Talk to me about getting an ultrasound and not wanting to know the sex... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 12 Old 09-07-2012, 12:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just thinking about the logistics!

 

I'm 90% sure we're going to have a 20-week anatomy scan, but don't want to know the sex.  We REALLY DON'T want to know.  So much so that, since we're kinda... meh... about seeing the u/s in general (wouldn't have one at all except for the potential health benefit), we will ask them to turn off the overhead screen so there will be no chance of our accidentally seeing for ourselves.  Hey-- I know what to look for! lol.gif

 

So, that part is a little different, but I am sure it's not so unusual for the u/s techs to be asked not to tell the sex.  By my unscientific estimate, anywhere from 5-20% of the general population seems to want to keep it a secret. 

 

So, my question is... If you made this request in previous pregnancies, how was it handled?  Did you have to be super-vigilant in reminding them, or was it an easy request for them to accommodate?  How did the tech/doctor respond, etc.?

 

Thanks! 

 

X-posted to my DDC


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#2 of 12 Old 09-07-2012, 12:34 PM
 
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I actually had multiple ultrasounds because of a suspected (but resolved) issue and we never found out.  They always asked first and only turned the screen to us when they were in a position that wouldn't give it away.  Plus, I'm terrible at looking at an U/S and figuring it out, that helps.  lol.gif  It just wasn't a big deal for anyone.  In fact, the first U/S tech giggled, she was pleased to find one that wanted a surprise...


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#3 of 12 Old 09-07-2012, 12:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No problems with using gendered pronouns to refer to baby... or...?

 

We're actually so firm on this that we're probably going to ask the tech not to talk about what he/she sees, so maybe that will help, if they don't think we're totally insane...  Like I said, we are apathetic about seeing the u/s anyway, so STRONGLY preferring not to know the sex has put us on the side of not even looking at the screen.  If the tech can't tell us about "what we're seeing" anyway, maybe it will be more-or-less a non-issue?

 

It's partly personal preference for us, and partly a religious/spiritual thing.  I think diagnostic u/s are awesome, and am leaning heavily towards the one routine u/s because I think the benefits outweigh the risks, but if all were equal, I would not have one.  I know it's an unusual viewpoint, but we see it as a bit of a privacy invasion, LOL-- kind of like "none of our business" and a bit of a "necessary evil" (though not "evil").

 

Just trying to picture the situation and run through it in my head, as I have found a few threads like this:

 

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1260403/u-s-tech-told-me-the-gender-i-didnt-want-to-know

 

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1181534/has-anyone-ever-not-wanted-to-know-sex-and-tech-leaked-the-sex 


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#4 of 12 Old 09-07-2012, 01:45 PM
 
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Usually they just said "baby" instead of he/she, everything else was more like "and there's the heart, and there's the brain..."  She silently gave a good look over first and took her measurements before she turned the screen around and made sure the wand (is that what they call it?) was in a good spot for "no-peeking".  It was a non-issue, even when we got sent to the perinatologist for the fancy ultrasounds that were 3D.  All snapshots were taken "above the belt" as well. ;)

 

Honestly, I'm sure it varies *widely* depending on the personality of the tech you get, I'm sure others will share some tips too.  Just be up front about it, I think they're used to it, even if it isn't the norm per se.  Good luck!


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#5 of 12 Old 09-07-2012, 01:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That sounds awesome-- we'll just plead our case in the nicest possible way and cross our fingers, I guess!


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#6 of 12 Old 09-07-2012, 03:33 PM
 
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I had my 20 week ultrasound last week and told the tech at the beginning we want to wait and be surprised. So she told us when she was going to zoom in down south and to turn our heads the other way, then when it was ok to look again. Baby was curled up in a ball, so I really couldn't tell. When I saw the OB after I told him too that we wanted to be surprised, and he said that the sex wasn't even in the report so that he couldn't give it away. :)

 

I do have to have another level 2 ultrasound next week, the last one might have shown a really small umbilical hernia so my Dr is sending me to the hospital for a more detailed scan, not sure if the cat will be out of the bag this time since I expect them to spend a ton of time looking in that general area at the cord, lol.
 

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#7 of 12 Old 09-07-2012, 03:45 PM
 
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I've made this request during two pregnancies. The tech said, "Ok," and that was that. When it got to the point where something might be visible, she said "Here's where you close your eyes." That was that. There was no need to plead, it was just a request, one I'm sure they are familiar with. No one wants to rain on your parade.
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#8 of 12 Old 09-07-2012, 04:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by buko View Post
...

 I know it's an unusual viewpoint, but we see it as a bit of a privacy invasion, LOL-- kind of like "none of our business" and a bit of a "necessary evil" (though not "evil").

...

We see it that way too.  The womb is really a sacred space and if we have to invade the baby's privacy with an ultrasound, the least we can do is leave it that one mystery to be revealed at birth.  

 

With DD we just told the tech that we didn't want to know and she was very cooperative.  


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#9 of 12 Old 09-07-2012, 05:02 PM
 
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Yeah, it's no big deal, it's part of their job. You don't have to plead your case, just tell them before they start that you absolutely do not want to know the sex, that's it! We've had three, found out with one. This last one, since I can tell, I kept turning my head away out of paranoia, lol. Going between the legs is one of the last things they do, anyway. The sex does not make it to the report, but it does not hurt to tell your doc/mw at your next appointment after the u/s to not say just in case. Mine were never recorded. 


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#10 of 12 Old 09-08-2012, 07:58 AM
 
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We had three ultrasounds this pregnancy with different techs each time and had no problems with not finding out the sex.  We politely reminded each tech that we were waiting to find out the sex and everyone was great.  They turned off the monitor during the "sensitive" part of our 20 week anatomy scan and were good about pronouns.  One tech did say "him" at one point, but said that she just uses that pronoun naturally.  Since we ended up having a girl, I'm inclined to believe her.


Beautiful baby girl born 8/13/2012. Little star baby lost at 10 weeks pregnant, 12/18/2013. Currently due 12/13/2014 with a rainbow.
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#11 of 12 Old 09-09-2012, 06:55 AM
 
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........


Me (27) DH (30)...9 Years

DD (7) ~ DD (4) ~ DS (3)

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#12 of 12 Old 09-10-2012, 08:29 AM
 
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I've never found out and we've had both the nuchal fold and the 20 week anatomy (plus a few others when I had some fluid issues).

I have never removed my eyes from the screen and still have never been able to tell. 

I just tell my MW and the techs we don't want to know. 


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Mama to ~ Finnegan(10/06) ~ Samuel (7/08) ~ Henry (2/11) ~ He's here! joy.gif Baxter (11/12)

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