Hi my bajingo sisters...
Sparrows, I really relate to a lot of what you said, too. I especially feel really vulnerable with my husband. I have read in books some husbands have the "What if she likes the baby more than me?" fear, but instead I have that fear, all the time. I am used to being taken care of by my husband, to be honest. He is the caretaker in the family with me, the cats, etc. And I feel like I am going to be such a mess after this birth and having to go back to work full-time after 8 weeks, and he will be too busy with the baby to notice I am crumbling. I also feel like I will suck at being a full time parent for those first 8 weeks, and then without even having learned half of what I need to know, I'll have to go back to work. i just see so much potential for ME to fail, not for the baby to actually not be cared for, but for things like giving up on breastfeeding, etc. I am scared to have someone so dependent on me, especially when that little someone will have no idea that I won't be able to be there for very long all the time.
Sounds like you made a smart decision about your trip and I hope you can find some time to spend with your DH that will feel special to you guys no matter where you are. Hope you can start to feel better about your baby prep, too. I felt like crap but once the crib was together, I suddenly felt better.
Lily, what you said about your dogs is so sweet... Just remember kids take longer to grow up all the way. I'm sorry about your hips and your ligament pain, but I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I feel like I should still be feeling better than I am. I am fine, no swelling or anything too terrible, but just aches and pains and sleeping is suddenly SO sporadic. I keep totally wishing for HB to come early, too, even though I know how unlikely it is--it would be SO nice to use some of this summer vacation as maternity leave and then still get 8 more weeks.
Caly, I was to say "I can't imagine waiting..." but I don't have to freaking imagine it because we'll all be there soon enough! Hang on. I just hope you can find comfort in your husband and kitty and other distractions until the time comes. When is your next midwife appointment?
So we had our perinatal consult today and it was pretty uninformative, but I guess the good thing is that basically I have been released into my OB's care, which is a huge relief. Basically I need to do a fasting (ugh) blood test to see if I have high homocystine levels, if so I may have to be on blood thinner after birth and more folic acid ASAP. If not, I am fine. She said she really only sees the blood thinners as necessary if I have a C-section since I will have decreased mobility. Despite what I read, the doctor said there is no real risk to baby either way (well, I think she means despite any damage that is already "done" if I had low folate early on...)
You know what, guys, there is a part of me that is a little disappointed because it means I need to put on my big girl panties and make some decisions about birth and not expect a medical problem to automatically do it for me. I am really up in the air about pain medication during birth. I am afraid to even say I want to try to go without it because I feel like I will fail. Really I am not super thrilled with either the "of course, get your epidural ASAP you'll love it, you need it" crowd or the "totally natural and if not I fail/was pressured" crowd. My coworkers laughed at me before I got pregnant when I said I wanted to try to go without meds, I am not the toughest cookie when it comes to pain and fatigue, but I still feel like that was rude. I am also really scared that it's just USELESS to try to fight this battle being a plus size first-time mom. C-section rates for women in my BMI range are over 50%.
Anyway, tomorrow we go to our hospital birth class part one of two, and Wednesday I will see my OB and start to talk to her about birth (we haven't really talked about it yet). I meant to when I switched, but I was so relieved I never felt very defensive, but I know I need to discuss my feelings with her, especially about the high c-section rate for fat women, there's no real evidence that there's a medical reason, but people say all sorts of crazy crap about why. I want to know her experience and try to form some sort of plan. I also want to see what she says when faced with someone who is on the fence about epis/pain meds.