Robbed! Baby name thievery. What to do? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 03:54 AM - Thread Starter
Banned
 
luckysgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Brooklyn (yay!)
Posts: 81
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A little back story: My Dad's younger brother and his second wife just had their second baby (my uncle's fifth, overall). While I've never been particularly close to them, especially the new wife, we're not strangers - several thanksgiving, etc. were spent with them when I was a teenager, and his oldest child and I used to be very close friends when we were younger as well.

The new baby is a boy and when we got the call DH and I found out that they had chosen our planned name.

We're trying to be okay with this, but in my hormone-addled condition I can't help but be rather put out as when I was visiting last August while pregnant with DD (one-year this month) the new wife asked me what names we were considering and I said that we didn't really have a girl's name decided but we knew what the name would be if it was a boy. I resisted telling, but my Gram asked and I adore her so I let it slip.

So I guess what I'm asking is two things: 1) Can/do we still use the name even though they'll be so close in age? and 2) Can I beat her up for stealing my baby name when they knew that the new baby is going to be a boy and this is the name we knew we were going to use for our next son? Or would sugar in her gas tank suffice?
luckysgirl is offline  
#2 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 05:53 AM
 
sanguine_speed's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

4 kids under 10
sanguine_speed is offline  
#3 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 06:02 AM
 
Marylizah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,895
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would use the name.

You don't say what it is, but are there nicknames that work with it? You could possibly end up using a different nickname.

Also, how close do they live to you geographically? If you see them twice a year it's no big deal. And frankly, I don't think it's a big deal even if you see them every week. Unless the name is SUPER, SUPER rare like Jetplane or Stream or something like that.
Marylizah is offline  
#4 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 06:54 AM
 
russsk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Baltimore
Posts: 1,017
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So that would make the kids second cousins, or something like that? That doesn't seem too close to have the same name, although my mom and her half-sister have the same name so I might not have the right perspective on this.

Mama to DS1 (2/08) and DS2 (9/10).
russsk is offline  
#5 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 07:02 AM
 
LovnMyBoys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 495
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I say go for it. Unless you see them all the time its really not an issue.

Mama to three sweet boys ('04, '07 and the new addition arrived on Sept 8, 2010)
LovnMyBoys is offline  
#6 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 07:31 AM
 
newmommy7-08's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 405
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I say if it's the name you love use it. DH is one of 4 Bill's in his family. His dad, his uncle who's only 8years older, and his uncles son. We see them ALL THE TIME and while it can be confusing... it's workable. I have a cousin who is 6 weeks older that we share names (2nd cousin actually). Our moms had no idea until a month after I was born that they'd used the same names. It's only been an issue a few times in my life because I RARELY see them. We're considering a name that we'd chosen years ago even tho DH's cousin named her 2 1/2 year old the same name. We've seen them approx 5 times so far. It averages to twice a year. Family 4th of July BBQ and her moms July picnic...not really enough to cause an issue I think.

Wife (32) to DH (33) Mom to DS 2 and Twin DD's born 8/11
newmommy7-08 is offline  
#7 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 07:54 AM
 
rainbowmoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Vermont
Posts: 11,138
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
sure you can still use the name. nobody owns a name!

true story;
my SIL got mad at us when we gave our DD HER child's middle name- (RAYNE though her DD's middle name is RAIN) even though it was both my DH and SIL grandma's name. It caused so much tension and she was so mad that she stopped speaking to my DH. He unexpectedly died 2 weeks later and not on speaking terms with his sister he had been close with all their life.

lots of kids have the same name. use the name you picked. it's not worth getting upset over.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
rainbowmoon is offline  
#8 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 08:10 AM
 
GiantGi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 659
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
In 2008 I was visiting with my in laws. We were talking about if I thought we would ever have more babies. I told them I felt like one more was in my future and I wanted to name him __________.

Three months later, they got a puppy. Guess what they named him. Yup. The name I always envisioned my fourth child (should he have been a he) having.

I was devastated.

In August of last year, I had that fourth child, a baby boy. I just couldnt name him after a puppy. Everyone told me I was crazy and that I could still use the name. It didnt feel right to me. So we chose another name and after some time I am over it. This name fits him. I cant picture him with any other name.



In your case, I would say go for it though. Or pick out another much loved name to use as his first name and use the stolen name as the middle name.
GiantGi is offline  
#9 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 08:39 AM
 
Neuromancer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 1,019
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'd use the name. I have at least 6 friends named "Matt" who are all around the same age. Some of them are friends with each other. No one cares that they have the same name.

First child born March 2011.  Constantly in awe!
Neuromancer is offline  
#10 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 09:05 AM
 
MyFullHouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 593
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I say use it!

It makes perfect sense to be upset about it, but I wouldn't go so far as to changing your baby's name over it.

In my family, we have a male and female "Alex", two "Sean"s, lots of Sr./Jr.s, other namesakes... It's never been an issue. Heck, my mom's last name is my first name. My stepfather's name sounds almost exactly like my bio-father's name... which also sounds like my mother's first name!

It might feel strange at first, but it'll be perfectly normal after a while. Really!

Carrie .. 
Raising a full house- Kings (12, 3, new) over Queens (8, 7)
 
MyFullHouse is offline  
#11 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 09:22 AM
 
TheDivineMrsM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 888
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That stinks, and I would be really annoyed.

Assuming it's not against your cultural/personal beliefs to have multiple people with the same name in a family, go for it. If you love a name, use it. If your uncle and aunt ask why you used the same name, say that this was the name you planned all along.

Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. ~Dylan Thomas

 

<3 LBM <3 AHM <3

TheDivineMrsM is offline  
#12 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 09:38 AM
 
RedOakMomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: A little stone house
Posts: 6,913
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
USE THE NAME.

I was in that situation a couple of years ago. My stepbrother's girlfriend named her daughter what we'd been planning on naming OUR daughter (who was set to arrive in a few months) for five years. Five years! We'd been calling her that and everything.

I went into a flurry of work trying to find a new perfect name, and boy was I pissed that I "had" to do it. We found something similar we really liked, and went with that.

Fast forward two years (or even six months) and we shouldn't have bothered. These two girls NEVER see each other. We hardly see her. We're not close, and having the same name would have been no big deal at all.

Use the name. You'll never regret it.

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
RedOakMomma is offline  
#13 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 09:42 AM
 
Kelly1101's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 3,829
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckysgirl View Post
So I guess what I'm asking is two things: 1) Can/do we still use the name even though they'll be so close in age? and 2) Can I beat her up for stealing my baby name when they knew that the new baby is going to be a boy and this is the name we knew we were going to use for our next son? Or would sugar in her gas tank suffice?
1) Yes. You're not that close. They knew you were using the name. Use it.
2) No, but feel free to fantasize about it, hahaha

Kelly (28), in love with husband Jason (38) and our awesome babies:  Emma 4/09, and Ozzy 8/10

Kelly1101 is offline  
#14 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 09:45 AM
 
VillageMom6's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 562
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh, definitely use it, hon!

Especially since the children will have different last names, yes? Even if you lived next door to one another, it would be fine to have two distant cousins named Andrew Jones and Andrew Smith.

Be thankful that it wasn't your parents who just named their puppy your chosen name! Yikes.

Catholic homeschooling mom of two daughters and four sons... baby Mark born on 8/27/10. Kidney Disease Awareness
VillageMom6 is offline  
#15 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 09:46 AM
 
CherryBomb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Indiana
Posts: 8,143
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Use it. If she gives you crap for it, be straight up and say "I told you last summer that was the name we were going to use for our son."

I had some accquaintance go absolutely batshit on me after I told her dd3's name. Apparently she had had an early m/c 8 years before. She never named the baby but apparently if she had had it and it had been a girl she would have named it Lorelai and called her Rory (we named dd3 Rory). So she accused me of intentionally stealing her dead baby's name and blah blah blah, even though I only knew she had had a m/c in passing and certainly never knew what she would have named it. She actually inevented this bizarre sceanario where I knew all this and actually hated the name Rory, but waited through my first two girls to use it for my third for no other reason but to hurt her feelings
CherryBomb is offline  
#16 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 10:24 AM
 
BreakfastyMichele's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 214
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Absolutely use the name.

If they knew about your chosen name, they must not mind either!

Mom to a sunny toddler and a snoozy baby
BreakfastyMichele is offline  
#17 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 10:28 AM
 
triana1326's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Winthrop, Maine
Posts: 910
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MabMama View Post
In 2008 I was visiting with my in laws. We were talking about if I thought we would ever have more babies. I told them I felt like one more was in my future and I wanted to name him __________.

Three months later, they got a puppy. Guess what they named him. Yup. The name I always envisioned my fourth child (should he have been a he) having.
That sounds exactly like something my IL would do to us. not sure if yours did it out of spite, but mine would do it for that reason alone. And they wonder why I don't want them anywhere near me or my children...

hippie.gifWife to blowkiss.gifJames , treehugger.gifMama to Saraenergy.gif and Robbie bouncy.gif
knit.gifread.gifgeek.gifgd.gifh20homebirth.giffamilybed2.gif  398/2013, 2/200, 4/52

triana1326 is offline  
#18 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 10:31 AM
 
organicpapayamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,523
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would use the name still. There happen to be a ton of michaels in my family so no one thought of not using it. Not only that but as mentioned before no one owns a name. Its also evident that they knew your chosen name and thought nothing of using it so why should you second guess yourself?


BFPChart2.gif

organicpapayamama is offline  
#19 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 10:47 AM
 
MaerynPearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hubert NC
Posts: 14,540
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have two brothers with the same name... four uncles with the same name (three are my dads brothers) and an aunt and an uncle who are both andi/andy

even being super close doesnt matter. You can name your child whatever YOU want.

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
MaerynPearl is offline  
#20 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 11:02 AM
 
mizznicole's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 535
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The worst is when people take your name even when you didn't say it out loud! That happened with us. We thought the name Evangeline was pretty rare, old southern kind of name. Two other families then talked of using it, and one did! Since it rhymes with our last name, believe it or not, we aren't likely to use it anyway...but what are the odds two other families would be thinking about the same odd southern name. I guess we're not so original...
mizznicole is offline  
#21 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 11:06 AM
 
pacificbliss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Neither here nor there
Posts: 1,394
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I would use the name. Snce they chose the one you said you wanted to use I would say they are ok with it. Plus you MIGHT get the satisfaction of reminding them it was your chosen name first
pacificbliss is offline  
#22 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 11:17 AM
 
sanguine_speed's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If you do choose to use the same name, think carefully about how you will explain this to your family and your child later. It probably isn't a great idea to make it some negative kind of family lore: "well, I told them I wanted to use that name but they used it first and so I used it anyway..." It just might make things uncomfortable or weird. I'd leave it at "it's a name we liked."
These are names the children will have for life so the story won't go away over time if there is a story.
But, I'm the only person so far who said you shouldn't use the name, so I imagine others don't see this as an issue either.

4 kids under 10
sanguine_speed is offline  
#23 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 11:44 AM
 
2boyzmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Dayton, Oh WPAFB
Posts: 5,976
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was keeping my third boy's name quiet, then 6 weeks before he was due, a coworker's wife had twin boys, and named one of them the same name!! I couldn't get mad, they didn't know. But I did consider changing it. Then I decided not to, I liked the name and that was what mattered.

Use it.

Mommy to BigBoy Ian (3-17-05) ; LittleBoy Connor (3-3-07) (DiGeorge/VCFS):; BabyBoy Gavin (10-3-09) x3 AngelBaby (1-7-06)
2boyzmama is offline  
#24 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 11:44 AM
 
AmyKT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: my little corner of the world
Posts: 1,301
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm confused. Are you sure they knew you were planning to use it? You said you told your gram (grandmother?) but you didn't tell them. Maybe she didn't tell them about it? It sounds like they may not have known.

But either way, I would use it. My mother didn't give me her first choice name because her sister's husband's niece who was born at the same time had that name. So silly! They soon divorced and I've never met the girl in my life! Instead of that name, which is perfectly lovely and not represented in any of my school classes at all, I got stuck with the most popular name of the year and had to use my first and last name all through school. Yes, I'm still bitter.

Amy (34): mommy to DD1 (11/07) and DD2 (7/10), wife, wohm, and wannabe suburban homesteader.
AmyKT is offline  
#25 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 11:50 AM
 
sanguine_speed's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2boyzmama View Post
I was keeping my third boy's name quiet, then 6 weeks before he was due, a coworker's wife had twin boys, and named one of them the same name!! I couldn't get mad, they didn't know. But I did consider changing it. Then I decided not to, I liked the name and that was what mattered.

Use it.
I think a coworker is a lot different than a family member in terms of proximity.

4 kids under 10
sanguine_speed is offline  
#26 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 12:18 PM
 
starkyld's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Brooklyn
Posts: 912
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mizznicole View Post
The worst is when people take your name even when you didn't say it out loud! That happened with us. We thought the name Evangeline was pretty rare, old southern kind of name. Two other families then talked of using it, and one did! Since it rhymes with our last name, believe it or not, we aren't likely to use it anyway...but what are the odds two other families would be thinking about the same odd southern name. I guess we're not so original...
Evangeline has had a major resurgence in popularity since 2006 (see chart) and now is at its highest popularity ever. Contributing factors include evangelical Christianity, the actress Evangeline Lilly from Lost, and the rising popularity of antique traditional names in general (the popularity of names beginning with E doesn't hurt, either).

OP, I'd be hesitant about using the name your cousin just used if it's uncommon, even though you do have a legitimate grievance. Two Jacobs or Ethans or Matthews? Not a problem. Two Gilberts or Elmos? Maybe more of a problem for the distant cousins growing up.

Elated mom to Elliott (5/25/10)
starkyld is offline  
#27 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 12:26 PM
 
sanguine_speed's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh, I LOVE Elmo.
Off to add that to my list of character names in the spin-off thread

4 kids under 10
sanguine_speed is offline  
#28 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 12:48 PM
 
MammaB21's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 1,621
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm curious to know how uncommon the name is. If anyone ever used a name I'd planned on using, I'd be pretty peeved, but mostly because we chose quite unique names. It would be a highly unlikely coincidence that a family member or close friend chose the same name we did without first hearing it from us and deciding to use it. Which is just wrong in my opinion. It would be one thing if they would have asked your permission, but it sounds like maybe they heard the name and decided they liked it. On the plus side, if they went ahead and used it I'd assume they did so with the assumption that you would also be using the name very soon. Because of that, I'd go ahead and use it anyway, but the more uncommon the name the more likely it is that you'll get tons of questions about why they share such a unique name.

Happily unmarried to DP guitar.gifParenting: DD (March '06) energy.gifwaterbirth.jpg, DS (August '10) fly-by-nursing1.giffamilybed1.gifhomebirth.jpg, and our furry kids dog2.gifGuiney Pig, dog2.gifPo the POlice, and cat.gifMrs. Puff. Loving WAHM life in the Mortgage Bizz with DP.

MammaB21 is offline  
#29 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 12:50 PM
 
starkyld's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Brooklyn
Posts: 912
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sanguine_speed View Post
Oh, I LOVE Elmo.
Off to add that to my list of character names in the spin-off thread
Elmo was my grandfather's name. My husband vetoed it due to the Sesame Street connection, which makes me kind of sad even though I understand why...

Elated mom to Elliott (5/25/10)
starkyld is offline  
#30 of 56 Old 04-28-2010, 12:55 PM
 
Drummer's Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Land of Enchantment
Posts: 11,793
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I also say use it if you still love it.

ribboncesarean.gif cesareans happen.
Drummer's Wife is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off