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#31 of 42 Old 08-23-2011, 08:16 PM
 
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I have to say that the Down's Syndrome people I have met and their families are some of the finest examples of humanity life has to offer.  I hope you will find the support you need.  A post above reminded me of seeing an article about a Down's boy crowned Prom king.  These children aren't ridiculed any more than any of the rest of us:  http://www.kmph.com/story/14419646/student-with-downs-syndrome-crowned-prom-king?redirected=true

 

Another poster mentioned that there are no guarantees that a healthy baby will stay healthy.  I just came across this family's website last week.  Their daughter was born completely healthy and for unknown reasons became critically ill at several months old and never recovered.  It is their joy to care for her: http://www.meghansmiracles.com/index.html


Mom to eight!!  Our twin girls arrived 3-3-2011.

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#32 of 42 Old 08-26-2011, 12:44 PM
 
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Sorry for the harsh comments but that is how I truly feel.  I am angry, frustrated with myself; I have inferior genes and I'm a useless "Mother".

 

I don't want to be burdened with this it will be picked on for the rest of its life.... and what about when it grows up??  How the hell is it going to get a job in this day and age??

 

Perhaps I'm being punished.  Perhaps it's God's way of saying you don't deserve a child, the planet is saturated enough as it is and if that's the case then I will lean towards abortion.

 

Perhaps my mission in life is to prevent saturation so that other parents' kids won't have fierce competition in the future. 

 

I am sorry for the grief and misery you are experiencing now.

 

However, you really, really need to change your thinking.

 

This is not your fault.  In any way.  Nor are your genes "inferior".  Nor are you "useless".

 

Nor is this baby an "It".  The being your body is nourishing is a human being, either male or female.  This person will eat and drink and play and learn and grow and smile (a lot!) and love you (and pretty much the whole world).  This person may or may not have a shorter life expectancy than normal, but you can bet that it will be a life lived with vigor and joy.  This person may or may not have physical disabilities or learning challenge, but even with severe challenges, people with Down's Syndrome tend to enjoy their life to the fullest. 

 

Any child has the potential to be bullied and teased.  No matter how "normal". IME, children with DS are so engaging, social, and loving that it is very hard for most children to be anything but thrilled to know them. 

 

There are many programs available specifically to help people with Down's Syndrome live independantly or semi-independantly, and these same programs provide work opportunities.

 

Please, please, please read Kelle Hampton's blog (linked above).  Start with her birth story--Down's Syndrome was a surprise to them.  And read some of her current posts.  You will see how beautiful and engaging her daughter with DS is.  I think it will alleviate much of your fear.

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#33 of 42 Old 08-27-2011, 03:06 PM
 
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Please, please, please read Kelle Hampton's blog (linked above).  Start with her birth story--Down's Syndrome was a surprise to them.  And read some of her current posts.  You will see how beautiful and engaging her daughter with DS is.  I think it will alleviate much of your fear.


 

What a beautiful child! luxlove.gif

 

I forgot to mention in my post above that my uncle was born perfectly healthy. I suspect vaccine damage but no one really knows for sure. Anyway, he started presenting with major delays and regression at age 5. Just another reminder that you could be expecting a "normal" child according to ultrasound or amnio only for the child to experience something later on down the road. 

 

 


Consciously mothering 3 girls and 2 boys
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#34 of 42 Old 08-29-2011, 10:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mother0 View Post

Hi,

 

Sorry for the harsh comments but that is how I truly feel.  I am angry, frustrated with myself; I have inferior genes and I'm a useless "Mother".

 

I don't want to be burdened with this it will be picked on for the rest of its life.... and what about when it grows up??  How the hell is it going to get a job in this day and age??

 

Perhaps I'm being punished.  Perhaps it's God's way of saying you don't deserve a child, the planet is saturated enough as it is and if that's the case then I will lean towards abortion.

 

Perhaps my mission in life is to prevent saturation so that other parents' kids won't have fierce competition in the future.


There is no need to beat yourself up. Babies don't have Down Syndrome because of anything a mother did or didn't do. It's a random genetic mutation. It is hard to know how profoundly your child will be affected by having DS. Some kids have hardly any health issues, high cognitive function, and can participate fully in daily life. Others have severe mental consequences and heart problems, and need a lot of medical treatment.

 

You are not being punished. This is just a random thing that happens in the vast diversity that is the human condition.


It seems to me that the best thing you can do at this point is to educate yourself about the good, the bad, and the ugly of having a child with DS - what are best and worst case scenarios for medical issues, cognitive functioning, school and work prospects, etc. Once you know the spectrum of possibilities, you can make a better decision about whether or not you and your partner are emotionally, financially, psychologically, spiritually willing and able to meet these challenges, and/or what you need to do to prepare for this baby (if you choose to parent). Talk to parents of DS kids, occupational therapists, doctors, a genetic counselor. Watch documentaries, read stories, go to online support forums. Find out what resources are available in your area for helping you with this baby - medical facilities, schooling, at-home assistance/OT, etc.

 

Here are some things you could listen to/look at to give you an idea about how an adult with DS might get by:

 

L'Arche USA: http://www.larcheusa.org/

story about Jean Varnier, founder of L'Arche on Being: http://being.publicradio.org/programs/wisdomoftenderness/

 

Life for adults with Down syndrome – an overview: http://www.down-syndrome.org/information/development/adults/

I also think of a book by the journalist Ian Brown that might be food for thought. He has a very severely disabled son, and the central question of this book is "What is the value of a life such as my son's?" Of what value is it to him, and of what value is it to his family and to society at large. This might give you an alternate perspective. Here's a review of it: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/08/books/review/book-review-the-boy-in-the-moon-by-ian-brown.html?pagewanted=all

 

Oh yeah, and read this article about the possibilty of drug therapies for DS that hold out the promise of improving cognitive function (and therefore independence):

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/31/magazine/a-fathers-search-for-a-drug-for-down-syndrome.html?pagewanted=all


Doula, WOHM, wife to a super-fun papa, mama to the Monkey ('07), and his little brother, the Sea Monkey ('09).
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#35 of 42 Old 10-28-2011, 05:36 AM
 
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Op, if you are reading still, please dont reply to vmmoeller.  Low post count, and yet ANOTHER phishing post.  Stick to people you truly know when giving out personal information.


"If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."

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#36 of 42 Old 10-28-2011, 09:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mulvah View Post


I must be the only person that thinks this offensive post was created for that purpose - to be offensive.



You're not alone. My internet-savvy radar went on high alert. 

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommel View Post

I guess I've just always gone by the rule "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"...
 

 


I follow a similar rule, called "Don't feed the trolls." 

 

I think this thread is truly sad for anyone who has a Down's diagnosis in a developing pregnancy, and might stumble upon this and be influenced by what they read here. I hope the mothers struggling with this sort of news find comfort in the information shared by the kindhearted and loving ladies of this community.


Just a homegrown heretic hopelessly in love with her amazing DH, 2.5 year old Eli, and now expecting a new arrival April 2015.
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#37 of 42 Old 10-28-2011, 11:34 AM
 
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actually Just one more.......i am NOT a phishing post.  i am a mom  to 3 kids.  one with DS and i am a new member . i am legitamately offering my time to her.  

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#38 of 42 Old 10-28-2011, 12:17 PM
 
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No, the comments weren't nice. But I think the OP is being honest and open with her feelings. Many people feel like this when they initially get the diagnosis, but are afraid to confront the feelings. Expressing them helps us move on.

 

Maybe it wasn't the best way - posting them on here where they can potentially offend others- but I do think they are normal feelings.

 

 


Wife to - Mama to DS 6/08 and DS 9/11
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#39 of 42 Old 10-29-2011, 05:39 AM
 
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Wonderful.  But the way you approached her still seems pretty fishy...
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by vmmoeller View Post

actually Just one more.......i am NOT a phishing post.  i am a mom  to 3 kids.  one with DS and i am a new member . i am legitamately offering my time to her.  



 


"If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."

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#40 of 42 Old 10-29-2011, 06:42 AM
 
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I can completely understand your feelings, and would probably feel very similarly as you.  I'm older now and expecting, and it's a fear of mine.

 

I'm not going to expound on anything, but I'm going to just offer you the story of a woman whose family we have known for years and leave it at that.

http://www.thelovechromosome.com/

 

 


dizzy.gif DS1: 10/89 - DD1: 06/94 - DD2: 02/97 - DS2: 12/05 - DS3: 12/08 - DC6: ETA 04/26/12

I'll be 42 when the newest little one is born! Yowza!

 

 

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#41 of 42 Old 11-08-2011, 12:06 PM
 
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I had similar emotions after having a full term stillborn. They never found anything wrong in the autopsy. I was sooooo pissed! Why did I even bother to be healthy and stay away from cigarette smoke and alcohol and got good rest, ate healthy, and people I knew did drugs and drank and were fat lazy slobs had perfectly healthy babies. It sucks sooooo much. I wouldn't jump to anything like abortion right away until you talk to an adoption counselor. Although I can understand wanting to end your heartache and wanting to start over right away. My psychologist after my stillborn wanted me to wait to get pregnant again but I got pregnant right away 6 weeks later. It did help the healing process. I'm always so torn on abortion in this instance because its hard to want to bring a baby into this world when you know they won't have a fair chance.


belly.gif1***5****10****15****20****25****30****35heartbeat.gif***40babygirl.gif

 

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#42 of 42 Old 11-08-2011, 01:09 PM
 
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