Feelings about unborn baby - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 7 Old 05-06-2012, 05:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
Katherine73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 50
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

Hi everyone, I wanted to see if I'm weird or if others have felt similarly - I'm 34.5 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I'm 29 years old. This pregnancy has been kind of emotionally rough due to gestational diabetes and now that I'm nearing the end I'm just uncomfortable of course, and really tired all the time. I'm entertained and amazed by this baby and how he moves around, but I don't feel any kind of close connection with him, like an emotional bond. I'm nervous around tiny babies anyway. I'm totally committed to as natural a birth as possible, breast feeding, baby wearing etc but I'm afraid when I see my baby I won't *know* him or feel attached to him right away. Has anyone else felt this way while pregnant? 

Katherine73 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 7 Old 05-06-2012, 06:56 PM
 
Vegan Princess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: California
Posts: 3,355
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I think it's probably pretty normal! Everyone needs time to get bonded to their baby after birth. I especially think that with your first it's hard to grasp what life will be like with this strange new person - or to grasp that you have this fully formed, functioning person inside you - until after they come out! I am expecting my 2nd and I feel different this time around in that the 1st time I was really fixated on the birth. I had a much harder time really imagining life beyond that bc it was just so abstract to me. This time I don't want to think about the birth, I just want the baby. LOL. Anyway, until you've actually seen a new baby come out of you, it's just hard to grasp. Don't feel guilty about not feeling bonded enough. The hormones released in a natural birth and while breastfeeding actually play a crucial role in the bonding process! Oxytocin is often referred to as the love hormone! 

 

Cindy


Mama to my veggie girl hearts.gif(1/09) and my sweet rainbow baby rainbow1284.gif (9/12). 

Vegan Princess is offline  
#3 of 7 Old 05-07-2012, 01:25 AM
 
katelove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,894
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 32 Post(s)
I didn't feel the slightest bit bonded to my LO when I was pregnant. And I didn't instantly "recognize" her when she was born either. We bonded slowly over time. It would have been nice to have that instant "oh it's you" moment but doing it slowly doesn't seem to have caused us any problems.

Mother of two spectacular girls, born mid-2010 and late 2012  mdcblog5.gif

katelove is online now  
#4 of 7 Old 05-07-2012, 02:57 AM
 
kathydavid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 34
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'd say don't worry. It's totally normal to not feel a strong bond right away. In fact it seems like it could be the more normal thing, since a lot of my friends have kids too, and I hear them talk about it all the time. I think it's just like falling in love. You hear a lot about 'love at first sight' stories because they're so nice to hear, but it's the longer-term slow to build loves that most people experience, and neither one is better than the other.


Life is either a great adventure, or nothing.  -Hellen Keller 

kathydavid is offline  
#5 of 7 Old 05-07-2012, 11:39 AM
 
Mamallama08's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Pottstown, Pa
Posts: 47
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Everything about this post rings true for me. I'm pregnant with my second now. I'm not in love with her yet because I don't expect to be until we hang out for a while. With my first I worried about our pre and post-part em bonding, but like you I was fascinated with this Wiggler inside me. When my son came out, he became even more interesting. His hair was cool and his skin was interesting. I thaught he was he was really amazing. So my love for him started with fascination. It's hard not to fall in love with your baby because you're aware of every sound they make and hair on their head. When my son was 4 weeks old I tried to take a nap on my own while daddy watched him in the living room. I couldn't sleep without him. That's when I realized that I was in love.
Certain things are inevitable. You're cervix will efface, you're baby will turn head down, your breasts will swell with milk, you will fall head over heals for your baby. You are already on your way in the natural progression of things. Congrats.
Mamallama08 is offline  
#6 of 7 Old 05-07-2012, 01:46 PM
 
CrazyCatLady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 4,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

You're not alone.  I have had four babies and I've never been too emotional about pregnancy or seeing the baby right after birth.  The flutters, kicks, hearing the heartbeat, ultrasounds, etc. were always interesting.  But it never gave me that mushy feeling that other moms seem to get.  And when my babies first pop out, I am always too exhausted to instantly bond with them.  It takes me some time after holding them and loving on them.

 

So I don't know how "normal" it is.  But you are not the only one!  Don't worry about it.  You will be a great mom and you and your baby will bond just like you should with some time. :)


Melaya (29) - Mom to Z (9) and soon to be I (due Nov 2013) stork-boy.gif

Birth mom to M (7), O (5), & C (2). winner.jpgnovaxnoIRC.giftriadadopt.jpg

CrazyCatLady is offline  
#7 of 7 Old 05-07-2012, 05:08 PM
 
MamanFrancaise's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Winnipeg, Canada
Posts: 1,360
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm pregnant with #3 and never felt bonded until after birth. It wasn't instantly after birth either. You're totally normal.


Mom to DD1 reading.gif (11) & DD2 shine.gif homebirth.jpg(7) & DS babyboy.gif  h20homebirth.gif (9/10/12)

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
MamanFrancaise is offline  
Reply

Tags
Pregnancy

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off