Ever get "I hope for your sake this is a girl (or boy)" comments? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 43 Old 10-14-2011, 07:45 PM
 
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The whole gender thing makes me hopping mad! My first was a boy, much to our joy and delight (we had no preference). With our first, everyone was angry that we chose to wait to find out the sex. Both my MIL and my father were disappointed it was a boy. My MIL because my DH is an only child and she always wanted a girl. My father because he's a photographer and thinks boys aren't photogenic. !!!

 

Every since DS was born, people have been saying, "Time for a little sister!" I'm pregnant again, and the whole thing makes me so bananas that I'm almost hoping for another boy.

 

Why are people such idiots?


Sandy (41), Mama to Oscar (Feb 2009) and Aria (April 2012), infertility and miscarriage survivor brokenheart.gif 11/25/10 and brokenheart.gif 6/22/11.

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#32 of 43 Old 10-14-2011, 07:59 PM
 
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My oldest is a girl, and then the next two are boys.  I am due in a couple months, and while there is a part of me thinking cute dresses and things would be fun- (DD is almost 10, frilly dresses aren't happening lol) in the grand scheme of things we are just hoping for a healthy person to join our family.  I can't think of much worse than having a baby just to have a specific gender- does that mean if it is the 'wrong' gender, we don't really want them?  

 

My two boys are very close in age and are absolutely best friends and enemies all at once.  It is a very stereotypical brother relationship, and it's amazing to watch.  They are different than my daughter was- both much more physical and we jokingly refer to them both as wrecking balls on legs. I don't think the relationship would necessarily look the same with a brother/sister as it does with the two boys.  I'm sure it would be wonderful as well, but these two are just so very well suited to each other, I can't imagine wishing it were different. 

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#33 of 43 Old 10-16-2011, 05:49 AM
 
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Yes, I have heard this often.  I have 4 girls and am due with a 5th girl. 

 

Recent comments:

  • "4 girls?  I don't envy you."  --said by store clerk, right in front of my girls.  I didn't have the heart to tell her I was having another, but I did say, "Why?  I love my life."  She mumbled some story about how her mom had 4 girls and tried to dress the the same.
  • "Your husband must be so disappointed!" -- said by my student.  I told her that on the contrary, he felt very lucky just to be having another child.
  • "Another girl, huh?  Your poor husband."- said by way too many people to count.

 

I think, though, this has all gotten better as time has passed.  I didn't even tell people the gender, don't talk about the PG much in general, etc. unless people bring it up/ask.  Now that most people who care know, the conversations have ended.  Some people are even nice about it.  One stranger said, "Four girls!  How wonderful!"

 

My MIL expressed her wishes for a boy.  When I tried to tell her that a study was done in which m/s was more common when people carry girls (mine was the worst this time . . .I just knew I'd have another girl) to let her down easy, she said, "Well, I've heard the opposite."  As academic as my MIL is, I think she was making that up to feel hopeful.  I felt bad for her.  Wishing for a certain gender is such a waste of time and energy, and negates the very idea that we are all unique.  While we are at it, should we wish that we are taller or shorter, too? 

 

Anyway, if people make comments to you, pretty much the best thing to do is ask them "Why?"  It's not rude if you say it with a confused look.  This puts them on the spot.  Then they have to admit that they think one gender is better than another, which is dumb, and they will have to admit it.

 

 

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#34 of 43 Old 10-16-2011, 06:16 AM
 
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I have a little girl and Im having a boy this time and people always say "Oh, well you can be done now" as if the gender of a child somehow determines how many children we choose to have. eyesroll.gif

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#35 of 43 Old 10-16-2011, 05:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizelenius View Post 

 

Anyway, if people make comments to you, pretty much the best thing to do is ask them "Why?"  It's not rude if you say it with a confused look.  This puts them on the spot.  Then they have to admit that they think one gender is better than another, which is dumb, and they will have to admit it.

 

 


That is very good advice. Thank you! I guess this whole thing has just caught me really off guard...I had NO idea people would be this hostile/rude just because I'm having a 3rd boy. My husband doesn't think I should let it get to me, and I probably shouldn't, but it's just so hard. It makes me also ask the question "Why does the perfect family have to be a boy and a girl?" Who made that rule anyway?


Me whistling.gif Wife / SAHM / Musician/ Actress/ Queen of this castle. Progeny: William (January 2007), Tristan (November 2008) and expecting Lukas stork-boy.gif due January 2012!!  lactivist.gif femalesling.GIFwaterbirth.jpg dishes.gif

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#36 of 43 Old 10-16-2011, 05:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizelenius View Post

Yes, I have heard this often.  I have 4 girls and am due with a 5th girl. 

 

Recent comments:

  • "4 girls?  I don't envy you."  --said by store clerk, right in front of my girls.  I didn't have the heart to tell her I was having another, but I did say, "Why?  I love my life."  She mumbled some story about how her mom had 4 girls and tried to dress the the same.
  • "Your husband must be so disappointed!" -- said by my student.  I told her that on the contrary, he felt very lucky just to be having another child.
  • "Another girl, huh?  Your poor husband."- said by way too many people to count.

 



jaw2.gifThat is horrible! I'm sorry you've had rude comments similar to the ones I've gotten. I would be livid if someone ever said that about my DH. In my case, since they're all boys, I get the "I'm so sorry for you" comment a lot. Having to justify my happiness about bringing another boy into the world is ridiculous


Me whistling.gif Wife / SAHM / Musician/ Actress/ Queen of this castle. Progeny: William (January 2007), Tristan (November 2008) and expecting Lukas stork-boy.gif due January 2012!!  lactivist.gif femalesling.GIFwaterbirth.jpg dishes.gif

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#37 of 43 Old 10-17-2011, 08:33 AM
 
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I have 3 girls and got comments starting with the 2nd pregnancy. We even got comments when one of Hubs friends found out his third was a boy after 2 girls.  Grrr. After daughter #3 was born there were so many comments my 3 year old said she wanted to grow up to be a boy. I have gotten SOO many comments with #4. Everyone thinks we are having a baby just to try and have a boy.  I finally posted this on facebook

 

 

Quote:
by the way- No, we aren't trying for a boy, so everyone can stop asking. No we will not continue having babies until we get a boy. It is not about boy or girl, but just adding another amazing soul to our family.

I honestly can't decide WHAT gender I want more! Sometimes I think a boy would be great and sometimes I want another little girl and in the end I will be over the moon about any baby! Hubs agrees, he loves his girls and would LOVE another girl, he would also love a boy...or any baby he can get obsessed with star wars and/or football. the other girls haven't taken the bait.


Courtney and Cree, baby made 3, added one more then there were 4, sakes alive, then we had 5, another in the mix now we have 6!

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#38 of 43 Old 10-17-2011, 08:57 AM
 
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I got that a *lot* with my third pregnancy (who turned out to be my third son).  Annoyed the living daylights out of me.  Once, a complete stranger tore into me at the grocery store.  She asked if we were having a girl, I said I didn't know.  She said it better be a girl.  I said I didn't care, we were open to a large family anyway.  She said that was a ridiculous plan and I'd better stop if I didn't get a girl that time, because nobody can raise a big family in this day and age, we're not farmers anymore, you know.  growl.  I wanted to smack her.

 

I'm expecting our fourth baby this time around, and surprisingly so far people have been slightly more polite, asking me if I'm hoping for a girl, rather than demanding that I have a girl, as if it's up to them.  Maybe the "crazy" line has moved back to 4 kids at this point, so they just think I'm nuts for being pregnant at all?

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#39 of 43 Old 10-17-2011, 10:20 AM
 
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I've had one comment like that but not because I have 2 girls already.  When my SIL found out we wouldn't circumcise a boy, she said she hopes we have a girl because she would feel so sorry for our boy :(  I feel sorry for her that she feels that way.


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#40 of 43 Old 10-17-2011, 10:59 AM
 
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airyfairy, that's horrible! I feel bad for any sons she will have.


Courtney and Cree, baby made 3, added one more then there were 4, sakes alive, then we had 5, another in the mix now we have 6!

A Momma in love with her Little Women-Jewel Face, Jo Jo Bean, June Bug, and Sweet Coraline.

 

 

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#41 of 43 Old 10-19-2011, 07:38 AM
 
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I'm someone who was hoping for a specific sex (a girl; I always thought I'd have a daughter, and am pretty sure I'm done at 2 babies.  Definitely not going to have a third JUST in hopes that I'd have a daughter), and I STILL think this sort of thing is rude as hell.  People who say things like "oh, too bad, you must be so disappointed" or whatever are making an assumption about someone's feelings on an intensely personal topic.  Even if you ARE disappointed, chances of you wanting to talk about it with some random stranger at the grocery store are slim to none.

 

 


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#42 of 43 Old 10-19-2011, 05:23 PM
 
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Totally pisses me off too! I have girls, and people already make comments about "drama" and "wait until they're teenagers, then you won't like them so much!" (wtf, I get along great with teenagers, they seem to behave how they're treated and I can see why they're a nightmare for people who treat them like crap just because of their age!) and "oh, I'd never want girls! Too much trouble."

 

Now in addition, I'm getting, "you're crazy if you risk having another girl" and "I sure hope you get a little boy, life's just not complete without a widdle maaannnn." (barf).

 

I love boys, don't get me wrong, I haven't a thing against them and would love to have a son some day, but I wanted at least 2 girls from the start.

 

No one needs both genders or one of each by default! I wish people would realise that. Some people feel they need to have both genders or a boy after a few girls, or visa versa. Others, like me, don't. I don't think I should be subjected to a harangue every time someone comments on my family about how apparently horrible having girls is and how horrible more would be. I don't find it horrible in the least!

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#43 of 43 Old 10-19-2011, 09:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coldandsleepy View Post

I'm someone who was hoping for a specific sex (a girl; I always thought I'd have a daughter, and am pretty sure I'm done at 2 babies.  Definitely not going to have a third JUST in hopes that I'd have a daughter), and I STILL think this sort of thing is rude as hell.  People who say things like "oh, too bad, you must be so disappointed" or whatever are making an assumption about someone's feelings on an intensely personal topic.  Even if you ARE disappointed, chances of you wanting to talk about it with some random stranger at the grocery store are slim to none.

 

 



This was my situation. I was secretive about it to guard myself I guess and only my family knew, but I really wanted a girl this 3rd time around. I cried bitterly for days after finding out. It felt like a knife wound to my heart. I am over it now, and I am thrilled to be having another boy, but it took a little while, and it did make strangers' comments all the more hurtful that first week. In fact, the day after I found out and was still in shock over the whole thing, my neighbor yelled to me "You found out the gender yesterday, right? What it?" and when I told her, she said (again, yelling) "Oh no!!! I bet you wanted a girl! Sad!" Yeah, it IS sad for me and NO I don't feel like talking with you or anyone else about it. I was so upset. Went back in the house and cried again. 

 

Like I said, I'm fine now, and we want a big family anyway so it's not like this was "our only chance" or something. I just longed for a girl this time, and nature didn't agree.

 

I've noticed how much easier it is now to respond to rude comments now that I'm at peace with another boy. That first week though was killer...I'll never understand presumptuous, nosy strangers


Me whistling.gif Wife / SAHM / Musician/ Actress/ Queen of this castle. Progeny: William (January 2007), Tristan (November 2008) and expecting Lukas stork-boy.gif due January 2012!!  lactivist.gif femalesling.GIFwaterbirth.jpg dishes.gif

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