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#1 of 21 Old 11-16-2011, 07:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm newly pregnant with my third baby, and struggling with all sorts of anxieties--not at all like me. I think I read a thread on this subject long ago, and I gather this is pretty common, but I'd love to hear any BTDT or sympathy stories. I've had two uneventful pregnancies, two great births, and have two wonderful, healthy kids...just can't shake the anxiety that something is going to go wrong this time. I'm even avoiding things like smoked salmon that I'd ordinarily not think twice about (I even think a drink now and again is totally fine--not one for all the pregnancy cautions, usually), worried about DTD, and haven't told anyone that we're expecting yet. Hope this passes soon!


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#2 of 21 Old 11-17-2011, 12:50 PM
 
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You are not alone. I feel the same. For me this is a very BIG surprise and I do feel "off" about it.

 

I'm trying to just go with it. As far as not wanting to DTD (hope you will forgive me) Go ahead and try. It might make you feel better to connect with your husband.

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#3 of 21 Old 11-17-2011, 01:58 PM
 
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I was just the other day posting about this exact feeling in my DDC. I'm due at the beginning of June with my third baby....same deal, two normal pregnancies, two awesome births, two perfect kids. It's scary as hell.  I feel like I'm pushing my luck asking for a third normal pregnancy, perfect birth and perfect kid. :'(

 

But I've also heard that it is really normal...so I'm just dealing with it and trying to cope with the anxiety. I've even had crazy ideas like "maybe this time I should go to the hospital instead of homebirthing" - and that kind of thought is really poisonous for me, because I'm HUGE on trusting my gut.....but my gut is all fuzzy. I keep second guessing myself, like "is my gut telling me something is wrong...or is this normal third baby jitters??".  Ugh.


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#4 of 21 Old 11-19-2011, 12:02 PM
 
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I'm pregnant with Baby #2, and I have had these same feelings.  At 23 weeks, I'm beginning to shake them with more focus on positive thinking, self-centering, prayer.  My midwife and I talked about this at my 15 week check-up, and she assured me that it is perfectly normal.  This was however, the final thing I needed to help me decide to have my placenta encapsulated though.  Don't want to take any risks on negative feelings after Baby is born!

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#5 of 21 Old 11-19-2011, 05:19 PM
 
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So I am not alone! I have had the same thing going on here. Both previous babies were wonderful from start to now. With this one I am constantly worried I am losing it or that they will find something wrong on u/s. I think after I start feeling more regular movement and see a healthy baby in Dec I will calm down a bit, but until then I am going to have to try to relax.


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#6 of 21 Old 11-19-2011, 06:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by rik8144 View Post

So I am not alone! I have had the same thing going on here. Both previous babies were wonderful from start to now. With this one I am constantly worried I am losing it or that they will find something wrong on u/s. I think after I start feeling more regular movement and see a healthy baby in Dec I will calm down a bit, but until then I am going to have to try to relax.



I've been anxious to the point of numbness at times. :( It's so weird and it feels very hormonal, almost.....sometimes I'm okay, kind of anxious about everything being okay, but able to talk myself through it....but sometimes I'm  almost numb to the idea that there is even a baby growing inside of me. Like, I will be driving along and the idea of a baby growing in me will pop into my head and it's so surreal that I almost can't believe it. I'm just having a hard time in general with believing that this baby is actually going to be born sometimes. It just doesn't feel like it's actually going to happen.

 

It's so weird. I never had anything but 100% connectedness from day one with my other two. I feel really guarded about connecting with this baby for some reason. I am trying, talking to the little one and touching my belly when I lay in bed...but I feel scared sometimes to get "too close". I'm happy....but I feel reserved. I just can't escape feeling like everything is about to go wrong.

 

I'm 12 weeks tomorrow. I'm feeling movement here and there...the heartbeat is strong and every indication is that things are perfect. My head just has to catch up with my heart and let me start feeling relaxed. I keep feeling like when I have a round belly and feel ninja kicks, maybe I'll feel better. I hope that's the case.

 


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#7 of 21 Old 12-03-2011, 03:37 AM
 
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Originally Posted by AverysMomma View Post

It's so weird. I never had anything but 100% connectedness from day one with my other two. I feel really guarded about connecting with this baby for some reason. I am trying, talking to the little one and touching my belly when I lay in bed...but I feel scared sometimes to get "too close". I'm happy....but I feel reserved. I just can't escape feeling like everything is about to go wrong.

 

Yes!  That's exactly how I'm feeling too.  We thought we were done with babies then -- surprise! -- here I am, pregnant.  Aside from adjusting to the shock, I'm also extremely anxious because of my age.  I'm 39 (which, I know isn't THAT old) but I had my first two at 31 and 34, and I always planned to be done with having babies by 35.  I'm only about 7 weeks right now and we didn't see a heartbeat last week even with a transvaginal ultrasound, so part of me thinks maybe this pregnancy isn't meant to be.  I could be holding off on getting excited until I'm more sure this pregnancy is viable.  But I feel so guilty about not being excited because I was absolutely over the moon with my other two.

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#8 of 21 Old 12-03-2011, 05:50 AM
 
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jenniferlynne- That is where I was. Until I hear the heart I really don't think that it was meant to be. Now I'm feeling a lot better.

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#9 of 21 Old 12-03-2011, 10:00 AM
 
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Well we had a huge scare with gushing blood and a hurried trip to the ER in the middle of our thanksgiving feast (at MY house!!) and I was so convinced it was over. But, I saw the kid on ultrasound, twice, kicking and bouncing and measuring dead on.....I'm feeling more connected, but I still will go for whole parts of a day, forgetting that I'm pregnant. It's like, it will occur to me at random moments that I'm pregnant...it's so weird. It felt more real for a day or two, but now it's back to feeling like some distant, vague "maybe"....I can't wrap my head around this baby coming into our home in June! I think it must be because I'm so busy with these little two babies. I'm definitely FEELING the pregnancy, I'm so tired and worn out and my body feels way ancient...but I'm still feeling scared-ish and distant. I really think that when I have a bump and am feeling the ninja moves it will be different!


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#10 of 21 Old 12-03-2011, 03:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I also had a huge scare with gushing blood--yesterday morning, in fact greensad.gif  Absolutely terrifying, and I was utterly convinced it was all over. My MW got me in for an ultrasound, which showed a healthy little baba with a strong heartbeat--amazing. They think maybe a subchorionic hemorrhage. Of course this has only intensified all the anxieties, but seeing that scan and feeling the relief that s/he's still there, definitely helped me connect with the whole thing more strongly. I agree that it all still feels really abstract, most of the time!


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#11 of 21 Old 12-04-2011, 05:58 PM
 
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Hello Ladies,

 

I read your posts and would like to suggest that sometimes the fear that we, as in people in general, feel can be that of other people in our environment, or family, friends, and the world.  We then take on this fear as our own.  This is just another thought process to consider.  It is always best to check with a qualified healthcare if you are experiencing fears about you and your baby's health.  You may also consider lowering your fear by committing to a healthy protocol of diet (nutritional support), enzymes, aromatherapy, flower essences, detoxing your environment.  Always consult with a qualified practitioner to assist you with the above suggestions.

 

Wishing you all a healthy, balanced, and empowered pregnancy and beyond,

Nicole

 

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#12 of 21 Old 12-04-2011, 08:29 PM
 
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I'm 38 weeks with #3 and was quite anxious during my first trimester. What I realized was that this was the last time I was going to be pregnant. If I lost the baby we wouldn't try again, especially since we weren't really trying when I got pregnant this time. Your anxiety might be coming from a completely different source, but try to relax, spend time figuring out what's at the heart of it, and let go of expectations.


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#13 of 21 Old 12-05-2011, 03:13 AM
 
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I have a little bit of this.  I figure it's sort of irrational.  I have had two other perfect pregnancies as well, as well as two homebirths.  I won't say that everything went by the book, because it didn't.  I went way long in my second pregnancy and my midwife was driving me bonkers, especially at the end :).

 

As far as having two perfect children.  Well, I am sure that is debatable.  They are lovely children, but I am sure - hardly perfect.  Why should they be, I'm not.

 

Anyway, that was an aside. 

 

Well, is it time for me to pay my dues?  Well, I sort of am.  This has been the hardest pregnancy in terms of symptoms.  I suppose it's my turn.  My first pregnancy, I had zero symptoms.  No morning sickness whatsoever.  Ha!  It was a boy!  Plus, I gotta remember that I'm no spring chicken :).  Doing this at 28 is a little different than doing it at 37. :)

 

I suppose that's where some of my fears creep in.  Not only is this the third time (although my body has proven itself twice), I am a little older.  The old eggs are getting a little older - you know what I mean?  Not to mention that the sperm are 10 years older than my eggs.  YIKES.

 

Plus, it doesn't help when midwives won't take me until `12-14 weeks, and they say, let's wait for you to miscarry so i don't have to deal with you :(.  Okay, not exactly their words, but that's what they mean. 

 

Um,  You are not for me. 

 

I'm excited and I will stay that way.  It's the mind body connection - Ladies.  Have a positive outlook and you can't go wrong.  Eat for baby in the beginning.  Lots of fruit, veggies and protein.  Protein and more protein.


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#14 of 21 Old 12-05-2011, 06:22 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NicoleT View Post

Hello Ladies,

 

I read your posts and would like to suggest that sometimes the fear that we, as in people in general, feel can be that of other people in our environment, or family, friends, and the world.  We then take on this fear as our own.  This is just another thought process to consider.  It is always best to check with a qualified healthcare if you are experiencing fears about you and your baby's health.  You may also consider lowering your fear by committing to a healthy protocol of diet (nutritional support), enzymes, aromatherapy, flower essences, detoxing your environment.  Always consult with a qualified practitioner to assist you with the above suggestions.

 

Wishing you all a healthy, balanced, and empowered pregnancy and beyond,

Nicole

Licensed Natural Healthcare Practitioner & Educator

http://site.mawebcenters.com/wholecreations




Thank you for your suggestions. Your website is cool.

 

 

Yeah, my fears are definitely not anyone elses that I'm taking on as my own, or anything like that. I've done this -grown and birthed a perfect baby- two times already, in a short period of time, and there is no one in my life who has a shadow of a doubt that the same will happen again. The support I receive is as completely loving as is possible. I'm blessed with a close knit family, on BOTH sides and everyone shares the same values, passion for health and spiritual "lightness" all around. It makes things extremely easy.

 

My diet and environment are pretty perfect. My main occupation and greatest passion in life, is for foraging/raising/growing the healthiest and purest of meats, veggies and dairy and then, using old world traditions, harvesting/butchering these natural foods and then preserving or canning or cooking them in the ways which are most healthy and genetically supportive (ala Four Pillars and Primal Blueprint style).

 

I really don't think it's my diet, my environment or my social/family surroundings. I think I just have two PERFECT kiddos, who are my whole world....and I feel so completely lucky and blessed, that it almost feels like asking too much, to want for another great pregnancy, birth and perfectly healthy kid. My heart bursts with love and pride at the very thought of my two little perfect kids. They are the light in my world. I just want everything to be okay...and I think that, loving these two as much as I do, I'm much more aware this third time around, of how good things get as they really start to grow up and, so, how much I have to lose if things should go wrong with this third one.

 

Does that make sense? My DD was 17 months old when my DS was born. JUST coming out of her shell and becoming a toddler. Now that she is three and we have conversations about the universe and the stars and the whole world....and my son is two and we're starting to see how amazing he is and he is talking more and sharing his adorable little thoughts....it's different. A baby in my tummy means something completely different to me this time. With my DD it was just a little blobby, try as I might, I couldn't understand what I was going to get when she was actually a part of our lives. With my DS, I knew I was getting a bundle of cuteness and love, because my DD had shown me what love is....so it wasn't a little blobby, it was a baby we were waiting for. But this time.....I know this isn't just a little blobby, or just a little baby....it's a future three year old, future thinker and imaginer, who is going to share thoughts with me so simple and sweet that it will make me tear up with pride and humility all at once. I think it's normal that it would make me more nervous this time, to realize what actually "hangs in the balance" - you know?

 

My heart is heavy with love for my children. Heavy with joy and also with the responsibility of making sure that all the decisions I make, are the best ones I could possibly make, which will lead to the best outcomes for health and happiness for my brood. It's harrowing and tiring to realize sometimes, how precarious life can be. Don't get me wrong, these are not thoughts that hang around me all the time....but when it comes to making decisions about birth, etc....I'm struck with how readily I took for granted that all my outcomes would be good. It's harder to face, this time, that things don't always go right. When I look at my three year old, in all her perfection, I can hardly stand to think that maybe things won't be the same, so perfect, with this third little baby of mine.


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#15 of 21 Old 12-11-2011, 07:18 PM
 
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Broddywoodsgal, Wow, that was such a touching and honest post.

 

I am also pregnant with my 3rd baby, who was not a conciously conceived child. I am feeling many of the same things you other mothers have described. I am totally freaked out this time around and I don't exactly know why. With my last pregnancy I was rarely concerned about anything going "wrong." I never even considered that I would miscarry. And although she wasn't my dream birth she still came into the world pretty well off.

 

I am excited at the thought of having three children but I am also having a hard time visualizing it. I am also having a hard time visualizing being big and pregnant again and feeling as great as I did last time.

 

I think I am slightly frightened because we didn't plan this pregnancy start to finish like we had my last pregnancy, and because it was a surprise I feel like I am being caught off guard. ANother thing is that after my daughter was born two years ago I became extremely anxious and fearful about life because I loved her sooo much and I knew that I had to be there to take care of her, it has been a very emotional two years for me battling all of these feelings.

 

I am still very newly pregnant (due in Mid August) but I am hopeing that I start to feel better about this pregnancy so I can get my mind out of the semi-merky waters.

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#16 of 21 Old 12-12-2011, 07:16 AM
 
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Broddywoodsgal, Wow, that was such a touching and honest post.

 

I am also pregnant with my 3rd baby, who was not a conciously conceived child. I am feeling many of the same things you other mothers have described. I am totally freaked out this time around and I don't exactly know why. With my last pregnancy I was rarely concerned about anything going "wrong." I never even considered that I would miscarry. And although she wasn't my dream birth she still came into the world pretty well off.

 

I am excited at the thought of having three children but I am also having a hard time visualizing it. I am also having a hard time visualizing being big and pregnant again and feeling as great as I did last time.

 

I think I am slightly frightened because we didn't plan this pregnancy start to finish like we had my last pregnancy, and because it was a surprise I feel like I am being caught off guard. ANother thing is that after my daughter was born two years ago I became extremely anxious and fearful about life because I loved her sooo much and I knew that I had to be there to take care of her, it has been a very emotional two years for me battling all of these feelings.

 

I am still very newly pregnant (due in Mid August) but I am hopeing that I start to feel better about this pregnancy so I can get my mind out of the semi-merky waters.

 

I too am excited about having three....sometimes I think when I express having doubts or whatever, people think I'm freaked about having three babies. That's not it. I'm just deeply, deeply struck at the responsibility of sheltering one more from the dangers and hard truths of the world.

 

But that is really weird for people to hear me say! I'm a total "free ranger" "hands off" type with my kids most of the time. It's not like I hover over them, anxiously ringing my hands, crying over every bruise and scrape. It's the bigger things, you know? I live in the middle of the woods....thirty minutes (on a good day, with no traffic) from the nearest hospital. That fact didn't so much as give me pause for my last homebirth. This time, it's something I think about. Not in a "my gut is trying to tell me something" more like in a "I have to take responsibility for deciding that it's okay with me to be that far from help, should I need it" kind of way.

 

It's just different this time. It's easy to be cavalier when you have no idea what hangs in the balance. When I think about this baby now, I'm completely aware of the fact that it's not just a baby, I'm going to blink and this kid is going to be three, talkin' bout life and making me cherish my every day with him/her. It's scarier for me to make decisions about this birth with that awareness this time.

 

 

 

If it's any help at all though, I feel this load lightening every day. In just the last week, I've sort of "popped out" and now have a cute little bump and am getting nice movement and it FEELS more real. I'm having dreams about my birth now and the birth plans and day dreams I'm having seem more real. I'm thinking about names more now and talking about them with family....and it just feels worlds and worlds better now that I know there is a little human inside of me, instead of a tiny speck or a fishy blob thing. I mean, obviously I consider tiny specks and fishy blobs to be human, too.....but knowing that there are ten fingers and ten toes and that adorable little profile...it makes this seem SO much better. I'm 15 weeks and time is really flying...if I keep feeling better about all of this at this rate, by twenty-five or thirty weeks, I think I'll be my regular, confident, peace-filled self.

 

I'm glad I went through the scare I had at 12 weeks or so. It is only because of that, that I got to have the ultrasounds and see my baby. Now I have pictures....cute little profile shots, with perfect hands, ten fingers on each, held up by her/his face...little feet, the classic "alien" shot of the front of the face. It helps me a lot to look at those photos and even though I'm still bleeding (old blood) I know everything is okay, I know this baby is going to make it and that my kids are going to have a sibling soon. My DDs excitement is also helping me to stay positive....I'm just letting people lift me up and keep me thinking good thoughts. It helps so much to have happy, excited family around who all believe in the very depths of them, that this is all going to be so great.
 

 


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#17 of 21 Old 12-21-2011, 05:55 PM
 
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Something DID go wrong with my 3rd pregnancy at the very end and baby required 2 weeks of NICU care. I had no inkling beforehand at all. I think some amount of anxiety in a pregnancy is normal and you just have to do your best to let it go.


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#18 of 21 Old 12-21-2011, 06:38 PM
 
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I worried my entire third pregnancy. Felt like I was pushing my luck also. Every thing came out as good as can be expected :)


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#19 of 21 Old 01-03-2012, 07:42 PM
 
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This is such a great thread. I'm happy I found you mama's. Thank you for your honesty.

 

I'm currently 13 weeks with baby #2 and it's been a completely different pregnancy than I had with DS (my first pregnancy). He just turned one, and these babies will be 18 months apart. I've worried from the beginning with this pregnancy - and I couldn't figure out why. We have a planned homebirth with my same birth team that we used for DS - which DH and I and I love and feel so very comfortable with. I didn't have any vaginal checks, ultrasounds, interventions, doctors visits with DS - the most amazing labor, delivery and homebirth experience any woman could dream of... this baby - completely different. I started to bleed red blood at 11 weeks all day long, but they got me in for an ultrasound from the DO I saw ONE TIME for my annual before I became pregnant with DS. Luckily, she's been amazing and completely hands off and supportive of our homebirth... until today I saw the first signs that she's considering me more high-risk. I had my FOURTH ultrasound today (I cringe even saying that - I so badly believe in protecting the baby from ALL outside sources until birth) and they found a subchorionic hemorrhage. I'm pretty sure it's a small one, as I only bled that one day and I've only had old blood/brown discharge since then (and it's decreasing). Now I'm anxious that we won't be able to have a homebirth! I know that all I can do is believe in positive thought, healthy diet, water, trying to stay off my feet or at least be positively restful when I can (still going about daily life outside with our chickens, ducks, my son).

 

I understand what you mama's are saying by fully understanding how much we've been currently blessed... and being anxious that those wonderful blessings may not abundantly continue!


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#20 of 21 Old 01-06-2012, 12:06 PM
 
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Wow, I could have written this post!  We recently found out I am pregnant with baby #3 and my reaction was very different than what I experienced with the first two.  Of course I want this baby, but I am just not excited yet -- the anxiety is just too much.  I, too, worry that we are pushing our luck after having two perfect pregnancies and children.  I just hope that I can let go of some of that anxiety and enjoy the pregnancy......but its as if I am just waiting for something to go wrong. =(

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#21 of 21 Old 01-07-2012, 03:08 PM
 
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With baby number 3 I totally freaked, she was an oooops baby though. Ex was fine about it, kept saying it would be ok but I just couldn't accept it. I kinda went through the pregnancy feeling numb at times and highly anxious at others. It really wasn't until she was a few weeks old that I really accepted it all lol........ I was just like 'OMG, I'm having another baby......'.

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