'My Mom Told Me' - and other bad advice - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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#61 of 97 Old 09-22-2010, 02:00 PM
 
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My dh called his (crazy) brother last night to wish him happy birthday, and they got to talking about our house and bedroom setup for some reason. I guess dh told him the baby would be sleeping with us, because BIL was like "Oh, no... DON'T let her have the baby sleep with you, I let my wife do that and we couldn't get our daughter out until she was 3.5! Don't let her!" I asked dh if he told him that I had both my daughters (from a previous marriage) cosleep and they haven't slept in bed with me since they were 3 and 2, respectively. And they were mostly out of my bed for about a year before that. He hadn't, alas. Not that I think every kid needs to be out of bed at a certain time... but no, cosleeping with your babies does not doom you to never ending cosleeping.

And don't you hear stories a lot about kids wanting to always sleep with their parents, even when they haven't been raised cosleeping? My kids haven't wanted to sleep with me for like a million years.

I don't get why it's so hard for people to understand that a young child that was nurtured and allowed to feel secure and pampered will grow into a child that will seek his or her freedom and independence.

Luckily I have two fine specimens to show off these days, so I get a lot less of this than when they were the babies in question!

Mama to 3 awesome girls: DD1 born 2001, DD2 born 2002, DD3 born March 2011

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#62 of 97 Old 09-22-2010, 03:09 PM
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heh.. my nearly 6 year old still crawls in with me every night. if she had her way she'd always be in with me, period. i kept her in a cradle beside my bed til 3 months (when she was too heavy for it) and in a crib in the next room for the next 2 years. i started cosleeping cause it was the only way i could get any sleep at all.. apparently having her in the OTHER room didn't stop her from wanting to cosleep forever either!

January 2011
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#63 of 97 Old 09-22-2010, 03:40 PM
 
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My mum was a military nurse for her entire adult life and developed some really strange ideas surrounding birth. I don't have any children yet, but we talked about it a lot while I was a volunteer doula.

1. That I should expect to have an episiotomy. When I explained to her that they weren't actually common place anymore, she told me straight up that I was wrong and that they were "better than that awful tearing". Sigh.

2. She told me that if I ever had a home birth, that she would show up and drag me to the hospital. She was 100% convinced that home births were reckless and would result in my death and the baby's. (The first birth I attended was a home birth, and she was absolutely scandalized)

3. She was definitely in the "Cry it out" group.

As you can imagine, we would butt heads on the subject A LOT.

"What lies before us and what lies behind us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us"

 

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#64 of 97 Old 09-22-2010, 09:45 PM
 
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My mom told me it was okay to let my baby cry a little because that would teach him that he is okay without mama. ??? I asked her to explain the logic and she couldn't.

A coworker told me the best way to get a good nap when DS was a newborn was to put him in a swing in another room and turn off the monitor.
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#65 of 97 Old 09-22-2010, 10:18 PM
 
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I havent even peeked in here since I gave birth, but this is hilarious. In a sad sort of way. My kicker is when a woman with two grown (in their 30s) boys told me that when she brought her first home from the hospital, she gave him a mix of bananas, formula (or breastmilk, cant remember), and rice cereal THAT NIGHT!!!! She was bragging when she said he then slept 5 hrs. Im surprized the guy doesnt have a colostomy bag and a hole in his stomach. Give me my sleepless nights, that bordered on child abuse to me.

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#66 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 12:19 AM
 
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It's not bad advice but EVERY time my mom and I get off the phone, she tells me "Remember, don't EVER shake your baby!" Right mom... she tells me every time! And I never even get angry, I don't know where the need to say this comes from.
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#67 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 01:38 AM
 
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My mother told me "having your child in your bed will ruin your sex life. Don't you want more kids?". For a child of the 60's, she isn't very imaginative. I guess she I'd still wondering how we managed to create a second one!

CD'ing, homebirthing, milk making school teacher. Supporting my family on my income and trying to get out of debt in 2013!
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#68 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 02:14 AM
 
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Holy cow!!!! There is some crazy advice in here!!

I actually believed the whole "crying is good for a babies lungs" (until now! )

Not in a "leave your baby to cry while you sit there and stare at the tv" more in a "you are changing your newborns diaper and they are screaming their bloody brains out and you repeat - its good for their lungs, its good for their lungs, like a mantra while you try to finish as quick as possible" :P

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#69 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 07:04 AM
 
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I was chating with an old co-worker of mine and he brought up a few ones that made me laugh that I forgot about. Not really advice but funny...
I had to return to week at 6 weeks pp with my first. I was standing talking to a couple Marines, one of whose wife was pregnant and he asked if I was breastfeeding. Before i could answer another one of the Marines popped up with "Of course she is, otherwise her chest wouldn't have grown to be so big".. he got in trouble for that one.. Not wise to comment on your co-workers chest size.
From a career planner when I was getting out "You do realize that staying at home with the kid is going to ruin your life. What are you going to do when you husband leaves you??" Umm, I wasn't aware he was leaving me, my husband wasn't either. He volunteered to go have a talk with that guy but I declined.
I had to go do a drug test and the person varifying it happened to deploy wtih me a few years before. Our conversation went something like this "Hey, you just get back from leave?" "yea, I had a baby 6 weeks ago" "Awesome, youve gained a bit of weight, you use to be so small" "Yea, babies can do that" "You mean you don't pop back, my mom told me you popped back to your pre-pregnancy size right after birth"..
So, in the grand logic of the Marine Corps we can deduce: 1) your breasts must get really large after you have a baby, 2) being a SAHM means your husband will leave you and your life will be ruined and 3) someone forgot to pass the memo to my body but its suppose to go back to its pre-pregnancy size right after birth.

~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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#70 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 09:30 AM
 
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I was chating with an old co-worker of mine and he brought up a few ones that made me laugh that I forgot about. Not really advice but funny...
I had to return to week at 6 weeks pp with my first. I was standing talking to a couple Marines, one of whose wife was pregnant and he asked if I was breastfeeding. Before i could answer another one of the Marines popped up with "Of course she is, otherwise her chest wouldn't have grown to be so big".. he got in trouble for that one.. Not wise to comment on your co-workers chest size.
From a career planner when I was getting out "You do realize that staying at home with the kid is going to ruin your life. What are you going to do when you husband leaves you??" Umm, I wasn't aware he was leaving me, my husband wasn't either. He volunteered to go have a talk with that guy but I declined.
I had to go do a drug test and the person varifying it happened to deploy wtih me a few years before. Our conversation went something like this "Hey, you just get back from leave?" "yea, I had a baby 6 weeks ago" "Awesome, youve gained a bit of weight, you use to be so small" "Yea, babies can do that" "You mean you don't pop back, my mom told me you popped back to your pre-pregnancy size right after birth"..
So, in the grand logic of the Marine Corps we can deduce: 1) your breasts must get really large after you have a baby, 2) being a SAHM means your husband will leave you and your life will be ruined and 3) someone forgot to pass the memo to my body but its suppose to go back to its pre-pregnancy size right after birth.
Wow! Apparently they need to teach self-censorship in boot camp.

Liora - wife to Pete, IVF miracle DD babygirl.gif (2.11.09) 11 year Infertility survivor! FET miracle TWIN boys babyboy.gifbabyboy.gifborn 2/28 at 32 weeks and growing strong in the NICU.
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#71 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 09:33 AM
 
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Well... in their defense most of those comments likely came from males who are far from the leading experts on womens bodies lol...

My hubby (also a Marine) has actually taken to text me questions so he can correct others in their misknowledge

like... sgt so-and-so says shes obviously not breastfeeding because she is back to work, she is just taking these pumping breaks to get away from work.... uhhhhh NO. lol... the reply text was something along the lines of... well what happens if she doesnt pump?... and then he educated the sgt lol

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#72 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 11:05 AM
 
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My mom, who is usually pretty supportive of all my oddball choices, and was there for the homebirth of my third, started in on the extended breastfeeding, once DS passed 1 year old. "Isn't it time to wean him?", "There's really no reason to do that anymore, is there?", "He's never going to learn to drink (cow's) milk if he still has yours." (um, so?) etc.

Now that ds has a few minor anxiety issues, she has commented that she "wonders if breastfeeding until 2.5 years old might have contributed?".

Actually, Mom, the extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping probably alleviated those anxieties by providing him warmth, security, cuddling, nurturing...

Of course, my sister is a die-hard fan of that couple that promotes CIO for newborns (forget their names), and gave me their book when I had my first. I was so appalled I put it in the recycling that same day. Talk about horrific advice.
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#73 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 11:08 AM
 
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My mother told me "having your child in your bed will ruin your sex life. Don't you want more kids?". For a child of the 60's, she isn't very imaginative. I guess she I'd still wondering how we managed to create a second one!
I love this one. We're also expecting number two with a cosleeper still in bed with us. Um, there are other rooms in the house with other pieces of furniture!

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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#74 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 11:51 AM
 
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I'm due next week with our first and my mom knows not to give me any advice. She gave so much horrid advice to my sister that I had to talk my sister off a ledge repeatedly...some of those gems were:
Let your newborn cry herself to sleep.
Put them on a schedule right away or else you will never get your life back.
If breastfeeding hurts at first then don't do it, it shouldn't hurt.(no it shouldn't hurt but trying a couple of times and it hurting and using that as your basis to quit is so sad..my sister didn't even know about lactaction consultants so she just stopped.)
Babies need to be bathed once a day or their skin will get infected.
My mom kept putting so much clothes on my niece even though it was August that she would be drenched in sweat. Because babies are "cold blooded." um...

The kicker in all this? Is my mom is pro homebirth and breastfed both my sister and I. I just don't know where she comes up with some of her advice! She knows better than to say anything to me.

My MIL is horrified that were having a home birth as I will "have to have an epidural" I don't know if she knows where having a water birth on top of that. She told us the cosleeper was a waste of money as we'd only have to use it for the first few weeks. Totally a member of the CIO league. She also thinks our using organic and natural baby products, clothing and cloth diapering is a fad and that cloth diapering is gross, why would I do that when there are disposibles??
I'm sure she's got lots of other "advice" that she is itching to give me.
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#75 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 06:24 PM
 
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Got one! Just remembered this beauty:

I was once told that I should be "prepared for a c-section" because I'm "too small" and "they're going to have to saw [me] in half."

Now, I'm 4'11, but really? When I mentioned this to my midwife, she told me to say that I have a perfect gynecoid pelvis, turn on my heel, and stalk out of the room. Gotta love it!!

Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. ~Dylan Thomas

 

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#76 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 07:21 PM
 
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I love it!

(You know you spend too much time on FaceBook when you look for the "like" button on a forum post you like.)

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#77 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 07:38 PM
 
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Lady Lilya

My mom keeps telling me not to eat food and to watch my weight. I know she's only worried cause my aunt gained like 90 lbs and actually had a very dangerous last trimester because of it, but please.... give me a break.

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#78 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 07:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm sure 90 lbs don't exactly sneak up on you... Even if you don't have a scale at home most people (using a doctor at least) get weighed at every appointment.

This Mommy and Military Daddy are loving their son.
DS born Dec 2010 Pregnant with #2, having another !
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#79 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 08:25 PM
 
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my mom recently told me that I need to swaddle the baby for at least a year or she will have eczema and food allergies like my other children. So basicllly she was saying that she thinks that I am to blame for my kids allergies because I didn't swaddle them for at least a year. Does that even make sense? I'm confused!

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#80 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 08:35 PM
 
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how in the world do you swaddle a baby once they no longer want to be swaddled? because seriously... mine made it very clear when it was time to stop!

my mom told me today... but in this case its actually kind of cute/funny not so much bad advice...

my mom told me that I shouldnt be left alone anymore.

because I have been having so many contractions for the past few months and I am past due, she is convinced when I have this baby I am going to have her FAST and with almost no warning. Which is not out of the realm of possibility.

Or in her words - "you know, for some ladies they almost fall right out. Thats going to end up being you." (oh how I wish, but only with my midwives and DH in attendance! LOL)

She is worried DH wont make it home from work in time lol (its not that she doesn't want me to UC... shes cool with our homebirth and knows accidental UC is possible... she just doesnt want DH to miss the birth because she knows how much he is looking forward to it)

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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#81 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 08:48 PM
 
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my mom recently told me that I need to swaddle the baby for at least a year or she will have eczema and food allergies like my other children. So basicllly she was saying that she thinks that I am to blame for my kids allergies because I didn't swaddle them for at least a year. Does that even make sense? I'm confused!
What does one have to do with the other? My DD has food allergies and had delayed eating - well, okay she wasn't swaddled for very long, but she got hot easily and wriggled her hands out all the time.

My mom believed my DD food allergies were because I didn't feed her soon enough, you know back in the 70s they started feeding kids at 8 weeks. by 12 weeks I was eating rice cereal, 2 fruits and a veggie at noon. At 5 months I was eating eggs. Because I waited, that is why she has allergies

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#82 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 11:25 PM
 
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babies fall out???? now wouldn't that make things easier lol

swaddling and allergies linked......??? uh okay.... my oldest wasn't swaddled and has no allergies my youngest was and he has no allergies.

SAHM to D ( 10/06 ) A (10/08) & C (03/11)
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#83 of 97 Old 09-23-2010, 11:39 PM
 
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Most Marines, even some of the ones that are parents themselves, don't know much about childbirth/breastfeeding etc since most don't. My command had 4 marines pumping once and it was considered odd, maybe it was because our First Sgt was awesome and dedicated a room at the barracks as a pumping room or you could have your husband/babysitter bring the baby by and you could nurse the baby in the room. My daughter wouldn't take a bottle so she said it was ok for me to bring the baby to work if need be, I was checking out of the Marine Corps at the time but still had to go into the office at times. She didn't have children herself but she was great for those of us that did.

My husband and his SSgts/Major call me and ask me questions when they don't know something. I think they all have my e-mail address because they will call and ask questions about female regulations or pregnancy (they have a pregnant Marine in their office right now) because they want to make sure things are done right. So not ALL Marines are pains, just some don't think before they speak.

Aliy- I had a friend who had a 7 minute labor. She felt the first contraction, went to put the laundry in the dryer and felt the second. Felt three more walking back to the bedroom and then felt the baby crown. She laughed at how she was glad she had a skirt on so all she had to take off was the undies. Her next child her husband joked she was going to stand up and it was just going to fall out one day. She wouldn't even leave home for the week before she was due because she was scared she would give birth in the middle of the supermarket.

~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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#84 of 97 Old 09-24-2010, 06:41 AM
 
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babies fall out???? now wouldn't that make things easier lol
lol yeah it basically can happen... Ina Mays guide to childbirth has a couple stories about it happening basically like that... and the Sept. DDC had a few births that happened within 20 minutes of the mom realizing she was in labor (gosh I think we have had about 3 unintended UCs... lol)

I know with my DD it was 3 hours between when I was still questioning if I was in labor and when I had her... after 20 hours with DS... so yeah, my moms convinced this ones just going to fall out LOL

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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#85 of 97 Old 09-24-2010, 09:28 AM
 
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It's not bad advice but EVERY time my mom and I get off the phone, she tells me "Remember, don't EVER shake your baby!" Right mom... she tells me every time! And I never even get angry, I don't know where the need to say this comes from.
Hahaha, I love that one.

Next time you should pause for a long time and say "I wasn't supposed to do that?"

Kelly (28), in love with husband Jason (38) and our awesome babies:  Emma 4/09, and Ozzy 8/10

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#86 of 97 Old 09-24-2010, 09:31 AM
 
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lol yeah it basically can happen... Ina Mays guide to childbirth has a couple stories about it happening basically like that... and the Sept. DDC had a few births that happened within 20 minutes of the mom realizing she was in labor (gosh I think we have had about 3 unintended UCs... lol)
Hehe, I'm one... not quite a UC but almost...

I don't know if "fall" would be the word, cause I was pushing, but "fly out" maybe, rotfl.

It was funny, the next morning when my husband was processing what had happened, he was asking "So what would happen if you just didn't sit down to have the baby?"

At first I didn't get quite what he was saying ("well, you could squat, or lay down"...) and then realized that he was going over the night before in his mind and seriously wondering if the baby almost "fell out" in the hospital parking lot.

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#87 of 97 Old 09-24-2010, 10:57 AM
 
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Hahaha, I love that one.

Next time you should pause for a long time and say "I wasn't supposed to do that?"
This sounds terrible, but I had my first birth in an inner city hospital and they actually had a paper I had to sign that said I was never supposed to shake a baby, and what would happen if I did. I had to sign a paper! I remember looking at the nurse like WT?? I can only think they did that because of the area I was in, I know a lot of teen, single moms give birth there.

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#88 of 97 Old 09-24-2010, 12:00 PM
 
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So I've been laughing with this thread for a few days, and now I have something to contribute! I found this ad today inside the wrapper of some homemade zucchini bread sold by a small, local company:
NEVER EVER SHAKE A BABY
Parents, talk with anyone who cares for
your child about the dangers of shaking
an infant or child up to the age of 5. Okay, first of all...my zucchini bread is giving me parenting advice?

And second...it's okay to shake a child over 5???

I know that's not funny, but I can't help laughing out loud!

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#89 of 97 Old 09-24-2010, 02:34 PM
 
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lty say i have never heard of bread giving parenting advice but there is a first for everything...


Gosh I don't think i'm going to leave my house when the baby is getting ready to be born.... first labour 10 hours, ( first contraction to baby in my arms had AROM when I was 7cm and was ready to push right away but they made me wait ) second labour 5 hours...( from my water breaking no previous contraction to baby in my arms )

I worry about going too much faster. One of the reasons for planning a home birth.

My fave advice is you need to teach the baby to drink from a bottle or they'll be attached to you forever..... um is there a problem with that????

And of course if you don't let the baby cry themselves to sleep they never learn to sleep on their own

SAHM to D ( 10/06 ) A (10/08) & C (03/11)
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#90 of 97 Old 09-24-2010, 06:52 PM
myk
 
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well, i pretty much fell out of my mother's uterus i was 6+ weeks early, she wasn't having contractions, she just felt an odd pressure in the vagina. she went to the hospital, where they didn't take her too seriously, checked her out, and saw that my head was coming down already. i think she had a contraction or two and there i was.

they diagnosed her with cervical incompetence.

January 2011
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