how much time did your partner take off? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 29 Old 06-03-2011, 03:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is our first baby and we are trying to make some plans.  Well, as much as we can plan.  I know things can go unexpectedly.  I was wondering how much time your partner takes off when you have the baby.  I know it is different for everyone.  I just want to get some opinions. 

 

My partner pretty much has to give his work notice of how long he will be taking off. It can change but I guess they want a tenative plan.  He will probably have about a weeks paid by then.  I am not sure how fast my family will come down to help.  It might be right away it might be weeks later.  I know if things go badly I will need him around longer but I am just thinking of if things go pretty smoothly as far as the delivery and recovery.  Also I should probably mention that I will have to drive him in when he goes back.

 

Any thoughts? opinions?


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#2 of 29 Old 06-03-2011, 03:33 PM
 
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My husband took 20 days. He is military though so it is paid leave and thats why were able to do it. 10 days are given to him for baby leave and then he took an additional 10.


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#3 of 29 Old 06-03-2011, 05:24 PM
 
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DH took 6 weeks from the day before J was born. He is entitled to 3 weeks paternity leave which he has the option of taking at half pay to double the time off work.

 

I know not everyone has the luxury of paid paternity leave but I would recommend taking as long as possible. Even if you don't need help the bonding time is priceless IMO.


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#4 of 29 Old 06-03-2011, 05:59 PM
 
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DH took ten days. He works for himself, so there was only one employee to cover for him and if he took more than that we'd lose clients. However, he did call a lot of days earlier than he normally would because he wanted to come home and see the baby. Also, we met him for lunch a few times a week. (but I dont reallly go by the "newborns shouldnt be in public" opinion).

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#5 of 29 Old 06-03-2011, 06:32 PM
 
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With our first my  husband was only able to take 3 unpaid days.  Thankfully my mom, her husband, and both my sisters were all able to come for 2 weeks.  With our 2nd my husband got a week I think.  With our third he got 8 weeks pd leave and with this baby we are so thankful he is able to take 12 paid weeks of paternity leave!

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#6 of 29 Old 06-04-2011, 05:27 AM
 
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Last time, my husband got 2 weeks paid paternity leave. It's normal for mother/baby to stay ~5 days in the hospital here, so he worked during most of that and visited us every day. Once we were home, he took a few days off, then went back to work, taking one day off per week to be with us until his paternity leave ran out. I think that worked well for us.

 

This time, I'm not sure yet. I suppose we'll do something similar, except we now have a toddler, which means he'll probably need to take more time off in the beginning to be with him.


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#7 of 29 Old 06-04-2011, 10:36 AM
 
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DD1 was born on a Monday, Dh went back to work that next Monday. With DD2, he took off 2 weeks but he was also quite ill during that time. With DS it was 5 days. This time I'm hoping for the rest of the week of when ever baby comes. 

 

Since you have to drive, I'd make plans for what if you can't. I could drive right away with all my births but I know others where it was weeks before they could. 


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#8 of 29 Old 06-04-2011, 10:46 AM
 
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My husband is in the military and will get 10 days of leave. He may take more time we arent sure yet. It depends on what his command is doing at the time and if he can take more time.


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#9 of 29 Old 06-04-2011, 02:34 PM
 
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With each of our births hubby was able to take only about 3 days.

First 5 babies I had my moms help, next 2 I was on my own after he went back to work and this one will be solo after 3 days as well.

 First baby I really just slept every time baby did, so I didnt really NEED help. Was quite able to get up and fix myself something to eat as needed.

3rd and subs. baby I found that I was riding the endorphine high for a week after birth so it was the 2nd week when I crashed that I was so very grateful for the help.

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#10 of 29 Old 06-04-2011, 02:43 PM
 
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Both DDs were born on Thursdays and DH took Friday off. He went back to work on Monday both times.  I had my mom and MIL to help for a few weeks, so that was great.  DH also works from home sometimes, so he was able to work from home when I needed it.

 


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#11 of 29 Old 06-04-2011, 09:34 PM
 
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I'm feeling very spoiled.  DH is a firefighter/paramedic and has a great schedule 48/96.  He works for 2 days straight and then gets 4 days off so when he takes time off it goes a long way.  He has been taking trades with guys so that he can have lots of time off surrounding the event.  He will be off a week before the guess date and then will have 5-6 weeks off after the birth.  My mom will be here as well so I'm feeling like I should have plenty of support. 


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#12 of 29 Old 06-04-2011, 09:42 PM
 
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My DH was given 2 weeks, but really only ended up taking 1 week.  It was a super busy time at work and he was needed.  I did have other help though, which was important.  This time I suspect that he'll take 1 week off as well.  His job is flexible, so he can often come home early if needed.


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#13 of 29 Old 06-04-2011, 09:56 PM
 
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My husband only got 10 days of leave each time.
They wouldn't approve anymore than that, but I had zero problems so there wasn't a need for more than that.


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#14 of 29 Old 06-04-2011, 09:57 PM
 
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We own our own business so he didn't get to take off time really. I met a client on my way to my last OB appt on my due date. OB sent me for emergency c-sect due to pre-eclampsia so DH canceled the rest of the appts that day. He was back at work day 2 and nearly every day since then. Thankfully since it's our company he doesn't have to work 8 hour days most days so he still spends a lot of time at home with us.


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#15 of 29 Old 06-05-2011, 12:00 AM
 
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My DH  took a month off for the first son. He lost his job over it even thought it was in the contract but it was so worth it. With second one he took a week, my dad came for a week and my in laws a week.

 

My DH has a kind of job where he is either working 18 horus days or at home for days. With second baby it was OK because I felt it was easier the second time around and I did not ened him to take a month off

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#16 of 29 Old 06-08-2011, 05:28 PM
 
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With our first child he was only able to take off a few days, but it was alright. I had help from lots of people, which was great. When the next baby was born he took off three weeks, which was wonderful, but towards the end it felt too long....we were all ready to get back into our routines.

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#17 of 29 Old 06-08-2011, 05:40 PM
 
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Numbers 1 and 2 were born on Mondays and he took the week off.  Number 3 was born on a Thursday and he was back at work on Monday.  I had no other family to help.

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#18 of 29 Old 06-13-2011, 03:58 PM
 
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Hmm-- I would say about 3 or 4 days.  Two of those days I would be in the hospital, then there was the weekend, then he'd go back to work.

 

I had family help usually only when I was in the hospital.  Or rather, DH got the help!


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#19 of 29 Old 06-15-2011, 06:28 AM
 
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I feel pretty spoiled here as well. DH will be taking 3 months off once baby arrives. In Canada, parental leave can be split pretty much any way you want it between the parents - so I'm taking 9 months and he's taking 3. I really want DH to have a lot of time to bond with baby without the pressure of having to go back to work right away. Plus it will be great to have the help around the farm, especially since this is our first and we don't really know what to expect!

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#20 of 29 Old 06-16-2011, 01:37 PM
 
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My DH has never been able to take time off work.  It's not the way it works in the retail management world unfortunately.  This time though he has saved up his vacation time and will be taking off 3 weeks, but not until the baby is over a month old.  After the actual birth, he will have to resume his normal schedule.  Actually, due to a remodel at his store, he will be working more than usual.  Just my luck...


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#21 of 29 Old 06-17-2011, 01:43 PM
 
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My dh has taken anywhere from 2-12 weeks. I definitely did not think 2 weeks was enough and 12 weeks was bliss. So dh has been home w/ this baby 2 weeks before bay arrived and 2 weeks weeks since he arrived. He plans on being home for another 5-6 weeks this time.


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#22 of 29 Old 06-17-2011, 01:55 PM
 
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My husband took a week off when DS was born, because I was still in the hospital and very sick, and DS was in the NICU.  He took another week off when DS came home.

 

When DD was born, I think DH took a week off and then had to go back to work the day after she came home from the NICU.  :(

 

My mom was visiting when DD came home, which helped tremendously with DS, who was almost 4.  But I didn't find it too difficult to function on my own with the baby.  It was nice having DH home, and he certainly cherished that time, but any more than a week probably would have driven ME crazy.  It's nice to get into your own groove.


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#23 of 29 Old 06-19-2011, 03:19 PM
 
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My DH works in sales, so even when he's 'off', he still takes calls & makes calls to his office ...

 

He'll take a week-ish of his vacation time when the baby is born, then another week of vacation time in September (when she's about a month old), and we're going away for our 'summer' family vacation then. We postponed it, as we thought it'd be more fun with a newborn than with a very hot/tired/pregnant me.

 

When DS was born, he didn't take much time off at all, as he was scheduled to start a new job the week after the due date. DS arrived one day early, DH stayed at the hosp. most of the day, went in to his old job to wrap things up, and then had the weekend at home with us before starting the new job. My sis surprised me by flying in from the other end of the country that weekend, so she was with me most of the first week while DH was starting his new job.

 

Hopefully, however things work out this time, they go as smoothly as last time! We don't have anywhere we need to be, or plans made for about a month-6weeks after the duedate, so if new-baby, DS & I need to take things really easy while DH is working, we can. I can also probably ask him to work from home/come home early/go in late a day or two a week if needed, so while the customers never stop calling, we've also got some flexibility in how much time DH needs to be out of the house each week.


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#24 of 29 Old 06-19-2011, 05:43 PM
 
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We lucked out because hubby is not contractually required to teach summer quarter, so he is off with no issues whatsoever through September (baby is due nowish, but hasn't made her appearance yet). He is going to teach one online class during summer quarter, but he can do that all from home and I don't imagine it'll take more than 1-2 hours of his time a day.

 

If baby hadn't been due at such a convenient time, we would have looked into FMLA leave and having him take at least a few weeks if we could possibly afford it. I would have really hated to have him take just a few days off and then be on my own after that.

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#25 of 29 Old 06-20-2011, 06:00 AM
 
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Mine got about 2 days for the first two, I'm not sure yet how it'll work with this job. We can afford more time off, but also he's in a much higher position and is able to come and go with more freedom. I never really needed *help* but it was good to have him for the couple of days in case anything happened to me. I think it would drive me crazy if someone's mother came and stayed weeks, or even days! If the mom has a natural, healthy labor, and no ppd, why does someone need to stay with her for so long afterwards?


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#26 of 29 Old 06-20-2011, 12:04 PM
 
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He doesn't.

 

After my first, he was back at work the morning baby was born. (I was back at school that same week, too, baby in tow). I was in labor from Sunday night; we both went to work/school Monday, but I made him stay home with me Tuesday. I gave birth c. 4 am Wednesday, and he was back at work that day, an hour or two late.

 

Same for the second, except that I had a great maternity leave and  my MIL was there the first week. He did not miss any time at all as I went into labor Friday afternoon and delivered Saturday night.

 

My third he was in law school, so no time off (I labored from Thursday morning through Friday night; he stayed home Friday upon request/demand), and he'll still be in school when this one is due. Luckily, my MIL (who is great with kids if no help at all around the house) will be staying with us for a week or two.

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#27 of 29 Old 06-20-2011, 12:14 PM
 
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Well, I guess I don't NEED MIL to be there, but it sure helps keep the older kids happy!

 

I have a very hard time establishing a milk supply. My babies nurse basically non-stop for the first week before my milk really starts flowing. That can be really frustrating to a toddler/preschooler. Also, I hate putting a newborn in the car, so it'll be nice not to have to take the bigger ones to and from school the first week or two. And I go through very long protracted labors, so I am exhausted by the time baby is born.

 

How far apart are your two? I was fine on my own with DS1, and mostly fine with DS3. DS1 was 14 months old when DS2 was born, though, and that was very hard -- he needed me almost as much as the baby did. After MIL left, we spent the next two weeks basically camped out on the couch nursing. DS2 was a very needy baby (read: screamed the first four months straight) and DS1 was sick much of the time -- we all had thrush (which I suspect bothered me the most), he had horrible vomit and diarrhea for the second week of DS2's life and then after three healthy days started spiking fevers up to 104.5. Turned out to be pneumonia. Juggling a very sick 14 month old and an extremely needy newborn on multiple trips to the doctor and even just cleaning up the diarrhea/vomit was HARD. And then while DS1 was still quite sick, DS2 got feverish as well.

 

Yes, I survived those first few weeks largely on my own, DH getting home from work at 8 PM or so, and I probably would have managed with three as well, but somehow bare survival wasn't really my dream of how to spend my baby's first few weeks.

 

 

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Mine got about 2 days for the first two, I'm not sure yet how it'll work with this job. We can afford more time off, but also he's in a much higher position and is able to come and go with more freedom. I never really needed *help* but it was good to have him for the couple of days in case anything happened to me. I think it would drive me crazy if someone's mother came and stayed weeks, or even days! If the mom has a natural, healthy labor, and no ppd, why does someone need to stay with her for so long afterwards?



 

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#28 of 29 Old 06-20-2011, 01:10 PM
 
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My first two were 17 months apart, and when #3 was born #2 was 5. It sucks to have a sick family with a newborn! When #3 was a newborn we all got a stomach virus except for the baby. I barely remember it. And when #2 was a newborn I got some kind of flu where my fever got up to 105, I was pretty delierious some of the time but everyone got fed and changed somehow. I guess I was on automatic. In my family you tough stuff out, I remember when #1 was a baby, and I was single, I got food poisoning. The next morning I was so weak I was crawling and couldn't even lift my daughter (she was about 4 or 5 months old), so I called my mom and asked her to come take her for a few hours and she told me mothers have to do what they have to do. Luckily I lived with my best friend's family and her mother took care of my daughter for me. I'd never leave my children to do things on their own. It can be done, of course, and for some moms we have to pretty much do it on our own at times, but I know it's not the best situation. I'd never treat my children that way; if they needed me, I'll be there.

We do homeschool so I've never had to worry about getting the kids to school, and now I have two teenagers, and one of them is about to get her license.


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#29 of 29 Old 06-21-2011, 05:53 AM
 
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With our first my dh took off 10 days and it was fine.  With our second he took off 3 months and it was exactly the right amount of time because I found it hard to take care of 2 kids alone at first...not that I had to I guess since he was here.  I wasn't alone with them till the baby was 3 months old.  It was really nice.


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