I've been debating posting this anywhere and asking for advice/suggestions because I feel very self-conscious about it. But today, my moods scared even myself so I thought - maybe I'll take the leap.
For the past 2 weeks I haven't felt like myself. I'm currently 19 weeks and this is my first child. Throughout the first trimester of my pregnancy I was sick a lot, so that wasn't so great, but as soon as I rolled into the 2nd trimmester I felt fantastic! I had energy, no sickness, etc; I was loving being pregnant, especially since my bump was showing more and more.
In the past 2 weeks I have battled with quitting smoking (1 week smoke free as of today) and my moods have changed significantly. I feel self-conscious about posting this because I'm not sure if my moods are due to cravings, just regular pregnancy hormones, or something deeper.. so I'd just like some advice.
I feel angry all of the time, especially at my husband. We need extra money for when baby comes, so I have 3 jobs where he just has one. I get angry that I have to sign up for all these extra jobs and work basically all day, and he doesn't see a problem with that.
I feel like he doesn't find me attractive anymore, and a friend of mine who's husband works with him told me that her husband said he talks at work about me, and how I "don't dress up anymore". He makes me feel ugly and unattractive.
When I get angry I have been throwing things, screaming, and crying. I'm getting constant headaches from grinding my teeth and tensing my shoulder muscles.
I run a daycare from my home where I watch 4 children Mon-Fri and I constantly feel myself losing my patience over kids just being kids. I dread work in the mornings.
I feel guilty a lot.. about living so far away from my Mom & brother, and not calling them enough because I'm so busy. I've always been an introvert and loved my alone time but I haven't talked to or hung out with a friend in forever, and just can't be bothered to arrange any plans or do anything with them. I miss my "home" a lot. My husband is military so we are 5 hours away from where we were both raised and I am starting to hate the base I live on. I wish so badly to be back in my home town so I can raise this baby.
There are many more feelings, the scariest of which when I think about if I made a mistake trying for this baby so early. I think "what ifs" like "what if I waited?" "maybe I'm not ready", etc;
I don't know if this is normal or if this is abnormal. I haven't told anyone about these feelings, not my husband or my midwife.
I'm just looking for some advice from you guys.
First, doubts during pregnancy are very normal. There's another thread going that might give you some reassurance on the Pregnancy page. Your life is about to change, your hormones are shifting, and it's normal to go through a period of assessment or doubt.
Second, quitting smoking is extremely stressful. Nicotine reduces stress and helps moderate moods, so quitting can be extremely difficult mentally and psychologically. You need to talk to your doctor about how you're feeling. It's likely that the quitting has triggered some emotional and perhaps hormonal changes that are making it difficult for you to handle the stress you're under. Exercise helped me enormously when I quit smoking five or so years ago. Exercise is a natural stress reducer and it will help minimize your withdrawal symptoms and is also healthy for the baby. If you don't exercise regularly now, try just getting out for a one mile walk (just 20 minutes). Gradually increase your pace so you're lungs and chest are moving.
Third, it sounds like you have some challenging life circumstances that you need to address. Talk to your husband about how you feel. Ask him, without accusing him, what has been challenging for him during this pregnancy. Then you can talk about how you are feeling overwhelmed with work. Try not to be combative or accusatory. Just talk about what you're feeling. You might find that the extra money from one of those jobs isn't worth the stress and anguish it's causing. Are there ways to cut spending so you don't have to work as much?
Some of your life circumstances aren't going to change, but getting a handle on the minor stresses in your life and figuring out a way to deal with the stress of quitting smoking is really important. Best of luck! (AND CONGRATS ON QUITTING! IT'S ONE OF THE HARDEST AND ONE OF THE BEST THINGS YOU WILL EVER DO!)
Beautiful baby girl born 8/13/2012. Little star baby lost at 10 weeks pregnant, 12/18/2013. Rainbow baby girl born 12/22/2014.
Congrats on your pregnancy and on quiting smoking! I totally agree with everything Lily Tiger has said. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of challenges at once!
On top of that, it seems like it's really common to feel really depressed and moody at this point in pregnancy.
Come check out the September DDC (click on the Groups tab in the purple bar at the top of the page and then scroll down to September) and you'll find that lots of us are feeling similar things right now.
Carlin - loving life with DH and 2 amazing daughters
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