Rant: My husband doesn't approve of my eating - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-04-2011, 04:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm 8w4d.  I've had pretty bad morning sickness, but not awful.  Most days I don't want to eat anything at all, but I'm not puking all that often.  I try to choke down something every day.  Then every few days or so I get cravings for really unhealthy food.  I'll chow down on Big Macs and McDonalds french fries.  Or a whole bag of potato chips and sour cream and onion dip.  Or half a carton of ice cream.  And my husband doesn't approve.  He gets upset and lectures me about how the baby is eating what I'm eating. 

Now, I want to caveat all of this by saying he's been super fabulous about everything else.  I've been dead tired and suffering from insomnia.  He's taken to doing everything around the house.  The cooking, the laundry, the dishes.  He's sympathetic to my feeling like crap.  And he's reading books about pregnancy and taken a real interest in this whole thing.  And I think maybe that's where part of the problem is.  He knows a little too much.

But, *I* know that potato chips are not a good source of nutrition for me or my growing baby.  And I know that Big Macs are even worse.  But 98% of the time the thought of any kind of food kicks my gag reflex in.  And I'm so tired already that not eating just makes me want to sleep all day.  So when my stomach says:  "that!  I want that!"  I eat it.  And I've tried to explain all this to him.  But I still get the lectures and disapproving looks.  Anything I can do?  I guess I'm mostly just looking to vent to some sympathetic ladies.

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Old 04-04-2011, 04:51 PM
 
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That would be really annoying. It's great that he's helpful and involved, but there's really no way that he can understand that nausea/food aversion thing during early pg. It's a wierd wierd thing. Hasn't he read about this type of thing? Are you usually a healthy eater? Can you just ask him to trust you that you are doing the best you can do?

My last pg, my grandma said the same type of thing to me- basically she told me to eat healthy whether it made me want to puke or not. That was really annoying, but at least she doesn't live with me.

 

Big macs give you protein and carbs, which are two macro nutrients that you need. So if that's seriously the only thing you can eat, then that is better than nothing. I know it's common thought that it's worse than eating nothing, but seriously, you could survive on big macs. You can't survive too long eating literally nothing.

Plus, doesn't the baby get most nutrients before you do? I don't know. I'd say baby is just fine. YOUR health may suffer, which isn't good. But most of the time, ms doesn't last more than a couple months. You'll have time to get the good stuff in.


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Old 04-04-2011, 06:28 PM
 
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Oh goodness!  IMO he is a bit out of line.  It's great that he's involved, I agree, but he has no right to make you feel bad about what you're eating.  I agree with the PP, it's very hard for anyone who isn't pg to understand the nausea/aversion stage, and if you want a big mac , by all means, eat a big mac!  It's only temporary.  Maybe explain to your very loving husband that once you get into the 2nd tri and are feeling better you'll make more of an effort to eat healthy foods.  That's how it works for me with pregnancy. I survive the first tri on whatever sounds good and stays down, and then once I can eat again, I choose a little more wisely.  


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Old 04-04-2011, 07:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks ladies.  I already feel a little better.  I think he'll come around.  I suspect he's just scared by what he's reading.  But really, I can't be perfect.  And I need to eat!  I'm normally a fairly healthy eater, so I think that may be why he's a little freaked out by my sudden urge to eat copious amounts of high fat, high sodium processed foods.  I'll keep trying to explain that I can only force my body to eat yogurt and fruits and other healthy foods on occasion, and sometimes I just gotta eat what I can.  Thanks!

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Old 04-04-2011, 08:14 PM
 
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Once your morning sickness subsides and you can eat more variety and feel good, you officially have full rights to find really delicious looking healthy recipes (check foodgawker.com.. ohhhh my thats like porn for food!) and say "Ooohh... I REALLY REALLY need that... can you please make it for me *bat eyelashes* it would be so good for the baby. It has a lot of __________ in it. Look!! This article here says that ________ is  a pregnancy SUPER FOOD!.. Don't you want a healthy baby?" 

 

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Old 04-04-2011, 08:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LiLStar View Post

Once your morning sickness subsides and you can eat more variety and feel good, you officially have full rights to find really delicious looking healthy recipes (check foodgawker.com.. ohhhh my thats like porn for food!) and say "Ooohh... I REALLY REALLY need that... can you please make it for me *bat eyelashes* it would be so good for the baby. It has a lot of __________ in it. Look!! This article here says that ________ is  a pregnancy SUPER FOOD!.. Don't you want a healthy baby?" 

 

Payback will be delicious. 


YES!  THIS!  

  Most pregnant women i know have gone through a few weeks of this type of eating /aversion sort of thing.  All i wanted to eat this past pregnancy was bread and pasta ...BUT i also craved orange juice and sweet potatoes ...which i ate just about every day....i also ate carrots - which are really not my favorite...my midwife said "well obviously you needed some Vitamin A - and your body got what it needed"      maybe you need some high sodium highly processed meat! 


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Old 04-05-2011, 05:11 AM
 
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That made me think... if DH were the one gestating the baby, I'd probably get a bit paranoid or naggy about his eating habits. I know a fair bit about pregnancy nutrition (not systematically, I've just picked up odds and ends of info), and it's so easy to tell someone else what they should do! So it's probably just as well that control-freak me is the pregnant one, and DH is laid-back. :p

 

But yes, it is rather obnoxious of him to be disapproving when he's never been through it! Nausea, food aversions and just plain "off your food"ness are SO hard to combat. I got in some good preconception nutrition this time round, in order to help me get away with eating rubbish in the first trimester if I had to. As it turned out my nausea didn't last long, but I did have a few months of feeling "off" food and having to force myself to eat. I meant well, but yeah, there were plenty of days where it was 2PM and I'd realise I hadn't eaten.

 

So I do the best I can on any given day.... which varies wildly.... and the baby will just have to deal. :p That's life. Big Macs ARE better than nothing. If you can find MSG-free chips and dip, or ice cream made with real cream, so much the better - and if you can tolerate prenatals, they can help "fill in the gaps" to a certain extent - but really, you should just send your DH here to read millions of anecdotes of women who can't stand XYZ healthy food, desperately crave junk and/or can't eat at all.


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Old 04-05-2011, 05:35 AM
 
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In the first trimester, the baby will take everything it needs from the stores you had in your body before you conceived. So as long as you were somewhat well-nourished before becoming pregnant, the baby is a-ok. Whatever you eat now is more for yourself than the baby, so eat whatever you can. The baby is so so tiny right now! By the time it is big enough to literally "eat what you're eating" you should be feeling better and eating better. Just tell him nature works perfectly that way.
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Old 04-05-2011, 06:26 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by radicaleel View Post

In the first trimester, the baby will take everything it needs from the stores you had in your body before you conceived. So as long as you were somewhat well-nourished before becoming pregnant, the baby is a-ok. Whatever you eat now is more for yourself than the baby, so eat whatever you can. The baby is so so tiny right now! By the time it is big enough to literally "eat what you're eating" you should be feeling better and eating better. Just tell him nature works perfectly that way.


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I didn't throw up a lot either, just had constant nausea.  Things will get better soon and you'll start craving healthier things.  I also had McD's cravings, maybe because the food is so, well, simple and aerodynamic.  I couldn't stand the thought of choking down vegetable fiber or anything chunky.

 


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Old 04-05-2011, 07:24 PM
 
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nothing to really add...except if my husband even made one disparaging remark about my diest while pregnant...I would have probably of told him to stfu and stuffed an entire orange down his throat to help him out with that...because oranges are pretty much all i ate the first tri this go around

 

I ate a ton of junk when I was pregnant with my last...and know what?? shes perfect, was born perfect and continues to be so at four...srsly..no illness (shes actually only ever had three colds in four yrs) , no allergies, perfect height/weight, very intelligent and attractive to boot

ben and jerry were my two favorite men and I passed nary a burger king for 80% of my pregnancy..only thing that suffered was the size of my rear

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Old 04-05-2011, 11:03 PM
 
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peanuts and coke, potatoes, steak, pasta that is all i wanted for the first fourteen weeks. i was queasy and gaggy day and night. my doc, who is very naturally minded, said not to worry. do your best and eat what you can. baby will be fine. and she was. babe will be okay and so will your dear hubby...so glad he cares

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Old 04-06-2011, 12:05 AM
 
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Is your DH reading What to Expect, by chance? She's particularly harsh about diet. If so, you might want to chuck that book. That was the first pregnancy book I got when I was pregnant the first time and she made me want to cry. I was SO sick and all I could choke down was KFC and a coke and she made me feel like I was a bad mother already.
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Old 04-06-2011, 07:38 AM
 
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Is your DH reading What to Expect, by chance? She's particularly harsh about diet. If so, you might want to chuck that book. That was the first pregnancy book I got when I was pregnant the first time and she made me want to cry. I was SO sick and all I could choke down was KFC and a coke and she made me feel like I was a bad mother already.

I'm not a fan of burning books, but that one I would bring the lighter fluid.

 


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Old 04-06-2011, 08:04 AM
 
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YES to kempsmom and boysmom2! You cannot force things down that make you want to hurl.

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Old 04-06-2011, 08:08 AM
 
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I've tried to explain it by asking the person to imagine they have a stomach bug and are throwing up. Would you like to try and make yourself eat some chicken, broccoli and rice while throwing up? Or if they have ever been car sick or sea sick...uh, your not going to go eat a salad and some fish while nauseous. That is the only way i can explain it to the male species.

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Old 04-06-2011, 04:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Shami View Post

I've tried to explain it by asking the person to imagine they have a stomach bug and are throwing up. Would you like to try and make yourself eat some chicken, broccoli and rice while throwing up? Or if they have ever been car sick or sea sick...uh, your not going to go eat a salad and some fish while nauseous. That is the only way i can explain it to the male species.

Very well said! This pregnancy I have had to have red meat frequently, and fatty salty foods. NOW! My body is clearly craving protein, iron and salt, so I think that's what it needs. I've been trying to be "healthy" about this by eating organic meat as much as possible and going for organic blue corn chips instead of cheetos or Doritos. But that doesn't mean I never eat them. Sometimes the only thing that will stop me from shaking and throwing up is something VERY unhealthy, and excuse me, but I'm going to eat it. hug.gif

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Old 04-06-2011, 11:29 PM
 
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Old 04-07-2011, 12:15 AM
 
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Thanks! :)


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Old 04-07-2011, 12:43 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsy fartsy View Post
 He gets upset and lectures me about how the baby is eating what I'm eating. 


 

What does he really mean when he says this?  The baby is getting the nutrients from your bloodstream, so you should have some there, ya' know?  If you eat foods with macronutrients like fat, carbohydrate and protein, you're helping the baby get more to eat, even they aren't the healthiest things for you to eat.  I know things can cross the placenta, like various drugs, viruses and trans fats as well, so I can see some of what your husband might be trying to say, but I think it's a bigger danger not to get enough to eat.  Maybe you can add some sort of healthy oil supplement to your diet and make sure you take your prenatal vitamins.  

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Old 04-07-2011, 07:40 AM
 
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Everyone has given you fabulous advice, so I'll just say that I ate like crap the first couple of months too.  It was all I could do to eat at all, so I ate some junk.  I know it's not the best, but I couldn't do anything about it, you know?  I hope that your food aversions get better soon!


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Old 04-08-2011, 05:52 PM
 
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I've tried to explain it by asking the person to imagine they have a stomach bug and are throwing up. Would you like to try and make yourself eat some chicken, broccoli and rice while throwing up? Or if they have ever been car sick or sea sick...uh, your not going to go eat a salad and some fish while nauseous. That is the only way i can explain it to the male species.

 

Yep, this!

 

I just wanted to add that my diet during the first trimester was horrible too. All I wanted was bland, salty carbs. The less nutritional value, the better. I felt guilty about it, but it was out of my control.

 

It's totally normal - probably something we've evolved to avoid food poisoning, which would have been a real threat for the vast majority of human history. Not much you can do about that!

 

Just take your pre-natals and eat what you can stomach. You'll probably be able to broaden your diet again once you get past the 1st trimester.


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Old 04-09-2011, 01:56 PM
 
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I'm glad he is so involved and wants to help, that is sweet... but he is going about it ALLLLLLL wrong on the food front! I'm sure he is concerned but I'm sure you are fully aware of what you are and aren't eating... and even talking about grilled chicken and vegetables probably makes you want to hurl!

 

In the first trimester, what stays down is what matters. I was so, so sick with my last pregnancy. I puked multiple times a day, every day for almost 20 weeks. I usually eat a very varied, healthy, whole food diet but that went out the window by 6 weeks. I finally figured out that the ONLY 2 things that would consistently stay down were Stouffer's frozen mac & cheese (could that possibly be any LESS of an actual food source... pretty much just salt and pretend cheese...) and apple pie. That was it. That was ALL I ate that stayed down for months. I did the best I could. I baked my own pies from scratch and used whole flour and organic apples... but I just needed to eat! DS is perfectly fine! Yours will be too!!

 

You are doing your best, don't worry!!!


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Old 04-09-2011, 04:06 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by radicaleel View Post

In the first trimester, the baby will take everything it needs from the stores you had in your body before you conceived. So as long as you were somewhat well-nourished before becoming pregnant, the baby is a-ok. Whatever you eat now is more for yourself than the baby, so eat whatever you can. The baby is so so tiny right now! By the time it is big enough to literally "eat what you're eating" you should be feeling better and eating better. Just tell him nature works perfectly that way.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by bethanyclaire View Post

In the first trimester, what stays down is what matters.

You are doing your best, don't worry!!!

yeahthat.gif

 

I'm with you and the McDonald's fry craving.  I had that with my first.  Morning sickness aversions and cravings are so hard to explain to people who have not gone through it.  My MIL had zero m/s and totally didn't get what I was talking about and why I was doing what I was doing.  I could only eat applesauce followed by fried eggs every morning.  For lunch the only thing I could eat was mac and cheese from a box.  Dinner was a crap shoot.  And when you suddenly see or envision the perfect food, that is the only food that you can eat- it's the only thing that will stay put.  Sometimes it is so specific that it has to be a certain dish from a certain restaurant and attempting to make something similar at home just will not do. 

 

I hope that he learns to understand.  This won't last forever and then you can eat all the organic greens and lean meats you need to.  Hugs!


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