Robbed! Baby name thievery. What to do? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-28-2010, 01:59 PM
 
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No one owns a name.. if you like the name like she did,.. use it.

When my SIL gave birth she named her son Evan (4 years ago). I have a 13 year old named Evan.

I didn't own the name.. If you like the name then its a good thing to use it, and not feel bad or sorry for using it, just like your relative did.

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Old 04-28-2010, 02:01 PM
 
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I will add... I dont even SHARE my daughters name with anyone out of our family... everyone else gets to know her by her nickname... because it is that important to me that it is not stolen.

If anyone on my fathers side stole it I would be seriously pissed... but on my mothers side I cant say much as they would likely have gotten it from the same source (my mothers middle name)

It doesn't exist on any baby name sites or in any popular name lists... even the ones that go over #2000

but to me it is very special due the connection to my mother who is a 2 time cancer survivor and one of my best friends. Luckily pretty much everyone in my family knows that and would never steal it.

That said, if anyone took either of my sons names I wouldn't say much (other than a joke about how similar we must be to like the same names)... Alexander is like #6 in popularity... and Matthias is rising in popularity... while still somewhat unique.

Though when DFs cousin ended up due the same day as me I did have the thought for a second to beg her not to consider Alexander...

until I realized that someone with the last name Hamilton probably should NOT name their child Alexander. (not that its a bad connection but it wouldnt be far off from naming a child Thomas Jefferson)

Luckily she never even considered it lol.

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Old 04-28-2010, 02:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CherryBomb View Post
Use it. If she gives you crap for it, be straight up and say "I told you last summer that was the name we were going to use for our son."

I had some accquaintance go absolutely batshit on me after I told her dd3's name. Apparently she had had an early m/c 8 years before. She never named the baby but apparently if she had had it and it had been a girl she would have named it Lorelai and called her Rory (we named dd3 Rory). So she accused me of intentionally stealing her dead baby's name and blah blah blah, even though I only knew she had had a m/c in passing and certainly never knew what she would have named it. She actually inevented this bizarre sceanario where I knew all this and actually hated the name Rory, but waited through my first two girls to use it for my third for no other reason but to hurt her feelings
She may have honestly thought you knew and remembered. Grief is devastating. Please don't make light of losing a wanted baby.

To the OP. I'd choose a new name. Really. I don't think having a bunch of Jacob's or any other name in one family is funny.
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Old 04-28-2010, 02:16 PM
 
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use it!!!!

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Old 04-28-2010, 02:17 PM
 
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I'd stick with the name you love.

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Originally Posted by philomom View Post
She may have honestly thought you knew and remembered. Grief is devastating. Please don't make light of losing a wanted baby.

To the OP. I'd choose a new name. Really. I don't think having a bunch of Jacob's or any other name in one family is funny.
Funny? No. But, not really a big deal either.
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Old 04-28-2010, 11:54 PM
 
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This thread has been returned after a review. Please remember as per the MDC User Agreement:

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Do not post in a disrespectful, defamatory, adversarial, baiting, harassing, offensive, insultingly sarcastic or otherwise improper manner, toward a member or other individual, including casting of suspicion upon a person, invasion of privacy, humiliation, demeaning criticism, name-calling, personal attack or in any way which violates the law.
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Old 04-29-2010, 02:02 AM
 
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So your uncle and his wife, whom you're not particularly close to, will have a kid with the same name as yours? Doesn't sound like a big deal to me. I'd still use it.

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Old 04-29-2010, 02:12 AM - Thread Starter
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Yikes! I had no idea this thread was yanked. I feel kind of like a naughty school child right now.

DH and I talked about it and we're going forward with our chosen name. We don't see them very often (they live back in Texas and we live in Brooklyn). My Gram will just have a grandchild and great-grandchild with the same name.

It's not a crazy uncommon name. It's actually pretty common - I just checked and it's been steadily in the top 30 for the past ten years at least, so . . .

It's just I can't help but going over the conversations in my head. Last August, the aunt was sitting across the table from me when my Gram asked. Also, the middle name they gave my new cousin is literally MY NAME. So not only did they swipe our baby's name, they also stole into the night with my own. At this point I'm pretty sure my uncle had no idea because I talked to my Gram today and she said she had no idea that they were going to use the name.

Also, unless you're in the September DDC you probably have no idea (and even if you are you probably don't) that I have only recently gotten back home to New York after being in the hospital for over a month in Houston following a pretty major car accident and MS flare-up while visiting a couple months ago.

Anyway, while in the hospital - once I was allowed to have visitors - my Gram, aunt, and little cousin (she's four and ADORABLE) came to visit me and while they were there I told them about how the ER doctors did an ultrasound immediately after the accident and told DH that we were having another boy, before asking whether we wanted to know or not. I made a joke about knowing what we were going to name this one. It's a big joke in our family about how it took us three weeks to decide on a name when our oldest son (now 3 1/2 years-old) was born. My aunt's response? "Yeah, ______ is a good name."

I should have known, I guess.

But I will not be deterred! Like so many of you have said, no one owns a name.

Oh, and MabMama? I'm so sorry. I would be absolutely livid if that happened to me. I'm lucky, I guess. I'm pretty sure I won the in-laws lottery.

Thanks for all the responses and amazing support, guys. I really like it here.
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Old 04-29-2010, 02:42 AM
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My dh, his brother, their dad, and their grandfather all have the same first name. It is the same as my father's middle name, which is the same as my grandfather's middle name. My father shares his first name with one of his cousins. My dad and both his siblings all have names that translate as "John" in various languages, and so did my grandmother.

No one ever bothered "explaining" it to them - they were named after people who were very important to their parents.

I don't think you should worry about drama. Name your child what you will, and it will eventually all work out.
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Old 04-29-2010, 06:35 AM
 
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Originally Posted by luckysgirl View Post
Last August, the aunt was sitting across the table from me when my Gram asked. Also, the middle name they gave my new cousin is literally MY NAME. So not only did they swipe our baby's name, they also stole into the night with my own.
Ahahahahahaahaha. Maybe they just really really like you and want to be like you.

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Old 04-29-2010, 06:47 AM - Thread Starter
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Ahahahahahaahaha. Maybe they just really really like you and want to be like you.
Who knows at this point? I've always gotten a standoffish vibe from the aunt towards nearly everyone in the family, but she always seems to seat me near her at Thanksgiving, etc.. I've never really thought about it much, but maybe you're right.

Yikes. Now I'm having Jennifer Jason Leigh in Single White Female flashbacks. Thank God I live in New York now.
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Old 04-29-2010, 10:17 AM
 
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Use it.

It was last August they asked. Maybe they forgot it was your name? I mean, I might ask someone to be polite what names they're thinking about, and then have it go right out of my head as soon as we left. (Although, after asking I wouldn't press you to tell a name if you didn't want to.)

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Old 04-29-2010, 10:38 AM
 
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personally I wouldn't just bc it turns me off if someone else in the family has my kids name... makes her/him seem not unique. If the name is common though, like Matt, by all means use it!

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Old 04-29-2010, 12:07 PM
 
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I say USE it! Before we knew we were having a girl this time (due in June) we decided on a girl name, a couple weeks after we confirmed that she was in fact a girl, my cousin (who lives in CA and we are in NC) had a baby girl and named her the same thing. I knew she was having a girl, but had NO idea she was naming her Lyla. We chatted on facebook right after she had the baby and I told her that we had picked out that name as well unknowing that she was using that name. She was by no means upset and told me I should for sure use the name because it is a beautiful name and it's not like they will see each other all that much. I think even if you guys see each other a couple times a month it would still be okay! I'm sorry she stole it though!!!
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Old 05-01-2010, 11:42 PM
 
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I always thought it was cute that my aunt has four kids that gave her grandkids.... here are the names they picked for their own kids: Ryan, Kristen and Kayla... Ryan and Kristy, and another Kayla. The only unique one was an April.
I thought it was neat that they all had such similar tastes in names.

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Old 05-02-2010, 12:04 AM
 
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I think I would use it anyway. It may be confusing occasionally, but usually the context will be clear. (People may just need a reminder.)

I have an Aunt who uses the same nicknames as my sister. So whenever I talk with my Aunts & Uncles and refer to my sister by that nickname, I usually have to clarify (my sister ____ vs. Aunt ____ )

My great-grandfather (deceased), a great-uncle, an uncle, and uncle's son (all my side) all share a name... and it happens to be the same as one of my brothers-in-law.

One of my aunts married a man who's name is the same as one of my brothers.

My father-in-law's name is the same as another of my brothers.

My husband's name is the same as yet another of my brothers. This brother was only about 4 or 5 when we got married, so at first it was "Big ____" and "Little ____". But now that my brother is 17 years old, heavier, and probably a little taller than DH, I've shifted to "Young ____" for my brother.

DH has two cousins with the same first name, but they use different nicknames. They're several years apart in age.

I worked with a woman whose name was the same as mine, just spelled a little differently. She gave her second child a good Russian name. When I got pregnant, the name I chose for a boy happened to be the English version of that same name. (It was also happened an old family name.) I felt wierd when she e-mailed asking me what names I was thinking of, but I told her and she loved it.

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Old 05-02-2010, 02:41 AM
 
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i would use it anyway. but id have to deal with some angry/bitter issues 1st because you dont do that to family. to a friend, maybe, but not family.

im having a weird but similar thing happen. everyone i know that is NOT pregnant yet, some not even in a relationship, is claiming names left and right. the conversations are going like this.

them: "do you have a name picked yet?"

me: "no not quite yet, i want to find out the gender first and make it easier to brainstorm."

them: "ok well when i have a boy im using ____ and when i have a girl it will be ___."

me: "ok, nice names"

them: "yah well dont use them"

now granted they arent names on my short or even long list. but i dont see why my neighbor or whoever can all of a sudden claim names that im not "allowed to use." like i said, you dont do that to family or best friends, but names arent copyrighted.

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Old 05-02-2010, 02:06 PM
 
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I would still use it.

if your heart is totally set and you know that your baby is named that, use it!

my three children have relatively unusual names..my 4th is already named, but if someone i knew used the name i have had chosen for over a year (well before conception) i would still use it... i would be pretty upset though.
That said, most people who are close to me already know the name of this baby and i cant imagine anyone doing that!

it just goes to show how petty and mean some people are im so sorry

 

 

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Old 05-02-2010, 04:10 PM
 
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This thread makes me want to know what this name is!!!

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Old 05-02-2010, 04:24 PM
 
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I'd use the name :-)

If it was my brother/sister, or they lived really close, then I might debate it for a bit longer, but ultimately if it's a name you love then go for it. There are lots of families about with similar / duplicated names. I know sisters called Julia and Julie, and Matt and Max, and they don't seem overly concerned.

And I also have the non-pregnant friends deciding/claiming on names, none have ever said I name I've loved but I'd hate to be in a situation where it felt like we were choosing between a name and friends/family who could get offended...
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Old 05-02-2010, 07:03 PM
 
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No matter what any kid is named there will be someone else in the world (and possibly that they know) that will have the same name. Use it and be content that you gave your child a name that you like and you think fits them. Don't worry about anyone else.

We thought our DD's name was very original and no one under 70 would have it. DH got two work announcements the month after DD was born from kids that have her name. In our playgroup there's a girl 4 years older than DD that has her name and her dad is named the same as DD's dad.

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Old 05-03-2010, 12:25 AM
 
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Totally go ahead and use it, you planned it 1st!

Just had something very similar happen to me as well. My neice is expecting her 1st and found out it is a boy. We do not see eachother that often, and when I asked her if she had chosen a name she said "yes, he's going to be named Braeden". My 3rd child, 2nd son, is named Braeden; granted he's 7 and hers isnt due till the end of June, but c'mon!!!! I said to her "you know D. and I have a Braeden, right?". Her reply was: "of course I know. I knew if I ever hade a baby boy I was going to name him either Braeden, or Briar, the same as your boys". OMG, does the nitwit have no creative mind of her own???? Oh well, not much I can do really, other than complement myself on my skill at picking good names. She'll be the one that looks foolish since my boys are 11 and 7, and its pretty obvious who copied whom.
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Old 05-03-2010, 04:01 AM
 
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My Mom's cousin gave her daughter, who was born a few years after me, the same name I have. She checked with my my Mom first, which was nice. They decided it was fine since we were in different parts of the country. When we grew up my same-named 2nd cousin moved to our state, and we became close. We really enjoy having the same name. It is a neat bond. So I say, go for it, use the name, but if you can, find a way to make peace with it so the little ones will have peace with it too.

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Old 05-03-2010, 04:10 AM
 
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I would name my kid whatever I wanted, no matter what your nephew is named.
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Old 05-03-2010, 05:13 AM
 
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OP-- Have you considered that maybe your chosen name was already on their list when you said you liked it?

I'm not sure whether I would use it or not. It would depend on whether I could use it and not feel any animosity or upset regarding the name and the two babies having the same name. If I could-- great, I'd use it, if not, then no.

As my DH and I try and wade through name options for our second boy, we keep running into the problem where one of his friends from grad school or college has already used a name we love (I swear, they all have had boys!). We may end up choosing a name that someone else we know has already used and, well, that's life. Just because we are having a boy after them doesn't mean we shouldn't be able to use a name we love (this is my theory, anyway, DH may need some convincing ).
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Old 05-03-2010, 05:33 AM
 
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Three months later, they got a puppy. Guess what they named him. Yup. The name I always envisioned my fourth child (should he have been a he) having.
What name was it?
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