Book recommendations for first time dads-to-be? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 11-28-2010, 04:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is our first, and my DH just told me he's really starting to feel freaked out. He is having trouble wrapping his head around what it will be like to have a kid, and I think he's finding the responsibility a bit overwhelming (who doesn't?!). He told me he's afraid to be alone with the kid because he's afraid he'll mess up somehow and it'll get hurt or something. I have absolutely no doubt that he will be a fantastic dad, but he hasn't spent much time caring for babies or kids (unlike me) and I think everything's just getting a lot more real for the poor guy.

 

Any book (or other source) recommendations? I already know about The Birth Partner for labor and delivery, but am wondering what's out there to help him understand what to expect, and have more confidence in his ability to do this.


Fiction writer by training, writer/editor of anything anyone will hire me for by trade. Me + D=my girls E (4/2011) and little N, 1/2014.

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#2 of 14 Old 11-28-2010, 04:52 PM
 
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My DH just picked out two from our midwife's lending library.  He has skimmed them a little over the past few days and says he would recommend them.  He's like your DH:  will be great but hasn't been around babies much.

 

Be Prepared:  A Practical Handbook for New Dads by Gary Greenberg and Jeannie Hayden

Baby:  An Owner's Manual by Steve Tague and Julie Long


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#3 of 14 Old 11-28-2010, 09:28 PM
 
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My DH sounds similar to yours--he's excited, but has never been around babies.  When our (now ages 4 and 1) niece and nephew were born, he was too afraid to hold them, and rarely interacted with them when they were really little because he just didn't know how, and was afraid of hurting them (he's their favorite uncle now!)  Anyway, he's been reading "The Expectant Father" by Armin Brott, which was the only pregnancy book for men at the bookstore when we went.  As he's been reading it, numerous times he's stopped and re-read passages to me, saying "This is so true!" and "This is exactly how I feel!" 

 

He's not scared of babies, he just doesn't know what to do, and is afraid he will be a bad father because he doesn't already know everything about taking care of his child.  The book I think is really touching on that and helping him realize that it's normal to feel that way.  Anyway, I would recommend it based on his reaction. 

 

Also, it's relatively short (if that matters!)

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#4 of 14 Old 11-28-2010, 10:42 PM
 
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The Fathers-To-Be Handbook is wonderful. http://www.fatherstobe.org/ftb%20handbook.htm  It's also a pretty quick read.


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#5 of 14 Old 11-29-2010, 07:45 AM
 
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Hi Blanca,

 

Some places offer new father classes. The expectant fathers learn how to change diapers, give baths, burp the baby, etc.. Maybe that would be something to look into. Also, Youtube is a great resource for birth videos so your DH could see what birth is like that way. :)


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#6 of 14 Old 11-29-2010, 09:08 AM
 
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Fathers at Birth is supposed to be among the best of the best and the reviews on amazon are great. I just got it for my DP


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#7 of 14 Old 11-30-2010, 07:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the great suggestions, everyone! Lauren--I will definitely look into those classes. This is all a big help.


Fiction writer by training, writer/editor of anything anyone will hire me for by trade. Me + D=my girls E (4/2011) and little N, 1/2014.

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#8 of 14 Old 11-30-2010, 01:25 PM
 
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The Expectant Father is a great one... not too technical but isn't superficial either. The dads in my classes really like it a lot. It is broken down month by month and covers it all.  

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#9 of 14 Old 11-30-2010, 01:47 PM
 
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I personally like: http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Owners-Manual-Instructions-Trouble-Shooting/dp/1931686238

 

It is comical and takes the seriousness out of fatherhood/parenthood. This is obviously not intended to be the only source of info. I  think the real key is to let them know that what they feel is normal.

If it is any consolation, we just had our second, and DH was in a bit of a panic this time too.

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#10 of 14 Old 11-30-2010, 01:47 PM
 
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I just read through most of "Dad's Pregnant, Too" and wasn't really a fan.  It was mildly entertaining, and was accepting of (or at least neutral on) homebirth, doulas, unmedicated birth, the Bradley Method, etc., but was lacking in real information about any of those topics. 


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#11 of 14 Old 11-30-2010, 02:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jo4joyfulbirth View Post

The Expectant Father is a great one... not too technical but isn't superficial either. The dads in my classes really like it a lot. It is broken down month by month and covers it all.  



My husband really liked The Expectant Father as well. 

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#12 of 14 Old 11-30-2010, 10:35 PM
 
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I like the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, as well as Playful Parenting. Both help guide the child in positive ways, and techniques work for all ages. 

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#13 of 14 Old 11-30-2010, 11:22 PM
 
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My DH read Becoming a Father by Dr. Sears. It's a kind of old book, I'm not sure if it's still in print even. I just happened to find a copy in a used bookstore. It's a beautiful book, not too long, and is part of the whole Sears' AP library, so has a good AP perspective.

 

p.s. I just found it on Amazon, looks like there's an updated edition: http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Father-Nurture-Family-Growing/dp/0912500964/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1291188064&sr=1-1


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#14 of 14 Old 12-01-2010, 08:35 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bugitybug View Post

I like the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, as well as Playful Parenting. Both help guide the child in positive ways, and techniques work for all ages. 



definite must haves.. but not really for fathers of newborns though. these two books totally changed my outlook on parenting


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