Asked "are you having twins?" - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-08-2010, 04:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ummm I'm not. She then said - It's only November, so your what, 5 months along? I said - I guess your saying I'm big, then huh?

Was that rude of her? Because I was slightly offended but when those comments are being said - I just freeze and laugh it off but then later on, I get annoyed that people feel the need to ask questions like this. I would NEVER ask anyone that. Ever Ever Ever! I just don't get it...

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Old 11-08-2010, 04:56 PM
 
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People LOVE to ask me that.

My family especially as we do have a high rate of fraternals from the moms on my moms side of the family (a few of my cousins have had twins, 2 b/g and 1 b/b as far as I know so far) so even after TWO ultrasounds they still insisted I could be having twins. My mom went with to the third and asked that tech to double check for twins (even though I had done that at my first tri ultrasound as that was part of why I got that ultrasound)

People that do not know me or my family ... they are just rude to ask and it bothered me.

Heck, it even bothered me from my family but still.

Sorry people, just fat, not twins!

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Old 11-08-2010, 05:00 PM
 
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Person 1: "Are you having twins?"
Person 2: "Why do you ask?"
Person 1: forced to say "because I think you look gigantic" or "because I'm nosy" or an awkward "oh, just curious" while suddenly realizing the rudeness of the question.

I haven't been asked that during this pregnancy. I guess people see me out in public with five kids seven and under, the youngest of whom is almost two but looks and acts more like a 12mo old, and figure there's no hope for me now.

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Old 11-08-2010, 05:01 PM
 
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That was just rude of her! It reminds me of a time that I was shopping and the cashier asked when I was due, this was in July and I said November. She then had to tell me that I look just as big as her friend who is due in August. I tried to blow it off and said- oh well, it's my 3rd baby so I guess I get bigger alot quicker than I did the first two times around. She then says, oh it's my friends 3rd baby too. I was so ticked off, even if she thought it, she didn't have to say it!
I know it's hard, but just try to ignore the rude stuff people say. I've been asked about twins too.
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Old 11-08-2010, 05:36 PM
 
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Yes. It's rude. When I was pregnant with Ava I got it all the time. One guy asked me when I was due and wouldn't believe September because his wife was due in August and she was soooooo much smaller than I. But, I had gained 62 lbs, was on my 3rd pregnancy, am short and skinny so it has nowhere to go but out, annnnd had a ton of fluid. He was pissing me off so much I just told him it was twins.

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Old 11-08-2010, 05:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I think I'm more mad at myself at this point. This same thing happened with my first pregnancy and she was a repeat offender - almost every time she saw me. I laughed it off then as I did now. I think I'm so naive to think that people really can be that cruel. I think they see a belly and think it's okay. I'm mad at myself that I didn't stop and say wow, really? The repeat offender kept saying it was only because I was so skinny before and she just can't believe it now...or was it, it's not you thats big, just your belly. I can't remember...

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Old 11-08-2010, 05:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Tmama View Post
This same thing happened with my first pregnancy and she was a repeat offender - almost every time she saw me.
Ugh, DEFINITELY rude!!!

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Old 11-08-2010, 06:10 PM
 
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I am small and carried small and people STILL ASKED ME. I was like, "Uh, I hope not... they'd be awfully small!" 32 lbs gained at 41.5 weeks, twins? Really?

I swear, it's like people have never seen a pregnant person before.

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Old 11-08-2010, 06:17 PM
 
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It's rude, but it's a really common "joke" that people make. I usually just did the icy stare response.

BTW, I suffered AWFUL morning sickness and completely lost my appetite and gained a total of 7 pounds during my entire first pregnancy. A lot of people didn't even know I was pregnant, because I wasn't even wearing maternity clothes until about 7 months. And people STILL asked me that.

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Old 11-08-2010, 07:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nova22 View Post
Person 1: "Are you having twins?"
Person 2: "Why do you ask?"
Person 1: forced to say "because I think you look gigantic" or "because I'm nosy" or an awkward "oh, just curious" while suddenly realizing the rudeness of the question.
I love, love, love this! Totally using this (while in my mind saying "No, you bleeping bleephole!).
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Old 11-08-2010, 07:32 PM
 
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My mom asked me that the minute she saw me. I AM only 8 weeks and I'm about the size I was at 20 weeks with my previous two, but I'm thinking it's just the extra 'baggage' I have now.

I got asked that by a stranger when I was 7 months with my first. She kept insisting that the doctor missed something on the ultrasound and finally I just said, "Nope. I have just gained a lot of weight and am much fatter than normal." That seemed to quiet her a bit.

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Old 11-08-2010, 07:35 PM
 
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I asked someone... yesterday but I was already pretty sure it was twins. My bump looks like a medium watermelon... her bump looked like my birthing ball.
If I wasn't so sure I wouldn't have asked though. I hope I didn't come across as rude. I don't think I did because she continued talking to me after that.

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Old 11-08-2010, 07:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nova22 View Post
Person 1: "Are you having twins?"
Person 2: "Why do you ask?"
Person 1: forced to say "because I think you look gigantic" or "because I'm nosy" or an awkward "oh, just curious" while suddenly realizing the rudeness of the question.
OMG that is brilliant! I am SO using that next time!!!!! (I get asked ALL the time and it pisses me off every time.)

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Old 11-08-2010, 08:05 PM
 
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Almost as rude as commenting on a non-pregnant person's weight gain. I'm tempted to say "as rude", but people seem to think there's some kind of licence to comment on pregnant bodies, so I guess the intentions at least are slightly more benign. Maybe. I dunno. I'm sensitive about personal comments, so even though I was small and "neat" throughout pregnancy I hated hearing "Oh, you've popped!" or whatever else the public at large felt I should know.

You could always give them a distant, pitying smile and say "You know, weight gain is really not the best predictor of twins", and then regale them with information about amniotic fluid levels and water retention and pregnancy cravings and so on...

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Old 11-08-2010, 08:26 PM
 
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At the library that I frequent with my 2 year old the librarian said "wow mama, you're getting fat". "Thanks" I said sarcastically and walked away.

Sometimes I'll talk with people about how "don't you think it's funny how people feel they can comment about the size of a women's body just because she's pregnant?" That sometimes gives them the hint that it's not polite to comment on a pregnant women's size, not matter if she's "big" or "small". IMO the only safe comment to a pregnant women is "you look great!"

Or if you're feeling especially snarky to the the person asking if you're having twins you could say. "No, I'm just extra fat because I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?"
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Old 11-08-2010, 08:56 PM
 
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I get it all. the. time. I wish I had the balls to answer, 'Twins, yeah, but we're only keeping one of them.' Let em deal with that reaction.
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Old 11-08-2010, 08:57 PM
 
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I had the exact opposite issue.
I WAS pregnant with twins and random people would make comments like "wow, you look small!" or "There is no way you're X # of weeks pregnant!" or "Are you sure there are 2 in there? So and So was twice your size with her twins" comments... it really hurt and caused me to worry that something was wrong since it was my first pregnancy and I was already freaked out about my unplanned pregnancy AND multiples.

After that, I learned to just say "Wow, you look fantastic, grats on the pregnancy!" to all my pregnant friends. No one should comment on how big/small a pregnant lady looks.

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Old 11-08-2010, 09:49 PM
 
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I have found people say the most amazingly rude things sometimes when one is pregnant. I have heard it all, LOL. No one ever asked if I was expecting twins when I was and now they ask every time since saying how huge I am.

Annabelle Catholic wife to Jeff '92 and mom to Makaley 19 Arden 19 Anniston 17 Taegan 14 Balen 12 Kellen 10 Ellery 8 Innish 6 Eiley 4 Finnian 3 Esca 2 our 8th uc.jpghomeschool.gifwaterbirth.jpgIHhbac.gifbftoddler.gifvbac.gifand expecting sweet pea January 2014.

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Old 11-08-2010, 10:03 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nova22 View Post
Person 1: "Are you having twins?"
Person 2: "Why do you ask?"
Person 1: forced to say "because I think you look gigantic" or "because I'm nosy" or an awkward "oh, just curious" while suddenly realizing the rudeness of the question.
That is a GREAT response, wish I had thought of it when one of my students asked me. Sometimes I think people mean well, they just don't speak well.

Wife of the husbandit and mommy to the wonderful G-Mack, born 1/30/2011
 
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Old 11-08-2010, 10:18 PM
 
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Im pregnant with twins and look huge to me but get ppl saying no way you're pregnant with twins, you're too small!!!!!!
Its like people just want to be rude or something!!

Me and my wonderful husband serve God. Blessed with twin girls 2/11/11. <3

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Old 11-08-2010, 10:23 PM
 
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Honestly, I lie to people when they ask how far along I am. I say a month ahead of what I am because I know that getting the 'you're so big' comment would ruin my week. Call me crazy, but I do it to protect my feelings.

Julia, mama to Bumpa 2008, and The Mole 2011

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Old 11-08-2010, 10:30 PM
 
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Im pregnant with twins and look huge to me but get ppl saying no way you're pregnant with twins, you're too small!!!!!!
Its like people just want to be rude or something!!
I think people think small is a compliment

I haven't gotten the twin thing, but I got lots of "You look ready to pop!" which was really unpleasant.

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Old 11-08-2010, 10:51 PM
 
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but I got lots of "You look ready to pop!" which was really unpleasant.
I dislike that comment the most.

Annabelle Catholic wife to Jeff '92 and mom to Makaley 19 Arden 19 Anniston 17 Taegan 14 Balen 12 Kellen 10 Ellery 8 Innish 6 Eiley 4 Finnian 3 Esca 2 our 8th uc.jpghomeschool.gifwaterbirth.jpgIHhbac.gifbftoddler.gifvbac.gifand expecting sweet pea January 2014.

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Old 11-09-2010, 12:28 AM
 
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I think people think small is a compliment

I haven't gotten the twin thing, but I got lots of "You look ready to pop!" which was really unpleasant.
I hate hearing "You look small!" I'm somewhat heavy so hearing "you look small" is like hearing "Wow, you're so fat I can hardly tell you're pregnant!", at least to me.

I think that the only acceptable comments anyone should make to a pregnant lady about how she looks is either that she's glowing or that she looks fabulous. No further elaboration required.

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Old 11-09-2010, 02:35 AM
 
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I guess people see me out in public with five kids seven and under, the youngest of whom is almost two but looks and acts more like a 12mo old, and figure there's no hope for me now.

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Old 11-09-2010, 07:19 AM
 
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I'm short and small-framed. I show early and I carry ALL in the front- despite not gaining much weight. I swear, with my first two pgs, this was one of the most annoying comments and it happened all. the. time. I wasn't ever actually upset about being so big, so it didn't bother me on that level- it just bothered me that complete strangers would feel the need to discuss my size and weight gain.

At first, I used the "why do you ask?" response, but it turns out strangers in my area have no filter. They'd say "oh because you're just SO BIG" I'd try to just smile and say thanks, but that gets wearing, so by the end of DD's pg, when ppl would ask "are you sure there's only one in there?" (haha... ) I'd say "well, sometimes, you just never know, do you?" and walk away.

Gotta tell you, this is a bright spot of my twin pg- being able to deadpan "yes. I am having twins." The shock on their faces is priceless. Seems, around here, people really aren't expecting you to say yes. (which, somehow makes the comment seem all the more rude to me...)

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Old 11-09-2010, 10:51 AM
 
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To me, that's the same as asking random strangers when they're due, only to put them in the position of admitting they aren't pregnant! Either way, the offending party is implying the woman is large enough to be carrying a baby that doesn't actually exist.

Allowable questions:
"When are you due?"
"Do you know the gender?"
"Are the kids getting excited?"
"How are you feeling?"

Allowable follow up responses:
"Congratulations!"
"That's nice!"
"Let me know if you need anything!"

End of story!

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Old 11-11-2010, 12:03 PM
 
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I get the "You look like you're ready to pop" daily, and have since I was about 6 months.  I also get people that argue with me about when I'm due (um, I think I would know), and then ask me if it's twins.  It's almost made me want to be a hermit.


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Old 11-11-2010, 01:03 PM
 
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It's so annoying; if you're pregnant, you can't make ANYONE happy. You're either too big, too small, eating too healthily, eating too much junk, doing too much, doing too little...ugh!

 

I shared the link to my maternity photos with my MIL and we were talking on the phone when she looked at them. She had this soft, breathy voice and she said: "Ohhhh, look at the kids...aren't they sweet! Oh, look at Veronica, what a cutie. And Ohhhhhhhh, look at you! You're....HUGE!" I said in my most sarcastic voice possible, "Gee, thanks." She said, "What, are you offended? I'm huge too, you know." (She is trying to lose about 10 pounds, by the way, and no one is CALLING HER HUGE. There is a bit of a difference.) 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by weliveintheforest View Post

I haven't gotten the twin thing, but I got lots of "You look ready to pop!" which was really unpleasant.


That is by far my least favorite comment. I am usually pretty polite despite comments that rub me the wrong way, but I have a hard time being civil after hearing that. I respond with "I'm pregnant, I'm not a sheet of bubble wrap," or "I'm pretty sure that's not how babies are born."
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MyFullHouse View Post

Allowable questions:
"When are you due?"
"Do you know the gender?"
"Are the kids getting excited?"
"How are you feeling?"

Allowable follow up responses:
"Congratulations!"
"That's nice!"
"Let me know if you need anything!"

End of story!


AGREED. Even some of those allowable questions can get annoying after being heard every.single.day by complete strangers, but they are a whole lot better than any type of size comment or personal judgement or (has anyone mentioned this yet?) tales of how terrifying their own labor and delivery was.

 

As far as I'm concerned, the things people can say to me without me getting annoyed are:

"You look great!"
"You look wonderful!"
"You look amazing!"
"You look beautiful!"


End of story. lol.gif I'm not vain, but I do feel like a giant greasy smelly lump when I'm pregnant. Compliments cheer me up a bit and make me think maybe I'm being too critical. Maybe. smile.gif


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Old 11-11-2010, 01:29 PM
 
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I'm carrying twins, too, and got the "too small" comment a couple weeks ago.  I've ballooned since then.  Wonder if my commentor will be more approving if we run into each other again? 

I've been getting the "How are you feeling?" a lot!  It's starting to drive me crazy.  Let's see, pregnant with #s 7 and 8, dh working full time and in school full time, running ragged trying to keep up with my middle school kids and make sure my younger kids are getting all their homework done and at least a little bit of attention....Really, you don't want to know. 


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