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A Peaceful Pregnancy

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17K views 369 replies 46 participants last post by  pokeyac 
#1 ·
Inspired by a Sane 2WW created by zenquaker, this thread is a place for pregnant women at all stages of the process to come together to explore their emotions during pregnancy, particularly the unsettling ones such as fear, anxiety, and impatience. Together we can help one another frame pregnancy as a sacred time, offering compassionate suggestions and discussion to one another.

This is a place to prepare our minds, bodies, and spirits for what is to come. Let's not discuss nursery design or debate the merits of a favorite baby carrier (worthy pursuits, definitely, but better discussed in other places).

All religions, spiritual practices, and atheists are welcome to this discussion!
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Resources to help guide you through a peaceful pregnancy (listed in no particular order; most resources have been mentioned in this thread one way or another -- if you feel misrepresented, please ping OP)

(A work in progress!)

Trust Tending: Transforming fear with trust

Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful: Experience the Natural Power of Pregnancy and Birth with Kundalini Yoga and Meditation by Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa

Yoga with Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa

Sheryl Paul: A psychotherapist on Conscious Transitions and Conscious Motherhood

Freebirth educator Jeannine Parvati Baker

An inspiring article about being absorbed in life: An Absorbing Errand by JANNA MALAMUD SMITH

Anji fertility meditations (this one is on healing after loss)

Mindful breathing meditation for pregnancy, and info on the book Mindful Motherhood: http://www.noetic.org/library/audio-experientials/mindful-breathing-meditation/
 
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#27 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by keeptryst View Post

Just yesterday I was reading an article by Jeannine Parvati Baker, and found this statement: "Paying people to enact the group fantasy that birth is dangerous imprints the parents to give their primal responsibility to others, and they are subsequently more likely to make fear-based choices in response to the challenges ahead." Which I totally identify with.

Anyways, letting the journey unfold, watching with interest, taking it one day at a time.
I need to read this, but yes! I was having a conversation with a friend yesterday and we were discussing some of my choices for this pregnancy. She doesn't know yet about the home birth, but knows about my choosing and midwife and the few numbers of ultrasounds being done and how long my pregnancy can go without there being an issue (I was stating the 42 weeks). She doesn't have children, but brought up the scare that another friend of ours had. She went close to 42 weeks before going into labor naturally. Unfortunately her labor was long and slow to progress and she ended up with a c-section. The docs discovered that the cord was tight around the baby's neck and that she had some oxygen depletion during birth. That being said, the little girl is alive and healthy, with no effects from the trauma of her birth that are known so far. I explained to my friend that even with the best monitoring, these things happen. That my midwife would be doing the same exams as an OB, but with less u/s scans. I'm really sorry that my friends had to go through that scare during the birth of their daughter, but it doesn't make me want to run to the care of an OB over a midwife. I'm confident that I will be in tune with my body enough to know if something is wrong, and that my midwife will monitor me and pick up any red flags. I don't have a problem of being transferred if needed, but I don't need to run that way as a standard. I've working with the medical field and with doctors & nurses and totally respect their expertise, and welcome it when I need it. But, I specifically stay away when I am healthy & normal (as pregnancy is) because I don't want to be tainted with the "what ifs" that are thrown out there.

I agree with keeptryst in that I'm enjoying this journey so far and taking it day by day. Thank you for the reminder!
 
#29 ·
zenquaker yay! Glad you got the reassurance. Now you can settle in to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy peacefully.

writinglove So glad your pregnancy is progressing healthily too. In reading over all our recent posts, I realize how much our attitudes to our current pregnancy are a result of what we each have been through in the past, with our past pregnancies and experiences.

Quote:
Originally Posted by maydaymom10 View Post

But, I specifically stay away when I am healthy & normal (as pregnancy is) because I don't want to be tainted with the "what ifs" that are thrown out there.
Yes, that's so true that you do end up tainted by the "what ifs" if you goto an OB. There's no way around it. It's a part of the game. My OB already threw a bunch of horror stories at me when I suggested skipping scans - on my very first visit. Granted there's some wisdom in being forearmed, but I do think most diagnostic tests give a false sense of security and control. And I don't like that it is fear that is the basic motivation in pushing these tests. It seems like a woman's inner knowing is so often eclipsed by the medical juggernaut.
 
#30 ·
ZenQuaker- I am so happy for you and your healthy little bean. I hope this brings you a little closer to the peaceful pregnancy that is your goal!

Maydaymom- It is hard to be around people who take such a different view on birth, especially when they don't necessarily respect yours. My sister had a home birth VBAC with her second child and there were many in my family who were very disrespectful about it. now there have been several cousins who have had healthy home births and there is tons of attachment parenting around. I am so glad others paved the way for me! Hopefully you are doing the same for others without even knowing it. Your children are lucky to have you looking out for them even before birth.

WritingLove- I think giving ourselves forgiveness for our stresses is all we can do sometimes. It is hard to be in a position where we are so emotionally invested and yet have so little control. good luck on your hopeful pregnancy.
 
#31 ·
Hi there!

I noticed this thread for the first time tonight, and oh my, how you have all arrived in my life at the right moment! You all write so well! I feet like a two year old trying to express my feelings here, but I will try!!!

I am due with #2 on the spring equinox, the very same day that I started bleeding after a missed miscarriage this year. I was 15 weeks, but the baby had stopped growing at 10.5 weeks, only I didn't know about it and thought my pregnancy was going fine.

My first u/s is on September 5th...what would've been that pregnancy's due date. I should (will) be 12 weeks at that point...the "safe" zone, which is meaningless to me now.

I was feeling pretty good about this pregnancy, but as we are getting closer to the 10 week mark, I am getting more and more anxious. I made it this far, but it means nothing, really.

I am trying to remind myself everyday that this baby knows only me right now, and, as such, I have a responsibility to love him/her and care for him and gie him a pleasant, peaceful experience in my body, be it for 9, 10, 15 weeks or an entire pregnancy.

I will be reading the links you have put up and followingup on this thread!

namaste to all!
 
#32 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by writinglove View Post

i love the thought of comparing anxious thoughts to junk mail, but for a girl who has had some pretty serious anxious thoughts come true, the concept is much easier said than done.
yes, this is it....

I was always an anxious person, but loosing a baby has turned these anxieties into reality.....

that's the part that is hard to cope with! Truly believing that just because something has happened once...
 
#34 ·
Welcome Bena! Wishing you a safe and healthy pregnancy this time around, but I understand the anxiety that you're having. You seem to have a positive outlook on it, which is wonderful.

It's been a big week for us. We had an appointment with our midwife on Friday and were able to hear the heartbeat! Regardless of how calm you are trying to be regarding your pregnancy, there is nothing more calming that the reassurance of that sound. Everything else looks just fine. I'm keeping an eye on my blood pressure. It was high for some reason during the appointment, but had dropped back down to normal later that day. I'm chalking it up to coffee and excitement. I feel fine, so I'm not worried. We are having our first trimester scan this week. I have to admit that I'm looking forward to the scan itself and seeing the little bean. The results will be more for our knowledge than anything -- planning if necessary, but then again I'm not expecting anything by a totally normal reading from the scan. I think that the combination of hearing the heartbeat and seeing the u/s will help me make a connection during this pregnancy. I am a little nervous because there is a chance that DH won't be able to come to the scan with me. He starts a new job tomorrow and is not sure what his schedule will be. Hopefully it will work out, because I really don't want to go alone.

My goal this week is to implement something to help me with the anxieties that do come up. I feel that I need to start exercising again, do some yoga, or start journaling. None of which have happened during this first trimester. I'm feeling better now that the nausea is gone and think it's time to step up and really take control of my pregnancy (as far as taking care of myself).

Hope everyone else is doing well.
 
#35 ·
Welcome Bena, I love your attitude about your pregnancy.

It is sobering to read about people's losses at various points during pregnancy... No guarantees in life, and that is just the way we have to accept it. Letting life be what it is.

I'm currently reading Gurmukh Kaur's "Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful", a book about pregnancy, prenatal yoga and meditation - and I would recommend it as a good book to set the tone for your pregnancy. If you're caught in the nitty gritty of everyday details, this book helps to zoom out and view your pregnancy from a beautiful, spiritual, encouraging angle.
 
#36 ·
Hi everyone, what a great idea for a thread!

For me, working on myself and my emotions from the inside out are the key to a calm pregnancy and birth.

I worked a lot on visualisation and letting go of fears in my last pregnancy (who's now almost 3!) and I had a wonderful calm pregnancy and birth.

Even when I got admitted for potential pre-term labour, I felt so calm...that if this was going to happen, I could handle it and it would all work out well.

I sat up, had a little chat with my unborn baby and explained why it would be better to wait and have a nice cosy birth at home instead of this early (I was 20-something weeks so it would have been VERY early).

She stayed in there til her due date after that chat :)

So I guess my emotions now are just learning again to trust my body with pregnancy. I feel very strongly that I just need to take each day as it comes right now and not get obsessive about the "right" food, the right way to do stuff, the right exercise, the right preparation and things. When I truly relax, deciding on what's best for me and my baby comes easily....it's just so easy to want to interfere and plan plan plan isn't it? If planning makes you more comfortable, then that's great, but it just stresses me out more so this time...I'm letting goooooo.

Anyway, that's my emotion for today! Feeling a little sicky so I'm going to take a bath and try and remind my body that I do not need reassurance of a healthy pregnancy in the form of morning sickness, lol.

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#37 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by keeptryst View Post

Welcome Bena, I love your attitude about your pregnancy.

It is sobering to read about people's losses at various points during pregnancy... No guarantees in life, and that is just the way we have to accept it. Letting life be what it is.

I'm currently reading Gurmukh Kaur's "Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful", a book about pregnancy, prenatal yoga and meditation - and I would recommend it as a good book to set the tone for your pregnancy. If you're caught in the nitty gritty of everyday details, this book helps to zoom out and view your pregnancy from a beautiful, spiritual, encouraging angle.
thanks....but I should be honest and say that this is the attitude I try to have every day....it`s not always the case!!!!!

I`m going to look into this book. I had done some pre-natal yoga dvd`s from Gurmukh Kaur`s during my first pregnancy, and I liked her calm and warm presence!
 
#38 ·
Hi all,

I thought I'd give this thread a little bump.

My pregnancy is progressing well. I had a 12-week scan and all signs are good. However, I'm really struggling with loss of appetite and fatigue. So much so that I'm starting to feel a little blue.

I read somewhere that connecting to gratitude when you are suffering during the first trimester is one way to help thwart the depression some women start to feel based on feeling run down, etc.

What are you doing to connect to gratitude? Would love to hear from you all.

namaste.gif
 
#39 ·
Hi Writinglove, you might recognize me from the HHAC thread (and briefly the Expecting Rainbow thread/FB group). I am not actually on THIS thread as I am not currently pregnant but I've been getting burned out with TTC anxiety and I stumbled upon the Saner TTC thread (which I was thinking I might join for my next cycle) and then subscribed to that thread AND this thread so I wouldn't lose track of them.

ANYWAY, I saw this post come up and I felt compelled to share that my DH and I just started keeping gratitude journals. I started seeing a therapist after my loss in June and she is the one who suggested it. It's very simple. Every evening you write down three things you are grateful for from the day. Can be huge (I won the lottery!) or small (I liked that chocolate bar today.) At first you may spend lots of time trying to think of things to write. But apparently after many weeks it will start to forge new connections in your brain that make it easier and easier to connect with gratitude and bring it into your whole day. My DH and I have been sitting and writing ours together and then sharing them. We've been doing it for about two weeks now and so far it's been really nice way to bring some peace and happiness to the evening. And we always end up smiling as we share things, even on our rough days.

And yay for the good 12 week scan!
 
#40 ·
It's been quiet here. I hope that means everyone is experiencing a peaceful pregnancy :) I have to admit that I really struggled during the first tri. This morning, though, I heard that little heartbeat. We told everyone tonight, including my son, who is ELATED. I will tell at work tomorrow. As soon as I heard that heart beating, my whole self exploded in excitement. I hadn't even consciously decided to wait for that to be excited, but I guess I had!

I feel connected, and happy, and alive.

How is everyone doing?
 
#42 ·
Hi all,

I am so glad I found this thread this morning. I have one son who is three and a half and after two miscarriages last year am not about 6 weeks pregnant. I finally "believe" I am pregnant again if that makes sense ... I am feeling okay physically although with some fatigue ... it is so good to read all of your emotional responses to pregnancy. I am trying to just accept what the universe has to offer me and not worry too much ... but deep down I am counting the days until my first ultrasound (the 21st of sept) and praying to hear that little heartbeat. In the meantime my son just started school (we live in Spain and they start the year they turn three) and am struggling with both his and my emotions surrounding that - so for the past few days I haven't thought too much about the pregnancy. Every day is different! Anyway ... thanks for the wonderful thread!
 
#43 ·
Very neat thread.

I am expecting #4 for the 6th time. This is my 11th pregnancy though I only have 3 children in arms. So needless to say, peace is generally something hard for me to find early on. That peace that only comes from God is the only way I have made it through most of the time. I know He can get me through another loss if it happens, but just the thought of it makes me want to throw up!

I know now what was likely a contributor to my last 5 losses (my first 2 7 years ago were likely chromosomal abnormalities). And being on medication now makes me feel a little better, but at the same time, I feel like I'm hanging by a thread and if I make one mistake, it's over. Even though I know that *I* am not the author of life and death. But I think it makes it more stressful because, other than my FIL, an MD who has been the only one to take me serious enough to discover my problem, I have no real medical support so I'm kinda doing it all on my own. Not a huge deal, because I'd be just as involved regardless, but it is just a lot of weight on my shoulders with my history.

I have had some big reassurances this time. One, ultrasound at 6w3d showed my baby is in my uterus and measuring ahead with a strong heartbeat. My most recent loss was an undiscovered ectopic and I lost my tube (and a good portion of my blood), and so I had to fear not knowing in time and losing my remaining tube...and then having it ALL be over for me. Two, I was able to pick up the HB with my doppler on Monday (at 9 weeks exactly). Just knowing my baby was STILL alive, instead of just assuming it, only to be wrong, was very reassuring.

Sooooo...anyway, I've decided that I'm likely going to do this unassisted, aside from the labwork and prescribing (if necessary) that my FIL will continue to do for me. But I stress so much more over dealing with care providers. It makes it quite miserable for me, actually. One, knowing that they're not actually helping me with anything, two, worrying ahead of time about all the things I know I will want to decline and that it will be a fight once it comes to it, and three, I feel like I *have* to have a hospital birth if I stick with an OB. (too many horror stories on MDC, maybe, but I just fear I'd have CPS called on me "out of concern" if we didn't go in!)

But the idea of just doing it unassisted, like we have the last 2 times, is so appealing to me, and even with all that added responsibility, I feel so much more confident about things. Of course, we pray about it regularly and I know that if God was prompting us to seek care, we would, but for now, this feels like the best place to be. If I can't relax about my CARE that is being provided, it kind of defeats the purpose.
 
#44 ·
I'm also very appreciative of this thread
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Peace has always been something I've yearned for deeply, but never knew how to experience it. 5 years ago I was listening to Eckhart Tolle, meditating a lot, spending a lot of time in nature, doing yoga, that sort of thing. While all of these things have helped me feel calmer and more centered, they didn't actually bring a true sense of peace within me. It took me awhile to realize that I was actually pushing away peace by trying to hold onto it with the activities I mentioned since I believed I needed to meditate and all that to "achieve" peace. Once I realized that, it's been much easier for me to actually be at peace because I know there's nothing I can do or hold onto that can bring me closer nor further from it, it's all about allowing. With that said, I'm being put to test with this wisdom during this pregnancy. Nobody knows I'm pregnant right now but me. I'm afraid to tell my fiance because he's expressed not wanting another child for at least another year or so. A part of me wants to put off telling him for as long as possible, but the stress of keeping it to myself is starting to get to me. I'm afraid he's going to be very unhappy, he'll close himself off emotionally or worse, be angry and take it out on me, and there won't be any room left for me to express how I feel. I'm not sure if I'm ready for another baby, but I know I'll embrace him/her when they're born. My fiance probably will, too. I keep trying to tell myself this, but I'm still really stressed. Yoga has been helping, which is ironic since I know I don't *need* it to feel peaceful, but it has been helping. I'm not very good at bringing up topics that are controversial or emotionally heavy, I really have no clue how to go about this. I like to wait for it to come up naturally in a conversation, but some things just don't.
 
#45 ·
I'm so happy to see that this thread is getting active again -- and I know I've been away for awhile. I really need the support of this thread right now. Although I wouldn't say that I am feeling troubled in my pregnancy, but I definitely need to good reminders and support to keep myself more peaceful during the rest of this journey.

At about 17 weeks, I am starting to feel better. I am mostly over the nausea and beginning to get some energy back. I'm very grateful for the last because it's kept me from doing many of the activities that seem to calm me -- exercise, yoga, hiking. I am eager to get back to those. I am hoping that I can get DH on board to help me restore some peace by taking over kiddo duties some more at night so I can get some alone time to practice yoga without DS crawling on me.

I think most of my unrest is coming from taking on too much lately, which is also leading to not sleeping well. I just really need to take a step back, evaluate what is necessary in my life right now and what I can cut out, and then sit back and enjoy my pregnancy. I'm just beginning to feel the little one moving around, which is helping me connect and feel confident that everything is OK. I love the idea of a gratitude journal. I feel that DH and I have had a lot of negativity surrounding us lately, basically focusing on the stressors that we are experiencing. I believe that taking some time to focus on the good things in my life would be really good for me, and lucky me -- I have an empty journal just waiting to be written in.
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I look forward to getting to know all of the new women more and learning from your advice and support. I hope everyone is off to a relaxing weekend.
 
#46 ·
hi all

I am new here, and I just spent the last 10 minutes pouring over every single response in this thread. If there is something I need more than anything else right now, it is peace. This year has just been insane, and is still spinning too fast for me.

My job has been extremely stressful all year, and I have been on the brink of a nervous breakdown since last fall due to conditions there. Add to that planning a wedding and spending your whole vacation NOT honeymooning but taking care of relatives from overseas, all the while renovating your apartment getting ready to sell it because we are moving to a new apartment in October. Getting a BFP on August 14, but still not sure how far along I am, waiting on a new position at work, still trying to work out the financial terms that will come from living in the new apartment, trying to organize movers, cleaners...

I feel so beat down. My pregnancy, so longed for and so anticipated, rests heavy with me as I don't feel I have had any time to just breathe and enjoy the fact that I AM GOING TO BE A MOTHER! Due to my menstrual cycle we are still not sure how far along I am, and that also has me obsessing. I really want to know. I could be anywhere between 9 and 13 weeks now! Or even as far along as 15. I have never been pregnant before, so I don't know! The midwife couldn't count based on my cycle, and the ultrasound isn't until the end of the week.

I feel hounded at work and in my private life. Everything is happening all at once, and I really just need a place to land and be able to breathe, feel the Earth moving and sit STILL.

Thank you for letting me rant.
 
#47 ·
Hi all. Nice to see so many new posts on this thread.

Trying to be mindful and peaceful and at one with life this pregnancy, but realizing that kind of mindset does not drop from the skies - it has to be worked for! I think the key to that is good food for the mind (trying to do some spiritual/inspirational reading everyday), and good activities to keep the hands busy. I read this beautiful insighful article that really spoke to me about the need to have something in one's life that demands sustained effort and creativity and discipline from the mind in order to exist. So I've decided that crochet fits the bill for me and even decided on my first project: Baby Dress Camille - never mind that I only know the basic crochet stitches and very sketchily at that, and have no idea if the baby is a girl or boy :)

A morning meditation session really makes a difference to my day, so trying to keep the practice regular. Plotting to join a prenatal yoga class starting Oct 1st.

13 weeks and a bit and felt distinctive gentle jabs/pokes yesterday! Like a little lightning flash had gotten loose in there, twinkling around in my belly. I had a big smile on my face, because I haven't done any ultrasounds/dopplers yet, and it is amazing to receive direct assurance from baby itself! :) Ladies, we are so blessed to be vessels of life. It's miraculous.

To me every hour of the light and dark is a miracle, Every cubic inch of space is a miracle. Every square yard of the surface of the earth Is spread with the same. . .

What strange miracles are these! Everywhere . . .
- Walt Whitman
 
#48 ·
Hi all,

Love that this thread has been so active. Pregnancy is samurai training for life, is what I am learning! Man, the anxiety I have experienced over the past 15.5 weeks has been such a ride. I'm getting better at naming what is going on: I'm feeling anxiety; I'm grieving the loss of my son; I'm trying to feel in control of the uncontrollable, but it is a true challenge.

I came across a new article written by Sheryl Paul about the root of anxiety (death). I thought you might all appreciate it in your quest toward peace: http://conscious-transitions.com/the-secret-to-a-peaceful-life-or-the-fear-of-death/

namaste.gif
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#49 ·
Thanks Bena for pointing me in this direction. I also have the writing skills of a child (dyspraxic through and through) but I will do my best. I have had so many miscarriages I have lost count (5 ones from 6-12 weeks, many many more earlier) it has Been a terrifying 10 years since my first miscarriage aged 16.. At first I thought my body just wasn't ready.. I hadn't even left school and there I was pregnant tryin to work out if I could go through an abortion when instead I miscarried.. A year later I was in a long term stable relationship where we were engaged..this is when I stopped using contraception.. 6 years and multiple uncountable miscarriages later (most of which I hadn't got myself checked out after) we broke up.. My next major miscarriage didn't therefore happen til I was with my next long term partner.. This time it was later and incomplete .. I bled for 6 months solidly and it destroyed me, from then on I told the dr of each miscarriage and they believe me to of had them continuously for years. This time I got pregnant immediately after a 6 week miscarriage.. And this one feels strong.. I feel sick and my boobs hurt massively, I'm still terrified though. I also check my underwear for blood every second I get the chance. No matter how different this one feels I just cannot believe I'm going to be able to carry it.. 10 years of miscarriages made me believe id never carry a baby to term, so now I have one inside of me which so far is surviving.. I'm in utter shock and disbelief and I guess I just can't accept it yet.

Thankyou so far for all your stories, they are sad but refreshing to hear people feeling similar emotions to me. I'm terrified about the fact that going with this could lead me to so so much more hurt.. Hurt I know I will struggle to go through again.. But risk is important for us, otherwise we will never put our faith in a pregnancy again. And never have the chance to potentially bare a child..

Thankyou again to you all your stories are all so sad and beautiful xx
 
#50 ·
I am hoping to revive this thread as several folks, including myself, have gotten BFP's over at A Saner TTC. So far I am feeling pretty peaceful about everything and taking it one day at a time. My betas have all been great and that makes us feel really good. The hardest part is waiting and calling in for the results. I can feel my heart rate rise while I am on the phone waiting for them to give me the number. I also don't enjoy having my blood drawn very much as I have small veins, and I have been getting bruises on my arms. I don't want to wear short sleeves so people can see them. Other than that, everything is pretty good. How are all of you doing?
 
#51 ·
Welcome pokey! I'm so so so so happy to see you here! The 9th time was the charm!!!

AFM, I'm moving in and out of anxiety. Today I'm doing alright. Thank the Great Spirit! I tried to see if anyone in my tribe would lend me a doppler, but so far no go. Oh well. I'm going to take it day by day. I felt enough reassuring movement last night not to get too riled up. I've also spend some time meditating and listening to meditations, so I'm definitely feeling more centered. I've realized that part of the reason I don't feel self-trust is that I've been blaming myself for not being tuned in enough to realize that George was dying around 35 weeks. Although I did know on some level. I'm starting to forgive myself. I'd like to think that George is helping to direct the healing as he watches over me and his little sibling.
 
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