Please hit me with stories of an un-planned for pregnancy turning out okay. Scared. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 07-02-2012, 09:25 PM - Thread Starter
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Mamas, I am about 6 weeks along. This was not planned.

 

The dad and I love each other very much, and we're engaged, but I don't think he'll be happy. I haven't told him yet . I literally just tested positive an hour ago. 

 

Please tell me stories of your partners' coming around, or being okay with an unplanned baby. I am afraid for our relationship. But no matter what, I won't choose to end the pregnancy. I need some encouragement. 

 

I am really scared. Thank you. 


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#2 of 12 Old 07-02-2012, 09:53 PM
 
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My husband and I were in a long-distance dating relationship when I unexpectedly got pregnant. We were both shocked but happy -- our son is 2.5 and the absolute best thing to have ever happened to us. I don't know your situation, but if your fiance is unhappy at first, I bet he will come around and embrace it. I hope he surprises you and is happy right away! Good luck, and congratulations smile.gif


Wife of R (08/2009), Mama of M (12/09), expecting Baby #2 (11/2012)

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#3 of 12 Old 07-02-2012, 10:04 PM
 
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My surprise was my third but stressful none the less. I was losing my job, my dh had a temp to hire job that said they were going to hire him but they were 3 months late. I carried our insurance. My older 2 were clomid babies so we never dreamed that we would get pregnant "on our own". DH was not happy. I did not enjoy my pregnancy. At all. It was so incredibly stressful. Man I loved that kid when he was born though. And funny thing, dh had the hardest time getting excited, bonding etc but he is his clone. Right down to the shape of his toes.
He's almost 14 now and we can't imagine life without him.
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#4 of 12 Old 07-03-2012, 08:43 AM - Thread Starter
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Thanks Ladies. It helps just to hear that others have gone through this. 


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#5 of 12 Old 07-03-2012, 09:01 AM
 
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None of my babies have been planned! I've been over-the-moon which each (slightly more apprehensive about this one, but happy nonetheless) and DH has had a different reaction to each. He was happy with our first, but felt a little overwhelmed because it was so *new*. We were both in our early 20s, living the party/young lifestyle, weren't financially stable, etc. But he stepped right up to the plate and never looked back after becoming a youngish dad. He had a negative reaction to our second, elements of which are still so painful for me I can't even type them out. But you know what? He came around really fast and became really excited about the baby when I was about 4 months along. He was very happy about this last little one, even though it's pretty much the worst timing possible! 

 

I've heard from so many mama friends that even if the initial reaction isn't too positive, dudes come around :). You guys are planning to make a commitment to one another, you're in love, and I think you'll be just fine. I really feel that it's never an ideal time to have a baby so when surprises happen, and you wish to continue the pregnancy, it's a bonus because you don't have the stress of trying to plan a *perfect* time to conceive.

 

And of course, CONGRATULATIONS!!!


Jean, feminist mama raising three boys: W (7), E (5) and L (2.15.13)

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#6 of 12 Old 07-03-2012, 09:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by loveandgarbage View Post

I've heard from so many mama friends that even if the initial reaction isn't too positive, dudes come around :). You guys are planning to make a commitment to one another, you're in love, and I think you'll be just fine. I really feel that it's never an ideal time to have a baby so when surprises happen, and you wish to continue the pregnancy, it's a bonus because you don't have the stress of trying to plan a *perfect* time to conceive.

 

I love the phrase "dudes come around", that should be an oft-repeated mantra around here because it's just so true.

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#7 of 12 Old 07-03-2012, 03:31 PM
 
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Only 1 out of our soon-to-be 4 kids was planned, lol. The first was most dramatic of course, we had just moved out together, in our early 20s, I was finishing college, he was about to start. I won't say it was perfect at first. He loved our son, but had all kinds of resentment and regrets directed more at the situation than at me or ds. Still... It hurt. I had to give up a lot too, but did it very willingly for my son. The second was planned as the final child (ha!). Then we got pregnant with our third, "older and wiser". We were so happy to have a "last little baby" (ha, ha!!). And when we got pregnant this time around it was a total role reversal, as in he was the one comforting me and telling me it will all work out. I regrettably even toyed with the idea of having an abortion. He talked me out of it and seeing his committment and excitment made me think that its not the end of the world (there were a lot of tears shed into my pillow anyway all throughout the pregnancy).

So.. Four conceptions, four different reactions from us. I guess the lesson is you can't predict how he will react. Try not to take his initial reaction to heart (its hard, I know). You never know how it will play out in the long run. Good luck!

SAHM to one moody son J hat.gif(06-27-03), one super-girly daughter M hearts.gif (02-23-06) and welcome Sophie! energy.gif(05-23-10) expecting fourth in July baby.gif

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#8 of 12 Old 07-04-2012, 10:46 PM
 
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I found out I was pregnant with my first when I was 22 years old and living with my boyfriend. I was SO scared to tell him, and when I did he ended up being so happy and supportive. We were completely emotionally and financially unprepared for the baby, but everything came together in a beautiful way. We ended up getting married, having a beautiful homebirth and here we are, 2  years later and halfway through our second (unplanned) pregnancy! :)

 

I wish you only the best :) .

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#9 of 12 Old 07-05-2012, 08:55 AM
 
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With my first, we were totally shocked and didn't know what to do. I was 22 and DH was 24. I'd never planned to have children and didn't know what to do with one, lol, but DH was more surprised than I thought he would be - he's the one that wanted kids. ;) It took a lot of work, especially since we were not at all financially stable, but by the time baby was born we were both at least accepting of the challenge and trying to be positive about it. He's the best dad to his little man, so dudes do come around. ;)
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#10 of 12 Old 07-05-2012, 09:53 AM - Thread Starter
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Thank you so much for sharing your positive and uplifting stories, I really appreciate it. 

 

I am much calmer now. I told my finace about the pregnancy yesterday, and though shocked, he was more supportive, loving and wonderful than I could have imagined. I feel so blessed. So I guess dudes do come around. Thank you again. stillheart.gif

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#11 of 12 Old 07-09-2012, 12:35 PM
 
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Hey! 

 

I had been dating my baby's father for only a matter of WEEKS before I found out I was pregnant. I told him and he was shocked... but we were both really happy about it. Unfortunetely, 4 months later he freaked out because of a job loss and left me when I wouldn't abort. I was completely freaked out and SO scared because I didn't know how on earth I was going to handle it (esp since he had been taking care of me financially and emotionally up until that point). I buckled down and found help though... SOOOO many people reached out to me, even strangers!!! Now I am 7 months pregnant and honestly, I am so happy that things turned out the way they did... I am glad that the father left when I still had a chance to pull myself together before my son came into the world. It is SUCH a loss for the father... he is going to miss out on so much by not being in his son's life. But I wanted to tell my story in case things seem to go sour for you and your fiance doesn't like the idea (god forbid)... know that no matter what your situation is, you CAN get through it as a single mommy. Don't be afraid. (: 

 

I do hope your man will be a MAN a stick around though. If you were planning on marrying, I'm sure he is in love with you and will love his child just as much. Things don't always go to PLAN, but that is OKAY. Remember that!


My blog at www.rememberbaby.wordpress.com, filled with letters to my little one starting from 5 weeks pregnant until now!

 

stork-boy.gif September 30th, 2012 Nicolas Cobourne

 

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#12 of 12 Old 07-09-2012, 03:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Dia View Post

Thank you so much for sharing your positive and uplifting stories, I really appreciate it. 

 

I am much calmer now. I told my finace about the pregnancy yesterday, and though shocked, he was more supportive, loving and wonderful than I could have imagined. I feel so blessed. So I guess dudes do come around. Thank you again. stillheart.gif

I'm so glad everything went well! Good luck to you both :)


Wife of R (08/2009), Mama of M (12/09), expecting Baby #2 (11/2012)

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