Previous Miscarriage, Trying Not To Worry During First Trimester. Help!!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 28 Old 05-19-2010, 09:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How do I keep from worrying that any second I could start bleeding and have another miscarriage like last time?

I am 6 weeks along now and still have a long way to go till 13 weeks when I'm officially out of the "danger zone" 1st Trimester.

Does anyone know the stats as to the potential for multiple miscarriages? Since I had one last time does that make me MORE or LESS likely to have one this pregnancy?

What do (did) you do during your first few weeks to NOT freak out over miscarriage thoughts?

I'm doing ok so far....but it's always there in the back of my mind...morning, noon and night!

I'm trying to think positively and tell myself that because I already suffered once that it's going to be ok this time around and I'll make it past these fragile weeks where the worst could happen, but it is very difficult when it's something you've been wanting for so long and you are finally there and it could be taken away at the drop of a hat without warning and there's nothing anyone (even doctors/medical professionals) can do! Arg!!!

I went and treated myself today to a pedicure and got my nails filled (my OB said it's fine to keep getting my nails done and even color my hair during pregnancy.....incase you were wondering) and she did a hand/arm massage as well (upon request) and that along with that awesome vibrating chair during the pedi REALLY did help ease the tension and stress and make me more relaxed today!

But even though I was super pampered and physically feel amazing, I still can't help but have sad/negative thoughts from time to time about the possibility of losing this baby! I'm still pretty early on in my pregnancy....only a few days past where I had the miscarriage last time around, so I don't feel safe yet.

Any suggestions, ideas, tips, stats you think would help me out?
Thanks in advance fellow Mommas and Mommy's to be.

Leanne wash.gif 34, SAHM married 15 yrs to Josh geek.gif, 37.  brokenheart.gif 8/08, brokenheart.gif 7/10, babyboy.gif born 2/18/12 and brokenheart.gif 4/14. photosmile3.gif 
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#2 of 28 Old 05-19-2010, 10:12 PM
 
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I don't know if there's anything you can do to stop worrying. I worried all through the first trimester...even when I was sick or had strong symptoms, and ESPECIALLY on days when the symptoms lessened.

To answer your question...as far as I know (and this is from my OB), you do not have a higher risk of m/c. My OB said something really comforting to me after my m/c and when we found out I was pregnant again. "There's no reason to think this won't be a healthy pregnancy." That became my mantra in the first trimester.

Most women, if they try to get pregnant long enough, will have a m/c. Many have had one and didn't know it. I'm sorry for your loss, I'm not trying to diminish it, but try to trust your body on this one. One loss does not mean you're more prone to lose again.

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
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#3 of 28 Old 05-19-2010, 10:15 PM
 
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I know this may sound not realistic BUT hear me out...

in order to stay sane and grounded while you wait to pass the first tri, and so on without a bump on the path, remember that there is nothing you can do, and thinking about stats and what may happen will only cause stress within your system, it may even become an obsessive thought, altering your moods ect... so your life revolves around THAT, BUT there is another way, and that is to: LIVE your life as if you were pregnant or not pregnant as being irrelevent, your whole life does not revolve around your pregnancy- it is a very exciting time but it has to be in perspective, as I have done, just live, do what you love to do, and let natures ebb and flow create your baby, be indifferent to your fears, remember most miscarriages happen becuase the baby was not formed correctly- most people do not want to go through that because its like they have lost something, creating a baby is like trial and error, we dont always get it right, so we have to start again- just for the sperm to find the egg is a miracle in itself, its like a tiny little bird flying through the grand canyon and the egg is hiding in a cave some where, what are the chances? and then everything has to go according to the blueprint, a mistake? a miscarriage. So, the more we see the big picture the better we can feel about natures way- Gods way. Just live as you, and if a baby comes, what a bonus and a blessing! Quiet your mind and live each moment fully and don't waste it on worry. Lots of Love to YOU.

Ps. I get the feeling everything will be just fine ~*~*~*~
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#4 of 28 Old 05-19-2010, 10:22 PM
 
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I love what became your Mantra RedOakMama.... Try to adopt that too MountainMama, it has a very calming effect.
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#5 of 28 Old 05-19-2010, 11:57 PM
 
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my former OB also told me that one miscarriage does not make you any more likely to have another .. for me, my 1st pregnancy after my miscarriage, an early u/s to see the heartbeat helped.. after that, buying a dopper helped.. i freaked out a LOT with this pregnancy but tried to take comfort in the statistical likely hood that this baby would be just fine, and at about 9 weeks i was able to find the HB with my doppler and that helped a TON (no early u/s this time)

i'm not really a sit back and trust that everything will be fine or will be what it is or wahtever type of person..the doppler was absolutely necessary for me. . i needed something to calm me down because i could not function.. i would get so upset and angry thinking about how horrible i was feeling (morning sickness etc) and how if this was all for nothing i could not handle that.. but every time i heard the heartbeat, i felt better... i was willing to wait it out until 8-9 weeks but that was my limit..

- Staci, Mommy to Mollie (3/06), Jamie (5/08), Annie (9/10) and Bently (2/13) chicken3.gif
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#6 of 28 Old 05-20-2010, 12:13 AM
 
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It's a really really really hard place to be (I'm there right now). I don't have any great way of handling the early weeks but I guess the only silver lining is that I've had a few shots at trying to see what works for me.
It's impossible to not think bad things after you've had 3 m/c's, there's just no happy it'll never happen to you again face to put on. BUT the thing that's getting me though is to not allow myself to get into obsessive thought. Meaning, if I'm thinking bad things that's ok, but I have to say ok that's enough and even if I don't think good things I just clear my mind. I cannot allow myself to lay in bed for hours and cry about things. If that's needed, there will be time for it, but it's not now.
It's hard because there is no magic wand. I'm just taking it a day at a time, trying to not think about it. Not fancy but it's gotten me though the past week!

Jessica, wife to Greg since 7/04, mama to the rainbow1284.gif Gman 7/06, 3 brokenheart.gif , rainbow1284.gif Asher 1/11 and a wonderful surprise due in August!

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#7 of 28 Old 05-20-2010, 01:25 AM
 
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I have not experienced a miscarriage, but several close friends had late loses around the time I was trying for this current pregnancy, and that combined with my own high anxiety level and the spotting that I've dealt with for the last few weeks has led me to be a bit of a nervous wreck.... Nothing totally takes it away, but the two things that have helped me the most are 1) to focus on the now--I don't know if I'll be pregnant tomorrow, but I am right now, and that's an amazing thing (this came from another MDC mama) and 2) at a certain point I realized that the amount of worry I was having was unhealthy for me and the baby, and I decided I had to commit to being more positive just the way I commit to taking my prenatals every day. It has helped a bit.

Happy and healthy pregnancy to you!

lucky mom to Oliver, 8/6/07, and Finn, 11/28/10, and wife to DH
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#8 of 28 Old 05-20-2010, 02:45 AM
 
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This is definitely a tough place to be!

For me, I did a few things. I work in mental health with an incredibly supportive team, so I told them I was hugely anxious, which took some pressure off at work. I also had a post-it on my computer that said "Be calm, hope, breathe" to remind me to enjoy the pregnancy and to manage my anxiety. On top of that, I took anti-depressants, which I know is not the choice for everyone (and I was already on them since the miscarriage).

Hang in there! It's definitely worrying, but you can get through it!

Mum to Quinn, Aug 14th 2010
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#9 of 28 Old 05-20-2010, 09:49 AM
 
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I think it's nearly impossible not to worry, honestly. I lost two in a row and I've been a mess this pregnancy. I just try to take it one day at a time.
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#10 of 28 Old 05-20-2010, 11:28 AM
 
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This was said in another thread and really stuck with me:

Quote:
Originally Posted by NicolleLynne View Post
Also, try to greet each day with gratitude for the baby you're carrying. He or she is with you right now, today, make whatever time you have with your little one, in or out of the womb, the happiest and most joyful it can be.

I'm prone to worry, but keeping that in my mind helps.


As ROM said, there is no reason that you shouldn't have a healthy pregnancy.

Kelly (28), in love with husband Jason (38) and our awesome babies:  Emma 4/09, and Ozzy 8/10

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#11 of 28 Old 05-20-2010, 01:02 PM
 
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Just wanted to let you know that I TOTALLY understand what you are going through right now. I had three miscarriages but am now 12.5 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby I know its hard to stay positive but that's really all you can do, right? And the positive energy will be good for both of you.

My midwife told me you are not more likely to have two if you had one. This could be your baby!!

I'll be thinking about you!!

8/2008, 1/2009 and 5/2009... Expecting first baby November 28ish, 2010!!!! So excited!
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#12 of 28 Old 05-20-2010, 01:44 PM
 
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It IS hard not to worry. I think the best thing you can do for peace of mine (at least for me) is get an early ultrasound. Once you see/hear that heartbeat, it makes it much easier to believe everything will be OK!

You don't say what kind of miscarriage you had. I'm not sure if it even makes a difference, but I know that blighted ovums and psyiological defects (I've had one of each) are NOT likely to recur. They are one off issues that occur at conception.

I had a blighted ovum in 9/05, a healthy baby boy 2/07, and a fetus that stopped developing for unknown reasons in 9/09. I am now 13 weeks pregnant with what seems like it will be another happy healthy baby by November. I have a friend who has had three m/c and 3 healthy babies, interspersed. Just some anecdotal evidence that this pregnancy will go just great!

After my first m/c, I read a great book by a medical journalist (I can not remember the title or author and a search of Amazon was fruitless) who reviewed study after study regarding miscarriage, it's causes, and "cures". He concluded it was very difficult to either prevent or cause miscarriage, esp. those of unknown origin. I don't know if that will be helpful to you or not; it brought me some comfort to know it was out of my hands and that worrying wouldn't change anything.

Karen love.gif James -- DS drum.gif (2/07) DD baby.gif (11/05/10) angel1.gif (9/05) (10/09)
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#13 of 28 Old 05-20-2010, 02:11 PM
 
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I had two miscarriages between my daughter and this pregnancy. It's really hard to have faith. I'm thrilled that this child is very acrobat like so I feel him/her moving constantly now that I'm almost to the third trimester. Very reassuring.

But yeah. You just kind of hold your breath till you get out of the first trimester. It's all we can do. Good luck!

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#14 of 28 Old 05-25-2010, 02:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank all of you ladies for all the kind words, advice, and stories regarding dealing with first trimester worries and miscarriage. I REALLY appreciate it alot! I will go back and re-read your entries as they are all very inspiring and uplifting.

I wanted to update this post by saying that I had my first (early) Ultrasound today at my OB office and got to see the sac (which looked like a black blob on the screen, only being about 6 1/2 weeks. However, the Doc said that he could see the heartbeat and the baby has a normal (slower) heartbeat for a baby of the weeks along in pregnancy that it is. It is perfectly normal and healthy....so far. He said though that just because everything is doing good today doesn't mean it is guaranteed for my next Ultrasound in 2 weeks to check the growth and baby's heartbeat again and make sure it has sped up some for 8 week normal rate.

I've been having alot of lower back cramping lately and a ton of other normal pregnancy symptoms, so that's why they did the early Ultrasound, to make sure it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy, which TG it wasn't! I had 2 cysts on my ovary though (every pregnant woman has one, it nurishes the baby until the placenta has formed and starts to function and takes over) which he said could possibly be a twin that was ectopic and attached to the ovary, but he said that was doubtful and most unlikely. Just a small chance worth mentioning. He said the back cramping is nothing to worry about, that many pregnant women have it, some to varying degrees, and that I just must have it worse than some. Not a biggie. So...I won't worry about it anymore. I just put my heating pad on my back when it bothers me too much and will keep on going!

So....as of today....May 24, 10....I am currently having a perfectly normal healthy pregnancy and baby developing nicely! Horray! Not sure if it will continue on through to the end....delivering a healthy baby, but I'm damn sure gonna try to think positive that it WILL.

I will once again update this post in 2 weeks after my next Ultrasound.

Leanne wash.gif 34, SAHM married 15 yrs to Josh geek.gif, 37.  brokenheart.gif 8/08, brokenheart.gif 7/10, babyboy.gif born 2/18/12 and brokenheart.gif 4/14. photosmile3.gif 
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#15 of 28 Old 05-25-2010, 10:29 AM
 
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I'm glad you had a positive ultrasound! I'll for another good one in two weeks and a happy and healthy 9 months.

Karen love.gif James -- DS drum.gif (2/07) DD baby.gif (11/05/10) angel1.gif (9/05) (10/09)
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#16 of 28 Old 05-25-2010, 07:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by karen1968 View Post
I'm glad you had a positive ultrasound! I'll for another good one in two weeks and a happy and healthy 9 months.
Oh thank you so much!

Leanne wash.gif 34, SAHM married 15 yrs to Josh geek.gif, 37.  brokenheart.gif 8/08, brokenheart.gif 7/10, babyboy.gif born 2/18/12 and brokenheart.gif 4/14. photosmile3.gif 
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#17 of 28 Old 05-25-2010, 07:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So the last couple of days I've been pretty dizzy, esp. today. It's not bad enough that I feel like I'm going to fall over....but on the way to feeling like it. The room isn't spinning, but if I got much dizzier it would.

I did some research and alot of preggo women said that it was dehydration and to lay with your feet elevated and rest up....and drink TONS of water to replenish your system of fluids.

Others said that it was low iron and that it could be anemia.

I called and spoke to my nurse and she said that since I was not anemic prior to pregnancy that it was most likely not that. Said it was common to get dehydrated easily in early pregnancy when the blood levels are rising to support the baby forming and that I should just drink at the very least 64 oz. of water (try to drink more even) and lay down for awhile until the dizziness went away. If it continued for a few more days to let them know.

I lay down for awhile, but ended up getting up to do work (I work at home and couldn't just take off not being online all day) and the dizziness has returned, but I've drank a 50 oz. bottle of water and a 32 oz. bottle of Gatorade (G2 low calorie) as the nurse also said that Vitamin Water was good for dehydration (as it has electrolytes) but I had G2 in the cupboard, so I drank that instead. I guess I will keep drinking more and hopefully over the next few hours into tomorrow the dizziness will go away!

I can deal with nausea. I can deal with raging hormones. I can deal with super sensitive sense of smell. But I DON'T like having to deal with extreme dizziness caused by dehydration (OR low iron) when I am drinking so much liquid that I have to pee every 15 min. It SUCKS!!!

I will keep you all posted the next few days.

Leanne wash.gif 34, SAHM married 15 yrs to Josh geek.gif, 37.  brokenheart.gif 8/08, brokenheart.gif 7/10, babyboy.gif born 2/18/12 and brokenheart.gif 4/14. photosmile3.gif 
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#18 of 28 Old 05-26-2010, 11:53 AM
 
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I'm a worrier as well. I try to maintain a levity about everything, a grtefulness and a thankfulness that this joining has happened inside me. I want it to become a baby I can raise. I want it to stick. That said, saying these things is all I can do. There isn't any reason to think this won't be a healthy pregnancy.

The difficulty and fear rises up out of past events and the tangle of emotions woven through and around the trust I have always had in my body. I, too suffered a loss, mine was at 17 weeks, long after I thought I was in the clear. I feel so tentative at times, so doubtful. I have to step back a half meter and say to myself that i have to realize that whatever happens, my partner and I will go through it together, and we will grow closer because of it.

I've had 2 successful pregnancies that've turned into 2 dear and boisterous boys. This one may be the one that adds to my brood, and I'd like to believe that it is.
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#19 of 28 Old 06-20-2010, 02:33 PM
 
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This has been a really helpful thread for me.

I'm in the same position you are, pregnant after a loss at 13 weeks. We were told the baby more than likely had chromosonal issues and stopped developing around 10-11 weeks. It was our first, after 2 normal unventful pregnancies.

I'm 38 and am overwhelmed with fear and doubt, but in the end there is nothing I can do now about it. I have my 7 week u/s next week and I hoping to see a heartbeat, and I pray that that will give me enough confidence to relax a little bit, but I'll admit, the stress and anxiety is like a blanket over me.

I've been trying to make lists of the "pros" of this pregnancy...doubling betas, high progesterone, no spotting....those clinical things that sometimes suggest a successful pregnancy. And of course, staying off of the internet is key. Googling anything pregnancy related tends to put me in a panic.

to you, and I'm glad you are doing well! I'd love to hear updates.

Michelle, Mama to ~ F (10/06) ~ S (7/08) ~ H (2/11) ~ B (11/12)
Expecting a surprise (5/15)
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#20 of 28 Old 06-20-2010, 05:46 PM
 
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finnegansmom It can be so hard, those first few weeks. I know that, for ME, it helped immensely to see/hear that heartbeat at an early ultrasound. With my second loss, with a successful pregnancy and birth in between, I'd decided not to have one. And I kicked myself later, when I started spotting and found out with an u/s at 11w that the baby had died before 8 weeks. With this pregnancy - I"m 17w3d - scheduling an 8 week ultrasound was practically the first thing I did after getting my BFP!

your u/s goes well and you have a happy and healthy nine months ahead of you!

Karen love.gif James -- DS drum.gif (2/07) DD baby.gif (11/05/10) angel1.gif (9/05) (10/09)
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#21 of 28 Old 06-20-2010, 07:18 PM
 
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I am also in the same boat. I like the advice of enjoying each day and appreciating what I have now. I think one thing that helps is trying to let go of control. If there is nothing I can do about it then I just have to trust if something bad happens DH and I will get through it. People manage to get through some amazingly difficult things. I think the number one thing that helped me when I lost my baby, and now with my current fear, is knowing I'm not alone. Not that I'd wish it on anyone, but knowing others have experienced similar things and made it through helps so much. Knowing others are there with me right now helps too.

Maybe it would help to focus on solutions rather than problems. Like make a bit of a plan for if it were to happen. Could you take off time, is it better to work, who would you want to be there for you? What else would you need? That may seem crazy and pessimistic but I think of it as more proactive. Maybe let your SO and friends/family know in advance you're a little worried and what you may need/not need in the event it happens. Not that you can know 100% how you'll feel. DH and I have talked about this a little and I've said in the event it were to happen again I'd need to not have him or anyone else in the house need anything from me for a little while. Most people close to me know from last time to just be there for me and not try and justify it or explain it away. Some people like cards and flowers and some don't because they feel it's a reminder. Knowing you have a support system in place may make it easier to relax. I don't know, there is nothing easy about it!

Congrats on your first successful US!

Hoping for the best in February 2011!
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#22 of 28 Old 06-20-2010, 07:22 PM
 
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MountainMama - the dizziness can be caused by the extreme increase in blood volume in the first tri - your blood cells have to catch up - so technically you are anemic, but it is normal to be. I'm always winded/dizzy in the first tri until the growth slows slightly and the placenta starts taking over at 12-13 weeks.

That being said, I'm in your position for pregnancy after a loss - we have had back to back m/c, one at 5w pregnant, one at 12.5 weeks. I read somewhere after our first loss that "Today, I am pregnant" mantra, and I remember using that a lot in my last pregnancy. Even though I lost the baby too, I felt really good about the time I had spent with the baby while he was here, you know? I was able to really enjoy being pregnant (well, as much as possible, I still worried a lot, but you know) and looking back, I was SO SO glad I had.

We are now pregnant again, and there is no assurance that this pregnancy will go well or badly, but I am going to enjoy the heck out of it while I can and hope and pray this is our take home baby.

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#23 of 28 Old 06-23-2010, 01:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello to all of you fellow preggos! I wanted to update you with my status so far...

I am now currently about 10 1/2 weeks and am doing well, as far as I know...although reading so many of your experiences of "found out the baby had died a couple weeks before the ultrasound" has be a little worried! Did you stop having pregnancy symptoms? I am still having alot of breast soreness, abdominal cramping (mild not severe) from the uterus growing (I hope) and morning sickness still on the incline...which is a good sign right? It's more the last week than the first few weeks of this pregnancy....so I consider that a positive thing. Am I correct? It should start tapering off though once I hit the 2nd trimester....right?

Also, I'm a little bit more worried now since I've read so many of you having your miscarriage around 12, 13 or more weeks! What the hell man? I've always heard that once you hit the 13 week mark you're pretty much in the clear.....and now....like 10 experiences of late miscarriages! I also have a friend that lost her baby at 13 weeks, so I know it happens, I just didn't know it happened so often to so many women! Now...I'm freaking out again. I was just trying to calm myself by telling myself that I'm almost 11 weeks and only have 2 weeks to go until I can relax and bam....I'm hit with all these sad stories of losses when it should have been past that for them.

I just don't know if I can bear trying again if I lose this baby. I just consider this one almost like a miracle baby because we've been TTC for so long that our fertility doc gave us only a 15% chance of conceiving per month (which means a whopping 85% chance NOT to conceive) and I just consider that really lucky in itself....so having it happen again....??? I'm not so sure. It's been such a long ordeal just getting pregnant again this time!

Well......here's to my pregnancy and HOPING that it works out for the best! I will keep everyone updated. I truly hope that all of your current pregnancies are strong and healthy as well and please keep us updated on this post as well as the weeks go on!

I will update after my 12 1/2 week ultrasound and OB Appt. on July 7.

Leanne wash.gif 34, SAHM married 15 yrs to Josh geek.gif, 37.  brokenheart.gif 8/08, brokenheart.gif 7/10, babyboy.gif born 2/18/12 and brokenheart.gif 4/14. photosmile3.gif 
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#24 of 28 Old 06-23-2010, 02:10 AM
 
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nakking but totally healthy couples with no fertility issues at 25 only have a 20% chance of conception each month - so 15% at 30 sounds about right and perfectly normal.

Rachel, knit.gifwifey to 2twins.gif (3/06), tandem nursing mama toenergy.gif(7/08) & babyboy.gif (4/11) and missing brokenheart.gif (7/09, 2/10, 7/10) 
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#25 of 28 Old 08-05-2010, 10:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I received the surprising and unthinkable news on Friday July 2 (at 12 weeks pregnant) during an ultrasound that my baby's heart (around 10 wks, 2 days) had stopped beating. A fetal demise. Had to suffer through the weekend and on Monday July 5, I had a D&C surgery to remove it. It's been a month now...doing a bit better, but still heartbroken. Looking forward to TTC again in a couple months. Need to lose the 13 lbs I gained first though.

Leanne wash.gif 34, SAHM married 15 yrs to Josh geek.gif, 37.  brokenheart.gif 8/08, brokenheart.gif 7/10, babyboy.gif born 2/18/12 and brokenheart.gif 4/14. photosmile3.gif 
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#26 of 28 Old 08-06-2010, 12:16 AM
 
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I'm so sorry that happened. Take gentle care of yourself as you heal.

lucky mom to Oliver, 8/6/07, and Finn, 11/28/10, and wife to DH
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#27 of 28 Old 08-06-2010, 09:29 AM
 
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Oh no. I'm so so sorry mama.

Take care of yourself, I'm sending you warm healing thoughts.

Michelle, Mama to ~ F (10/06) ~ S (7/08) ~ H (2/11) ~ B (11/12)
Expecting a surprise (5/15)
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#28 of 28 Old 08-06-2010, 08:18 PM
 
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Oh mama, I am so sorry for your loss, and I can literally say I know how you feel. I want to tell you my story because after 2 m/c's I have one healthy amazing DD and another babe on the way. I'm gonna tell you a long story, but there's a point to it that I hope will be helpful for you when you get pg again.

So I had 2 1st trimester m/c's over the course of 2 yrs. 1st m/c just happened... started bleeding one day, called my midwife, she told me what would happen if it really was a m/c, it happened... it was awful and of course i was heartbroken.

2nd pregnancy I was still having pregnancy symptoms (sore boobs, some nausea but mild) when i went in for the 8 wk ultrasound... baby demised at 6 weeks. I was so shocked - was only prepared for a m/c that happened the other way. Then to make things crazier, I didn't want a D&C at first, tried a few other ways to induce the m/c and that little bean held on to me (or I held onto it) so after another 2 weeks of trying I had to have a D&C anyway. Heartbroken.

Got pg a 3rd time. 1st ultrasound was fine, things looked right, fetal pole, so far so good. Now because I'd never had a healthy 8 wk ultrasound, I didn't knwo what a healthy one looked like. I'm at my 8 wk visit looking at the screen and the doc says "Well, there's the baby, there's the heartbeat... baby looks fine, so far so good. You also have a growth..." and there's this thing that's bigger than the baby that wasn't there at all at 6 wks, now is bigger than the baby. What is it? OB says "Iv'e seen it before, usually not serious, but it's worth having a Perinatal doc look at.

I start going to the perinatal doc, she names the growth (it's a chorioangioma), I look it up on the internet... and start FREAKING the F out. There's nothing they can do if it grows too big, but the good news is it's usually not a problem unless it grows a certain size.

Long story short, as the pregnancy progresses, the growth reaches that size. However, at every OB and perinatal appt, they also keep saying "The baby looks great. The baby is doing fine." They were concerned, but kept pointing out how well the baby was doing.

You know what I finally had to do, after doing as much research as possible, talking to both my docs and some midwives, and my DH and friends? I finally realized 2 things, and I SWEAR they are what got me and DD through this experience.

1) I had to accept that if things did go badly, there was nothing anyone could do about it. I'd be heartbroken, it would be ridiculously awful, but I couldn't stop it therefore I had to stop stressing myself out because stress can only make things harder. And stress CAN affect the pregnancy.

2) THE BABY WAS DOING FINE. I needed to focus on that and stop focusing on what might go wrong. I really felt like this was a big test of faith, a lot was riding on it, and I could only pass if I focused on the positive, had faith in my baby, and had faith in my body.

I *swear* that within weeks of having this serious shift in attitude, that growth started to shrink. We were now at about 6 1/2 months or so. My perinatal doc showed just how worried she was when she saw it was getting smaller and was SO relieved - she'd done a good job of staying calm and not further freaking me out, but she'd been very worried.

The growth continued to get smaller, baby continued to get bigger and be healthy, and I continued to work hard to envision a healthy fetus, pregnancy, placenta, and birth.

I should also say I have THREE friends who had late stage m/c (1 at 7 months, 2 at 8 months). So unlike most pregnant women who feel like once you're past 1st tri you're in the clear, I spent the.entire.pregnancy on edge and concerned. I didn't relax the whole time, but I DID stop myself from really stressing out, which would have taken a huge toll on my body and energy away from a fetus that needed it.

I didn't research daycare. I didn't buy much except the basics. I kept telling people "I'll believe everything's ok when I'm holding a healthy babe in my arms". But I continued to have faith.

So my learning was, if you can't change the outcome, you MUST learn to live with whatever is happening, focus on the positive, look for support, and hope for the best. And BELIEVE you will be ok no matter what, because somehow you will.

I'm now almost out of the 1st tri with a new babe, and I have the same attitude. 1st ultrasound there was yet ANOTHER mystery mass. At first I was like "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!" But I remembered what I'd learned and said "Baby looks fine, I will not be held captive by another mystery mass." As of 2nd ultrasound, looks like it's already not a problem. But if something crops up, I'm prepared to continue to focus on my faith that I'll be ok (and hopefully so will the baby).

Did you get to the end of this? You're a trooper! I wish you the best moving forward, and oh yeah one more thing: one of the 3 friends who had a late m/c, she had SEVEN m/cs before she had an incredibly healthy baby boy. I'm not saying I could get through 7 and keep trying, but it is possible. So don't lose hope at 2... it's actually very very common.

Best of luck honey!
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