'My Mom Told Me' - and other bad advice - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 97 Old 09-17-2010, 07:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What bad advice have you gotten lately? Pregnancy/Birth/Parenting/Breastfeeding? Who was it from?


My stepmom (doesn't have any bio-children) - "Actually you want him to cry, it strengthens their lungs"

This Mommy and Military Daddy are loving their son.
DS born Dec 2010 Pregnant with #2, having another !
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#2 of 97 Old 09-17-2010, 08:01 PM
 
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Haven't actually gotten any advice lately, I guess since this is #3 and I have two really healthy, awesome kids people aren't so moved to say stuff... but I remember a ton from when I was pregnant with my girls, and when they were babies.

My favorite, from my grandma: I got myself a glass of water at her house while I was pregnant, and she starts telling me that I shouldn't be drinking water, it has no nutrients! I should be drinking milk or juice... She was really adamant about it, even after I tried to explain how we all need water to survive and so on. Then, a few months go by and I have my daughter, and we are visiting her again. She starts telling me how I should really give my 1 month old a bottle of water sometimes, because you know, sometimes they aren't "really hungry, they just want something in their stomachs". I said, "But Grandma, water doesn't have any nutrients!" I don't think she ever made the connection, but I've always laughed about it.

Mama to 3 awesome girls: DD1 born 2001, DD2 born 2002, DD3 born March 2011

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#3 of 97 Old 09-17-2010, 08:13 PM
 
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LOL I love grandmas...
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#4 of 97 Old 09-17-2010, 08:23 PM
 
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my mom told me I should drink some beer when I started nursing because it would help my milk come in. She actually bought it for me and gave it to me with a "here, drink it!" Totally silly, but the beer sure did help me relax!

Banana, doula wife to Papa Banana and mother to Banana One, Banana Two, Banana Three, Banana Four...

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#5 of 97 Old 09-17-2010, 08:28 PM
 
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I'm not pregnant now so I'm sort of forum-crashing but when I was pregnant. I told my friend we wouldn't circumcising if the baby turned out to be a boy and she said "Well, maybe you should because he might do it himself." (as in circumcise himself) . Ironically this comment actually made me more anti-circ because I couldn't imagine a person who would willingly cut off a piece of their genitalia.

Stay-at-home Mama to my fabulous DD (10/08)  and DS (9/12) and wife to my just-as-fabulous DH

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#6 of 97 Old 09-17-2010, 08:49 PM
 
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I'm not pregnant now so I'm sort of forum-crashing but when I was pregnant. I told my friend we wouldn't circumcising if the baby turned out to be a boy and she said "Well, maybe you should because he might do it himself." (as in circumcise himself) . Ironically this comment actually made me more anti-circ because I couldn't imagine a person who would willingly cut off a piece of their genitalia.
Well I guess if your kid is gonna do it himself (with no anesthesia!) at least it will be his choice to go through that kind of pain... unlike if he had it done to him as a newborn
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#7 of 97 Old 09-17-2010, 08:58 PM
 
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I'm not pregnant now so I'm sort of forum-crashing but when I was pregnant. I told my friend we wouldn't circumcising if the baby turned out to be a boy and she said "Well, maybe you should because he might do it himself." (as in circumcise himself) . Ironically this comment actually made me more anti-circ because I couldn't imagine a person who would willingly cut off a piece of their genitalia.
Wow! Some people... I just don't know where they come up with these things. I'm with you, though. Who elects to cut of part of their genitalia? I sure hope DS never decides to do that.

Wife to Brian , mother to Xander 10/26/05 and new squishy, Claire 9/26/10 .
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#8 of 97 Old 09-17-2010, 09:09 PM
 
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My mil apparently told my sil that episiotomies are absolutely necessary. That had my sil so freaked out that she recently told me she'd be having elective c-sections if she has kids.

They both breed dogs. I asked her if she ever had to cut a bitch to get the pups out, and her entire perspective turned around. If dogs can (usually) manage without intervention, so can we. She's now so open to natural birth that we've actually talked about home births (and *I've* never even had one of those!)

So, yeah, bad "advice" can lead to pretty severe reactions!

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#9 of 97 Old 09-17-2010, 09:27 PM
 
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I had a friend tell me to lie to the labor and delievery about my due date if I started to have contractions so they would induce me and I could "get out of the last two weeks and avoid more stretch marks".
I had another lady tell me that if I didn't supplement or give the baby a bottle of expressed milk my husband would never bond with the baby and he would end up hating his own children. Umm, my husband has given both girls a bottle (one in the NICU, the other I had to return to work- she wouldn't even take the bottle) and hated it, said he felt awful about it and thought it was taking away their favorite source of comfort. This one he said he doesn't even want bottles in the house because he doesn't want to do that again.
I was told I had to get rid of the kitten I had when I was pregnant with DD1 because cats kill babies deliberately.
A Marine (I was active duty at the time) told me that her mother said if you used gel or hair spray during pregnancy it would make your child have birth defects so she cut her hair to save her baby.
My grandma (I love her, shes just wacky at times) told me that I had to go back to work after having kids or my kids would grow up to be lazy.
Just recently I was told to put hot sauce or soap in my 21 month old's mouth because she tantrums a lot. "Oh it cut my kids tantrums down to maybe one in less than a week"

~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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#10 of 97 Old 09-17-2010, 09:38 PM
 
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I got the cats kill babies line too. Oddly Ive had 3 different cats through 2 different babies (and about to be 5 different cats through 3 different babies) yet not a single one has a problem with the baby.

My gramma told me an enema will make me have the baby.

My mother told me castor oil will cause my baby to flip breech. (That is more ridiculous than it causing meconium staining, which is also not true.)

I have had people tell me not to consider going without an epidural I will regret it. Oh really? Ive had two pain-relief-free deliveries already.

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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#11 of 97 Old 09-17-2010, 09:54 PM
 
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This is really making me giggle...thanks ladies i needed this!!
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#12 of 97 Old 09-17-2010, 10:22 PM
 
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hmmm...not my mom told me, but my boss (and a co-worker agreed) that woman only have natural childbirth so they can brag to other women.

My mom did say if I didn't stop nursing my 6 month old baby soon, she would be hanging off my boob until she was 2. Well she was 3 - so she was wrong about that

Mommy to 2 beautiful girls dust.gif4/07 and babyf.gif1/11
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#13 of 97 Old 09-17-2010, 10:25 PM
 
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My grandmother told me today I had to wean my son right away because my baby wouldn't grow and would dry up inside me...

She means well.

Funnest thing Dh was told. "Babies need to learn to drink from a bottle for motor skills." From a friend with no kids.

biggrinbounce.gifDS 10/09  sleepytime.gifDS 2/17/11 stork-suprise.gif Blessing #3 sometime 2/13

 

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#14 of 97 Old 09-17-2010, 10:50 PM
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Originally Posted by lillymonster View Post
hmmm...not my mom told me, but my boss (and a co-worker agreed) that woman only have natural childbirth so they can brag to other women.

My mom did say if I didn't stop nursing my 6 month old baby soon, she would be hanging off my boob until she was 2. Well she was 3 - so she was wrong about that
LOL!!!!!! that's the best!

thankfully, nobody's given me dumb advice about my first baby.. and my family even decided to ignore the fact that i bfed until 4 (i think they started to think it was wacky when she turned 3, but didn't say a word).

this is my DH's first baby though, so i'm sure some of the weird advice may still come.

January 2011
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#15 of 97 Old 09-17-2010, 11:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Banana731 View Post
my mom told me I should drink some beer when I started nursing because it would help my milk come in. She actually bought it for me and gave it to me with a "here, drink it!" Totally silly, but the beer sure did help me relax!

Hey, there is some science behind that! A nice stout beer (like a Guinness) will help your milk come in. My midwife also (unprompted by me) recommended this at my last visit.

I made the mistake of sharing this bit of info with DH, and now he's excited because I agreed that we could have a celebratory case on hand at our home birth.


 
 
 
 

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#16 of 97 Old 09-18-2010, 12:47 AM
 
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Hey, there is some science behind that! A nice stout beer (like a Guinness) will help your milk come in. My midwife also (unprompted by me) recommended this at my last visit.

I made the mistake of sharing this bit of info with DH, and now he's excited because I agreed that we could have a celebratory case on hand at our home birth.
yep this is totally true!!

Melanie, SAHM to Kyley Grace (5)  Elijah Franklin (2) and Asher John (March 17th)
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#17 of 97 Old 09-18-2010, 03:56 AM
 
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Recently my family tells me it's dangerous to carry DS or even to lift him out of the bathtub... oh well!
My mom also thinks that I deprive my son of social skills by not being in daycare and being a SAHM, and only teachers can educate children, not parents (she is a teacher and thinks anyways children should be in daycare as young as possible).
My sister (very anti alcohol MD) told me if I drink an occasional glass of wine during lactation I condition my child to be an alcoholic.... sure...
My step-fil told me to get rid of cats a I will get toxo and baby will be disabled.
And recently my MD sister shook her head when she saw how little DS eats (he weighs 33 pounds and is healthy so what!) and so she said: to avoid such poor eating habits with your second child you absolutely have to start solids at 4 month. Yeah, not going to happen!
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#18 of 97 Old 09-18-2010, 04:35 AM
 
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hmm how about my older sister-when pregnant with my son, she sent me a box full of maternity clothes.
She informed me that "the band on maternity pants is meant to be worn underneath your shirt".
Thank goodness I had her to tell me that-I was looking forward to tucking for sure!!
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#19 of 97 Old 09-18-2010, 08:25 AM
 
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Wow... My family has been incredibly well-behaved in comparison. These are making me

Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. ~Dylan Thomas

 

<3 LBM <3 AHM <3

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#20 of 97 Old 09-18-2010, 09:58 AM
 
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OH goodness I also got the 'If you dont put her in school soon she will never learn to get along with other kids' bit about DD... from age 2 on. Thanks... but she happens to get along with her brother, cousin and friends of mine children quite well... and now that she IS in school she is actually better behaved than her brother ever was in Kindergarten!

My grandma was hellbent on getting me to wean DD by 8 months 'because your mother had breast cancer and you don't want to go giving that to yourself...' uh gramma... my mother had breast cancer after NOT breastfeeding five children.

Im trying to think of more... I can tell you I have had more than enough roll-my-eyes ones.

Oh, step sister had to post about how 'If you cosleep you will kill your child' uh, really? Cuz I coslept twice already and my two older ones are fine. Pretty sure if you do it with a bit of intelligence you wont have a problem.

I love the fact that MIL, whenever DH tells her things (like we are home birthing, I am breastfeeding, we want to cloth diaper, we are cosleeping) says 'Oh good! That baby will be raised well!' (And not sarcastically, she has a lot of the same values I do... her boys were breastfed and cloth diapered too)

My mother, though, when I told her about our homebirth... was a little wary. But then, she knows the same doctor that talked me into doing it in the first place... knows that doctor herself has had a couple homebirths... so she is okay with it but ONLY because I did tell the doctor my plans and that I have a CNM and a CPM who will both be present so now she is much more comfortable. But... in her case its just her worrying because this is the first baby being born without her there (I wish she could be, Im 1100 miles away now though) so she is going to worry about everything. Never once told me the babys life is at stake though, thank goodness.

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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#21 of 97 Old 09-18-2010, 10:18 AM
 
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Originally Posted by gypsymama2008 View Post
I'm not pregnant now so I'm sort of forum-crashing but when I was pregnant. I told my friend we wouldn't circumcising if the baby turned out to be a boy and she said "Well, maybe you should because he might do it himself." (as in circumcise himself) . Ironically this comment actually made me more anti-circ because I couldn't imagine a person who would willingly cut off a piece of their genitalia.
Maybe she was thinking about how a lot of kids cut their own hair at some point.

If my kid was gonna take scissors to his penis, I'd much rather there be as many layers as possible.


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My mil apparently told my sil that episiotomies are absolutely necessary. That had my sil so freaked out that she recently told me she'd be having elective c-sections if she has kids.
When my mother was pregnant with me and my sister in the 80s, she was told by her OB that she had to have an episiotomy. She said she'd change OBs, then, and he said "good luck finding one who will allow you not to have an episiotomy." She couldn't find one. Luckily with me she arrived to the hospital last minute and I was out before they could cut her. But with my sister, she got stuck there all day and they did a whole bunch of unwanted stuff. Grrr.

Leigh, mama to Rostislav homeborn Aug 9 2007, and Oksana homeborn Feb 24 2011.
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#22 of 97 Old 09-18-2010, 10:29 AM
 
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I have to say the stuff my mom had been telling me has seemed like the sanest advice of anyone's!
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#23 of 97 Old 09-18-2010, 10:36 AM
 
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my mom told me I should drink some beer when I started nursing because it would help my milk come in. She actually bought it for me and gave it to me with a "here, drink it!" Totally silly, but the beer sure did help me relax!
Actually, that's not horrible advice. I've heard it helps with let down, not the milk coming in though.

Mama to 4. winner.jpghomebirth.jpg
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#24 of 97 Old 09-18-2010, 10:41 AM
 
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hmm how about my older sister-when pregnant with my son, she sent me a box full of maternity clothes.
She informed me that "the band on maternity pants is meant to be worn underneath your shirt".
Thank goodness I had her to tell me that-I was looking forward to tucking for sure!!
Wait, what? I was really looking forward to rockin' the Ed Grimley look!


 
 
 
 

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#25 of 97 Old 09-18-2010, 10:52 AM
 
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My mom's always been great. She recognized me as an adult at 18 and stood up for me against other relatives who tried to influence my decisions from that point onwards. That said...

When I had my first child, my mom was concerned about the fact I was breastfeeding. "But how do you know if she's getting enough?" she asked. I think she didn't breastfeed her kids because her breasts don't have ounce markings! She did readily accept my explanation that you could tell by wet diapers, weight gain, etc.

MIL on the other hand...

"Crying helps her lungs develop."
"You can't carry her all of the time!"
"But you'll NEED a crib!"
"If you homeschool, how will she develop socially? She needs to be around other kids her own age!"

...and many more. Glad she lives over 1,000 miles away!

--K
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#26 of 97 Old 09-18-2010, 10:53 AM
 
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OH goodness I also got the 'If you dont put her in school soon she will never learn to get along with other kids' bit about DD... from age 2 on.
I got this a lot....I was told she would never learn to share or take turns without learning from other kids in preschool/daycare. Um...how many 2 years old know how to share? Who teaches them? The PARENTS! 2 years old don't teach other kids how to share, they just push them and take the toy away. LOL, DD is 3 1/2 now and she is pretty much the few kids that shares and offers toys to other kids

Mommy to 2 beautiful girls dust.gif4/07 and babyf.gif1/11
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#27 of 97 Old 09-18-2010, 11:01 AM
 
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hmm how about my older sister-when pregnant with my son, she sent me a box full of maternity clothes.
She informed me that "the band on maternity pants is meant to be worn underneath your shirt".
Thank goodness I had her to tell me that-I was looking forward to tucking for sure!!
Please tell me that you took pictures with shirts tucked into the pants just for her.
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#28 of 97 Old 09-18-2010, 01:34 PM
 
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Actually, that's not horrible advice. I've heard it helps with let down, not the milk coming in though.
Yeah, and there's something also about hops helping with milk supply, it's pretty anecdotal, but I say if it doesn't hurt...

No not horrible, but funny so I thought it might fit in the thread.

Banana, doula wife to Papa Banana and mother to Banana One, Banana Two, Banana Three, Banana Four...

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#29 of 97 Old 09-18-2010, 02:13 PM
 
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Since this is my fourth I don't get much "advice" anymore, but a friend did tell me I was crazy for having my vba2c without an epidural and that I should get one this time. She also thinks I'm crazy for not circumcising because intact penises "look gross." She's generally a very good friend, but yeesh. I try to just stay away from topics I know we're not going to see eye to eye on...
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#30 of 97 Old 09-18-2010, 02:18 PM
 
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My mom told me not to take baths while pregnant, because she knew someone who lost twins from "getting an infection in the bath." I was scared to take baths for a while, even though I logically know they're harmless, just because I couldn't forget the story!
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