My other kids were definitely conceived without that type of pressure.. this realization is making me a bit unhappy.
Dp is very adoring of my baby belly and talking to her and everything (he is very excited about her NOW) but the whole trying for a baby together bit wasn't working out that way really.. I mean we decided to have another baby together before we did conceive, but he kept acting like the whole deal was such a chore.. he even admits it.
I will never think, and refuse to ever think that this baby or my dd were conceived in anything but love. Dh and I love each other deeply and we love both our children even more then they will ever imagine. Will this child be any less special or loved because she was not a surprise? nope. Did her conception mean any less to us? nope, it was actually looked forward to with loving anticipation and hope. Did dh and I dtd because every other day for 2+ weeks because we passionatly needed and wanted each other? lol..not a chance, but for us dtd is still a physical manifestation of our love for each other whether or not both of us were compeltely in the mood to begin with is inconsequential in my mind.
I think its just a matter or changing your thinking. I do not believe that I will ever dtd with hubby and "know" that in that moment I conceived a child, I simply am not that type of person. For us we conceived this child in love, because we wanted her, anticpated her and looked forward to the time when she would be conceived...whether she was the result of a romantic roll in hay or if she had been an invitro baby she still would have been conceived in love...
Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds 11yo dd 9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds
And you know, there are all kinds of way to show love. Sometimes love is sucking it up and doing something even though you don't necessarily feel like doing it.
we do it for them all the time (making supper, for example. I suck it up when Im super tired just to make DF happy lol)
DS was conceived on CD #17. I was using ovulation predictor strips, and e-mailed DH at work to tell him that he'd better clear his schedule for the next several evenings, and he better be ready, because he had work to do! This was our 7th cycle trying, so he knew the drill.
I think it would be neat and cool if every baby we have was conceived from a passionate love making session, but that's just not the way life works. I prefer instead to remember that on the day we conceived DS, we'd gone on a lovely 3 mile hike with our daughter and dog, and hence, didn't have much energy for a romp in the hay.
lol That's me too.
If decomposition persists please see your necromancer.
That said, even tho it wasn't a magical special romance novel night makes our children conceived no less out of love. Because we love each other and shared in the desire to have children we went through the hell of fertility treatments. That makes the decision to have children one out of love.
I thought you were going to be posting more about an "oops" ... which is what happened with us for this baby. I have been ready for another, but dh was not on board. I was charting fertility signs to AVOID and we had a clear conversation a few days before "prime time" about him needing to use protection. Well, we had a fun night out with friends, and drinks, and .... yeah. This one was conceived. Sure it was a fun, passionate night but it's not like we made beautiful love and this little one was planned. Dh was shocked and to be honest, upset at first.
But we love eachother and he is getting excited about this baby. I've never once felt sad about how this baby happened. I believe everything happens for a reason and this baby is a wonderful blessing, yes, out of love.
Candace, Married to dh , Mom to ds (8) , Gavin (9/30/10 - 12/19/10) and cautiously expecting our 4-29-12
ds3 was after almost a year of charting/acupuncture/etc.
this baby was after several cycles of charting.
NONE of our babies were "conceived in love" the way you're portraying it, but to me they were ALL conceived in love. Dh and I love each other. Deeply. None of these babies would exist without that. And yeah...even with the strict timing of charting and TTC, even if it's a routine/chore/whatever...your dp is still participating because of a shared goal, a love for you, a love for your family...that's love. It's nothing to dismiss. Honestly, anyone can have a passionate night of sex...it's something much bigger to work together to plan a child and a family.
I really don't think it makes much of a difference how the sex went down that made your baby. What matters is that you both want this baby and are excited. This is a baby that is loved and wanted, and is all that matters.
Your child was conceived in love, even if the "love" part of the evening was planned.
Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. ~Dylan Thomas
<3 LBM <3 AHM <3
If you love each other, the baby was conceived in love in some sense. I don't think any of us want to know what our parents were thinking while we were conceived. At least I sure as hell don't
My second was an "oops". We weren't trying and didn't even think we were capable. We were both shocked and I was worried quite about about the transition and timing of it all. That said, he's been loved from the get go and is now our crazy spunky monkey.
I don't know if there is an ideal way to conceive, but really in the long run, when you have a loving family, kids underfoot, painting the walls, demanding you non-stop, smothering you with slobbery kisses and making you laugh, the conception for me, is small potatoes.
but it was his first time home since going to Iraq! No one would blame me, I know!
The decision to leave it up to fate came towards the end in a conversation along the lines of.
"Is it safe?"
"No, I ovulate in like three days"
"Oh... Uh... I dont care?"
"Yeah, I dont either"
if it was any of the times after that it was just still not caring.
Until the day after O when he wouldnt so much as touch me because he was starting to have second thoughts and I laughed and told him it was too late anyway (but he still wouldnt do anything until the next day darn him!)
Baby 3 was concieved the old fashoned way, but I found out a few months later that DH was fooling around AGAIN, and I filed divorce even before that little guy was born. It was a difficult pregnancy, I did not want to be pregnant in that sitsuation. All of my guys are happy, well adjusted and well loved. I don't think the 'conceived in love' thing really would have made any difference...We'll see, the little one I am carrying now was concieved in love in a moment of "oops, did we forget the condom?' passion.
DH&Me Christ follower, homeschooler, gardener, (insert lots of additional crunchiness here) chicken mama, & occasionally blogger. Mama of boys 9,7,3.5,&11months....& SURPRISE expecting a BOY in November! 7 sweet-babes gone too soon.
Theres a huge difference between asking them to DTD when they arent in the mood and demanding they do or you will cheat on them/leave them which I am nearly POSITIVE none of the ladies on this thread have done to their hubbies, nor would do.
Im sure, if the hubby resisted enough, all of them would back off. I know if DF is REALLY not in the mood, I back off. Hes the same. But if we dont at least approach the subject when the other isnt in the mood... our moods would rarely match up.
Im quite offended by the suggestion that trying to get your spouse/SO to DTD when they arent the one immediately approaching the subject is degrading.