Feelings about unborn baby - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 05-06-2012, 04:41 PM - Thread Starter
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Hi everyone, I wanted to see if I'm weird or if others have felt similarly - I'm 34.5 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I'm 29 years old. This pregnancy has been kind of emotionally rough due to gestational diabetes and now that I'm nearing the end I'm just uncomfortable of course, and really tired all the time. I'm entertained and amazed by this baby and how he moves around, but I don't feel any kind of close connection with him, like an emotional bond. I'm nervous around tiny babies anyway. I'm totally committed to as natural a birth as possible, breast feeding, baby wearing etc but I'm afraid when I see my baby I won't *know* him or feel attached to him right away. Has anyone else felt this way while pregnant? 

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#2 of 7 Old 05-06-2012, 05:56 PM
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I think it's probably pretty normal! Everyone needs time to get bonded to their baby after birth. I especially think that with your first it's hard to grasp what life will be like with this strange new person - or to grasp that you have this fully formed, functioning person inside you - until after they come out! I am expecting my 2nd and I feel different this time around in that the 1st time I was really fixated on the birth. I had a much harder time really imagining life beyond that bc it was just so abstract to me. This time I don't want to think about the birth, I just want the baby. LOL. Anyway, until you've actually seen a new baby come out of you, it's just hard to grasp. Don't feel guilty about not feeling bonded enough. The hormones released in a natural birth and while breastfeeding actually play a crucial role in the bonding process! Oxytocin is often referred to as the love hormone! 



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#3 of 7 Old 05-07-2012, 12:25 AM
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I didn't feel the slightest bit bonded to my LO when I was pregnant. And I didn't instantly "recognize" her when she was born either. We bonded slowly over time. It would have been nice to have that instant "oh it's you" moment but doing it slowly doesn't seem to have caused us any problems.
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#4 of 7 Old 05-07-2012, 01:57 AM
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I'd say don't worry. It's totally normal to not feel a strong bond right away. In fact it seems like it could be the more normal thing, since a lot of my friends have kids too, and I hear them talk about it all the time. I think it's just like falling in love. You hear a lot about 'love at first sight' stories because they're so nice to hear, but it's the longer-term slow to build loves that most people experience, and neither one is better than the other.

Life is either a great adventure, or nothing.  -Hellen Keller 

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#5 of 7 Old 05-07-2012, 10:39 AM
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Everything about this post rings true for me. I'm pregnant with my second now. I'm not in love with her yet because I don't expect to be until we hang out for a while. With my first I worried about our pre and post-part em bonding, but like you I was fascinated with this Wiggler inside me. When my son came out, he became even more interesting. His hair was cool and his skin was interesting. I thaught he was he was really amazing. So my love for him started with fascination. It's hard not to fall in love with your baby because you're aware of every sound they make and hair on their head. When my son was 4 weeks old I tried to take a nap on my own while daddy watched him in the living room. I couldn't sleep without him. That's when I realized that I was in love.
Certain things are inevitable. You're cervix will efface, you're baby will turn head down, your breasts will swell with milk, you will fall head over heals for your baby. You are already on your way in the natural progression of things. Congrats.
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#6 of 7 Old 05-07-2012, 12:46 PM
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You're not alone.  I have had four babies and I've never been too emotional about pregnancy or seeing the baby right after birth.  The flutters, kicks, hearing the heartbeat, ultrasounds, etc. were always interesting.  But it never gave me that mushy feeling that other moms seem to get.  And when my babies first pop out, I am always too exhausted to instantly bond with them.  It takes me some time after holding them and loving on them.


So I don't know how "normal" it is.  But you are not the only one!  Don't worry about it.  You will be a great mom and you and your baby will bond just like you should with some time. :)

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#7 of 7 Old 05-07-2012, 04:08 PM
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I'm pregnant with #3 and never felt bonded until after birth. It wasn't instantly after birth either. You're totally normal.

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