How and When to Tell Employer - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 09-16-2012, 12:24 PM - Thread Starter
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How far along before you tell your employer you are pregnant?

Do I need to do it in writing, or how should I tell them?

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#2 of 7 Old 09-16-2012, 01:05 PM
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Basically, tell when you are comfortable doing so. You can even tell just your immediate supervisor and let him/her know that you want to keep it quite from general information for a while yet.


I've had three different experiences with it.


DS - told my boss right away and he asked my permission to consult with two other people about possible hazards in the workplace that we hadn't thought of. Decided on any necessary job modifications and I told co-workers later.


Pregnancy2 - hadn't intended to tell, had a workers comp. accident where I cut my finger and needed stitches, the pregnancy information came out. I miscarried. Having to tell everyone I was no longer pregnant really really sucked. However, when I screw up everything I touched for 1/2 a week and then took the rest of the week off no one said a word and understood that I was working through some stuff.


DD - Waited until I was 12 weeks and then told everyone who had already guessed, because I get really ill when pregnant and no one belived I'd had "a touch of a stomach bug" for that long.


I know at least two people who choose not to say anything until closer to 20 weeks, but I think may have let their immediate supervisor know sooner.


So it varies so much. Just tell when you are comfortable doing so.

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#3 of 7 Old 09-17-2012, 12:53 PM
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Last time, I told my boss early (5-6 weeks) because the fatigue was so nuts I was literally falling asleep at my desk some days and I wanted him to know why. I knew he would keep the confidence and wouldn't use the information against me. I told everyone else later (~19 weeks or so). This time I'm going to wait until ~12 weeks unless the fatigue is really bad again. But yeah, it really depends on your situation and your employer. If you are have a job where you are dealing with chemicals or whatnot that might be a risk or if your symptoms are significantly interfering with work and so on, it makes sense to tell a boss-type right away, otherwise I think waiting until whenever you are comfortable sharing with everyone makes sense. I also like to tell before I'm showing, just to avoid awkwardness, but again it depends on what you are comfortable with.

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#4 of 7 Old 09-17-2012, 04:37 PM
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Depends on the job and how you're holding up, really.  If things are fine, I'd say wait as long as you can.  I personally like to wait until it's pretty obvious because the minute people find out you're pregnant, it seems like they start acting really weird around you and treat you like some totally different person.  Or you get a ton of "advice" or horror stories that you may or may not want to hear.  I vastly prefer not to have all that extra attention.


I kinda like things to be as normal as possible, as long as possible, so I never tell anyone until it's totally obvious and I'm showing. 

Legally, I think you have to give a month's notice for FMLA, but in practice, it's good to give them a few months' notice to find a temporary replacement.

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#5 of 7 Old 09-21-2012, 06:23 PM
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I worked in a tiny bank when I was last pregnant and working, and I "told" by asking my supervisor if I could have off early on such-and-such a day for a prenatal appointment. orngbiggrin.gif She high-fived me, LOL. My boss and my co-opener (both men) sort of had a confused look on their faces, lol.

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#6 of 7 Old 09-22-2012, 05:54 AM - Thread Starter
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Well, I told them, because DF was worried about me doing heavy lifting, but they said it didn't matter, they would only restrict or change my duties if I had a note from my doctor restricting lifting or something. I guess restricting lifting is not everywhere, so we shall see. I'll just have to be extra careful.


The part that is a little more upsetting about having told someone is that I told a few of my friends, but apparently they thought even though I asked them not to say anything to anyone, it was okay, because there's a lot of rumors going around now, and people just running their mouths about "who's the daddy?!?!?" like I don't know.irked.gif

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#7 of 7 Old 09-22-2012, 06:26 AM
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@bmcneal - how very insensitive of your friends!

I am somewhere between 6-13 weeks pregnant, I have not told my employer yet. Mostly because, well I am getting a transfer to a (for me), much better position, and I want to be 100% sure I get it before I tell them. On Friday I was officially given the new position, so now I am waiting on confirmation how far along I am. Before 12 weeks I don't want to tell, because if something goes wrong, and everyone knows... I don't know if I could handle that.

Friday we are going for an ultrasound and will find out how far along I am.
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