When to have visitors after birth? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 12-23-2011, 01:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello-

I am due 1/16 with DD #2. DH and I are trying to decide what we want to do about our family meeting baby. DH had to go back to work the day after DD#1 was born, and I had my mom "helping" me but she was really opinionated about what I needed to do, etc. Well this time, DH is able to take off about 1 1/2 to 2 weeks from work to be home with us. I felt very frazzled after DD #1 was born with being bombarded in the hospital with visitors (my father in law was invited into the room before I even delivered the placenta and boy was I mad!)

I am just really wanting some family time to bond, and I know my family is going to be upset, but I don't want anyone visiting at the hospital as we are planning on leaving very soon after birth, and I kind of don't want anyone to visit for the first 2 days or so. I know my mom in particular is going to be so offended, but how can I tell her this without creating a huge ordeal? What have any of you done about visitors after birth?

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#2 of 9 Old 12-23-2011, 03:08 PM
 
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I just posted something very similar.  I had hoped to wait a month, but I am doubtful that etiquette allows that.  Two days really does seem like nothing, so I'm sure you're justified in that.  I'm hoping someone will pop into your thread, or mine, and say that even longer is allowed.

 

(This will be my first baby.)

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#3 of 9 Old 12-23-2011, 03:40 PM
 
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Well we are birthing at home and originally I figured everyone could come and go when they please but I changed my mind. We are having a "come meet the baby party" the day after he/she is born or possibly waiting until the Sat after so people will have the day off...

 

It will be for a certain time like 3-6 or something like that and you have to either bring a food item or do a chore winky.gif That way it's all done in one day between x hours and I will be prepared for it and not have to worry about too many "helpers" like last time!


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#4 of 9 Old 12-23-2011, 03:58 PM
 
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All but one family member of mine lives out of town.  We may have some family in town entertaining and taking care of DD while I'm in the hospital.  But, otherwise, I feel like it's completely acceptable to ask people to wait 1-2 weeks for a short visit and a month for an overnight visit to meet the new baby. 

 

My first priority is to transition into a family of four.  This means prioritizing my physical and emotional needs, my daughters' physical and emotional needs and my husbands physical and emotional needs.  I don't think any of us need to entertain guests, play "pass the baby" or stress me out! 

 

We won't have anyone visit in the hospital except DD and maybe one caregiver at a time for less than 5 minutes when dropping DD off.  We will ask DH's parents to wait 1-2 weeks and then come on a weekend afternoon for a prearranged time (with a clear ending time since they are IMPOSSIBLE to get to leave).  Any of my family from out of town who wasn't involved in taking care of DD while I was in the hospital will be told they can come back in a few weeks for a longer visit. 

 

We'll have a welcoming the baby party where we invite extended family and friends 2-3 months later. 

 

I spent my postpartum time with DD attending to the needs of my "helpers" and guests.  I felt obligated to get up and get dressed, provide snacks, and make polite conversation.  This made my recovery harder and totally messed with my breast feeding relationship as we kept getting dressed and I often felt uncomfortable nursing in front of all those visitors! 


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#5 of 9 Old 12-23-2011, 04:33 PM
 
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My in-laws were at the hospital the day my daughter was born. It was horrible, we didn't get quality bonding time as a family and I got no rest.

When my son was born (home birth) we told everyone that there would be no visitors the first week after birth (including grandparents, or my dang in-law would have drove over immediately). Birth went great, I felt great so we let a few people start to come for short visit 3 days after he was born.

We plan to have the one week rule in place again after this baby. We'll see what happens after birth.

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DD May 2007 **** DS February 2010 **** DD August 2012**** ?? Oct/Nov 2014

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#6 of 9 Old 12-23-2011, 04:45 PM
 
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Something to consider...if you are birthing at a Baby Friendly Hospital (or even if you are not, but have medical personnel who are willing to play along) you could ask for your Golden Hour(s). Basically, no one but mom, dad, and baby are allowed in the room for at least 1 hour (I've had clients get away with 3 hours). Just get one of your L&D RN's or your OB to keep everyone out until you are ready.

 

As for the rest of it, I had my aunt (baby's Grammy for all intents and purposes), my sister, and my DH with me around the clock for the first month to do dished, cook, pay bills, hold the baby while I showered, give me hugs, but these are the three people I trust most in life. My mom flew in the day after I gave birth even though I had expressly asked her not to, and I kept our visitation to the three hours before I left the hospital. It was really hard, and I definately defaulted to my peeps (the three mentioned above) to keep her, and everyone else in check.

 

Good luck mamas, and congrats on your babies!!


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#7 of 9 Old 12-27-2011, 08:35 PM
 
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It's your baby, your family. Leave it up to when you are ready. I think that even requesting one week is very reasonable.


Married to DH 7 years and have three fantastic kiddos! DS 6, DD 4, and DS 2 ...... lo and behold another is on the way!

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#8 of 9 Old 12-31-2011, 09:04 AM
 
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When I do a birth, I always put a sign on the door, It reads something like this....  Welcome baby X, Please feel free to see the baby after you have (done up dishes, thrown a load of laundry in, brought a meal etc...)  This way people are reminded that the family needs some help.  Then they can love on the baby =)


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#9 of 9 Old 01-02-2012, 12:49 AM
 
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I think the biggest thing is just telling them before hand. My mom will be there for the birth (for the purposes of watching my daughter) and I know that she'll want her hands on the baby first thing. I told her that she shouldn't expect to hold the baby for something in the realm of hours after the birth and that she will need to leave us (myself, my husband, my toddler, and the newborn) alone for the first hour or so as we welcome the new baby as a family.

 

I'm not opposed to other family members coming to visit us the day after, but that's just me. Having it be a home birth I feel like I'll be comfortable with people there, plus they'll be able to play with my toddler and make her happy. On the other hand, I won't accept visitors when I'm not feeling like it. The new Womanly Art of Breastfeeding has a page at the back in the tear sheets that you can put on your door that tells people to knock and basically to go away if you don't answer. I'll be hanging it on my door. Here's a link to one you can print: http://www.llli.org/toolkit (it's the one called "door sign").


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