Ever get "I hope for your sake this is a girl (or boy)" comments? - Mothering Forums
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I'm Pregnant > Ever get "I hope for your sake this is a girl (or boy)" comments?
Celticqueen's Avatar Celticqueen 05:18 PM 07-02-2011

This is my 3rd pregnancy. I've had 2 boys. We don't yet know what gender this one is yet, but it seems that almost weekly, from strangers, from friends, and from family members I am getting the "I hope for your sake it's a girl" comment all too often. As if this has to be a girl for me to be happy. So I was curious if anyone else here has been in this boat before....

 

You've only had one gender, you'd kind of like the other gender, but you honestly would be happy with EITHER. We want a big family, so I suppose that is why I am not that picky this time around- we'll keep going anyway.

 

But it just really urks me when people say this to me so often. On my Facebook wall, I had a friend recently post "I'll feel so sorry for you if this is a boy! Fingers crossed for a girl!" I deleted it, because I think it's just flat out rude. Really frustrating how often I'm getting this.

 

If this is a boy, they're acting like they're going to come visit me in the birth center and say "I'm so sorry- better luck next time". My husband is from a family of 8 boys. So there is A LOT of pressure coming from my in laws that this is a girl. Pressure that is starting to wear my patience very thin.

 

I'm surprised at this reaction from people, especially my friends and family who KNOW I don't give a flying flip what it is. I literally see pro's to both- if it's a boy, I can add another band member to my already developing little musicians and they can be the next Hansen lol.gif If it's a girl, great! I haven't had a girl yet so that'll be pretty cool. OH WELL!

 

So, this is a bit of a rant, but it's just all really irritating me, and I've been pretty easy going about it. How ironic, that I seem to be the only one!

 

If anyone else is on this boat too, do share. I realize there are quite a few moms who post on here really mad that they didn't get the gender they want, and that I'm probably in the minority of not caring, but still, figured I'd ask anyway...

 

I'm *this close* to replying to the next negative comment about it being a boy "You're right- I really hope this is a girl, because we'd certainly leave it at the hospital if it isn't. My only hope is that a nice family will be wiling to take care of him for me"

 

duh.gif



mamaecho's Avatar mamaecho 06:57 PM 07-02-2011

Oh my golly, I could have WRITTEN this!!! In fact, my facebook status the other day was "Hoping for a third boy because I want the best Hanson cover band ever!" hahaha I mean, honestly either one I think would be fun.. three boys, or a girl! We have two boys, 6 and 4.. I honestly feel like either one is a blessing. I've said this too.. when someone mentions it I say, well either would be fantastic... people are SHOCKED that I'm not crying over a girl.. lol like I have control!


Snugglebugmom's Avatar Snugglebugmom 07:05 PM 07-02-2011

Yep... after two girls everybody seems to think we are desperate for a boy. So not true! It happens to be a boy, and it really took me a while to get used to that  because I was very much hoping for a third girl.

The pleased reactions of other people when they hear the little womb tenant is indeed a boy, makes me want to punch them.  irked.gif


amaayeh's Avatar amaayeh 07:52 PM 07-02-2011

ME!!!  I got those comments at the grocery, from friends, family, etc.  It turned out to be a girl and my MIL has still refused to even speak to us since her birth.  Awesome.  I think she's perfect and wonderful and I am thrilled to have a third girl.  I went through a few months, though, that I really struggled with having another girl (before we knew the gender for sure, but I saw 'something' at the u/s that led me to believe it was a girl).  I just wanted the opportunity to raise a boy, but now she is here, I know she is perfect for us.  I couldn't have asked for anything more. 

 

Back to the original post, though.  People are rude, and say stupid things.  I just try to do like you did and delete or ignore the comments.  I don't know what else to do.  My biggest thing is trying to guard my kids from hearing it.  That is hard!


Celticqueen's Avatar Celticqueen 08:06 PM 07-02-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaecho View Post

Oh my golly, I could have WRITTEN this!!! In fact, my facebook status the other day was "Hoping for a third boy because I want the best Hanson cover band ever!" hahaha I mean, honestly either one I think would be fun.. three boys, or a girl! We have two boys, 6 and 4.. I honestly feel like either one is a blessing. I've said this too.. when someone mentions it I say, well either would be fantastic... people are SHOCKED that I'm not crying over a girl.. lol like I have control!



Haha! So I'm not the only one who's making a little band? winky.gif That's awesome. My own dad was in a band with his 3 brothers, and I remember for years thinking that I wanted to have 3 boys to be a band, too. I come from a very musical family and that idea just sounds so fun. Of course, if it is a girl, she'll still be apart of the band! Just like the idea of 3 boys in a row- always have!

 

My sister in law came up to me the other day and said "You know, since I'm having a boy, and Rachel (other sister in law) is having a boy and there are 8 boys in the family, we're all really expecting you to have a girl and will be disappointed if you don't have one" irked.gif


Peony's Avatar Peony 11:33 PM 07-02-2011

I had 2 girls and then a boy, now with #4, people seem just as curious what this baby is. shrug.gif Maybe the whole "matched set" thing, I have no idea. With #3, I didn't care what baby was, honestly it would of been easier if it was a girl just because I had everything! But other then ease of dressing the child, no real preference. I spent half the pg somewhat wanting another girl just to spite the people who made all the comments about us needing a boy or we must be still trying to have a boy. There was nothing wrong with my girls (or your boys!) and if I had ended up with all girls then that would of been awesome as well. 

 

 

ETA: And nothing bugged me more then when comments were made in front of my girls about needing the opposite gender. 


Abraisme's Avatar Abraisme 11:41 AM 07-03-2011

Yup, people make dumb comments all the time.  I'm pregnant with #3, I have a DS from a previous relationship (but now adopted by my DH) and we have a DD together.  My husband is the 8th generation male in a naming tradition in his family.  If we have a boy, ours will be the 9th.  People make a lot of assumptions that we really needed this baby to be a boy..

 

 We found out last week that we're having another girl.  When I called to tell my family at least 3 different people replied with, "Uh-oh, now you'll have to have #4".  What?  We really don't care and are totally happy with our girl.  Geesh, how about just say congrats! 


alittlesandy's Avatar alittlesandy 11:49 AM 07-03-2011

This kind of thing makes me FURIOUS!!! After 2 years of infertility, when everyone asked me if I had a preference with my first, I was like NO WAY!!! Are you INSANE???!!! Now, I'm having trouble getting pregnant again, and have had two miscarriages. I keep these issues private, and I want to punch the next person who says, "Time to try for a baby sister!" Or, "Are you going to try for a girl?" How in the hell do you "try" for a girl??? Can you tell I'm bitter? If I manage to get pregnant again and carry it to term, I will sing with joy from the rooftops, whether it's a boy or a girl. I will never, ever, ever understand people who have gender preference, or think that I should.


purplerose's Avatar purplerose 12:45 PM 07-03-2011

I have 3 girls and am pregnant with #4. Seriously- I DO NOT CARE what this one is!! WHY does it matter so much to other people? We don't find out what ours are, either, and people act like that's the weirdest thing ever. It looks like a girl on the ultrasound but we didn't let them tell us their opinion. Neither one of us cares, and NO my husband does not really want it to be a boy so he won't be the only guy in the house. I wish people who ask these stupid questions would have seen my husband's face when he caught the last baby and said, "Oh my baby girl!"

 

I totally get the joking, as I joke about all the girl hormones in my home and how the only male besides dh is one of our 3 dogs, but this is so not serious and I DO NOT CARE whether it's a boy or girl. Someone keeps saying it's going to be another girl because my dh deserves it. Ok then! And the person who says this constantly is not that great with his own daughter or "emotions", whereas my husband makes a wonderful, understanding daddy to girls, even teenage ones.

 

All right so yes, it upsets me and makes me angry too. And I have to say I don't understand a mother being angry or upset at not "getting" the sex she wanted...that's just weird to me.


Celticqueen's Avatar Celticqueen 04:22 PM 07-03-2011
Wow! I am so surprised and relieved that there are so many others in my same situation! How great that I can post this on MDC and get so many responses. Thank you, everyone. I'm really stressed out about it all and am even considering just not even announcing the gender if it's a boy to my family and friends. One of my friends is practically stalking me about it- "when do you find out the gender? When do you fond out!!"

Maybe I should do what the previous poster is doing (on my phone so I can't do quotes) about just not telling people the gender or not find out at all. The stress is more than I can take right now with so much else going on. I honestly don't need a guilt trip from my husbands family if it's not a girl...

None of us need this crap. I am in agreement with another poster on here about not caring about the gender- I just DON'T
Celticqueen's Avatar Celticqueen 06:01 PM 07-03-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by Abraisme View Post

Geesh, how about just say congrats! 


Oh my gosh, I know. I barely got any congrats when I was pregnant with my 2nd boy. It's like- come on people. My little guy is going to  have a little brother- how cool is that? Why does the "perfect family" in so many peoples' mind have to consist of a boy and a girl anyway? Who came up with this concept?


MarineWife's Avatar MarineWife 06:25 PM 07-03-2011
I have 3 boys and am almost done growing boy #4. I got this constantly before I knew I was having another boy. Now I get the pity, right in front of my boys no less! Luckily, those people have been very causal acquaintances or strangers. If I had family or close friends tell me they'd come right after the birth to give their sympathies, I'd tell them to stay away. I would seriously call them out on how rude and hurtful that is.

I was hoping for a girl because this is our last and I was a little disappointed when I found out it's another boy. Since then, though, I have come to really look forward to having another boy. I'm not upset about not having a girl anymore. I just want my baby (although picking a name has been hard!). smile.gif I'm glad I found out ahead of time this time. I didn't find out with #2 and #3 and I was much more disappointed at birth. I'm glad I've had the time to work through that this time so that I can enjoy the whole thing.
rrs's Avatar rrs 07:14 PM 07-03-2011

We have two little boys and I am pregnant with our third child, a girl, now.  Before we knew the sex of the baby, people would always say that they hoped it was a girl, some more strongly than others.  I started replying that "I would be thrilled either way and that it is nice to live in a house full of boys that worship me."  Must people got the hint and dropped it, but I would have a few that would challenge me still.  

 

I get a lot of "Oh thank goodness it's a girl," now that we know, and I reply with the same.  

 

I do find it incredibly frustrating, especially when it is said in front of the boys.  


Celticqueen's Avatar Celticqueen 08:54 PM 07-03-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by rrs View Post

We have two little boys and I am pregnant with our third child, a girl, now.  Before we knew the sex of the baby, people would always say that they hoped it was a girl, some more strongly than others.  I started replying that "I would be thrilled either way and that it is nice to live in a house full of boys that worship me."  Must people got the hint and dropped it, but I would have a few that would challenge me still.  

 

I get a lot of "Oh thank goodness it's a girl," now that we know, and I reply with the same.  

 

I do find it incredibly frustrating, especially when it is said in front of the boys.  



I find it so apalling that people would actually say it in FRONT of one's own children. Good lord- when my boys are old enough to understand such comments, there is going to be hell to pay to whomever says such things- how completely rude


Smokering's Avatar Smokering 01:36 AM 07-04-2011

Heh. I got that with my SECOND baby. We had a girl and were, frankly, hoping for another one so DD could have a sister close to her age. We were fine when we found out he was a boy, but all the "Oh good, I was HOPING it was a boy!" comments did irk me. You were hoping? How would it affect you? I eventually started saying with a sweet smile "Actually we were hoping for a girl, but I'm sure he'll be lovely", just to shock people. Which it didn't, as far as I know. :p People just ignored it and said how wonderful it must be for my father to have a grandson (he had six daughters, no sons). Er, I guess? He was pretty happy when we had DD, too...


MarineWife's Avatar MarineWife 07:33 AM 07-04-2011
I guess a lot of people are still caught up in the idea of the perfect family with 2 children, one boy and one girl.
**mom2one**'s Avatar **mom2one** 07:50 AM 07-04-2011

We get this all the time too - we have two dds and are expecting #3 (a surprise) so people automatically think we were trying for a boy.  Either way I could care less - I am not going to love this child just as much as I love the two I have.  We don't find out the sex before birth, but everyone says they are hoping for a boy for my husband - he says he loves his little girls and doesn't feel like he needs to have a boy to be happy and that either way he will be happy - people just have weird ideas I guess!

 

 


Abraisme's Avatar Abraisme 08:58 AM 07-04-2011

Yup, this is very true.  When we found out that #2 was a girl I had A LOT of people say things like, "Oh how perfect, a boy and a girl and now you're family is complete".  I would often answer that we plan on having at least 8 so it didn't really matter.  What business is it of yours (mostly strangers) how many kids I have?  I'm not an easily offended person and I'm often out-spoken about some issues, but I work really hard to be polite in this regard.  You just never know how someone else might feel about their family.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post

I guess a lot of people are still caught up in the idea of the perfect family with 2 children, one boy and one girl.


 


Abraisme's Avatar Abraisme 09:00 AM 07-04-2011

It's nice to accept what you have and be happy with it.  My DH told me that he doesn't have any gender expectations when we're pregnant.  He thinks it's silly to set yourself up to be disappointed over something that you can't control.  If we had 5 girls in a row he'd love them all and never complain about it!  :)
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by **mom2one** View Post

We get this all the time too - we have two dds and are expecting #3 (a surprise) so people automatically think we were trying for a boy.  Either way I could care less - I am not going to love this child just as much as I love the two I have.  We don't find out the sex before birth, but everyone says they are hoping for a boy for my husband - he says he loves his little girls and doesn't feel like he needs to have a boy to be happy and that either way he will be happy - people just have weird ideas I guess!

 

 



 


Celticqueen's Avatar Celticqueen 10:08 AM 07-04-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by Abraisme View Post

Yup, this is very true.  When we found out that #2 was a girl I had A LOT of people say things like, "Oh how perfect, a boy and a girl and now you're family is complete". 
 



 


Yes, it's just silly. Like 2 boys in a row or 2 girls in a row is imperfect? My first born boy and his little brother are 22 months apart. They are practically twins, though the age difference. 2 peas in a pod. Always turning sticks into swords for sword fighting, always getting into trouble, always partners in crime- they're the same personality in 2 different bodies lol.gif They even finish each other's sentences. And I am so BLESSED to have 2 boys and not a boy and a girl! The dynamic can be really good, but it's not the same- I like having a pair of little testosterone's running around- it makes my life very energetic and fun. 

 

I will be really happy if this baby is a girl. And I will be really happy if this baby is another boy. I actually asked both sons what gender they prefer and it's completely split- the 4 year old wants another little brother SO BADLY and the 2 year old wants a "baby girl". I told them that it's not like putting a request in because I can't decide what it is, but it's cute to see their preferences. 

 

My oldest later told me that he'd love a little girl too, especially if she had curls.

 

I was talking to DH last night about all this, my stresses about peoples' comments, etc. and I agree with the previous poster's DH- why set yourself up for disappointment by hoping for a gender? I know some do, and that's fine, but I don't want to. The last pregnancy, I really wanted a girl and cried for 3 days when I found out it was a boy. Boo! I never want to go through that crap again, it's really unneccessary

 

 

 


**mom2one**'s Avatar **mom2one** 11:15 AM 07-04-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by **mom2one** View Post

We get this all the time too - we have two dds and are expecting #3 (a surprise) so people automatically think we were trying for a boy.  Either way I could care less - I am not going to love this child just as much as I love the two I have.  We don't find out the sex before birth, but everyone says they are hoping for a boy for my husband - he says he loves his little girls and doesn't feel like he needs to have a boy to be happy and that either way he will be happy - people just have weird ideas I guess!

 

 

Just saw the typo - what I meant to say was - I AM going to love this child just as much as I love the two we have - no matter if it's a boy or a girl.... Yeah that sounds better! lol
 

 


Celticqueen's Avatar Celticqueen 11:41 AM 07-06-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by **mom2one** View Post



Just saw the typo - what I meant to say was - I AM going to love this child just as much as I love the two we have - no matter if it's a boy or a girl.... Yeah that sounds better! lol
 

 

lol.gif I wondered, but wasn't going to say anything winky.gif I assumed it was a typo!
 

 


msmiranda's Avatar msmiranda 01:12 PM 07-06-2011

Just had my third boy a little over a month ago, and, um, yes, everything you said.  My MIL now has 6 grandsons and if I had to guess, would have been happy with 6 granddaughters (and no grandsons).  I was so stressed out about disappointing her and getting stupid comments that I went through this whole song and dance that we had to announce it on our family blog, and the wording had to be just so (had to convey that we were happy and deter comments), and then my DH told her on the phone and I was upset because I thought that made it into a big thing ... turns out she had already decided it was a boy to protect herself from being devastated ... ugh.

 

I have to say, though, that the worst comments came from strangers at the store who saw me with my two boys and their eyes would light up and they'd say, "a girl this time?" and I would smile back and say "no", and I'd have to watch their faces fall and then fumble for words.  One clerk at Costco actually said, "you wanted a girl this time" and I shook my head and she looked confused and said "you wanted another boy?" like I had said I wanted to give birth to Hitler.  I said, "we would have been happy either way" and left it at that.  Another time, the photographer at Picture People said, "oh, you must be so disappointed, I bet you wanted a girl this time."  I took it pretty well but it bothered me for days. 

 

At least everyone in both our families, as well as close friends, are clear that we were not "trying for a girl" because I always told people I wanted 4 kids before I ever got pregnant.  It still bugs the crap out of me that strangers assume it, though.  I'm sure when I have our 4th boy in a few years, if I am blessed with a 4th pregnancy, that it will get even worse.  Pooh on them -- they have no idea how wonderful our sons are!  The only appropriate response when someone tells you the sex of their baby is "congratulations" -- period.


NishaG's Avatar NishaG 02:04 PM 07-06-2011

Yes, it is also happening to me.  We have 2 sons, and this baby was a surprise.  We get the "I hope it's a girl" from everyone!  When/if they ask me what I want, I always say either one is wonderful.  I'd hate to have another boy everyone be disappointed.  I would want him to know that his mama is very happy he's a boy.

 

We find out in 4 weeks....


Juniperberry's Avatar Juniperberry 03:14 AM 07-07-2011

I know what you mean hun. I got those exact same comments before I knew this LO was a girl (we already have 2 boys). And now we know, when people ask and we tell them the first thing most people say is 'FINALLY!!' as if now I can be happy :shrug


cupcait's Avatar cupcait 01:54 PM 07-07-2011

Although I'm pregnant with number one (due this month!!), I totally understand where you ladies are coming from! People are so weird about the sex of the baby. I actually find it super frustrating when people ask what we want it to be. I want it to be a baby that's healthy. That's all I care about.

 

I'm one of four girls and my Dad used to get comments from people all the time about it, but honestly he never cared that he didn't have boys. All of us girls are close with my Dad and I like having all sisters! 

 

 


bignerpie's Avatar bignerpie 12:24 PM 07-08-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by Abraisme View Post

Yup, this is very true.  When we found out that #2 was a girl I had A LOT of people say things like, "Oh how perfect, a boy and a girl and now you're family is complete".  I would often answer that we plan on having at least 8 so it didn't really matter.  What business is it of yours (mostly strangers) how many kids I have?  I'm not an easily offended person and I'm often out-spoken about some issues, but I work really hard to be polite in this regard.  You just never know how someone else might feel about their family.
 

 



I have a son and am currently pregnant with a daughter. I get these same comments all the time, and I hate it! Since I have one of each, I don't have permission to have a third child?


tjjazzy's Avatar tjjazzy 12:47 PM 07-08-2011



your MIL refused to speak to you?! what was it she wanted you to do to control the sex of the baby for HER??? ugh. that just seems....i'm sorry you've had to deal with that :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by amaayeh View Post

ME!!!  I got those comments at the grocery, from friends, family, etc.  It turned out to be a girl and my MIL has still refused to even speak to us since her birth. 


Celticqueen's Avatar Celticqueen 09:15 PM 07-08-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by tjjazzy View Post



your MIL refused to speak to you?! what was it she wanted you to do to control the sex of the baby for HER??? ugh. that just seems....i'm sorry you've had to deal with that :(



Yeah no kidding! My MIL wants a girl VERY VERY BADLY by us...her own daughters are both pregnant with boys so there is tons of pressure on me. I know the feeling of MIL disappointment- we've had 2 boys, and each time, although she was still happy, it was obvious she was still disappointed too. I just wish FAMILY was a bit more supportive even with gender disappointment.

 

I too am sorry you've had to go through that, PP!! How awful!


Celticqueen's Avatar Celticqueen 04:19 PM 10-14-2011

Ok, I had to bring this thread back to vent about a reaction from a stranger. We were in the checkout line at a store, and a lady saw my 2 boys, touched my tummy and said "I bet you're wanting a girl this time!" and I said "Well it's already a boy and we're excited!" 

 

She immediately put her hand over her mouth and looked horrified, then just walked away. Apparently a "congratulations" is only warranted if the kids have both sets of genitals? Amazing that some people react that way, isn't it? headscratch.gif


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