Junior issues - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 13 Old 07-13-2010, 08:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
MyFullHouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 593
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So... how do you tell your dh/dp that you hate his name?

Not his name specifically, but using it for your child.

I've always been anti-Juniors. I grew up in a household where everyone had mix-up names (my parents' names sound nearly alike, and my sisters and I have matching first initials) and it's always driven me crazy.

Also, I don't like the concept of using my husband's name when talking about who made a poopy, or using my son's name... er... intimately.

Finally, I think it's ridiculous, and maybe even insulting, for a 3rd boy to be a Junior.

Unfortunately, I know it means the world to dh to finally use his name. Gentle attempts to redirect him have been completely fruitless. Groans from the other children at the suggestion have gone unheard/ignored. I'm nearing the point of fit-throwing.

Carrie .. 
Raising a full house- Kings (12, 3, new) over Queens (8, 7)
 
MyFullHouse is offline  
#2 of 13 Old 07-13-2010, 08:37 PM
 
WifeofAnt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,805
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Maybe suggest using his name as a middle name instead? I never thought of the fact that a mother could end up calling out her husband/son's name during sex. Eek.

This Mommy and Military Daddy are loving their son.
DS born Dec 2010 Pregnant with #2, having another !
WifeofAnt is offline  
#3 of 13 Old 07-13-2010, 08:40 PM
 
nova22's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Filibustering Vigilantly
Posts: 4,952
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't know if you are willing to compromise in this way, but I have a friend who also hates her husband's name. She named her seventh baby (third boy) after her husband. His official name is exactly like her husband's, but they call him by a derivative of the name. I do think you'd start to get over your poopy/intimate name thing. I was adamantly opposed to my first son's name when I was pregnant because I had a pet with that name, but DH loved the name so much and I finally caved in and we used it. I never look at that boy and think of my pet. He has made it his own.

We're considering using my husband's first name as the baby's middle name if it's a boy...would that placate your husband? Our other boy has a middle name that I was firmly against. I finally agreed to stash it away as a middle name so I don't have to say it on a daily basis. I still don't like it but it's tucked in the middle so I really don't care.

I also can't stand the thought of using the exact name as my husband. I totally understand when people do it to honor their husband or keep the family name going, but I could never do it after a variety of frustrating experiences trying to call someone with the same name as his dad.

DH & Me + DS(7)  DD(6)  DD(4)  DS(3)  DD(1)  
 
Baby #6: 20****25****30****35**heartbeat.gif** - EDD December 17, 2010
nova22 is offline  
#4 of 13 Old 07-13-2010, 08:42 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 1,117
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by WifeofAnt View Post
I never thought of the fact that a mother could end up calling out her husband/son's name during sex. Eek.
I'm with WoA - I'd never even thought of that. Blerg. Bad, bad idea.

Tell him what you told us - the diapers and the sex associations. Maybe that'll help it sink in.
paintedfire is offline  
#5 of 13 Old 07-13-2010, 09:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
MyFullHouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 593
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by nova22 View Post
I don't know if you are willing to compromise in this way, but I have a friend who also hates her husband's name. She named her seventh baby (third boy) after her husband. His official name is exactly like her husband's, but they call him by a derivative of the name.
If only dh's family didn't *still* use the only derivative of his name!
And his middle name is definitely not nickname-worthy. It goes way beyond the "acceptable" old-fashioned names like George or Harold, and it definitely has a feminine feel.

I'm perfectly willing to use his first name as Baby's middle name, even though it doesn't fit my "system". I'm really trying not to be a total pita, lol. I just have to convince HIM!

Carrie .. 
Raising a full house- Kings (12, 3, new) over Queens (8, 7)
 
MyFullHouse is offline  
#6 of 13 Old 07-14-2010, 01:27 PM
 
~adorkable~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: State Of Bliss
Posts: 4,418
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I know a family that uses the fathers first name as the sons middle name in every generation, been doing it since the early 1800s as far as they can tell, and just recently started it with the girls a lot too. It seems like a wonderful new twist on that generational connection.

Oh and yeah I would tell you DH the sex/name calling connection, that may thankfully gross him out just enough.

partners.gif 2twins.gif  So what if I don't fit cleanly into a defined parenting style, my kids don't fit into a personality archetype either!

 
~adorkable~ is offline  
#7 of 13 Old 07-14-2010, 02:12 PM
 
arihillfarm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: North Central Ohio
Posts: 72
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MyFullHouse View Post
So... how do you tell your dh/dp that you hate his name?

Not his name specifically, but using it for your child.

I've always been anti-Juniors. I grew up in a household where everyone had mix-up names (my parents' names sound nearly alike, and my sisters and I have matching first initials) and it's always driven me crazy.

Also, I don't like the concept of using my husband's name when talking about who made a poopy, or using my son's name... er... intimately.

Finally, I think it's ridiculous, and maybe even insulting, for a 3rd boy to be a Junior.

Unfortunately, I know it means the world to dh to finally use his name. Gentle attempts to redirect him have been completely fruitless. Groans from the other children at the suggestion have gone unheard/ignored. I'm nearing the point of fit-throwing.
I'm with you on hating Junior names. Whatever happened to originality and letting each child be their own person, name included? Anyway, I would definitely throw a fit though because it's very disrespectful to your older sons to name the younger one after dad, as if one finally came along that was worthy of the name. As adults, they (especially the older one) will likely have some thoughts about that.

-Astrid
arihillfarm is offline  
#8 of 13 Old 07-14-2010, 03:34 PM
 
Climbergirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Gaithersburg, MD
Posts: 824
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by arihillfarm View Post
Anyway, I would definitely throw a fit though because it's very disrespectful to your older sons to name the younger one after dad, as if one finally came along that was worthy of the name.
This. I always thought Jrs. and IIIs (which we have in our family) are for the first borne son. In fact, where I am from (way in the backwoods, from the South), if you named the 3rd son as a Jr., people would wonder if there was a question as to the father of the 1st two.

I would approach it from all angles. Honestly, any name the other is very opposed to should be vetoed. That is kinda how we do it. We both have veto power over names.

I would just sit him down and tell him all the reasons you have stated (and then the ones others have) and ask him how you guys can find a middle ground. I would also ask him why it is so important to him. Just so he knows you are trying to work with him and not just being a PITA.

Good luck......

winner.jpg, cloth diapering, babywearing, AP mama to Aiden (10/04/07) and Rylan (12/20/10)  hbac.gif
Climbergirl is offline  
#9 of 13 Old 07-15-2010, 08:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
MyFullHouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 593
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sigh.

Dh is still... less-than-thrilled after I laid it all out for him. For some reason, he seems to think that since I "won" our naming argument with #4, it's his turn to "win".


It's going to be a long 23-ish weeks.

Carrie .. 
Raising a full house- Kings (12, 3, new) over Queens (8, 7)
 
MyFullHouse is offline  
#10 of 13 Old 07-15-2010, 09:20 AM
 
TnMsMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 252
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Climbergirl View Post
This. I always thought Jrs. and IIIs (which we have in our family) are for the first borne son. In fact, where I am from (way in the backwoods, from the South), if you named the 3rd son as a Jr., people would wonder if there was a question as to the father of the 1st two.

.....

These are my feelings, too. Why the sudden urge for a junior now, 3 boys in? My son's name was a total compromise - I HATED the first name that my ex wanted, in fact, when we were first dating, he told me if he ever had a boy, he wanted to name him that - and I thought "I better dump this guy before he knocks me up". Well, sure enough, that's my son's name. In order to survive it, I told him he could have the first name if I could have the middle. So while I still hate my son's first name, I love the middle, and he's enough of a pest that I use the FULL NAME at least a couple times a day.

Lastly, a lot of times Juniors have inferiority complexes - they'll never live up to Dad. I'd never put that on my son!

Mama to DS T (10/11/2004) and DD M (09/03/09) and cookin' up baby #3 due late March/early April 2010!
TnMsMama is offline  
#11 of 13 Old 07-15-2010, 10:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
MyFullHouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 593
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by TnMsMama View Post
These are my feelings, too. Why the sudden urge for a junior now, 3 boys in? My son's name was a total compromise - I HATED the first name that my ex wanted, in fact, when we were first dating, he told me if he ever had a boy, he wanted to name him that - and I thought "I better dump this guy before he knocks me up". Well, sure enough, that's my son's name. In order to survive it, I told him he could have the first name if I could have the middle. So while I still hate my son's first name, I love the middle, and he's enough of a pest that I use the FULL NAME at least a couple times a day.

Lastly, a lot of times Juniors have inferiority complexes - they'll never live up to Dad. I'd never put that on my son!
Well, I met dh when ds#1 was 16 months old, so he did not get a say in that naming, understandably.
With ds#2, dh was pushing to use *his* father's name. And his father has a very reasonable name... except for the fact that it happens to be ds#1's biological father's name. And he is relatively active in our lives. The concept made me want to throw up. After a long to-do about it, we settled on using it as a middle name.

I have no idea why dh didn't bring up the Junior concept when we were debating ds#2's name. There was no mention, no hints... which is why this has totally taken me by surprise this time.

So, "naturally" , dh's response to our most recent conversation was "Well, we could always name hime <enter FIL's name here>!"

I'm trying so hard to keep the communication calm, but my hormones are about to push me over the edge. I want so badly to respect his desire, and I've been spending a lot of time trying to convince myself to accept the name, but it's just not working for me!

We thought we were going to lose this baby, so a name seems rather silly to fight over in that context. Still, we're talking about a life-long - no - TWO-life-long decision!

Naming our girls was so much easier!

Carrie .. 
Raising a full house- Kings (12, 3, new) over Queens (8, 7)
 
MyFullHouse is offline  
#12 of 13 Old 07-15-2010, 12:28 PM
 
TnMsMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 252
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ahhh... being in a blended family myself, I wondered if that might be the case. I met my honey when my DS was three. I'd probably poo a brick if honey wanted to name this baby my ex's name, so I'm there with ya!

There are some cute, funny names for Juniors, here in Texas, where we have a lot of hispanic influence, a lot of Jr's go by "Dos" or "Segundo".

All else fails, call him Spike or Ace!

To put it further in perspective, my cousin is Reyford Lafayette Grubbs III. Yep, there are three men in this world named that. He goes by Trey.

Mama to DS T (10/11/2004) and DD M (09/03/09) and cookin' up baby #3 due late March/early April 2010!
TnMsMama is offline  
#13 of 13 Old 07-15-2010, 01:30 PM
 
WifeofAnt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,805
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Just adding in my own personal experiences.

My grandfather is R***** John Lastname
My father is R****** Sean Lastname
My brother is R***** Allen Lastname

It gets confusing really REALLY easily. They have had tickets sent to them that weren't theirs, important medical records mixed up, unpaid bills going on the wrong credit report, its just a mess. My dad spent 5 years fighting to get someone else's unpaid mortgage off of his credit report and this one wasn't even someone we were related to!

This Mommy and Military Daddy are loving their son.
DS born Dec 2010 Pregnant with #2, having another !
WifeofAnt is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off