I'm 38 weeks pregnant, with my due date on May 14th. I've had labor pains all week long and I'm expecting to go into labor anytime now... I'm unsure if it's the late pregnancy that's getting to me, or if it's my depression resurfacing...
But I can't help but be scared and worried. I'm so full of emotions and anxieties that I don't know what to do with myself... or where to place them. I have a five year old daughter, and this will be my second child. With my first born I was only 19 and a single mom. But now I'm married with a husband who loves my daughter dearly. This second child is an addition to our family, and upcoming the 28th will be our first year anniversary of being married... I ought to be happy and joyful. I completed my college semester with top greats, and have supportive friends who are eager for this birth...
But I feel like an emotional wreck even though all is great. I'm worried about being a mother to two children. I doubt myself as a mother and therefore having a second child is nerve wrecking. My own mother and I are not on good terms. I'm just recovering from an abusive relationship with her. I've been going to therapy and trying to heal and forgive... But it's hard. She wants back into my life after telling me she didn't want a daughter anymore. I'm tired of this woman coming in and out of my life when she pleases, treating me however it suits her. I'm trying to be strong, but I have so many insecurities because of this relationship I had with her.
Are these feelings of depression and anxieties towards the end of the pregnancy normal? Or am I slipping back into depression? Can anyone share similar feelings?
I'm just scared. I don't know what to do or think... and waiting like this with the slow labor pains is really pulling me down ontop of it all.
It is normal to be worried. In fact, I would think that something is not right about a mother who does not experience any anxiety about having a child. Pam England, author of Birthing From Within, says, "Worry is the work of pregnancy." I think our culture places too much emphasis on being positive and happy. We have unrealistic expectations and blame ourselves when our moods are less than perfectly sunny. The goal should be a balance - sometimes we are joyful and optimistic, and sometimes we are not. As long as you are able to enjoy some pleasure in your life, I think you are probably okay.
I have been having a lot of anxiety too. I do have generalized anxiety in my non-pregnant life, but I have been feeling really good most of this pregnancy. The last few weeks (I guess after 30 weeks), I have been feeling more anxious. I have been trying to visualize the birth I want, but more often I am imagining things that could go wrong. I wanted to be relaxing and preparing for the birth now that the semester is over (I'm a teacher), but instead I am feeling more stressed. Basically, I totally understand. I guess my only advice is find something that is meditative- deep breathing, hypnosis, a massage, walks if you can, a swim? Whatever works for you. Have a good birth and I hope you feel better soon.
Me College Literature Professor (36) and DH (35) married 7/05, together since 1/99; Mom to two lovely and fierce little girls: DD1 2/06 and, after 18 months TTC (and a couple years NTNP), DD2 born 7/3/12! Dedicated AP parent who is for selective (most) vaccination.
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Happy to be a mommy and teacher to D , born 1-17-06 via and A , born 10-6-08 with a
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