Would you tell your 2.5 yr old where the baby comes out? - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-05-2010, 12:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Tonight as we were getting ready for bed, DD (who is almost 2.5) made a comment about my belly "popping right out" and I said that's cause the baby is getting bigger and bigger. And she said "and it's going to pop right out?" I said, no, not like that, and then she asked "where it's going to come out?". She lost interest at that point, so I never answered the question.

But I'm curious what people think about how much to tell a child my DD's age about where the baby comes out? Mostly I'm in favour of answering any of her questions with "age appropriate" responses, but wondering what that is in this case. For the record, she is obsessed with talking about "penis" and "vagina" right now -- who has one, who doesn't, why they don't, why men have one and women have another.

Thanks!

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Old 09-05-2010, 12:27 AM
 
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I did tell my dd where ds would come out. She was 3 at the time. A few years later she came to me crying afraid she was going to have a baby but was ok once I explained she didnt need to worry about that for a loooong time and she only had to have a baby is she wanted to.

I do think it is fine to tell her where it is coming out of. Just make it light and simple.

 
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Old 09-05-2010, 01:23 AM
 
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You might start by just telling her "from between mommy's legs" or something simple like that. If she asks for more info, tell her "from mommy's vagina" since she know what that is.

I'm a big one for being truthful with kids and not using euphemisms, esp. where they might do more harm than good.

ETA: I tell DS (3.5) that mommy has another hole in between where pee-pee and poop come out, and that's where the baby comes from. I've also used the word "vagina" but I'm not sure he understands what that means. He's clear on penis vs. no penis, but I haven't gotten into female anatomy with him too much!

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Old 09-05-2010, 01:28 AM
 
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Yes, I would.

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Old 09-05-2010, 01:30 AM
 
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I did, but I prefaced it with something like, "When a grown-up mommy gets pregnant," to clarify that it wouldn't happen to her.

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Old 09-05-2010, 01:53 AM
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yes. i told my daughter (she's 5 but would have been the same story) that women have a special place in our bodies where babies grow, and that we have a special opening between our legs where babies can come out called the vagina. it's different from where you pee or poop, it's special and only for babies.

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Old 09-05-2010, 02:01 AM
 
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Yeah I feel this is the kind of info that can be told very honestly and make sense to them, specially if she understands that a vagina is a place in the first place.

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Old 09-05-2010, 02:20 AM
 
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My daughter and I have been watching birth videos, the 'graphic' ones since she was 2.5. She knows EXACTLY where the baby will come out of. I have always made it a point to be honest with my kids, giving them real information when they were ready for it. I'm birthing at home, chances are my daughter will be there and I didn't want her to be upset by the sights and sounds of natural birth.

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Old 09-05-2010, 02:23 AM
 
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Mos def. I told my son at that age, and he also got to see some home birth videos showing what happens. We thought he might be present at the birth and wanted to prepare him.

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Old 09-05-2010, 02:26 AM
 
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yes, we tell. We refer to parts a mama/girl has as a yoni and papa boy parts as penis. I don't want to have to re-explain anything later.

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Old 09-05-2010, 02:34 AM
 
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Yes. I did. My dd was 18 months when I conceived and was at the birth , in the birth pool with me when our new baby was born at home when she was 27 months. She knows where babies come from just as she knows where our garden veggies come from. When explain and show her things about her world insofar as she is involved and can understand. She picks up what makes sense to her for her age, and we keep it age appropriate. I happen to think that babies being born from vaginas is age appropriate information for all human beings.

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Old 09-05-2010, 02:39 AM
 
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I would tell her for sure! With our DD, we watched some graphic YouTube videos too, but then I knew dd would be at our homebirth, and wanted her well prepared.

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Old 09-05-2010, 02:54 AM
 
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Yep. We're very matter a fact in our family and it came up pretty early. She's seen birth videos and will have the option of being around when the baby is born. To her it's just part of life.
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Old 09-05-2010, 10:19 AM
 
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Yes, I would. I missed out on it because I didn't know it existed when DC was young but apparently "Isn't it Amazing" has a version for younger kids. I LOVE "Isn't it Amazing" for ages about 5+.

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Old 09-05-2010, 03:38 PM
 
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My son is nearly 8 and we still haven't told him, and we don't intend to unless he really presses the issue. Otherwise he'll want to start looking around and all.

It's a personal choice, I guess, and only you know what feels right to you.
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Old 09-05-2010, 03:54 PM
 
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My 3.5yo son is fascinated by my PG. As my belly grew he kept asking me when the baby was going to pop out or when my belly was going to crack open so the baby could get out...I think that had to do with his interest in dinosaurs and eggs. So we talked about how babies don't come out of the belly they come out near mommy's heiny. Like the PP said, my son understands penis vs no-penis but I haven't stressed the vagina word but probably named it at the time. In general, I tell him mommy has another hole near her heiny that babies come out and mommies push out babies just like we can push out poopies...it is just from a different spot. My 2yo has no interest in any of this conversation but is always within earshot.

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Old 09-05-2010, 03:54 PM
 
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I don't remember when my son found out- I'm sure I asked him whenever he asked, and he was 5 when my niece was born. I do remember, however, being told by my Grandmother while my Mother was in the hospital having my sister when I was 2 1/2... and then shortly after, when I was in grocery shopping with my Mother and my newborn sister, saying very loudly, "Mommy, guess what! I found out where babies come out of! Your VAGINA!". My Mother was SO embarrassed! lol

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Old 09-05-2010, 06:19 PM
 
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i don't see anything wrong with telling her. dd is 4.5 and we've been very open with her about how birth happens. we've also watched some fairly graphic birth videos with her. she'll be at the birth though, so we want her to be well prepared and not scared or shocked by anything that happens.
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Old 09-05-2010, 09:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by gummibears View Post
My son is nearly 8 and we still haven't told him, and we don't intend to unless he really presses the issue. Otherwise he'll want to start looking around and all.
Honestly, I bet he's already heard from someone else or will soon (and you may not like the version he gets). And there's zip, zero, nada evidence that age appropriate sex education makes kids preoccupied with sex.

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Old 09-05-2010, 09:10 PM
 
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DD asked when she was 3 and I told her where the baby comes out and her eyes got big and she said, "How does THAT happen?!?" I laughed and said, "Well, it's quite a trick, lemme tell ya!" Since then she's seen birth videos and now she'll ask me to give a little push and see if the baby will come out now. Still working on the concept of time and how exactly labour starts...

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Old 09-06-2010, 12:53 AM
 
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when my DS was born, DD was almost 26 months - i did not tell her, she did not ask - she stated that he would come out my belly button and i let her believe that until she eventually just figured it out.. not sure how but one day she was just telling me and she knew where babies came out.. .. this time, she is 4.5 and she knows from a book she has that babies come out of 'a hole between mommy's legs' .. DS is 2yr 4 mo and he tells me the new baby will come out a 'door' on the side of my belly (he points) .. i told him where the real 'door' is (between my legs) and he calls it the back door .

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Old 09-06-2010, 12:56 AM
 
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My policy is generally that if a child has the presence of mind to ask a specific question, then they deserve an honest answer. In this case, I don't see how the truth that babies come out of a vagina could be inappropriate at any age, so I would definitely advocate telling her the truth.

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Old 09-06-2010, 11:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all the responses, everyone! I really appreciate it. My DD hasn't asked again, but if she does, I will be honest with her. That was what my gut was telling me to do, but sometimes it's nice to hear from reassurance from others who have been there.

DD born April 7/08 and expecting #2 October 2010!
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Old 09-06-2010, 12:06 PM
 
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I would but try to keep it simple.

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Old 09-06-2010, 01:41 PM
 
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Thanks for all the responses, everyone! I really appreciate it. My DD hasn't asked again, but if she does, I will be honest with her. That was what my gut was telling me to do, but sometimes it's nice to hear from reassurance from others who have been there.
Like others have said, kids tend to ask the questions they are ready for, imo. DC went in stages - like absorbing a chunk at a time. At one point she got all the way to, "But, how does the sperm get from the penis to the vagina." I took a deep breath (not quite ready for this myself) and said, "Sex, mostly." Do you know what DC said after that? "Oh," and that was that for a long, long time.

My experience has been that by not skirting the complexity of the issue and answering honestly kids will ask the questions they are ready to hear the answers for.

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Old 09-06-2010, 01:43 PM
 
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Haven't read the other replies- but before the birth I heavily prepared 3yo (at the time) DS with graphic videos, etc. Then he watched the birth - like really watched, saw DD's head crowning, the whole bit. It was great for him.

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Old 09-06-2010, 03:29 PM
 
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My son is nearly 8 and we still haven't told him, and we don't intend to unless he really presses the issue. Otherwise he'll want to start looking around and all.
Could you clarify this? It sounds as if you are saying that you haven't told your 8yo son that a baby emerges from a woman's vagina, because if you do, he will want to start looking at or for women's vaginas. That seems like an odd assumption to make. Is that what you meant?
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Old 09-06-2010, 03:43 PM
 
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Like others have said, kids tend to ask the questions they are ready for, imo. DC went in stages - like absorbing a chunk at a time. At one point she got all the way to, "But, how does the sperm get from the penis to the vagina." I took a deep breath (not quite ready for this myself) and said, "Sex, mostly." Do you know what DC said after that? "Oh," and that was that for a long, long time.

My experience has been that by not skirting the complexity of the issue and answering honestly kids will ask the questions they are ready to hear the answers for.
That's what my experience has been, too. Sometimes I feel like I should elaborate, but holes in what I have told them seem to reveal themselves later. For example, my 5 yo asked me a few months ago how the sperm came out of daddy. I told him it was kind of like peeing, and then he asked if it hurt.

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Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
Could you clarify this? It sounds as if you are saying that you haven't told your 8yo son that a baby emerges from a woman's vagina, because if you do, he will want to start looking at or for women's vaginas. That seems like an odd assumption to make. Is that what you meant?
Maybe he has special needs?

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Old 09-06-2010, 11:37 PM
 
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my two year old shows no interst in the baby in mamas belly... now my nearly 4 year old has been told and i have tld him baby's come out of mommy vagina and he just insits that they come out of the belly.....i don't press the issue but we have shown him birth videos and all that for preperation

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Old 09-07-2010, 12:04 AM
 
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I told DD when she was a little over 2 because I was pregnant with #2 and I was having the baby at home. It really wasn't a big deal.
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