believe me. They either repeat back what I said in a grumpy voice, or ask me about the heat, whether or not I'm sore, and stuff like that.

Noo, I feel good! I'm not grumpy because I'm pregnant, I'm grumpy because everyone keeps bugging me about how awful I must feel.

My husband gets it too. One of his coworkers is always asking him about how sick I must be feeling, and how mean and nasty I must be now that I'm almost due. And my DH keeps trying to tell him that no, I feel fine, I haven't suddenly turned evil, and his coworker just won't believe him.
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Old 08-31-2009, 10:50 PM
 
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I really have no advice. I get the phonecalls everyday followed by the same ol' same ol' "how are you feeling?". If I say fine than it prolongs the conversation, if I say not so good it prolongs the conversation, resulting in, "No back pain? fever?... if you have fever you go to the doc. ASAP", kind of stuff, and a lot more but there is such a long list of problems, I won't spam here.

The only thing I can think of is to just be nice. It's good that you realize they're just wanting to check up on you, make sure you're okay, ect... because that is why they ask, but sometimes you jsut have to take a deep breath whenever you get a phonecall, sit down and talk to them about it.

Some people really don't have anyone to check on them and wish they had. They wish they were more excited and involved but aren't. This is the way I'm starting to see it now. I question myself at this point, "What if no one cared? or bothered to call?". It's nice not to be bugged some days but it's better than not getting that phonecall at all, because then pregnancy can become lonely/depressing.

Some days I just reply with, "I'm really tired", because I am, and then later that day or the next day return their phonecall. If I'm busy it's the same thing. I can't have time for every phonecall but now, I make sure to at least return their call if I'm not able or willing to talk at the exact time they have contacted me.

he's here; kaine (11/9/09)
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Old 08-31-2009, 11:07 PM
 
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I don't mind people asking me how I feel. What I do mind is when I tell them I feel good other than my back hurting a bit and they pull out the "just you wait!". That drives me up a wall.

Wife to an awesome stay at home dad and mama to a crazy 2 year old, expecting #2 Jan 3

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Old 09-01-2009, 02:21 AM
 
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Oh I feel you.. Everyone knows I'm sick so they ask me non-stop how I'm doing. The response I have received since 11 weeks has been "YOU'RE STILL SICK!?, oh my gosh"
as if that is supposed to make me feel any better..lol. They wonder when the m/s is supposed to stop and assure me that I'll feel better soon. I'm almost 13 weeks and feeling a little bit better, so the comments don't sting as much.

I don't mind the baby name questions and such because I know I do that, too.. It's just part of our culture to inquire about women's pregnancies. I know how you ladies feel though, I can imagine after so many months of being asked the same questions you start to feel cranky.

I also think it's funny when people say things like "just you wait".. It's just a programmed saying, but yes the questions do seem to get more frequent the more obvious it is that you're pregnant. My friend was saying something about strangers touching his wife's belly and how "it gets worse the bigger you get". I think I might just avoid talking about negative stuff with people I don't really trust. I can be very sensitive and it's important for me to feel supported during this pregnancy. I flat out told an entire room of people, when asked about baby names, that I wasn't going to say what our baby names are because we don't want anyone talking about whether or not they like them. Although I am not a fan of certain names, you just don't tell someone that their baby name is undesirable. It's so unimportant and can leave the parents feeling really bad.

I wish there was some polite way of saying "stop asking me how I'm doing" but it seems like people get so offended.. I have just hibernated a bit and called people back as I feel like it. Hang in there mamas.

Happy excited Mama! Evelyn Isabel born March 12, 2010!
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Old 09-01-2009, 11:40 AM
 
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It does get frustrating to have everyone constantly asking how you're feeling. Kind of like once you're really showing and people seem to constantly be asking when you're due, and what you're having...but I think the important thing to focus on, especially with people you know, is that they're just asking because they care.

My inlaws are the most annoying people ever when it comes to hounding me about every little thing while pregnant, but I just keep reminding myself that there are countless women out there who have to go through pregnancy without anyone caring how they're doing, and that I'm very fortunate to have people that care enough to annoy me.

jamie. crinkly (not quite crunchy) mama to 3 amazing little girls, an awesome little boy, and a baby girl making her debut at the end of this summer.

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Old 09-01-2009, 12:26 PM
 
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I wish someone would ask me how I'm doing! No one EVER asks about me, they always ask, "how's the baby doing???"

Umm. I don't know? I'd assume fine? Kinda hard to tell at this point...

Grace - wife to Jeff and mama to Nigella (11/08) and Orrin (01/10)- expecting a new addition (05/12)! Life is a whirlwind, but I'm learning to enjoy the ride!

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Old 09-01-2009, 12:58 PM
 
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This sounds very Pollyanna on paper, but I really do try to remember that they mean well, and are asking because they are genuinely interested/concerned/curious, and want some way to connect to the amazing wonder of nature that is occurring right there, before their very eyes.

Yeah, very pollyanna. But it gets me through the day.

Erin, WOHM yogi mommy to DD (2005):, and DS (2010)

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Old 09-01-2009, 01:25 PM
 
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YK of course I get this question all the time especially right now since I am now 35 weeks and of course getting big. I went to my ILs the other night and they all just are so surprised at how small I look and how great I do. It is funny though because I know that many of my ILs feel so terrible at this point, I guess I just do really well for some reason, but it gets frustrating. I think one of the biggest reasons is that misery loves company, people want to hear, oh I feel like dog-doo or something. IDK-that's what I discovered when I was pg with DD. I swear that people wanted me to be miserable and I wasn't.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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Old 09-02-2009, 02:08 AM
 
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I'm so glad I'm not the only one! I thought I was just being a brat for getting annoyed. Even hubby doesn't understand though he will complacently listen to me vent. Of course people mean well but it DOES get tiring. I feel like saying "I'm pregnant! Not diseased! Leave me alone!" because the question sometimes seems to reflect the cultural attitude that pregnancy is a medical condition, especially when it comes with the "oh you poor little dear" tone. Ugh! (Of course some of these people know I had horrible 24-hour "morning" sickness first trimester and that I'm better now so they really are feeling happy/protective.)
And my grandmother ALMOST ALWAYS asks "you're okay? are you sure? you don't sound sure... what's wrong??" and when I say "oh I'm just a little tired" THEN I get the "you're tired?? how can you be tired?? just wait till the baby's here!" I ADORE my grandmother, but RARRRRGH!
And all the standard questions... no we don't know the sex and aren't finding out. No we don't care whether it's a girl or a boy. No we don't have names picked out and if we did we wouldn't tell you anyway (we're not sharing the name till after the baby is born).
And all the comments.... Yes I know I look small for 6 months! Yes I really DO feel great! Yes I really do love being pregnant! Love Love LOVE!
I feel like people are looking for exciting news and that I'm boring them when I answer "I'm great, baby's great, everything's great." I mean, what else is there to say? I'm GLAD things aren't more "exciting", people!

Added mini-vent: Now don't get me wrong, this is absolutely precious and I wouldn't discourage him for the world... but my DH asks me All The Time if the baby's moving. And I feel like I'm letting him down somehow when I say "no, pretty quiet right now" even though I KNOW that's not the way he feels.... It's stupid.....

Lore, mom to my sweet little boy, born at home 11/09, and my spunky little girl, born in the hospital 10/10

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Old 09-02-2009, 09:52 AM
 
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i'm so glad there are others that struggle not to be annoyed by this! the hard part for me is do they REALLY want to know how i'm feeling?
  • i started to pee a little when i sneeze
  • my nipples feel like someone scrubbed them with sandpaper
  • i am weepy (to the point where i start to tear up thinking about how much i love my dog)

i don't feel bad, but there are some things i could do without!

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Old 09-02-2009, 03:30 PM
 
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I feel like such a rotten person. I'm getting so annoyed that every conversation I have with everyone in my life revolves around how I'm feeling.

Does this happen to everyone? I swear I will never, ever ask a pregnant lady how she's feeling ever again!
I had a shower, and everybody kept on asking me - "How are you feeling?" with this serious and sympathetic face... like I am horribly sick. I will not do that to other pregnant ladies ever! They mean good, but it is annoying!
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Old 09-02-2009, 04:19 PM
 
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  • i started to pee a little when i sneeze
  • my nipples feel like someone scrubbed them with sandpaper
  • i am weepy (to the point where i start to tear up thinking about how much i love my dog)
:

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Old 09-02-2009, 04:33 PM
 
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Luckily everyone who has been asking me has been very sincere about it and doesn't question me if I say I am feeling good, which mostly I have been. And while there have been a few "Just you wait until the baby is here." when I say I am tired and that sort of thing (and duh, I know that I will sleep even less when the baby is here, doesn't make me any less tired now), it's been pretty minimal. I would be getting really annoyed if people didn't believe me that I feel good, but I would also say something if they questioned me and they know it, so maybe that's why they don't

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Old 09-02-2009, 04:45 PM
 
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And while there have been a few "Just you wait until the baby is here." when I say I am tired and that sort of thing (and duh, I know that I will sleep even less when the baby is here, doesn't make me any less tired now), it's been pretty minimal.
Yeah - pretty sick of that already! :

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Old 09-02-2009, 05:01 PM
 
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most of the people who do ask me I am really blunt with (which maybe comes off as crabby) I usually say "I am uncomfortable, I don't like being so huge and I have no idea what I am doing"

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Old 09-05-2009, 08:09 PM
 
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Yeah, it drives me batty.

I'm feeling fine because I'm PREGNANT, not SICK!

Oh, and just wait til you get to your last month and complete strangers ask you if you're dialated yet and how long your doctor is going to let you go. Um, let's get to 40 weeks and then we'll see, okay?

I'm now 40+3 and refuse to answer the phone or leave the house. LOL

~ deb, BFAR mommy to ds1 Dec 7, 2003, Jan 08, ds2 Sept 20, 2009
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Old 09-05-2009, 09:24 PM
 
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LOLOL! I can totally relate. I asked PG gals before 'how are you feeling' and it was really just a conversation starter, not an inquiry on the state of their pregnancy. I never knew!

Most people I interact with are satisfied with me saying 'fine thanks, how are you?' really enthusiastically. I try to redirect the conversation to something non-baby related. Maybe it won't work but I want to make pregnancy just seem 'normal' to other people. Like a PP said, I try to remember that they just mean well and are just making conversation.

Ask me again in a couple months and I might anwser differently, though...

Carson, living life with my 3 boys: DH, DS Dec '09 blahblah.gif  and newbie DS Sept'12baby.gif

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Old 09-05-2009, 09:26 PM
 
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I guess I kind of wish people did ask me this. I don't think anyone in my family, other than my MIL has asked me once how I was doing or really asked me anything at all about the pregnancy! That really bothers me!

SAHM to DD (May/07) and DS (Jan/10)
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Old 09-06-2009, 01:14 AM
 
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Originally Posted by whoabethy View Post
i'm so glad there are others that struggle not to be annoyed by this! the hard part for me is do they REALLY want to know how i'm feeling?
  • i started to pee a little when i sneeze
  • my nipples feel like someone scrubbed them with sandpaper
  • i am weepy (to the point where i start to tear up thinking about how much i love my dog)

i don't feel bad, but there are some things i could do without!
Sooo perfect.

I have started answering "pregnant, you?" with a duh sort of look down at my belly. I try not to be annoyed by it...but at 42 weeks I'm just done with everything! I'm about to hibernate with my cell off!
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