Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Under dirty laundry and dishes
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first of all, what do you mean you had a hard time "getting him to go to kindergarten?"
i don't mean to be disrespectful by any means, however, from this post is sounds as if you allow your 5 year old to run your house hold.
chances are, he will love his sibling at first glance. the issue begins with the parents.
i'm not saying not to allow your child to have choices or let him voice his opinion/wants/concerns, i'm saying be a parent and not a friend. obviously, you can't send the new baby back to where it came from.
there has to be an understanding that he is the child, you are the parent, and you will do what is best for your children, not vice versa.
perhaps you should start now to get him used to the idea that, yes he will have to share his toys, yes he is the big brother and will have to accept the little one and teach him neat and fun things. it doesn't mean you don't love him anymore, which i suspect is part of what he thinks might be happening.
how do you handle the situation when he freaks out when your husband is affectionate towards you or "comes near you?" for this child's sake--you HAVE to figure out how to curb this behavior. you are NOT HIS possession, and he will need to share you. but YOU have to be the strong one and show him how it is going to be, not the other way around.
i couldn't imagine allowing my kids to dictate to me when my husband can be around or if they go to school or not.
He doesn't act upset at all when I explain that I will be holding the baby a lot and nursing him, so that's a positive. It just seems like every other kid is just dying to have a sibling, so I was wondering if anyone else had a kid who said things like this.
Jessica - Mom to DD (17), DD (15), DS (4), and DD (2)!
One thing I would suggest is to make sure your son doesn't feel like he's on the back burner after the baby gets here. It's tough, because when the new one is born you feel completely torn between the baby and the older kid (plus your SO and your housework and your own alone time and a billion other things) and usually everything else IS on the back burner. I would say a lot of things that were clearly for the 2yo's benefit because the baby didn't have a clue what I was saying. Sometimes if the baby was starting to get fussy but wasn't actually crying yet, and the 2yo wanted something, I would gently say to the baby "Just a minute sweetie, your big sister needs something and when I'm finished taking care of her, I will take care of you." Of course my daughter was a lot younger than your son, but I think it will still help him if he hears you tell the baby that the baby needs to wait so you can take care of the older boy. At his age he would probably feel like really special and important if he is able to help with some things - he's old enough to retrieve a diaper and wipes for diaper changes, he can choose an outfit for the baby to wear or decide which blanket to put on him/her if you go out, hold a toy over the baby for him/her to look at while you dress or bathe the baby, etc.
My kids never had problems with new babies, but my little one is 2.5 and doesn't really understand. I am taking him to a sibling class at the local hospital closer to my due
date. Maybe there is a similar program in your area.
mommamoo--the way you worded you post, and the way i deciphered it sounded as if your child had the upper hand. i even said i mean no disrespect. please don't take offense to my post.
i have witnessed several parents be so concerned about how their children feel, that they actually do them the disservice of being more of a friend than a parent. i obviously know nothing about the way you parent other than what i read in your post.
sorry if i offended.
Can you maybe try to figure out what it is your DC doesn't want about a sibling and try to think of some of the advantages that he can really relate to and then try to have frequent but casual conversations about those things?
For instance, if you feel that the issue is sharing, maybe it would help if your DC helped get some toys for the new baby or you talked about how to arrange his things so that he could have some privacy.
We have a 3 BR house and when I first started talking to DC about a second child we talked about whether she wanted to keep her own room or share with the baby and have a play room.
I know these sound like small things but I think it helped her see that a new baby may mean even more choices for her - not less, yk?
Wife to DH, mom to DD1 9/06 and our new arrival DD2 6/11
Mommy to beauties DS1 (7), DS2 (4, autism), & DS3 (2)
and many angel babies
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