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Old 04-12-2010, 04:39 PM
 
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I think it is rude, but usually find a reply that is equally uncomfortable. I was married, had DD1, divorced, then DD2 was a huge suprise with now DH2. Our upcoming DD3 was strageically planned out in every detail. Of course since DD2 was unplanned, people ask regularly if this one was planned. Depending on the person I usually go with something like "naw...we just planned on a few drinks, but this is where it seems to land us".....or if it is a total stranger (happened twice) I usually go with "heck no, I don't even know who this one's dad is"....of something equally as uncomfortable back. Granted, I am kind of a smart mouth by nature, but if someone wants to ask that, they are going to get a reply that fits the question. DH's buddy, after a few drinks at a function we were at, leans over and asks...."so was this one an ooops too?"...I was so pissed I whispered back "yeah...I am just hoping it is [DH]'s". The jaw drop there was well worth it.
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Old 04-12-2010, 04:48 PM
 
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When I was pregnant with #4 my MIL thought it was appropriate to ask this question. We were at a relative's baby shower. She waited until the room was silent and yelled it across the crowded room.

So embarrassing!


A few months later another relative was having a baby shower. MIL's sister asks the same question. She was discreet about it at least.


I do think it's a rather rude question.

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Old 04-12-2010, 05:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeChRi View Post
I think it is rude, but usually find a reply that is equally uncomfortable. I was married, had DD1, divorced, then DD2 was a huge suprise with now DH2. Our upcoming DD3 was strageically planned out in every detail. Of course since DD2 was unplanned, people ask regularly if this one was planned. Depending on the person I usually go with something like "naw...we just planned on a few drinks, but this is where it seems to land us".....or if it is a total stranger (happened twice) I usually go with "heck no, I don't even know who this one's dad is"....of something equally as uncomfortable back. Granted, I am kind of a smart mouth by nature, but if someone wants to ask that, they are going to get a reply that fits the question. DH's buddy, after a few drinks at a function we were at, leans over and asks...."so was this one an ooops too?"...I was so pissed I whispered back "yeah...I am just hoping it is [DH]'s". The jaw drop there was well worth it.
LOL LOL LOL!!!!!

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Old 04-12-2010, 05:18 PM
 
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If a friend is asking, I don't mind them getting personal and I answer questions like that honestly. BUt when people get *too* personal, I usually return the favor. With someone really obnoxious I would be tempted to say something like "no, the condom broke because we didn't use enough lube".

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Old 04-12-2010, 06:48 PM
 
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i LOVE some of the comebacks on here! i think next time someone asks me, i'm just going to bluntly say, "wow, do you REALLY want the details of my sex life? because that creeps me out a little." even if it's my mother-in-law. i think the question is so rude.

i got this question constantly with #1 (who, incidentally, was unplanned but very wanted). one friend asked, in front of my 6-year-old and 10-year-old cousins, if it was planned or if the condom broke or what. i was like...... excuuuuuse me? i did not have enough wit to react in any of the clever ways suggested here. another friend assumed that i only got married because i was pregnant and it was a surprise. not that there's anything wrong with that, but i got married in august of 06, and i got pregnant in march of 07, so i question this person's intelligence greatly. a lot of family members thought i was "too young." i was 24 when my daughter was born, but the way a lot of people acted you would think i was 14.

my in-laws sometimes ask nosy questions about whether or not we're going to have another one and when. and speaking of rudeness to TTC people, someone in the family said they were so happy we weren't going to have another baby any time soon, WHILE we were trying. i got pregnant about a year after we started TTC, and i was not feeling super awesome about approaching the year mark, so hearing someone act like it was a good idea that we weren't trying was just not cool. i'm dreading reactions this time because i know some people are going to be weird about it. bleh.

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Old 04-12-2010, 10:25 PM
 
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I [I]just[I] got asked this question a couple of hours ago, and I was coming here to post a thread about this very topic! This is my first pregnancy, and the first time I've been asked this question. I kinda froze and responded that yes, it was planned, which is true. But, honestly, this question really annoyed me. I think it is incredibly personal! If I want to volunteer whether my pregnancy is planned, I will do so on my own terms. Hopefully next time I will have the presence of mind to ask if it really matters!

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Old 04-12-2010, 10:43 PM
 
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Rude? Yes. Intentionally mean? Not usually, and I don't think it would bother me. I was actually expecting this question a lot and haven't heard it even once! I'm of "advanced maternal age" (whatever) and DP and I figure we'll marry one day, but it's not now. However, both of us being a little older we thought we'd see what happened... and this happened So, yes, I was expecting it, but haven't been asked this. In fact, I've been expecting a lot of weird comments/questions and haven't really gotten any! I should be glad, but when am I going to use all these great lines you ladies are giving me?!

I have been asked a couple of times if we were going to get married now, but it was really obvious that it was curiosity and not mean spirited, and since I was expecting that too I just said "nope!" with a smile. In fact, my best friend got more angry about it then I did!

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Old 04-12-2010, 10:47 PM
 
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I hate this. I have been asked this with every.single.pregnancy. Or if I say something about it being a surprise they say "well, of course it was" in this tone like what am I doing having children. That's priceless. Why would anyone *want* a child?

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Old 04-12-2010, 11:58 PM
 
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I think it's inappropriate to ask and I admit I'm sensitive to it since I've had 3 surprise pregnancies now, each time they were very obviously unplanned at difficult times in our lives and often times right after I'd been talking about how I couldn't imagine adding another child at that time.

The one planned pregnancy it didn't bother me a bit because I could say yes.

I shouldn't care what people think, but I guess it does bother me.

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Old 04-13-2010, 06:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeChRi
I think it is rude, but usually find a reply that is equally uncomfortable. I was married, had DD1, divorced, then DD2 was a huge suprise with now DH2.
That reminds me of another incident. DH and I were both married before. We had been married 5 years before deciding to TTC. So we're at an event with people who knew DH before we were married. And now we're introducing DD to people and this friend says (referring to DD), "So is she his?" (pointing to my DH). I just looked at her and said, "We've been married SEVEN years." I really chalk that one up to truly not thinking before you speak.
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Old 04-13-2010, 07:09 PM
 
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I've only been asked this once (which surprises me, because DH and I had only been ENGAGED for a week before we found out we were pregnant).

Q: Were you trying?
A: haha, no, just practicing!

I think it's a rude question though because just because it's not planned doesn't mean it's not wanted, and people I think assume that if you didn't plan it, you don't want it as much as if you did plan it.

Although, one of my friends did ask me "how do you plan an accident?" and then immediately apologize that that was rude.....but, at least she knows it was an accident but something DH and I want (obviously, I am carrying it to term....).

Jenna, Mama to my little sprocket, born at home 5/29/2010
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Old 04-13-2010, 07:40 PM
 
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Very planned We've been TTC ever since dd was born two years ago, and I've been charting ever since my first PPAF came back 9 months ago. I have PCOS and it took us 2 years to conceive dd, so we figured it would take a while this time, too.

Mama to Eleanore Rae, born April 6, 2008 & Adelaide Jane, born December 16, 2010, Cautiously expecting #3 September 10, 2013

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