Can you help me make a list --biggest fears? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 38 Old 12-18-2010, 10:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello all!

I am working on something for birthing moms, and I was wondering you you could help me! I was wondering what the top fears woman have about the impending birth.

 

I have had three babies, and for me my biggest fear ( the first time) was the fear that I would poop ( and that my husband would see it.) It was a constant underlying fear that really caused my biggest worry.

 

Thank you all! I sure appreciate this. I won't use any names, I just need a list!

Thank you!

Barbara

 

 


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#2 of 38 Old 12-19-2010, 02:56 AM
 
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I have had two children so far and they were natural births with no pain meds. or anything and by midwife in the hospital.  I was concerned about something going wrong and needing a c-section, episiotomy or IV.  I do have to say that once I was past the part where none of that was a concern, my biggest pause came when we got the ring of fire!  That always makes me stop and take a deep breath and usually a wave of fear.  And now being preg. 20 years later the first thing I said to my husband when I found out I was unexpectedly preg. (other than how did this happen) was "oh shit, I have to face the ring of fire again". *LOL* As funny as that may sound, it truly gives me pause because it is the only part of labor that hurts for me and makes me question my ability to complete the process.


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#3 of 38 Old 12-19-2010, 09:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I had 3 home births. My first was posterior, but I did not know it. I loved his birth and never worried about birth throughout pregnancy..

 

My second birth, my daughter was born after 2 1/2 hours of labor. It went FAST and furious. She was born in one push. But it was INTENSE.

 

When I was pregnant for the third time with my daughter, I had some tiny panic attacks thinking about the birth. I had to admit that at times I was scared. It was really weird to have these "scared" episodes.

 

The birth turned out to be really easy. It was 2 1/2 hours, but each contraction was easy and I had a long break in between. I was like, " Am I in transition or is labor stopping?" It took me a couple of good pushes to get her out. I never felt "a ring of fire," I looked at it like "the ring of resistance that is keeping my baby in." or " That place where I have to go PAST.

 

Thanks for sharing. I love birth. sigh.

Barbara


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#4 of 38 Old 12-19-2010, 10:08 AM
 
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my fears:
1. vomiting in labor
2. having a c-section
3. becoming overwhelmed and having a panic attack during labor

i have anxiety and luckily my first labor was totally panic free, short, minimal pain, no complaints whatsoever, a perfect first labor and homebirth BUT memories of it were really intense. i couldn't look at pictures from birthing and i still try not to remember it--birthing is such an overwhelming experience. i trust that my body will know what to do again and that i will get through it calmly again, but the sense of fear is still there.

eta: i just realized, these are the only fears i have wrt labor, but they are also the general fears i have in life: major surgery, vomiting, and panic attacks. so i don't know how applicable they are to others...

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#5 of 38 Old 12-19-2010, 10:13 AM
 
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1. the pain

2. baby not breathing

3. pooping


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#6 of 38 Old 12-19-2010, 10:46 AM
 
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Biggest fear the first time was that I wouldn't be able to handle the pain and would beg for drugs.  Turns out, I did fine, despite a posterior babe and back laboe.

 

Second and third times, there wasn't much fear, though there is always the fear of c/s.

 

This time, i fear labor being like it was with #3.  hands down, worst pain of my life and it made me understand why women would want drugs in labor.  That circumstance is unlikely to repeat itself, since the pain was caused by a nuchal hand, but I worry about it a lot.


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#7 of 38 Old 12-19-2010, 12:47 PM
 
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First time - 

1. Not being able to handle the pain

2. Needing a csection

 

This time - 

1. Something going wrong during labor/birth.  Baby needing resuscitation or worse.

2. Not being able to handle the pain

3. Needing a csection


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#8 of 38 Old 12-19-2010, 06:05 PM
 
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My first was a scheduled c-section at 35 weeks because of a vasa previa and all of my fears during that time were regarding something going wrong during the surgery and needing a hysterectomy (or something worse).

 

My second was a homebirth and the only fear I had was a slight bit of worry about the "risk" of uterine rupture because I was a VBAC and not in the hospital.  I had no fear about the birth itself.

 

Now, pregnant with my 3rd, I am planning another homebirth and have some slight worries about having a midwife in attendance.  I basically did the last one on my own (had an 'illegal' midwife/friend in the house just in case but she stayed totally out of the way).  I would prefer to UC but DH isn't comfortable with that, so we are going with a CNM who lives down the street and has an awesome reputation but yet I worry about how hands-on she will be.  I like to be left alone during labor and hopefully she will respect that and not feel the need to intervene too much.


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#9 of 38 Old 12-19-2010, 07:59 PM
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with DD1, my biggest fear was that i couldn't handle the pain, that i'd go for interventions which ultimately would lead to a caesarean birth. which happened, but i feel ok about it because i know i truly was at my limit before i made those choices.

 

with this one, my biggest fear is i'll go into labour before the scheduled repeat c/s date and give birth alone. a small part of me wouldn't mind a VBAC but being alone is scary to me.


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#10 of 38 Old 12-19-2010, 08:06 PM
 
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First time: vomiting

 

Second time: having to push as long as I did the first time (2.5 hours), ahead of time I had some concerns about me and baby being okay during delivery (1st homebirth) but while I was in labor that fear completely went away.  As did the pushing fear because I could feel the head so far down before I even started pushing, I knew it wouldn't be long! (17 minutes)


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#11 of 38 Old 12-20-2010, 06:39 AM
 
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Sooooo, this pooping during labor thing.

 

How often does that happen?

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#12 of 38 Old 12-20-2010, 07:51 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greenmulberry View Post

Sooooo, this pooping during labor thing.

 

How often does that happen?



Fairly often, 2 out of 3 births for me. You are busy pushing a baby out, sometimes other things get pushed out as well. It usually bothers the mom more then anyone else, medical professionals have seen it many a time. 


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#13 of 38 Old 12-20-2010, 08:06 AM
 
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OK, I am going to add pooping in front of my husband to one of my fears.

 

Although, I told him I want him up by my head when I am pushing anyway so that should help take care of that.

 

Having a Cesarean section is a big fear of mine. The thought of being cut open and conscious is just horrifying to me.

 

I am not so worried about vomiting. Throwing up doesn't bother me much, in fact, if I have an upset tummy I will occasionally just go throw up to try and make it better.

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#14 of 38 Old 12-20-2010, 09:02 AM
 
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My biggest fears with my first were tearing/having an episiotomy.

 

With  my second my biggest fear is just the new unknowns--what if my labor is really fast, but I don't get to the birth center in time kinda thing.

 

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#15 of 38 Old 12-20-2010, 10:28 AM
 
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The first time; have a malpositionned baby.  I spent a lot of time on spinningbabies and doing inversions!

This time around: Meconium in the water, because im planning a homebirth and getting contradictory info as whether or not I should transfer if that's the case.  Also, the baby coming too fast for my midwife to get here on time (we're getting snow storm after snow storm here!)

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#16 of 38 Old 12-20-2010, 10:42 AM
 
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With my first my fear was just not knowing what to expect.  I mean you read about it, watch videos, and take classes but every woman's experience is different.  I ended up with a c-section after 12 hrs of labor.

 

This time around I am a VBAC.  Having been through the whole hospital experience I know what I did and did not like about my first birth.  I feel more comfortable with making decisions on the type of care I expect and want.  My biggest fear at this point is the slight risk of uterine rupture.  I also fear coping with pain since I have decided to labor unmedicated.


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#17 of 38 Old 12-20-2010, 11:55 AM
 
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1. Posterior or aslyntic baby.  (didn't happen)

2. Being 'forced' into the lithotomy position.  (didn't happen, waited until 8 cm to go in and pushed on hands and knees)

3. Having a teeny tiny baby I'd be afraid to handle. (baby was bigger than anyone expected)

4. Induction. (had him at 40+1)

 

  • I didn't really care about pooping.  Good thing too cause I had to.
  • I was a little timid about the pain but it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.  Transition was really intense but it was never more than I could handle with a little support.  (I totally credit whoever said that contractions could not be stronger than you because they ARE you.)
  • I actually looked forward to vomiting since someone mentioned that the same reflex that opens your stomach sphincters to vomit opens the cervix too.  Plus it meant transition and transition meant it was almost over.
  • It was amazing how fast I stopped being afraid once I went into labor.  The fear totally disappeared and I just knew what had to be done.

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#18 of 38 Old 12-20-2010, 02:06 PM
 
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These are things I've feared throughout all six of my pregnancies so far, a lot of them aren't relevant anymore.

 

1. tearing or getting an episiotomy (never had an epi; I tore once when my doctor used fear tactics to make me turn and push on my back and the resulting stitches were more painful than the labor and birth)

2. shoulder dystocia (never happened)

3. cord around the neck (never happened and I'm no longer concerned now that DH and I know how to handle it)

4. having to get a repeat c-section (fingers crossed!)

5. back labor (never happened)

6. getting snowed in while in labor, or midwife getting snowed out (we'll see, but the weather report looks good)

7. post-partum depression (this has been an issue in the past but fortunately DH and I know what symptoms to look for)

8. pooping in labor (for those who are worried about that, when you're far enough along that it might happen, you really don't care as much!)

9. having to be transferred from a homebirth attempt and having the hospital staff look down on me or accuse me of stupidity/negligence for attempting a homebirth (FWIW I did have to go to the hospital and they were extremely nice and empathetic)

10. labor lasting forever (that never actually happened) ;-)

11. having to have another baby in the NICU for any reason...that was horrible!


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#19 of 38 Old 12-20-2010, 03:12 PM
 
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This is my first baby. My main fears are having to fend off medical interventions or being interventionized into worse outcomes than I'd otherwise have.  I hate having to say no to medical people who are not offering me a choice of what they do to me and it's worse when they get on my case after I say no. If they offer me a choice or ask if it's okay if they do whatever, I'm fine and can say yes or no, but I always have to psych myself up to flat-out refuse interventions and it still messes with me afterwards, and that's when I'm NOT in labor. I can't imagine an entire birth experience like that, and I get the impression a lot of that goes on in the hospital, which is why I want to give birth at home.

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#20 of 38 Old 12-20-2010, 04:08 PM
 
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there is one fear that has been with me through all preg and that was having to have a c -section.  my last 2 deliveries were in hopsital - so i was afraid of unecessary interventions and having to fight with staff - which I did have to do with my last delivery.  so this time we are homebirthing.  right now my fears with it are that this delivery won't be as smooth and uncomplicated as all the others. I also had a prolapse with my last delivery and am worried about that causing issues with this delivery


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#21 of 38 Old 12-20-2010, 04:15 PM
 
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1. baby dying

2. me dying

3. having a c-section (mostly because of the recovery- I have to lift my heavy 5 yo w/ SN regularly)


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#22 of 38 Old 12-20-2010, 04:27 PM
 
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• shoulder dystocia

 

• postpartum hemorrhaging or an embolism

 

• more trivial...dizziness: I had really bad BPPV and it's pretty much dissipated but whenever I get even vaguely dizzy, it sends me into a panic attack. So I'd rather not have that be part of my birthing experience.


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#23 of 38 Old 12-20-2010, 08:30 PM
 
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I pooped during my first labor, and my husband saw it. He cleaned it up instead of the nurse, in fact.

 

My biggest fears: stillbirth, neurological damage (cerebral palsy, seizures), respiratory/cardiac distress of my baby.

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#24 of 38 Old 12-21-2010, 06:16 AM
 
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My fear last time was just the fear of the unknown. knowing that I was trying to prepare for something that I had no way of knowing what it would be like. I like to know facts, and details, and for birth, you just can't know everything until you do it. This time I'm afraid I will give in earlier to pain medication, even though the only option I have is IV nubain (which actually helped alot) since I'll be at a birthing center. So this time I'm afraid of the pain again. I had bad back labor, and while from the outside everyone said I did great, went through 37 hours of labor before asking for meds, I still felt helpless and out of control inside, even though I didn't express it verbally(I didn't scream really, just deep moans) I'm also afraid of tearing again. I had a 3rd degree tear last time and the recovery was yuck.


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#25 of 38 Old 12-21-2010, 06:22 AM
 
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I was afraid I wouldn't realize I was in labor (I had a lot of strong contractions for weeks) until it was too late for the midwife to get to us.

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#26 of 38 Old 12-21-2010, 08:29 AM
 
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1: c-section

2: baby has an unexpected problem at birth

3: maternal hemorrhaging


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#27 of 38 Old 12-21-2010, 06:05 PM
 
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I have a couple of things

1.Csection, I know it's 'normal' and many people plan them, but this would derail my existence.

2. Pubic separation, in the front where the cartilage is, I'm afraid it will separate, and not come back together right.

3. being forced into something I don't want. I feel like I was rushed into labor last time with pit when my water broke at 37w. I think I will wait a few hours next time before I call the hospital.

4. death of me/baby

5. infection/birth defect that causes damage to me or the baby

 

I will have to say that I vomited all over the place while in labor. My fave place to be was the toilet, and both my mom and DH were holding the trash can for me so I could barf :) It's really not that bad, I mean, it's barfing, but you can tell you body knows something is going on, something is coming out, and it's just squeezing everything out!


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#28 of 38 Old 12-21-2010, 07:30 PM
 
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Quote:

Originally Posted by kriket View Post

I have a couple of things

1.Csection, I know it's 'normal' and many people plan them, but this would derail my existence.


I know you put it in quotation marks but I don't agree that a Cesarean is normal at all. It's becoming more common, yes...but it's far from normal.

 

Your fear is legitimate in that if you end up with a Cesarean, there would be a real concern justifying it (i.e., your or the baby's health is at risk).

 

However, that's sadly not the case these days. Usually (not always), the justification — "fetal distress" and "failure to progress" — is just hospital-speak for "I don't have time for this...get the damn baby out".


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#29 of 38 Old 12-21-2010, 07:47 PM
 
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It changes with every birth..

First:

Something happening to me (my mother almost passed away giving birth and my father told me the story like 100 times while I was pregnant, thanks Dad)

Something happening to the baby

waking up to it all being a dream (no, I'm not joking.. I was worried Id wake up after I gave birth and still be pregnant)

 

Second:

Being separated from my child (which happened, she ended up in the NICU.. it was 4 hours from the time we were separated until I saw her again)

Breastfeeding issues (which happened, she wouldn't latch when we brought her home from the hospital)

Leaving my oldest (who was totally fine with the babysitters and had a great time playing with her friends)

 

This time:

Not making it to the hospital in time (we didn't make it in time last time, this time we NEED to so we can get the birth certificate without a fight)

being separated from my girls (funny unlike last time I have no fear of being separated from the baby, just from my oldest two. I keep worrying that something will happen while I'm apart from them, luckily the person I'm leaving them with has 5 children of her own and will know what to do if something happened. She managed to get her children past this age all relatively intact so I'm sure the girls will be fine with her)

induction or C-Section- the hospital I'm delivering at has a horrible C-Section rate and loves to find reasons to induce labor and preform C-Sections. I'm one of the few people I know over here that has given birth vaginally (and I know a LOT of women who have given birth over here)

The recovery- First wasn't that bad, second it took forever for me to recover. I dread going through a difficult recovery and having to do an international move at the same time.


~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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#30 of 38 Old 12-21-2010, 07:52 PM
 
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1. The unknown -- how is labor going to feel, how long, when/where is it going to start =  lack of control, I suppose

2.  Complications with the baby (which would currently result in baby being transferred by helicopter to large city, and me being left to fight for a discharge ASAP so that we could go and make decisions for our sick child -- that situation alone makes me very, very scared)

3.  Being poorly treated (or punished) by hospital staff in event of homebirth transfer.

4.  Unnecessary interventions being forced because of breech presentation, twins, etc.


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