Inspired by a Sane 2WW created by zenquaker, this thread is a place for pregnant women at all stages of the process to come together to explore their emotions during pregnancy, particularly the unsettling ones such as fear, anxiety, and impatience. Together we can help one another frame pregnancy as a sacred time, offering compassionate suggestions and discussion to one another.
This is a place to prepare our minds, bodies, and spirits for what is to come. Let's not discuss nursery design or debate the merits of a favorite baby carrier (worthy pursuits, definitely, but better discussed in other places).
All religions, spiritual practices, and atheists are welcome to this discussion!
Resources to help guide you through a peaceful pregnancy (listed in no particular order; most resources have been mentioned in this thread one way or another -- if you feel misrepresented, please ping OP)
So glad you are here. Please, have a sit and stay a while.
AFM: I'm finding it so much easier to be calm the second time around. Maybe it's because I actually have symptoms this time? Or maybe the whole thing isn't quite as unknown? I'm not nearly the nervous wreck I was with my son. And there's that other part of me that, even though I can't fit into my clothes already and my boobs hurt and my stomach is not my friend anymore, it's still early enough that it doesn't seem quite real yet. I feel silly talking to the lentil down there that I can barely imagine, but I do it anyway.
I can't wait to tell my son, most of all. I really hope I get to hear a heartbeat next week at the midwife's, this is the hardest secret I've ever had to keep. He's going to be so excited!
Welcome back dakipode! So wonderful to see you again. Something must be going right if you've gotten pregnant twice in a short period of time. Sending sticky healthy thoughts your way. I believe that there can be a baby that is meant to be yours and it just waits in heaven, or wherever you think the soul resides, until you are ready to bring it into the world. I've heard stories of small children saying that they were in their mom's belly before but they weren't ready to be born so they went back to heaven until the time was right and then they came back.
Congratulations to you as well, GISDiva! Hearing the heartbeat is very exciting and reassuring. It still doesn't feel totally real to me either. I suppose it will sink in at some point before the baby comes. Have fun telling your son!
Hello Everyone Else! I hope you are all well. I'm feeling good. I'm just a little nervous about telling people at work. So many people rely on me, I know they will miss me. But, I am trying to focus on the positives and the joy I can share with others around this new life and adventure.
I'm still here at 25 weeks...amazingly, after my last couple of years. I've been really relaxed most of the pregnancy, so much so that I've kinda blown off a lot of the responsibilities of UP'ing. Thankfully I'm really on top of them all now, which really, is when it counts the most (rather than those earlier months), but I could tell that by distancing myself from my pregnancy just enough to not be constantly worried, I also let go of my perfectionist-control-freak-stat-loving pregnancy monitoring. God has been good to me though and really given me a peace about things, even though it's hard for me to fully surrender something I so desperately want.
I'm trying really hard to go without complaints this time, as I swore to myself I wouldn't let myself find anything to whine about if I ever got to be pregnant again. So then I beat myself up for feeling miserable with the physical ailments that pregnancy pounds onto me (particularly SPD and SI joint pain so severe that I can't move without crying, and can't find any professionals to relieve it). But so far this time things are moving at a slightly slower pace, and hopefully won't get quite as bad as last time.
As for avoiding certain people/groups...I've had to do "the same but different." I have had to almost completely avoid my other pregnant friends (some of who were pregnant before me and didn't tell me until later, which stung, and some who got pregnant afterwards). I've just been left in the dust so many times and it's so painful to watch them go on without me time and time again, that even though it's strain on our friendship for me to cut things off, I knew I had to do it to keep my sanity. And it's helped. I hope we can overcome it in the end, and I feel crummy that I'm the one who has put up walls, but I realized I needed to do it for myself and it's REALLY helped not having them to compare my pregnancy to the entire time.
Pokey: whether something is going right or it was meant to be who knows. I'm worried about the methotrexate but was reassured by the nurse earlier today that my getting pregnant so soon was not a problem. In the never ending quest to attach meaning to these events, and in keeping with the magical thinking: this baby was conceived on our anniversary, exactly one year after we officially started trying, that must mean something right?
It's interesting to hear you say it doesn't feel totally real to you yet either since you are so much further along.
GISDiva: Do you find that talking to your lentil helps make it more real? I'm looking forward to your update after next week's appointment.
1babysmom: what is UP'ing?
AFM: got blood drawn earlier today, should have the results by the end of today and then have to go back Wednesday and early ultrasound sometime next week. In the mean time I started watching More Business of Being Born and that really helped me mentally, to hear all these women talk about trusting your body etc. I'm dying to tell DH but holding off till I get test results. If it's high I may tell him tonight, otherwise I'll try to keep mum until Wednesday's test.
Wow, this thread has come back to life! Great news all around!
AFM - I hit 29 weeks tomorrow and echo the BH concerns expressed by others. Still tons of movement, but last night there were a couple of long braxton kicks that made me start to wonder. Things are mostly back to normal today.
I'll have my OB consult sometime soon. I'm working with a team of midwives, but because I had a c-section last time I need to meet with an OB around 30 weeks, so I'm a little nervous about that. I have started my hypnobabies though, so it's been nice to have that time set aside for quiet.
dakipode- Logically, I know it is real. I have seen and heard the baby. I can see my stomach expanding. I think my brain is just a little slow to adjust sometimes. I've lived in California for 13 years and I still have moments where I can't quite believe that I live in California. I don't know if that makes a lot of sense. I think part of it is that I have wanted to have a baby my whole life, and TTC was a somewhat long and difficult process. It started to feel like my life would be cycle after cycle of trying with no baby at the end. Now that it worked, it just feels surreal. It's a dream come true. It feels more like reality every day.
Just a general question for those of you who are further along: did you find that you were less worried about your pregnancy going smoothly once you hit certain bench marks like seeing a heartbeat, hitting 12 weeks, feeling movement etc. or do you feel like other worries have replaced the initial ones?
Pokey: I get you. I felt the same way about the endless TTC roller coaster, that it would turn me into a bitter old lady. What is that though, do we feel like we don't deserve the things that are most meaningful to us? I know I certainly have that underlying "I'm not worthy" in my life which I suspect is where these fears come from, the ones that leave me wondering if this is really it and could I actually be getting what I want.
nearlyelated: I'm so curious to hear about your experience with the hypnobabies program. Have you tried any other ones? How are you liking this one so far?
AFM: I finally told DH last night. The first beta numbers were encouraging, though I'm still holding my breath.
I can speak to my previous pregnancy, Dakipode - Beginning to feel movement was *huge* for me. It was a daily reminder and I didn't have to rely on a machine at a doctor's office or midwife's appointment to hear or see something. I had to wait a little longer with my son because of the anterior placenta placement, but it was worth the wait.
I'm hoping for some earlier flutters from this one!
Just a general question for those of you who are further along: did you find that you were less worried about your pregnancy going smoothly once you hit certain bench marks like seeing a heartbeat, hitting 12 weeks, feeling movement etc. or do you feel like other worries have replaced the initial ones?
Pokey: I get you. I felt the same way about the endless TTC roller coaster, that it would turn me into a bitter old lady. What is that though, do we feel like we don't deserve the things that are most meaningful to us? I know I certainly have that underlying "I'm not worthy" in my life which I suspect is where these fears come from, the ones that leave me wondering if this is really it and could I actually be getting what I want.
nearlyelated: I'm so curious to hear about your experience with the hypnobabies program. Have you tried any other ones? How are you liking this one so far?
AFM: I finally told DH last night. The first beta numbers were encouraging, though I'm still holding my breath.
Congratulations on the good numbers! I can't believe you were able to hold out on telling DH - I don't have that kind of will power.
Every passing day made my pregnancy more real. In the first couple months, I didn't feel that different. While I was lucky not to have morning sickness, the lack of symptoms messed with me in its own way as I didn't have any tangible reminders of pregnancy. Even the first midwife appt and US at 8 weeks didn't help me relax into pregnancy. If anything, I felt guilty for "spying" on the little bean when it was too early for the US to be very informative (we learned that it was only one kiddo and not ectopic, but those points could have easily waited. I wasn't planning on having the US but the practice I went to insisted on it). I did relax a bit more at 12 weeks. to me that was a big milestone and the point at which we felt confident enough to tell people other than our parents and closest friends, and having other people comment and support us helped the pregnancy become more tangible.
Feeling movement was my really big milestone and all-clear signal. It's a beautiful reminder that there is an independent person growing in there, and indicator that all is well. I felt squirmies and tumbling earlier than usual for a first timer (15 weeks) which definitely put my mind at ease and is helping me bond with the little one already. Now that I am nearing 24 weeks I can't believe how fast the last 12 weeks have gone and how slowly the first 12 (really only 8 since the positive test) went. Now my growing belly is a constant reminder of the life developing in there. I feel like the greatest risk is behind us and truly believe that all signs point to a normal healthy pregnancy and baby. since the beginning, I've been more worried about the actual delivery than the process of growing the baby to get to that point, and am feeling like it's time to actively prepare my mind and body for what is to come. Maybe that's a "new worry" but I see it as a new focus on what needs to happen.
Even if it takes a while for things to feel "real" to you, don't worry. I try to remember that these 9 months allow us to prepare for the changes in life one step at a time. I also have issues feeling like I don't deserve good things, but oddly pregnancy has helped me make peace with that and become more mindful and practice more gratitude.
nearlyelated-I would like to hear about hypnobabies as well. It seems to be more popular than hypnobirthing
There have been many milestones that have made me feel more secure. The first time I was pregnant, my first beta was fine and the second was not. This time, when I got a great second number, I knew we were ok. I didn't feel too anxious about being and staying pregnant. I got a little worried before each appointment that would give us more info and then I was relieved and happy. The first u/s was fine, the second was fine, the NT scan and genetic testing were great. So, I'm not particularly nervous or anxious, just still in a little bit of disbelief. I think when I can really feel the baby moving, it will be a lot more real. Telling people also makes it more real, confirms it's not just in my head. It's fun to share the excitement with other people. Most of my good friends do not have their own children, and they are very excited for us. They have offered to babysit, and one set of friends wants to have a playroom in their house for us and their other friends who are also having a baby around the same time.
Now, the things causing me some stress are all the logistics. We have to start looking into daycare because infant spots fill up fast and can be expensive. Plus, we need to buy a car and baby furniture and stuff. We can afford these things now, but I worry about paying for day care on top of our other expenses.
Originally Posted by pokeyAC
Now, the things causing me some stress are all the logistics. We have to start looking into daycare because infant spots fill up fast and can be expensive. Plus, we need to buy a car and baby furniture and stuff. We can afford these things now, but I worry about paying for day care on top of our other expenses.
I'm not going to go into my anxiety regarding my pregnancy and milestones; I'm a PAL (pregnancy after loss mama), and my issues are a little too intense for this thread. If any of you are PAL mamas who are looking for support for your anxiety and concerns, please come join us on the Pregnancy After Loss thread. We change up the thread on a monthly basis -- like we did for the Sane TTC thread.
However, pokey, I hear you on the daycare front!! I live in Seattle, not quite as expensive as some parts of California, but close. And the childcare spots here fill fast. One popular center has a 2.5 year waiting list, and they won't even let you get on the list until you have taken a tour of the facility. Living in a city full of high earning overachievers has its pluses and minuses. Childcare is one of the minuses!
I think we have mostly settled on having an live-in au pair for the first year. I'm alternately totally excited about the relationship, and royally freaked out. It looks highly probable that we will be hosting someone from Columbia -- how cool! Yay Spanish exposure! Last night I had a moment where I said to myself "So, your freaked out about child care. So be it." And it really melted some of the anxiety away. I'm still worried about affording it, but I guess that means I'm just worried about affording it. I doubt I'll end of up in the poor house (what is the modern equivalent of that? Foreclosure? Lifelong credit card debt?), but my monkey mind sure wants to tell me that is where I am going. But if I can just stop it at "I'm freaked out right now," I can usually pull it back to together.
Hugs to the rest of you! I'm excited that this thread is blossoming.
It's an MP3 you can download for free and it lasts about 20 minutes, I tried it right away and I like it. It's part of the Mindful Motherhood program I found after googling "how to stay sane in early pregnancy".
Oh my goodness this thread is hopping! I have been relentlessly nauseous for going on 9 weeks and for some reason MDC is nearly impossible for me to scroll through without feeling worse (but no issues with FB - weird). So I have been away from MDC for a while. But things are starting to improve a little nausea-wise at last!
Congrats Dakipode! So happy to see you here.
Also congrats to GISDiva and CoffeeBean! And all the other newcomers!
I wanted to second Writinglove's suggestion for any PAL moms to join the Pregnant after a loss thread. I am also a PAL mom and sometimes my anxiety really needs to be let out in a place where other moms who have BTDT can reassure me that I am not the worst basketcase ever. And some days, when my fears are much quieter, I really appreciate the sanity of this thread.
I did Hypnobabies with my DS (now 5.5 yo) and I really liked it. I wound up having a very fast birth with him which threw me off (since EVERYONE told me it would take forever with my first) so I did not get to put it all to work. But it definitely helped me a lot. I am planning on doing it again.
Anyway, I am at 13.5 weeks right now. Trying to stay sane through a few complications but overall very hopeful.
I listened to the hypnobabies CDs with my last pregnancy, but started late, and didn't stick to it as much a I should have, but I found that a lot of the visualizations were really helpful during labour, but I got distracted from it when my midwives arrived, and the whole thing went out the window. I'm hoping to do the full program this time and actually use it more effectively.
Trying to stay sane over here. The nurse called with my 2nd beta results and things are looking good there. Next hurdle: ultrasound next week Thursday.
Trying to stay sane over here. The nurse called with my 2nd beta results and things are looking good there. Next hurdle: ultrasound next week Thursday.
Yay Dakipode! AFM- Today was my first ultrasound and it went great. Baby was measuring 6w3d and I'm 6w6d which is totally normal range and hb was 126. They like it at 120 or higher so we are good there too! I also have no cysts so I can start my prenatal yoga and she thought it would even be a good idea to keep me centered and my anxiety levels low. I will post a picture for you all later.
One of the areas that I find hardest to remain calm about during pregnancy is anxiety around my 3-year old daughter's safety. I also worry more about my partner's safety, but I think it is unhealthy how much I worry about my daughter during pregnancy. Do any others experience this and how do you calm yourselves if you do?
I'm 38 weeks today and finding myself getting very anxious - I wasn't even able to sleep last night. The beginning of my pregnancy was very stressful, this is my 2nd baby but it was an unplanned pregnancy (IUD baby) and I just felt very unprepared financially and emotionally. It got much better in my 2nd trimester but now I'm starting to experience the same feelings of being unprepared and having negative thoughts about my last hospital birth even though this one will be a home birth and hopefully much better. It helps that my husband and daughter are so excited about the baby but I personally don't feel really connected which makes it hard for me (although I experienced the same with my daughter).
SplashingPuddle, I kind of experienced something similar with my daughter. Toward the beginning of my pregnancy I felt upset about how fast she was growing up and worried about how much time I was spending with her, whether I had been too busy to really enjoy her first few years. Now I find myself getting anxious about little things like whether I'll go into labor before/during her upcoming birthday party and ruin it. I think it's normal to focus more emotionally on an older child when you're having a new baby, for me it's hard to imagine splitting my attention and love between two kids and I'm trying harder to give her attention before the new baby comes.
One of the areas that I find hardest to remain calm about during pregnancy is anxiety around my 3-year old daughter's safety. I also worry more about my partner's safety, but I think it is unhealthy how much I worry about my daughter during pregnancy. Do any others experience this and how do you calm yourselves if you do?
dakipode, so good to have you back here and wish you a healthy happy journey ahead.
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Related Threads
?
?
?
?
?
Mothering Forum
16.5M posts
285.1K members
Since 1996
A forum community dedicated to all mothers and inclusive family living enthusiasts. Come join the discussion about nurturing, health, behavior, housing, adopting, care, classifieds, and more!