I am pregnant with my third child. I want a homebirth. - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 13 Old 11-10-2011, 10:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I found out that I am pregnant with my third child two weeks ago. I have decided I want a homebirth. My husband isn't onboard yet, but I hope he will be at the end. I had my two other children in hospitals. I wasn't completely happy with either birth. I had long labor with both. I wasn't able to walk around, eat or drink. I hated being stuck in a bed attached to the computers and IVs. There is a wonderful midwife in the next county. Two of my friends have used her and were happy with her. I have also being reading about UP. I would love to have a child on my own, but I know my husband wouldn't want that. I still have awhile to decided on what is best to do. I just wanted to share, because my husband and I decided to wait to tell our family about the new baby. I just had to tell somebody. I am so excited for another baby even if it was unexpecting.

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#2 of 13 Old 11-10-2011, 12:52 PM
 
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Have you seen the Business of Being Born yet? It would be a good one to watch with your DH. That move has convinced a lot of guys to get on board.

 

Home birth is the best (but it sounds like you already know that). Whether you use a midwife or UC, being able to stay home, labor, and birth on your own terms is so empowering.


Mama to DS (6/07) h20homebirth.gif, DD (6/09) h20homebirth.gif, and DD (07/12) homebirth.jpg..

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#3 of 13 Old 11-10-2011, 07:42 PM
 
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Do a ton of research.  I suggest gentlebirth.org as a starting point because it has lots of information on many issues regarding homebirths, but don't limit your search.  I have spent many hours even after a successful homebirth studying those who oppose homebirth safety and the questions they propose and the answer homebirth advocates give.

 

I would suggest that through your research you will come up with a list of questions to ask a potential midwife.  At least find one online and print it out.  I strongly suggest that your husband help you make this list and come to you to interview a prospective midwife.  Don't trust that just because your friends have used this midwife that she will be a good fit for you and your family.  

 

I once considered unassisted homebirth but I saw someone say that humans began using labor companions because our babies heads are proportionally much larger than other species' young.  That seemed to make sense to me.  Now that I am expecting my second child I am much less "trust birth" than I was the first time around and only because of the extra year and a half of research and not because my first birth wasn't amazing and normal.  I still trust my body to grow and birth a healthy baby but reality makes me want a birth attendant who is trained and experienced in emergency situations, someone who has the skill to manage an emergency herself and whose commitment to safety of mother and child comes first above all else. My disenchantment with the medical establishment led me to trust my midwives too completely the first time- fortunately my faith was put in the right hands because I had postpartum hemorrhage and my midwife was able to inform me that a transfer could be necessary but was also able to stop it.  Mine is a perfect example of an ideal homebirth.  If my husband and I had been alone we wouldn't have known I was in danger- I felt great and it didn't seem to me that I was losing much blood at all when in fact I bled just under the amount that would have required a transfer.  If our midwife had been less competent our story could have also had a different ending.

 

I don't mean to scare you.  Knowledge is power!  There are good and bad doctors as there are midwives.  A good midwife will seem strict to make sure you stay low-risk and will be comfortable answering all of your questions thoroughly and honestly.

 

Good luck!  I hope you have an amazing, healthy, comfortable birth.  Every woman deserves one and in my opinion, a healthy mom and baby are most likely to experience that at home.

 

PS- Remind your husband that if all goes well he can catch his baby.  My husband gets tears in his eyes every time he talks about how he was the first person to touch his baby in this world.  Perhaps your friends' husbands will be available to answer your husband's questions, too.

 

PPS- I believe "The Business of Being Born" and "Born in the USA" are both available right now on Netlfix for instant streaming : )

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#4 of 13 Old 11-11-2011, 04:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you to both of you. I will find those movies and watch them. I am trying to find as much information as I can. I dream of a homebirth and hope I can make that happen this time.

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#5 of 13 Old 11-11-2011, 08:09 AM
 
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Homebirth rocks, I wouldn't do it any other way. A good MW is a must if your DH is not on board...a good MW will have the information, know how/experience and patience to help him feel comfortable.

 

I second The Business of Being Born

 

Also,

 

Pregnant in America

Pushed

 

 

And read. READ READ READ.

 

I also recommend reading everything, written by people who both support and caution against homebirth....no need to read some of the rabid, off base, fear based propaganda that is out there..seriously, no need (just like there is no need to read the rabid, fear based ramblings of some of the people out there who write about how "anybody who isn't giving birth unassisted is doing it wrong" - there is no black and white in birth...only shades of grey and in that grey, somewhere, the way that works for YOU)....but definitely take a look at some of the reasonable homebirth critics who will bring up important questions and make you really think about some aspects of homebirth that are less comfortable to think about...it's important to go into homebirth really owning everything about it and making peace with the fact that, yeah, there are some births that go wrong for no reason and every once in a while, you have a truly low risk lady who has given birth successfully before and has a homebirth and something goes wrong and she could have received life saving help if she'd been ten minutes away from a c-section instead of a thirty minute ride, plus wait time. It truly is not a common place thing, that a woman who is truly low risk and on her third birth has something catastrophic happen that a hospital birth could have saved her from....but the possibility, no matter how slim, exists. (There are also some things that present grave risk which can ONLY happen to you at a hospital....but people don't have to prepare themselves for that in the same way we must prepare ourselves for ownership of our decision to homebirth because when you birth at the hospital and something happens, you are "without blame" because you went to "the safest place you could have" to give birth. If anyone is to "blame", it's the hospital.

 

 

So, anyway. I would recommend a copy of Ina May Gaskins Guide to Childbirth. Truly, truly wonderful book. But leave no stone unturned, mama.....my desire to homebirth, was the beginning of my journey to successful homebirths....the TRUE meat of my success is the result of tireless research, talking to anyone who would talk to me about it, engaging the services of some true angel-this-side-of-heaven MWs and preparing myself with a combination of hypnobirthing, some Bradley Method reading, etc. I did so much BEFORE my births to prepare, that by the time I was actually in the thick of it, my brain was sooooo ready, that my body was able to relax and I had two completely gentle, completely relaxed, prefect and wonderful -albeit intense to the point of spiritual experience!- births.  The knowledge and community of people you put around you will have just as much to do with your success as your ability to relax and breath through it! My MWs were not active participants in either of my births (they were in the next room either sleeping or knitting, etc, because I like to be alone for my births) - but I couldn't have done it without them. Seriously. It's so weird....but the community of people who supported me in my birth choice and their willingness to speak about and responsibly explore all aspects of this birth choice with me, really felt present inside of me while I birthed. I was successful because I truly trusted.....but trust cannot be blind...it has to be built and earned. Build and earn trust in birth and you will not be sorry you did.

 

GL.....always makes me happy to hear another mama say she wants a homebirth. I'm so excited for my third baby, too.....I've had a water birth in the night...a kitchen birth in the morning....and my next birth will be in our huge wigwam/teepee in our woods. I can't wait!


Me and DH ...lovin' DD dust.gif(6/08) and DS kid.gif(11/09) Plus NEW BABY!! DD baby.gif (UC-5/12) We heartbeat.gif Water Birth/Homebirth/No Vax or Circ/BF/BW/Country Livin'! chicken3.gif

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#6 of 13 Old 11-11-2011, 08:16 AM
 
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I was in the same boat with DS. DH went so far as to call me selfish for putting my WANT of a homebirth before the SAFETY of our child.

 

That did it- I pulled up stats and researched and proved to him that Homebirth was a safe, if not THE safest option. I took him to the midwife appointment and I asked her all sorts of questions (which I knew were his concerns)...e.g what if there's an emergency during labour, what equipment is brought to a home birth, what if the baby's not breathing, what is your experience with x,y,z, what if, what if, what if.

 

He left that appointment feeling better about the homebirth idea. After DS was born he's now a homebirth advocate- he got to have a beer in the evening and be in his own turf and be respected/valued....in the end he really apreciated it.

 

Research, brainstorm concerns, and meet with a midwife (make sure DH is there too!)


Laurie, wife to guitar.gifDH (Aug/04), mom tobikenew.gifDS1 (Nov/05) and bfinfant.gifDS2 (June/12).

 

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#7 of 13 Old 11-11-2011, 01:28 PM
 
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I was in the same boat with my husband after having four hospital births. He was adamantly against home birth in every way. As other posters have been saying, educate yourself. This is the best thing you can do. I educated myself as much as possible. And I shared all of my research with him. ;) We also had a push from the OB I was seeing who, at 22 weeks, wanted to schedule me a c-section "just in case." After that happened, and we met with our midwife, he reluctantly supported me.

 

After our beautiful home birth, he said something that I never thought I'd hear him say. He said that home birth was the way to go, and that if we had any more children, it wouldn't even be a question. :D

 

I wish you the very best!

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#8 of 13 Old 11-11-2011, 02:22 PM
 
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My first baby was born at the hospital- not a good experience. My second was born at home with a midwife. It went smoothly and I love it. Homebirth IMO is the way to go if you are healthy.  My xh was also not on board but is not an advocate for homebirth. I hope if I have another baby someday it will be a born at home  too.

There are a ton of birth stories and resources on here to read.

Lots of homebirthing mama's. "
My favorite book to reccomend is Birthing From Within By Pam England.

CONGRATS!


mdcblog5.gifsaynovax.giffambedsingle2.gifhomebirth.jpg

 

 

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#9 of 13 Old 11-11-2011, 02:35 PM
 
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How exciting! I wish you a most wonderful birth. My husband was not onboard about homebirth at first, either. I gave in to his fears with our first and had a hospital birth. With #2 and #3 I was determined to have homebirths regardless of how he felt or what he thought and I did. He was fine with it by then. He came around. It's fear that holds them back so, if you can address their fears with facts, that can help. Ultimately (and I know there will be people who will disagree with me on this), it's your body and your choice. Your husband's opinions and feelings are secondary. If he trusts you, he can trust that you can make a decision to have your baby safely.

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#10 of 13 Old 11-11-2011, 07:54 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eirual View Post

After DS was born he's now a homebirth advocate- he got to have a beer in the evening and be in his own turf and be respected/valued....in the end he really apreciated it.

 

 

 


Haha, DH snuck a few shots of sake after the baby was born while I was sipping on OJ.  

 

Nothing like birthing on your own turf, in your own germs, and having midwives leave your house clean with herbal sitz bath brew steeping on your stove.  No packing to be done, no fidgeting with car seats for a few days, no strangers walking around... AND it's statistically just as safe.  

 

In the beginning we planned to birth at the birth center but once I decided I wanted a homebirth it took me about a month to gently convince my husband.

 

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#11 of 13 Old 11-12-2011, 07:43 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaMochiko View Post


Haha, DH snuck a few shots of sake after the baby was born while I was sipping on OJ.  

 

Nothing like birthing on your own turf, in your own germs, and having midwives leave your house clean with herbal sitz bath brew steeping on your stove.  No packing to be done, no fidgeting with car seats for a few days, no strangers walking around... AND it's statistically just as safe.  

 

In the beginning we planned to birth at the birth center but once I decided I wanted a homebirth it took me about a month to gently convince my husband.

 



^haha, this!

 

My DH is a huge homebody and really dislikes being around strangers...particularly in a hospital. As much as the hospital is the last place I would want to be to give birth..it's REALLY the last place my DH would prefer to wait for the baby to come. Home is the right spot for me. After our last homebirth I was like "how was that for you this time" - and he was like "It was okay...it feels kind of invasive to have a midwife in the house, you know, just because it's a person who is not one of us" - I was like, "Dude, if you find having a MW in the house invasive, you have no idea how glad you are that your wife loves homebirth!".


Me and DH ...lovin' DD dust.gif(6/08) and DS kid.gif(11/09) Plus NEW BABY!! DD baby.gif (UC-5/12) We heartbeat.gif Water Birth/Homebirth/No Vax or Circ/BF/BW/Country Livin'! chicken3.gif

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#12 of 13 Old 11-12-2011, 07:58 AM
 
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My midwife practice had a homebirth information night every month or so and went over everything in detail (how it would work, backup/emergency plans etc).  I believe that, and me sharing everything I was learning about birthing at home, was what brought my hubby over to the homebirth side. This time around of course there is no question that we both want a homebirth.

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#13 of 13 Old 11-16-2011, 11:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone! I make my first appointment with a midwife. My husband said he would go and see. It is in two weeks. I am excited because she said we will hear the babies heartbeat too. My husband never went to any of the appointment with the first two unless they were doing a sonogram, because he works during the day. I hope he charges his mind which I think he will after awhile. I am going to the library tomorrow to get one of the movies and a few books. My husband still wants to wait to tell our family. It is killing me because I don't like keeping it. I think Thanksgiving will be a good time to tell them, because I will be over 9 weeks along.

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