She was the apprentice midwife in my team of three for my first birth in 2007, was pretty much given the lead, caught my daughter, and I felt far more connected to her, than to the much more experienced midwife who was technically head of our team. Though I knew that she was less experienced overall, I decided to follow her to her new practice for this birth.
At the new practice, the team was three full fledged midwives, all three were in the same graduating class, so equally "new."
Now, I've lost the one person I had the original connection with, and while I do feel like I have a good connection with the other two, it's still frustrating and hard and a little scary to have to start all over.
We were at a freestanding birth center the first time, basically a homebirth but in someone else's house, and this time we're planning a real homebirth.
I just feel a little, um, challenged by my whole situation. It's been such a rollercoaster already, and we're not even halfway there. First there was the fact that this pregnancy happened with an IUD in place, and I had to go through coming to terms with being pregnant in the first place (when we did not intend any more children), an initial ultrasound that couldn't see ANYTHING (so there was a possibility of an ectopic), getting the IUD removed (which SUCKED and was really emotionally stressful, not knowing where the pregnancy was and whether i could be doing harm just by getting the IUD out, on top of the pain of it), waiting another week to find out at the next US that it wasn't ectopic, but it WAS a week and a half earlier than my LMP would have said (so the first trimester felt like it took an EXTRA long time), getting through the zombie like feelings of seasickness and fatigue, while feeling almost nothing positive about being pregnant at all....just when I finally heard the heartbeat, started to feel movement, and both my husband and I started to actually feel excitement and joy about the pregnancy...BOOM, my midwife dies, and it's another crazy rollercoaster ride.
I don't know what I want to hear. I guess I need to reassure myself that homebirth is the right choice, and that I can trust these midwives to be prepared to care for my birth. I think I also just need to embrace the fact that this baby is here and is going to challenge us, but that we are going to come out the other side joyful and united. I'm almost there and believing it. But it's been a crazy few months already.
Becky, sahm to 25/04/2000 Chloe 12/04/2002 Cameron 19/02/2004 Caitlin 28/06/2005 24/07/2006 and Caden 14/03/2008
19.05.2012 18.08.2012 24.05.2013 25.6.2013 04.09.2014
I think you should just follow your own instincts about whether or not to stay with the practice, or go with a different one. Things are still early, and you may gain in confidence and connection with the other midwives as time goes on. If you don't, you still have plenty of time to find a new midwife.
You've been through an awful lot in this pregnancy already Mama. Be kind to yourself. You don't need to make any big decisions right now.
Mom to DS(8), DS(6), DD(4), and DS(1). "Kids do as well as they can."
My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.
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