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#91 of 99 Old 11-07-2010, 11:15 PM
 
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I got it a LOT with DS1. I mean, I get it. I was young(18). And we weren't married when we got pregnant. But yes, HE WAS PLANNED. And even now, when people do the math on things I can see the thoughts churning in their head, so sometimes I throw out, "And yes he was planned," because, really, I don't want people speculating that we 'oops' got pregnant, so oops, here we have a child, and oops, now we're gonna get married. Etc. That's just not how it happened and I think that idea is sort of disrespectful to our family, because it's so incredibly untrue.

With DS2, didn't really get asked. People had expected us to have another sooner, but we had problems conceiving a successful pregnancy, so it was delayed.
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#92 of 99 Old 11-08-2010, 10:47 AM
 
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I've never been asked, but my mothers response to the announcement of this baby was "So, I guess that wasn't planned," DH and I were both pretty shocked.

I think I might have asked a close friend before that experience, after I said congratulations, but I have a mental note to do no such thing now.
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#93 of 99 Old 11-08-2010, 12:30 PM
 
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I really don't mind. People are curious. I am curious too, so I can relate. But i am usually so open and talkative that I'd tell everyone all the details and they wouldn't have to ask.

Leigh, mama to Rostislav homeborn Aug 9 2007, and Oksana homeborn Feb 24 2011.
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#94 of 99 Old 11-08-2010, 01:10 PM
 
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I've been asked if we were "trying for a girl" since this is my 5th child and 4th boy.

I would never ask someone if their pregnancy was planned. I don't think it's anyone's business.

The sea monkey has my money.

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#95 of 99 Old 11-08-2010, 02:49 PM
 
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Now if you have more than two something must be wrong with you.
I know! But somebody has to have more than two to keep up population replacement!

It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
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#96 of 99 Old 11-08-2010, 03:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
I know! But somebody has to have more than two to keep up population replacement!
I love the whole zero population growth thing.

For everyone that doesn't know... for a country to have a stable population women need to have an average of 2.1 children. 1 to replace each parent and 0.1 to replace babies and children who don't reach reproductive age. The problem with limiting people to 2 children is that not everyone is going to have 2 children. Some women are going to remain single and/or childless by choice, some couples are going to be infertile, and some are going to choose to only have one. Right now many European countries are below that 2.1 threshold so (ignoring immigration/emigration) they are essentially on the path to shrinking. Those women having 3, 4, 5, or even 19 children are keeping the US a fraction above 2.1 and are necessary part of what keeps the country going.

This Mommy and Military Daddy are loving their son.
DS born Dec 2010 Pregnant with #2, having another !
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#97 of 99 Old 11-08-2010, 03:18 PM
 
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well i dont think population or the facts about it matter in the being rude arena. we could argue that a few less folks in this rock could be a good thing, and it still does not in any way excuse folks from thinking it is your family or anyones in particular that should stop growing! or that asking about it is ok.

im having boy/girl twins and the other thing that drives me nuts is folks thinking that because i am having one of each, they are a perfect set. like what two on one sex or the other would leave me incomplete? maybe i just want two heathy kids? it drives me nuts that folks think i must be happist for the sole reason that i am getting one of each, or that this is the reason that we can "stop now", i do not not plan on having more, but i never did think i would have more than 2, even way back before i was preggo. i think its just a personal choice and has nothing to do with anything, least of which is the sex of my kids!

partners.gif 2twins.gif  So what if I don't fit cleanly into a defined parenting style, my kids don't fit into a personality archetype either!

 
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#98 of 99 Old 11-08-2010, 05:39 PM
 
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im having boy/girl twins and the other thing that drives me nuts is folks thinking that because i am having one of each, they are a perfect set. like what two on one sex or the other would leave me incomplete?
See, personally, if I knew this current baby would be our last (it's number two), I'd FAR rather have another girl than a boy. Maybe it's just a byproduct of growing up with five sisters, but I think it's sadder for a girl to have no sister than no brother, and vice versa. We're vaguely planning on 3-4 kids, depending on my sanity and various other factors - and one reason is that with three kids, at least one child will get a same-sex sibling. (Well, two, technically.)

That's not to say anything's actually wrong with a boy-girl pair, I'm sure it's just my own biases speaking - but I've always thought the "Ooh, one of each, now you can stop" argument was very weird. I don't see why it should be considered the "default" perfect family, you know?

If decomposition persists please see your necromancer.

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#99 of 99 Old 11-08-2010, 06:10 PM
 
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No one has asked me that! How incredibly rude! However, sometimes I think it's just another way of asking if it's a surprise blessing or intentionally trying for another babe. Again, I think a lot of pregnancy 'talk' and 'questions' have to do with the other person trying to make conversation when they know some one's pregnant. Not necessarily trying to be offensive.

Christ-centered loving wife & mama to 2 miracles! One & one . We live simply and mindfully. Expecting another blessing Feb 2015
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