When did you tell your kids? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 23 Old 01-16-2010, 12:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm just over 8 weeks and have been so nervous to tell DS, 33 months, that he's going to be a big brother. I just don't want to have a m/c and have him go through that as well. I don't think I will and I feel pretty optimistic and my HCG was over 95,000 on Monday. But, I'm still not sure I want to do it yet.

We have an u/s scheduled in 3 weeks and I think I want him to come to that, but since we haven't had one yet, I'm nervous something will be wrong and we'll find out with him there.

On the other hand, I'm really itching to tell him as my body has changed dramatically and I worry that he notices and thinks I look like other pregnant people he knows. And, I worry that someone will slip and say something to him, forgetting he doesn't know. And, that would be a horrible way to find out.

Any ideas on the best way to tell a toddler? And, when did you/will you do it?

Megan-39, Postpartum Doula, DW to Sacha-40 (18 years together) and Mama to Finn Alexander born 4/2/07 and Zivia Littlewood born 8/23/10

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#2 of 23 Old 01-16-2010, 12:55 AM
 
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we told DD at our first ultrasound at 8 weeks. We didn't tell anyone else until after we told her.

Mom to Morgan 4-3-06 and announcing Baby Kelsey 4-11-10
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#3 of 23 Old 01-16-2010, 01:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by snoopy5386 View Post
we told DD at our first ultrasound at 8 weeks. We didn't tell anyone else until after we told her.
You mean after or you took her and told her there?

Megan-39, Postpartum Doula, DW to Sacha-40 (18 years together) and Mama to Finn Alexander born 4/2/07 and Zivia Littlewood born 8/23/10

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#4 of 23 Old 01-16-2010, 01:02 AM
 
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We prefer not to tell people for as long as possible (BTDT with the "not so supportive" reactions after miscarriages- opposite of what we all expect!), and so we chose not to tell DD (3.5 at the time...DD2 was only 14-15 months so didn't make much difference to her) until we were ready to tell everyone else. Otherwise she would have announced it for us. Plus I can't imagine having to explain miscarriage to her. It's hard enough on me, as an adult.

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#5 of 23 Old 01-16-2010, 01:04 AM
 
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ds is 6, and we opted to tell him right away when I found out at 4.5 weeks.
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#6 of 23 Old 01-16-2010, 01:16 AM
 
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We told DD (3.5) right away. Well, not so much told as she guessed. I suppose we past the stage of being able to talk in code without her catching on

She's really excited. She's wanted me to have a baby for a while. She's really into baby dolls and stuff right now. If anything were to happen, we would deal with it as it came. I think I could explain to DD that the baby wasn't ready to come (or something along those lines) without getting into detail. I can't imagine hiding it in my own home....especially the way I've been feeling.

Happily unmarried to DP guitar.gifParenting: DD (March '06) energy.gifwaterbirth.jpg, DS (August '10) fly-by-nursing1.giffamilybed1.gifhomebirth.jpg, and our furry kids dog2.gifGuiney Pig, dog2.gifPo the POlice, and cat.gifMrs. Puff. Loving WAHM life in the Mortgage Bizz with DP.

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#7 of 23 Old 01-16-2010, 01:39 AM
 
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with my 2nd, we told DD (18 mo) nearly right away.. figured she didn't get it anyway.. with this one (5 wk 2days now) we have not told the kids.. DD is almost 4 and DS is 20 months.. he would not have a clue, but DD would be telling everyone i'm sure.. i'm waiting until i would be ok with everyone knowing to tell her, and i'd like to wait until we've heard the heartbeat

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#8 of 23 Old 01-16-2010, 03:09 AM
 
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We told DS1 right away with our two subsequent pregnancies. We always tell our parents right away and wanted to be able to tell him ourselves before someone else did. As for miscarriage, we would take the "fact of life" approach, although I would feel sad about it.
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#9 of 23 Old 01-16-2010, 11:46 AM
 
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DS turned 7 two days ago and DD is 4.5 and we are waiting to tell them until we are ready to tell our families... probably right around 8 weeks.

I would tell them if I trusted them not to get overly excited and talk about nothing but babies for the next several years, but that isnt going to happen.

They have been asking me when they will have another little brother/sister and remind me DAILY that they want one. Last night my son told me he will be sad if he does not have another brother or sister by the time he is ten... all I said was... mommy will be sad too if that happens hun.

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#10 of 23 Old 01-16-2010, 11:46 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by megan sacha View Post
You mean after or you took her and told her there?
we took her and told her there. We figured she was young enough to not have a clue of what she was looking at on the screen. We told her the doctors needed to take a picture inside Mommy's belly.
If something had gone wrong and we found out at the u/s we would have just had to have held it together until we got home.

Mom to Morgan 4-3-06 and announcing Baby Kelsey 4-11-10
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#11 of 23 Old 01-16-2010, 12:48 PM
 
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I don't tell until later. DD1 was 5 when I got pg with DS, DD2 was 2, and I waited until 15 weeks or later to tell them. I did have a belly but they really didn't notice.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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#12 of 23 Old 01-16-2010, 01:18 PM
 
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We didn't really discuss when to tell DD (just turning four when I got pregnant), but she guessed at about 10 weeks. I was shocked. She just looked at me one day and said "Your belly's getting big... you've got a baby in there!" I was too floored to deny it.

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#13 of 23 Old 01-16-2010, 03:24 PM
 
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We told them when I was in the 2nd month. I was very, very sick from morning sickness and they were wondering what was up.

Proud *single* mom to 3 amazing kiddos
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#14 of 23 Old 01-16-2010, 06:22 PM
 
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We told DD immediately, but she was 5 and old enough to understand that sometimes babies die before they're born or sometimes they don't grow into babies the way they're supposed to, so if I'd had a miscarriage she would've understood and I doubt she would've been overly distraught about it.
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#15 of 23 Old 01-16-2010, 09:13 PM
 
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We'll be telling our two, who will be 6 and 3, after my viability U/S at 7 weeks, provided we see a heartbeat. I've had three early losses and they were hard enough, without having to explain to the kids. We've been, well, not so cautious about talking about it around them, and both of the kids have asked if I've got a baby in my tummy. I've kinda said, something vague like "we hope so soon!" or "wouldn't that be fun!" I think they have a good idea something is up. And they are super excited to have a baby in the house! DS keeps telling me that we are having two babies next, a boy and a girl...

sleepytime.gifC.- WOHM, CPST Instructor, and all around busy Mama to  blowkiss.gifA.- 02/04, bouncy.gif I. 01/07,babyf.gifE. 09/10 and

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#16 of 23 Old 01-16-2010, 09:40 PM
 
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We were kind of like Plummeting though we talked more about how there was a baby for now that we will be more sure of it becoming a sibling later on. Something like that. She was the first person we told.

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#17 of 23 Old 01-17-2010, 01:13 AM
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we told our twin girls about their first brother right after the 12w mark, and just before we told my parents. we told them about the next one when I found out i was pg at 9.5 weeks. it was very obvious and I couldn't hide it. they came with me to both the u/s appts and saw it with their own eyes. We made sure to tell them first out of respect and to answer any questions they may have had.

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#18 of 23 Old 01-17-2010, 02:06 AM
 
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I told my sons when I started getting a little morning sickness. They worry about me and thought I was really sick (my morning sickness was actually pretty light this time around).. it eased their minds though.. my 4yo is AWFULLY protective of my belly- he kisses it all the time and likes to rub on the belly balm!

I also told them though with the baby this summer.. (m/c in July).. but that was because I was having problems and having blood draws and medication, and again, they were worried..
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#19 of 23 Old 01-17-2010, 10:38 AM
 
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Wow, it seems like I'm out of the norm here- we're not telling our dd (3) until next week after our 20wk ultrasound. We haven't been like hush hush around her, but we figured knowing the sex (hopefully) and making it a little closer to time would make it easier to explain to her.

Mother to Elsa b. 12/06 and expecting a new one 6/10. Partner to Josh and love our two cats, Bert N Ernie.
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#20 of 23 Old 01-17-2010, 11:20 AM
 
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Right away. Despite my many miscarriages. If I lost the baby, I simply told DS the baby was no longer there. Of course this time around he has been able to enjoy the growth as well as this one stuck!

Mummy me : > Thats Ann! and my beautiful SONS Duncanand Hamish 19/09/05 & 22/04/10!
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#21 of 23 Old 01-17-2010, 12:10 PM
 
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We've decided not to tell our kids until we're out of the first trimester... Either that or when I can no longer hide it from them, which I don't think will be long this time around.

My 8 year old took it really hard when we lost the baby in October. He's just now coming to terms with it actually... Not that we can be 100% sure we're safe after the first tri, but I only made it to 10 weeks before we found out we had a missed m/c and baby stopped growing at 7 weeks.

We haven't even told family yet. Like, not even our moms.... Not that I'm paranoid, but I just wouldn't want to hear all the "I told you to give it more time", if it wasn't meant to be...

Happy to be knocked up!
Caoimhe; happily married to Darren, and expecting our first 2gether!
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#22 of 23 Old 01-17-2010, 01:33 PM
 
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We ended up telling kids and my family yesterday, will be telling his tomorrow. Im not even 6 weeks yet, so scared something will happen, but its best that they know...

We will also get the we told you to wait crap but oh well. We are adults, we did what WE wanted and what was right for US. They cant tell us what to do anymore.

Ended up also having to tell my dress maker for our wedding as she was talking about going to buy the pattern this weekend... so we have redesigned my dress (basically just moving the waist up and getting rid of the petticoat underneath lol)

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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#23 of 23 Old 01-17-2010, 02:53 PM
 
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I told our 26 month old DD at 10 weeks, but I don't think she really gets it. When I ask her about the baby, she points to her own belly.

Amy (34): mommy to DD1 (11/07) and DD2 (7/10), wife, wohm, and wannabe suburban homesteader.
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