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#1 of 42 Old 08-18-2011, 06:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi,

 

I am 23 years old, I don't smoke or drink alcohol.  I eat wholegrain foods, boiled potatoes and greens, spinach, sprouts, carrots every other day and exercise twice a week.

 

I am currently 4 months pregnant and I'm carrying a baby with Down's...  After all that hard work and all I get is a freak of nature.

 

I think I have no option but to abort it.  I don't want me or my baby to suffer embarrassment as it will only get picked on for looking different.

 

I'm so confused right now what do you think I should do?

 

 

 

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#2 of 42 Old 08-18-2011, 08:02 AM
 
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I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It is never pleasant to find out something like this. Sounds like your emotions are still raw and need some healing.

 

There are plenty of people with Down's babies, and it is not considered an embarassment once you come to terms with the emotions. If you can, spend some time in the special needs section of the forums.

 

Hope this helps

 

 


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#3 of 42 Old 08-18-2011, 10:55 AM
 
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I love this girl's website. i found it by reading her birth story (on her blog at the bottom of the page)

I enjoy seeing pictures of Nella growing up. I was always scared of having a down syndrome baby until this. Now, I think it would be just fine.

http://www.kellehampton.com/

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#4 of 42 Old 08-18-2011, 12:45 PM
 
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You sound angry and raw still from the shock of finding out your baby's diagnosis. This is normal. There are no guarantees in life and all we can do is prepare ourselves the best we can for our journey. No one can tell you whether you are ready to love your baby as s/he is. No one can tell you what the right steps are. Children with Down's are not freaks of nature. They are unique, beautiful, affectionate, loving beings, who contribute to and enrich their parents' lives as well as the lives of others they meet. I agree that you should connect with parents of children with Down's and hear others' real experiences. That blog link above is beautiful!!! Good luck, mama. This may not be the unjust punishment you perceive it to be at first. It may be a challenge AND a blessing. Lots of love your way!

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#5 of 42 Old 08-18-2011, 01:42 PM
 
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I recently read that there is a 2 yr waitlist for families who want to adopt an infant with Down's.  Here's a link to a Christian adoption and informational organization for birth parents and adoptive parents of children with Downs. 

 

http://reecesrainbow.org/ 

 

This organization is just one of many who want to help these babies find forever homes.  Mama, please understand that there is a loving family waiting for your baby if you do not feel that you can parent him/her in yourself. 

 

Take care of yourself and please don't hesitate to ask for help or seek counseling.  The news of your baby's diagnosis must be so distressing and shocking to you, so give yourself some time to grieve and process before making any decisions.  Good luck, and (((hugs))) to you.

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#6 of 42 Old 08-18-2011, 02:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mother0 View Post

Hi,

 

I am 23 years old, I don't smoke or drink alcohol.  I eat wholegrain foods, boiled potatoes and greens, spinach, sprouts, carrots every other day and exercise twice a week.

 

I am currently 4 months pregnant and I'm carrying a baby with Down's...  After all that hard work and all I get is a freak of nature.

 

I think I have no option but to abort it.  I don't want me or my baby to suffer embarrassment as it will only get picked on for looking different.

 

I'm so confused right now what do you think I should do?

 

 

 




I must be the only person that thinks this offensive post was created for that purpose - to be offensive. I find it hard to believe that a person innocently creates their one and only post on a natural parenting forum to ask a question like this, inflammatory language and all.  Further, the fact that you're 16 weeks (at the most), young, and healthy, and yet you know your little baby has Down Syndrome is, well, unusual, at best.

 

My opinion is that you should either learn how to conduct yourself in a respectful manner or you should get your jollies elsewhere.  blowkiss.gif

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#7 of 42 Old 08-18-2011, 02:46 PM
 
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I'm afraid this was my first thought too.

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Originally Posted by Mulvah View Post






I must be the only person that thinks this offensive post was created for that purpose - to be offensive. I find it hard to believe that a person innocently creates their one and only post on a natural parenting forum to ask a question like this, inflammatory language and all.  Further, the fact that you're 16 weeks (at the most), young, and healthy, and yet you know your little baby has Down Syndrome is, well, unusual, at best.

 

My opinion is that you should either learn how to conduct yourself in a respectful manner or you should get your jollies elsewhere.  blowkiss.gif



 


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#8 of 42 Old 08-18-2011, 02:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mulvah View Post






I must be the only person that thinks this offensive post was created for that purpose - to be offensive. I find it hard to believe that a person innocently creates their one and only post on a natural parenting forum to ask a question like this, inflammatory language and all.  Further, the fact that you're 16 weeks (at the most), young, and healthy, and yet you know your little baby has Down Syndrome is, well, unusual, at best.

 

My opinion is that you should either learn how to conduct yourself in a respectful manner or you should get your jollies elsewhere.  blowkiss.gif

It's hard to separate anger and confusion from maliciousness sometimes. I was very struck by the harshness of the language as well, but it could just be raw emotion. It is hard to edit yourself when emotions are raw. As for her baby's diagnosis, it is quite possible. Amniocentesis is usually performed between 11-20 weeks, so it is quite possible that she just received the diagnosis. Young ad healthy mothers give birth to babies with Down's. It's possible. I know my doubts as a mother first brought me to MDC, and I have found a community here. There is a reason for every new post, and newcomers may not be aware of the general "air" of things. It is quite possible that I am just gullible, but I would hate to chastise and alienate someone in distress just because I suspect they are being malicious. 
 

 


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#9 of 42 Old 08-18-2011, 03:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Toposlonoshlep View Post



It's hard to separate anger and confusion from maliciousness sometimes. I was very struck by the harshness of the language as well, but it could just be raw emotion. It is hard to edit yourself when emotions are raw. As for her baby's diagnosis, it is quite possible. Amniocentesis is usually performed between 11-20 weeks, so it is quite possible that she just received the diagnosis. Young ad healthy mothers give birth to babies with Down's. It's possible. I know my doubts as a mother first brought me to MDC, and I have found a community here. There is a reason for every new post, and newcomers may not be aware of the general "air" of things. It is quite possible that I am just gullible, but I would hate to chastise and alienate someone in distress just because I suspect they are being malicious. 

 

I think it's great there are people like you out there; they balance out the cynical meanies like me. loveeyes.gif

 

This poster has created only one thread and the language she used is over the top, regardless of her frame of mind.  One can be frustrated, one can be angry, one can even express a fear of embarrassment over their child.  There is a way to do that in a tactful and genuine manner.  There is a way to do it so as to intentionally anger people and the original post screams the latter to me.  

 

I don't find it hard to believe that a 23YO healthy woman could or would have a child with Down Syndrome.  What I find hard to believe is that the 23YO healthy woman would know she has a baby with Down Syndrome at 16 weeks pregnant (at the most).  

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#10 of 42 Old 08-18-2011, 03:19 PM
 
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Well, diagnostically its possible of she's had an amnio test, which would be done around this time and would be pretty definitive about the extra chromosome. I guess I just don't want to think about the possibility of someone making that effort just to be mean and cruel. puke.gif

 

I guess I am hoping that this isn't the case. Either way, I hope the OP finds her peace.

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mulvah View Post



 

I think it's great there are people like you out there; they balance out the cynical meanies like me. loveeyes.gif

 

This poster has created only one thread and the language she used is over the top, regardless of her frame of mind.  One can be frustrated, one can be angry, one can even express a fear of embarrassment over their child.  There is a way to do that in a tactful and genuine manner.  There is a way to do it so as to intentionally anger people and the original post screams the latter to me.  

 

I don't find it hard to believe that a 23YO healthy woman could or would have a child with Down Syndrome.  What I find hard to believe is that the 23YO healthy woman would know she has a baby with Down Syndrome at 16 weeks pregnant (at the most).  



 


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#11 of 42 Old 08-18-2011, 06:27 PM
 
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If the OP is a military spouse or service member who is using a military treatment facility, chances are that she was offered an amnio, even at her age.  This is the new protocol, according my OB, and it will eventually replace the quad screening at most military facilities.  It could also be that she is basing her post on having had the serial blood tests + nuchal translucency, which is not a certain diagnosis.  Anyhow, I was giving her the benefit of the doubt and posting the info on Downs adoptions in hopes that she might reconsider abortion.


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#12 of 42 Old 08-18-2011, 06:27 PM
 
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Me too... I would also recommend the book "Expecting Adam" by Martha Beck. It's an autobiographical story of a woman who knew she was expecting a Down's baby and her journey of emotions from start to finish through his first year of life. It is a beautiful tale, and an acquaintance of mine who is expecting her first child who has also been diagnosed with Down's has found great comfort in it.

 

It is a very emotional and scary thing to discover... and to react with anything less than love and compassion, no matter the original intentions of the OP (which no one can possibly presume to know) only adds fear and distaste to an already difficult to read post. Why compound it? If you think it's meant to cause a reaction then why respond at all? I guess I've just always gone by the rule "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"... which can be surprisingly compatible with civic action, activism and standing up for oneself and other people without being a doormat. It takes a little work to strike that balance, but it's so worth it. There's a big difference between being mean and being compassionately assertive.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Toposlonoshlep View Post

It's hard to separate anger and confusion from maliciousness sometimes. I was very struck by the harshness of the language as well, but it could just be raw emotion. It is hard to edit yourself when emotions are raw. As for her baby's diagnosis, it is quite possible. Amniocentesis is usually performed between 11-20 weeks, so it is quite possible that she just received the diagnosis. Young ad healthy mothers give birth to babies with Down's. It's possible. I know my doubts as a mother first brought me to MDC, and I have found a community here. There is a reason for every new post, and newcomers may not be aware of the general "air" of things. It is quite possible that I am just gullible, but I would hate to chastise and alienate someone in distress just because I suspect they are being malicious. 


 

 

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#13 of 42 Old 08-18-2011, 07:39 PM
 
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I'm sure the OP will happily take the information posted here and utilise that as part of her back story providing "evidence".  I'm also pretty sure the OP got exactly what she wanted from this thread.  

 

 

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It is a very emotional and scary thing to discover... and to react with anything less than love and compassion, no matter the original intentions of the OP (which no one can possibly presume to know) only adds fear and distaste to an already difficult to read post. Why compound it? If you think it's meant to cause a reaction then why respond at all? I guess I've just always gone by the rule "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"... which can be surprisingly compatible with civic action, activism and standing up for oneself and other people without being a doormat. It takes a little work to strike that balance, but it's so worth it. There's a big difference between being mean and being compassionately assertive.

 

 

I wish the OP had done that, herself.  Funny how that works.  I'm sorry, I don't excuse those types of remarks on a message board simply because one may be angry, confused, or frustrated.  Many people have been there and many have still managed to conduct themselves with dignity.  Sure, people handle things differently, but I'm going to comment on a post I take issue with, regardless of how others view it.



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Anyhow, I was giving her the benefit of the doubt and posting the info on Downs adoptions in hopes that she might reconsider abortion.



I think that was lovely of you.

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#14 of 42 Old 08-18-2011, 07:57 PM
 
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Quote:

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I'm sure the OP will happily take the information posted here and utilise that as part of her back story providing "evidence".  I'm also pretty sure the OP got exactly what she wanted from this thread.  

 

I wish the OP had done that, herself.  Funny how that works.  I'm sorry, I don't excuse those types of remarks on a message board simply because one may be angry, confused, or frustrated.  Many people have been there and many have still managed to conduct themselves with dignity.  Sure, people handle things differently, but I'm going to comment on a post I take issue with, regardless of how others view it.


Maybe I'm just naive or confused, but I fail to see where any of this provides "evidence" for anything... ? Maybe she did and maybe she didn't get what she wanted, but frankly it didn't affect me either way and I chose to take the time to read it and respond for which I take personal responsibility. I guess it was worth the time to me (then again, I have a lot of that right now - LOL). I responded to fear with love, which is my only goal in any situation where someone is either genuinely hurting or, if they are being disingenuous, then hurting indirectly and expressing it inappropriately by being hurtful.

 

And by all means, you should comment on posts you take issue with... I certainly do. I like to think that just because others are offensive doesn't give me the right to retaliate likewise, but that doesn't stop me from speaking up... I just take a different tack. Granted, I don't do that perfectly by any means, but it's a goal.

 

"Kill them with kindness" might be another of those mottos that I like. love.gif

 


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Quote:
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Quote:


Maybe I'm just naive or confused, but I fail to see where any of this provides "evidence" for anything... ? Maybe she did and maybe she didn't get what she wanted, but frankly it didn't affect me either way and I chose to take the time to read it and respond for which I take personal responsibility. I guess it was worth the time to me (then again, I have a lot of that right now - LOL). I responded to fear with love, which is my only goal in any situation where someone is either genuinely hurting or, if they are being disingenuous, then hurting indirectly and expressing it inappropriately by being hurtful.

 

And by all means, you should comment on posts you take issue with... I certainly do. I like to think that just because others are offensive doesn't give me the right to retaliate likewise, but that doesn't stop me from speaking up... I just take a different tack. Granted, I don't do that perfectly by any means, but it's a goal.

 

"Kill them with kindness" might be another of those mottos that I like. love.gif

 


 

I guess we will have to agree to disagree.  I don't think my posts were offensive.  Pointed, yes, but offensive, no.  smile.gif

 

(I have a bit of time on my hands this week, so I've been a lot more chatty, myself.)

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I guess we will have to agree to disagree.  I don't think my posts were offensive.  Pointed, yes, but offensive, no.  smile.gif

 

(I have a bit of time on my hands this week, so I've been a lot more chatty, myself.)

 

Okay... shrug.gif

 

For the record, I didn't find them specifically offensive either... maybe just a tad harshly worded.

 

I was actually responding to Toposlonoshlep's comment about trying to believe the best in people and not wanting to chastise people because of a suspicion. I see now that when you quoted me originally you bolded the comment about not saying anything if you don't have anything nice to say... that was NOT directed at you personally... it was a statement of personal intention that supported what I was saying to Topslonoshlep in agreement with her stance of trying to believe the best in people and treating everyone that way regardless of their intentions. I believe that you were the one who referred to yourself as a "cynical meanie".

 

I like chatty people. I tend to be very literal and somewhat verbose myself.  upsidedown.gif

 

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#17 of 42 Old 08-18-2011, 08:27 PM
 
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Eating whole grains and spinach has nothing to do with genetic issues. I have son with bipolar disorder. It runs in my family. all the organic food in the world would have not prevented it.

 

If this is what you feel you have a few options;

 

a) Have an abortion

 

b) Put baby for adoption

 

c) change how you feel.

 

Read some books about genetics.

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#18 of 42 Old 08-19-2011, 07:15 AM
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mother0 - welcome to Mothering.

 

You've received some excellent advice here and I hope it has helped you deal with the mix of emotions you're having. I'm sure you can appreciate that calling a Down Syndrome fetus a "freak of nature" is highly offensive to parents who have Down Syndrome children. 

 

I think everyone would like to hear from you again so we can feel that you are sincere in your membership here. 


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#19 of 42 Old 08-20-2011, 06:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi,

 

Sorry for the harsh comments but that is how I truly feel.  I am angry, frustrated with myself; I have inferior genes and I'm a useless "Mother".

 

I don't want to be burdened with this it will be picked on for the rest of its life.... and what about when it grows up??  How the hell is it going to get a job in this day and age??

 

Perhaps I'm being punished.  Perhaps it's God's way of saying you don't deserve a child, the planet is saturated enough as it is and if that's the case then I will lean towards abortion.

 

Perhaps my mission in life is to prevent saturation so that other parents' kids won't have fierce competition in the future.

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#20 of 42 Old 08-20-2011, 06:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I've read through all your comments and I've decided not to go ahead with abortion.

 

Thank you Soul-0 for the webpage I will look into it as I see no other choice at the moment.  Please accept my apologies I was just so angry at myself and I'm sorry for redirecting my hatred amongst the community.

 

 

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#21 of 42 Old 08-20-2011, 06:58 AM
 
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I think you need to give yourself a lot of love, patience, and understanding. Anger, doubt, and frustration are all completely acceptable parts of the healing process. DO read the birth story of the woman from the blog link a poster suggested above. She describes her healing very well, as well as the initial disillusion and upset and disappointment. You have the advantage of knowing what to expect, so with love and patience, educate yourself so that you can make the best decision as a mother to this unique and special baby. I don't think that children with Down's are picked on all their lives. The ones I have been around have been very loved, very accepted, and were functioning members of a family. You're not a useless "mother". You are a REAL mother. Facing the challenges only a real mother would have to face. Not only do you deserve a child, you are having one! And one that sounds like will need extra love and care. Perhaps that's the message? That you were chosen for that very unique and special mothering role? If you don't feel like that role is for you and abortion feels right, no one can tell you otherwise. But DO take the time to go through the steps of healing regardless of your decision in the end. DO read that woman's blog, DO talk to other mothers of children with special needs, THEN decide if your mind has changed or if your heart feels lighter. Good luck, mama, and blessings!
 

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Hi,

 

Sorry for the harsh comments but that is how I truly feel.  I am angry, frustrated with myself; I have inferior genes and I'm a useless "Mother".

 

I don't want to be burdened with this it will be picked on for the rest of its life.... and what about when it grows up??  How the hell is it going to get a job in this day and age??

 

Perhaps I'm being punished.  Perhaps it's God's way of saying you don't deserve a child, the planet is saturated enough as it is and if that's the case then I will lean towards abortion.

 

Perhaps my mission in life is to prevent saturation so that other parents' kids won't have fierce competition in the future.



 


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#22 of 42 Old 08-20-2011, 10:19 AM
 
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I think the process a mother goes through when she finds out her baby has Down Syndrome, is much like the grieving process you go through when you lose a loved one. You have to grieve for the child you will never have, but at the same time you can start looking forward to the child you will have. Grief has its seven stages, anger being the second one.  More info here. They don't always follow chronologically, you can experience two at the same time or revert back to an earlier stage later on in the process. 

For what it's worth, I have never EVER heard a parent of a Down Syndrome child state that they wish they never had that child. Every single one of them that I have met and read about, makes it abundantly clear what a special kind of blessing these children are. 


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#23 of 42 Old 08-20-2011, 10:45 AM
 
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While things were different years ago, there are plenty of opportunities for those with Down Syndrome now. They may not be bankers or lawyers, but they definitely can be a productive member of society. One local organization near us employs developmentally disabled adults to package products for companies. I was surprised by the number of companies that work with the organization. There are wonderful opportunities for socializing and physical activity through the Special Olympics and day programs.

As far as being made fun of, there are always jerks out there in the world. I am disabled, and I look perfectly normal if you see me sitting down. I get rude looks and comments for riding a scooter that is medically needed. You know what? There are always a few jerks out there. Don't let that hold you back from loving your child. Those jerks are insecure with themselves, and their opinion doesn't matter. The vast majority of people are accepting and understanding.

I also know a few moms that had Downs babies at a young age. It isn't just 40 year old mothers that have babies with Downs Syndrome. Has your doctor offered any support in the way of genetic counseling, support groups, or links to organizations that can help? If not, ask.

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#24 of 42 Old 08-20-2011, 12:59 PM
 
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I've read through all your comments and I've decided not to go ahead with abortion.

 

Thank you Soul-0 for the webpage I will look into it as I see no other choice at the moment.  Please accept my apologies I was just so angry at myself and I'm sorry for redirecting my hatred amongst the community.

 

 

 

 



I'm glad that the link I sent was helpful.  I dunno if it would help or not, but perhaps if you start referring to your child as "him" or "her" rather than "it", you might be a step closer to seeing your child as person first, rather than just a set of traits because of a chromosomal abnormality.  Please remember that Down's is not a death sentence.  Most individuals with Down's lead wonderful lives and bring a lot of joy to the world. 

 

Please take good care of yourself and your baby.  I hope you can find a good support system IRL.  Please talk to your doctor about support groups and counseling.

 

:hug

 


Tabitha ~ devoted wife to my best friend Stephen ribbonyellow.gif and gentle Christian mom to six DSs: notes.gif E - 2/09/00REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifA - 3/05/03superhero.gifA- 6/05/06 guitar.gif H- 2/07/08 jog.gif J - 11/14/10 bouncy.gif T - 8/23/12 + stork-suprise.gif due 9/20/14!  brokenheart.gif DD Janae 10/19/09 angel2.gif
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#25 of 42 Old 08-20-2011, 01:43 PM
 
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You sound angry and raw still from the shock of finding out your baby's diagnosis. This is normal. There are no guarantees in life and all we can do is prepare ourselves the best we can for our journey. No one can tell you whether you are ready to love your baby as s/he is. No one can tell you what the right steps are. Children with Down's are not freaks of nature. They are unique, beautiful, affectionate, loving beings, who contribute to and enrich their parents' lives as well as the lives of others they meet. I agree that you should connect with parents of children with Down's and hear others' real experiences. That blog link above is beautiful!!! Good luck, mama. This may not be the unjust punishment you perceive it to be at first. It may be a challenge AND a blessing. Lots of love your way!

 

What a well-written post! This is more or less what my response would be to you as well...adding: 

 

There are challenges that come with a special needs child but with the right resources, you can raise your child to be all that he or she was destined to be. I see special needs children often and I'm always awe-struck at the level of love and sacrifice their parents are giving to their child. The fact that they chose LIFE regardless of its perceived imperfection....that's just what love is and what love does. You could be carrying a perfectly healthy child only for that child to sustain a head injury a few years into his/her life which would leave him/her in a special needs state for the rest of his/her life. Would you love him/her any less? Would you chose death then? No. It's your child. It's pure unconditional love. There are no guarantees or perfect or "normal" health. But there is a guarantee that love can surpass all your fears! I bet you'd be really struck by how much you will love your child when you meet him/her. Big hugs to you! 

 

 


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#26 of 42 Old 08-20-2011, 01:56 PM
 
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Hi,

 

Sorry for the harsh comments but that is how I truly feel.  I am angry, frustrated with myself; I have inferior genes and I'm a useless "Mother".

 

I don't want to be burdened with this it will be picked on for the rest of its life.... and what about when it grows up??  How the hell is it going to get a job in this day and age??

 

Perhaps I'm being punished.  Perhaps it's God's way of saying you don't deserve a child, the planet is saturated enough as it is and if that's the case then I will lean towards abortion.

 

Perhaps my mission in life is to prevent saturation so that other parents' kids won't have fierce competition in the future.


 

My uncle has special needs and he works at a facility for disabled/special needs adults. He does earn money. He also receives government benefits. He's almost 50. No one in our family can imagine not having his presence in our lives. He does bring immense joy, laughter, compassion and selflessness to our family. There is something really special about his innocence. He's never lost it and so he will always be like a child and if you ask me, he's closer to God than any of us "normal" adults! After all, it was written in the bible: 

 

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

 

To speak to your comment:  God would not punish you and simultaneous bless you with a child. God doesn't "give" us special needs children. Special needs children come to earth to show us God. It's in their innocence and their lack of ego. They live in the moment. They love without fear. I bet you will learn SO much from your baby/child. It's going to be okay, Mama! Find local support now. Don't wait until baby is already here. That will ease your fears and help you prepare to welcome your baby into your life with wide-open arms and heart! 

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#27 of 42 Old 08-20-2011, 10:34 PM
 
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I wanted to add that the documentary "Up Syndrome" is available on Netflix. I highly recommend watching it, as it is a very good documentary, and is an excellent portrayal of a young man with Down Syndrome.

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#28 of 42 Old 08-21-2011, 05:43 PM
 
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You are and will be a wonderful mother and it is no way your fault that this is happening to you.

 

It is normal to be angry and to blame yourself, but I have a feeling that as time goes by and you meet your precious little one those feelings will be replaced by love and adoration for your child.

 

For now, take care of yourself physically and emotionally - and get as much support as you can from a counselor and forums like this.

 

Although I don't know much about it, I know there are services for disabled children. You can look into and apply for many of these before your child is born.

 

 

 

 


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#29 of 42 Old 08-22-2011, 03:16 PM
 
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I am the mother of a 3 year old child with Down syndrome.

 

My little man scared the sh*t out of me when he was born.

 

He was perfect and beautiful and I did not want to believe that there was anything "wrong" with him. But, after our wonderful, caring midwife gently broke her suspicions of Ds to us, and pointed out all of the reasons she suspected it, I could not deny it. The WORST part was that all of my new mama feeling of bliss turned to rejection and THAT was devastating. I would hold him and nurse and want to love him but every part of me just wanted to hand him over to DH and run away. I felt like the worst mother in the world. I had no idea why I was feeling all of those awful negative feelings. I just knew that I could not stop them and it hurt.

 

So, I did the only thing I new to do. I held him close to me, skin to skin, as much as I could to support my maternal instincts. I was aware that this was something that helped moms who experienced a lot of separation immediately after birth, I figured it couldn't hurt. And it worked! Each day I felt a little bit closer to him. Each day the bliss of those first few hours grew in my heart. In just a few short weeks I was back to where I wanted to be, seeing my little man for what he was, my beautiful son.

 

I think this essay is beautiful and explains things well. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Welcome_to_Holland

 

Almost 4 years later, I can tell you that his genetics don't mean a thing. He is happy and bright. He is just like every other kid except he is growing and developing a little slower. He has a magical ability to make everyone and anyone smile. I love him with all of my heart. He is one of the best things that have ever happened to me. If I could back and do it all over again I would not change a thing.

 

I won't lie and make it seem all sunshine and roses, I have a few extra things to think about and a few extra fears with him. But in reality, every kid comes with their own unique challenges and in some ways I am lucky that DS's are at least expected and there is support out there if he needs it.

 

Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel even those deep dark scary feelings. Feel them, explore them and let them go. You can do this. Soon you will be holding your baby in your arms, you will smell that intoxicating baby smell, you might cry and grieve some more, and then you will be left with the most amazing love you will ever experience. Raising a child with Down syndrome is truly a rewarding thing.

 


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#30 of 42 Old 08-22-2011, 04:25 PM
 
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You will never  forgive yourself if you do that. Dont. In the future the "what if" question will torture you. The best advice is that from people witrh down kids or visiting pages like Mothering. Every thing has a way and a lesson. Life is not a bed of roses. Let yours blossom.

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