I found out that I was pregnant 2 weeks ago. It was a shock, and I am having trouble coming to terms with it. I am in a much better place than I was 2 weeks ago, but it still isn't great.
This pregnancy is very different than my first. I am exhausted and sick all the time. And sometimes that makes me mad. I love this baby, but we were actively preventing pregnancy. Sometimes I am just irritated that I am dealing with all these symptoms when this is something I didn't want right now.
And then of course I feel horrible for feeling that way.
Anyone else feeling/felt this way?
You know, I had a bit of this at first with this pregnancy. We had just fully decided that we were done, we were going to have an only. And I was dismayed when the test came up positive. But at the same time I was very happy because we dealt with infertility trying to conceive our first (and if I'm going to be honest, taking 5+ years to conceive is still infertile) and this just happened. But still, DD is 6, and I was sort of looking forward to being done, it just being us. It has taken me a while to really wrap my head around it, and I'm only 3 weeks away from my due date. LOL
So, all that to say, I understand.
We were actively trying and so excited for a positive test, but I still had moments in the first trimester where I was filled with doubt and fear and lots of other negative emotions. At one point I was convinced I'd made a terrible mistake. So even when actively trying, pregnancy can do a number on your mood and emotions. It sounds like you're working through it. Hopefully the second trimester eases things up for you a little, at least on the physical front. Then you can start sorting out what are legitimate concerns and what are just pregnancy crap feelings. Good luck and just remember that what you're feeling is normal.
(There was a thread around here a few months back on just this subject, but I don't have the time to find it... I'll take a peek tomorrow and see if I can link to it. Either way, apparently negative emotions and corresponding guilt are very common, which may help you feel less guilt in turn.)
I'm 33 weeks and I'm still coming to terms with this pregnancy. We had decided we were done for a number of reason (plus we already have three) and in so many ways this was the worst possible time to get pregnant. My husband was out of work, I could not longer work b/c I'm way too sick when I'm pregnant etc. I've had two SERIOUSLY high need babies in a row and I also get HG with each pregnancy, so when I saw that line on the stick I cried. Sobbed.
I will love this baby. I DO love this baby. Nothing can change that. But I can't lie and say I'm always psyched about it. Actually I'm EXTREMELY jealous of people who are psyched about being pregnant. I so badly want to feel that way. I want to be glowing with excitement instead of trying to pretend I'm not dreading the strain I know this will take on us financially when we are teetering on losing it all right now. (We're in seriously bad shape.) Then I worry the stress I have is going to affect the baby so I worry some more... heh
I said all that to say sometimes things come to us at exactly the "wrong" times in life. But I believe there is a reason. I take solace in that. (okay and sometimes I cry too.)
TzippityDoulah sending huge hugs.
This couldn't have come at a worse time for us, either. Financially we are also struggling. Our relationship was at its breaking point when I got the positive test (it is improving, but is far from great). I know that I love this baby, but I am millions of miles away from excitement. I worry that I will never be excited for this baby. This is probably going to be our last child. I don't want to look back and say "I wish that I enjoyed my pregnancy".
Thanks for sharing your story with me
My youngest one just turned one. I felt very similarly during his pg. I already had 3 not so easy children, DH was DONE having children, I was finally starting to get a very small amount of freedom for the first time in 8 years, I had recently returned to work, my youngest child was having some developmental delays, we were in debt up to our eyeballs thanks to the market crash, and then I was pg. NOT a great time. I did not enjoy the pg, I wasn't looking forward to the baby. I loved him when he was born but during that pg, I certainly went from someone who had previous enjoyed being pg, to it feeling like a death sentence, I never, ever, ever want to be pg again. Clear enough?
So back to DS2, I love him I snuggle with him, treat him just like all my other kids. Did life miraculous turn easier when he was born? No. It is been a rough, rough year. Or almost 2 years by now. I thought many times that DH and I were not going to make it, had pretty much counted on it in fact. The baby did not turn out to be out of those mythical easy babies that some people just get. My other child who was delayed ended up being autistic. Yeah, it has been difficult. Do I look at DS2 and can't imagine my life without him? No. But I love him anyway. And sometimes that is enough.
Hang in there to all that are struggling.