I don't get it...belly rubbing.... - Mothering Forums
View Poll Results: Belly rubbing for me when I am pregnant...well...
I HATE it - you will die if you touch my belly! Grrrr! 50 32.68%
I LOVE it! - So wonderful! Rub away! Oh - can you feel this wonderful life inside of me?! 30 19.61%
Neither hate or love it. Really depends on my hormones at the time! 55 35.95%
other - just to be difficult 18 11.76%
Voters: 153. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 09:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Why do so many woman claim to 'hate' this. So much so that the next person to touch their belly is gonna die! ...??? lmao

I never had this with my DS. I felt I was missing out on something. Was there something wrong with me? Not even the random stranger!?!...lol

I got my first belly rub yesterday though from a close friend. It was brief and unasked for - but I loved it. I made me feel so special and loved and the little life inside of me loved too! I can not help but think 'what an intimate and wonderful thing to share!'

Yeah - I can undrestand complete strangers rubbing your belly is just a bit freaky...but heck, if they rub anything on you (any type of body contact) it can be rather freaky!...So I am not refering to random complete strangers in my poll....

But I cant be the only one who loves this? lol

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#2 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 10:01 AM
 
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I don't mind at all, and I like feeling other friends' baby's too. It doesn't bother me at all.

I had a stranger sort of befriend me off of Freecycle. Our husbands were both in the military. She came to get something free from my house and saw I was pregnant and was so weird. We talked for like 10 minutes and then she turned to leave, and then turned back around and asked if she could give me a hug. I said yes, and after she hugged me, she said "I just love hugging pregnant women".

It was WEIRD to say the least.

Amanda, wife to my best friend Josh, Mommy to Jenna, Lukas, Adam, Livea and Ethan!
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#3 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 10:11 AM
 
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I guess it depends. I do not care for strangers touching me, but friends or family... whatever.

Single Mama to five 6 and under!
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#4 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 10:27 AM
 
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I like it.
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#5 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 10:32 AM
 
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I think a lot of it depends on the individual - my sister, for example, does not like people touching her, whereas I generally do like it.

And then the cultural context - some cultures touch a lot, others very little. And that can vary within countries, so Americans from one part of the country may find the norms for touching are different elsewhere, or within a different ethnic group.

I think usually it is best to remember that whatever group you belong to that others are not trying to be offensive or weird, they likely just have a different background or inclinations. And of course people from really different cultural backgrounds who are visitors may not easily pick up on our social signals about our preferences.

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#6 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 10:37 AM
 
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First off, I developed a huge need for personal space when I got pregnant (even before I was showing) I did theatre so my personal space bubble is usually smaller than "normal" but about 3 months in I hated having people close to me.

Second, when I got bigger it happened really fast. My tummy was SO SENSITIVE that the skin would hurt if anything touched it. I had to be careful about what kind of material my clothes were made out of because of this. So, people rubbing it was like torture.

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#7 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 10:46 AM
 
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The only people I like touching me is my dh and my children. Anyone else needs to respect my personal space and back off. So yeah, I hate it from strangers and family (outside of my own little one) alike. Touch me and die, LOL.
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#8 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 11:05 AM
 
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I've had 2 PGs and only 2 people besides me and DH have ever rubbed my belly. MIL when we first announced the first PG, with tears of happiness in her eyes, and my sister when I was PG with my first. My sister asked if it was OK first. I don't think anyone else has ever even tried to rub my belly. I know when DD1 would kick, people could see my belly move from across the room (she was a really strong kicker!), and my SIL who had not yet been PG asked if she could put a hand there to try to feel a kick. No problem.

But strangers? Wanting to TOUCH me? Anywhere? Not OK in my book.
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#9 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 11:09 AM
 
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throughout my pregnancies with five children i cannot recall ever being touched by a stranger. even people close to me haven't done a lot of touching. maybe i look mean?

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#10 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 11:19 AM
 
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"claim" to hate it? it really would depend. the circumstances you describe sound lovely anne, and i would love that.

i voted depends, and not just to be difficult - it's complicated!

however, i do not enjoy having my personal space invaded, and i would only feel comfortable if it was someone i know and love, AND who asked first.

kids are an exception, whether they know me or not.

also, at this stage when i barely feel pregnant in an outward way, it would be very awkward. later, when there's baby there to share, it will feel different i think.

me+him for 15 yrs, welcomed our little one march 25th, 2010.

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#11 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 11:24 AM
 
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I very very rarely have other people touch my belly. I was at the doc's the other day for something unrelated, and was a little surprised when she gave my belly a quick rub and asked about the baby, right after she finished with my exam. It just doesn't happen much. It is a little striking, as we grow up not being touched like that by just anyone.

My oldest child drive me a little crazy with the belly rubs, because it's not just that she'll touch my belly if we happen to be near, but I'll be walking from point A to point B, or trying to get dressed, or just otherwise doing something else, and she expected me to just stop everything I'm doing, so she can take her time and rub my belly, and talk to the baby. Can we limit this to when we're sitting on the couch together or something? Do I really have to stop going where I'm going and just stand here? So yes, I've taken to shooing her away sometimes. It's funny, her dad is the same way about hugs, and always has been. I'll be walking from one room to another, with things in my hand, and he'll get in my way and stop me, so we can have a leisurely hug, just standing there, holding each other. I like that and all, but seriously, I was on my way somewhere. I'm holding stuff. This isn't the moment to just sway and hug.
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#12 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 11:28 AM
 
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I neither love it or hate it. A lot depends on the situation and who wants to do the rubbing. I'm generally a private person and I like my personal space but I also have a strong believe that a baby growing it such a special miracle and sharing that with others can lift their spirit tremendously.

Gillian - Wife to an amazing DH, Mother to 4 wonderful kiddos . . . and now another on the way.
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#13 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 11:38 AM
 
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I honestly haven't gotten a lot of belly rubs, and this is my fourth term pregnancy.

The rubs that I've gotten didn't bother me, but I also don't mine shoulder pats, arm taps, and other physical contact when talking to people (friends, family, acquaintances, people I just met on the bus).

Julie - Mom to Elizabeth (Libby) age 6, Penelope (Penny) age 5, Elliott age 29 months, and Oscar who is 1 year old!
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#14 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 11:49 AM
 
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i didn't mind my lo's touching my bump or my sister or friend but i always felt weired if anyone else did b who used to run the parent and baby/toddler groups plus one of the other mumns who i didn't really know that well would do it all the time and i didn't like it, it just didn't feel right.

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#15 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 11:58 AM
 
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The only it's okay is when it's DH or my children. I have SPD, and being touched is really disconcerting/painful a lot of the time, plus I just don't like being touched all that much. So, it really upsets me. Although I did have one exception to that. When I was pregnant with my 2nd, I flew home to visit family by myself. There were a couple of women whom I think were Hindu (I don't know for sure) on the plane, and when we were disembarking one of them turned and lightly touched my belly and said "Bless your baby." For some reason, her sentiment and desire to give me something special really touched me. But, any other time, I despise it.

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#16 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 12:15 PM
 
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I HATE IT

I am fine with my Ds and my nephews touching my belly. I cannot stand it when my fiance, or any other family touching it but children are fine. I am very much into personal space as a PP said when I become pregnant (maybe it is my mama bear creeping in ) I will not even know I am pregnant yet and I have the strange do not come near me feeling! It someone just lays their hand on my belly for a few moments I am fine but a rub or laying their hand there for more than a few moments not happening! I actually feel bad because I know stbdh would LOVE to not feel bad touching my belly I let him as I know it makes him feel as though he is bonding but I cringe inside

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#17 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 03:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Veronika01 View Post
The only people I like touching me is my dh and my children. Anyone else needs to respect my personal space and back off. So yeah, I hate it from strangers and family (outside of my own little one) alike. Touch me and die, LOL.


I don't mind if DH touches me... but no one else. My mother is already rubbing (I'm 9 wks- only chub so far) and it drives me nuts. I know friends and strangers doing it once I start to grow a real belly will irk me too

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#18 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 03:22 PM
 
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I don't like to be touched by people I don't know. Or people who aren't in my immediate family. .

In this pregnancy so far, often I don't really want to be touched by my husband, so I think it boils down to just not wanting to be touched at all. It's probably because of the nausea. I don't like to be touched when I'm sick either.

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#19 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 03:59 PM
 
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I really like when people touch or rub my belly. I'd probably get pretty mad if a stranger came up and did it, but friends and family are more than welcome and often encouraged to. I also really like it when people talk to my belly too.

Jackson Steven born 02/24/10! <3
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#20 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 04:00 PM
 
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I just like my personal space, I don't want anyone other then my DH touching my stomach but to be honest I have always hated my stomach being touched- pregnant or not. . :P

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#21 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 04:12 PM
 
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Here's what I just posted in my DDC. I think for some people, pregnancy makes them want to just embrace the whole world. Personally, pregnancy makes me feel very private and anti-social. I don't even want to go out to the grocery store most day, just because being around so many people kindof annoys me

While pregnant, I am a lot less tolerant of touch period, and I don't like ANYONE rubbing my stomach. Not friends, not family, nobody. This is partially because, yes, right now my stomach is mostly just flabbiness-- but even when it gets bigger and more "toned" seeming, I view the belly-rubbing as just one more way that society stops viewing mothers as personal agents and more as just... vessels, or something. I mean, if a stranger (or even a friend/family member) came up to me non-pregnant and rubbed my stomach? Totally inappropriate and weird. Pregnant, and it just seems "cute" to people If Dh just walks by and pats me as says, "How's the baby?" then that's great and cute-- but the guys you see on baby story sometimes who spend the whole OB appt or lamaze class or whatever just rubbing and rubbing and rubbing the wife's stomach? Not cool with me at all.

Now, once baby is kicking, I certainly expect that my mother/sister/etc will want to feel some kicking, which (though, still, I find it weird!) I don't mind if they ask.

Oh-- one exception. I don't mind children touching my stomach at all. DD I don't mind (of course!) but a little boy on the playground reached up and patted me when he heard me say I had a baby in there, and that just seemed cute.

Aspiring to 1 Thessalonians 4:11.Wife to Dh, 2004. Mother to DD 3/07.
So thankful for our healthy baby boy, born Easter morning, 2010!
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#22 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 04:55 PM
 
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I put other.

Belly rubbing has no relevance to me at all. I don't think anything of it when it happens and it certainly doesn't dwell on my mind.

It's clearly a personal space issue for those that hate. Some people don't want to be touched by others. No biggie. For me, if it makes you happy to touch my pregnant belly then go right ahead. I really don't care.
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#23 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 05:18 PM
 
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I put other. Friends and family are welcome to rub my belly. Strangers are just NOT.

Homeschooling mama to DD 3/28/06 reading.gif,  DS 2/27/10 coolshine.gif, Belle the Orange Dog 03/11, and DD babygirl.gif 10/03/2013.
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#24 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 05:46 PM
 
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I don't mind if it's someone I know and they specifically ask beforehand if they can feel the baby move. I love sharing the baby's movements. I do not like just random touches or rubs unless it's Dh or Dd. It's my stomach! I don't know it just feels like an invasion of my personal space. I have a couple of people in my life who touch/rub my stomach every time I see them. and if I'm resting my hand on my stomach, they immediately come over and starting touching it too so they can feel the baby move - when usually he's not even moving. I would just like to be able to touch my own stomach without that being an invitation for every one else to do it. I'm too passive to say anything about it to them, because i'm afraid of looking cranky.


Whew, sorry I guess I needed to vent.

Wife to J. Mama to DD(3yo) & DS(1yo)
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#25 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 06:07 PM
 
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I didn't mind people touching my stomach, but my father in law would touch and linger, which creeped me out. It would put his hand on my stomach and just stand there rubbing, made me feel slightly violated. Dh finally said had to say something to him about it! After those experiences my rule was "no lingering".

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#26 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 06:55 PM
 
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After having a 2nd trimester loss and a subsequent miscarriage, I would maybe stare a little too long at pregnant women in the grocery... but I would never touch their belly. To co-workers I would ask if I could touch their belly, but wouldn't linger (then the tears would come)...

With this pregnancy I am sure to proudly display my growing belly. I don't mind lingering stares, instead I greet them with a smile! So far only one touch from a co-worker which was unexpected, but comforting...

Just remember that many women (and men) have been touched by loss and are jealous of your growing bump. Sometimes a touch is the only thing they have to connect them to the little one that they have lost.

Momma to Teo born March 2010 and fur babies:. Devoted wife to "Hubby of the Year."
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#27 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 07:16 PM
 
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The first person, other than my husband, to tough my belly when I was pregnant with my daughter was my brother's girlfriend. She lives in Mexico and she told me that there it is considered good luck if someone rubs your belly when you are pregnant. So, even though I am a very private person and must have my personal space, I always remember that when someone touches my belly and enjoy.

SAHM to DD (May/07) and DS (Jan/10)
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#28 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 08:14 PM
 
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I *hate* it. But only because I am NOT a touchy feely person at all when I'm not pregnant so random people touching my belly just icks me out.

SAHM to my sweet girl born in fall 2009

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#29 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 09:09 PM
 
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I chose "other." I hate it if it's a stranger--if you don't know me well enough to give me a hug, you have no business rubbing my belly. I don't particularly like when friends/relatives do it, but I don't hate it as an invasion of space like I would a stranger. I would prefer if ANYONE would ask, then a gentle pat if I give permission.

The funny thing is, I'm generally an especially touchy-feely type person, but I get picky about who touches me and how when I'm pregnant.

Amy loving DH 5/04, raising DD 2/05 and DS 11/09; missing my mom& my babies 6/07, 12/07; and on the side
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#30 of 66 Old 10-03-2009, 09:15 PM
 
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i don't mind it,myself, either, but i may feel differently if it had happened a whole lot?

Erin, 33, salty southern mama, sitting by the sea with my DH35, DD10, DS4, &DD2!
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