How early is too early to open my big fat mouth?? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 09-23-2012, 08:22 PM - Thread Starter
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Or at least that's what the stick told me today.  Which makes it 2 weeks at the most.  Which makes me feel like I'm going to be pregnant foooooorrrreevvvverrrrr.


Needless to say, I'm excited.  Long story short, dad's 500 miles away, I'm moving up with him in the next few weeks (was planning to anyway) and we're all sorts of connected on Facebook and over the internet.  This is going to be huge news to the people who care about us.  Already told both of our mothers and my ex (3yo son's papa).  Everybody is elated.


But how soon is too soon to really open my big fat mouth to the rest of the world?  


(I don't have a history of pregnancy loss and am 25, in shape, and low risk.)  

Mountain mama to Elijah Dale, natural hospital birth 10-09

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#2 of 6 Old 09-23-2012, 11:01 PM
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It's a personal thing, but as someone who has had much of the joy of early pregnancy taken from me (due to loss), I kinda think, if you've got it, flaunt it!  It is pretty exciting, after all.  

          Me & him , and at long last, little Lincoln
Loving our boys, and missing our babes
How we survive, is what makes us who we are - Rise Against
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#3 of 6 Old 09-24-2012, 12:29 AM
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I agree, it's a very individual thing. With both of mine we have told close family early, around the 5 week mark. The first time because we thought my parents might be planning an overseas holiday and we didn't want it to clash with the birth. The second time was part excitement and partly that I get debilitating morning sickness starting at about five and a half weeks so it was going to be pretty obvious.

I accidentally told a group of friends around 7-8 weeks ( I think) when I "replied all" to a group invitation rather than just the sender. Oops.

We saved the general Facebook announcement til 12 weeks the first time and 10 weeks the second time.

My advice would be tell anyone who you would want to know, or at least wouldn't mind knowing, if something went wrong.

Oh, and congratulations, it is a very exciting time.

Mother of two spectacular girls, born mid-2010 and late 2012  mdcblog5.gif

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#4 of 6 Old 09-24-2012, 07:29 AM
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My at the time not so DH posted on facebook the same day we found out... so that cat was out of the bag quick! Which lead to a bit of drama an explaining. Not so much fun to have your sister call you and ask why she had to find out when her husband had seen the news on his feed.


Here, people usually wait until the 12 week mark, but it is very individual, and whenever feels comfortable.


Since I haven't yet found out how far along we are, I would have prefered not to have the news splashed all over facebook, but there isn't much I can do about it now. Worst thing is, I actually got him to take it down, but his family is Brazilian, and I dunno, it seems like he is related to the WHOLE country... anyways, they keep popping up and saying "Congrats to the baby" on everything I post and every picture I am tagged in. So containing the information is a bit of a moot point.


*sigh* I still haven't really forgiven him.

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#5 of 6 Old 09-24-2012, 08:09 AM
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We told immediate family right away (we found out around 5 or 6 weeks) with the caveat that they keep it to themselves. Close friends I blabbed to around 8 weeks but the general announcement wasn't until 12 weeks. I'm very fortunate not to have experienced a loss but women in my immediate family have so we erred on the side of caution.
I agree with Katelove: at this stage I would only tell those who I would be comfortable knowing about a loss. Since you're young and healthy you could probably opt for an earlier general announcement if you wanted but I'd be scared to let that cat out of the bag at just 2 weeks.

Oh, Trickster my DH would have spent a few nights on the couch for that Facebook leak lol. My wrath would probably have paled in comparison to my MIL's though!
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#6 of 6 Old 09-24-2012, 09:11 AM
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I will offer just something to consider, since you're asking.  Though definitely do what makes you guys happy.  Every baby should be celebrated, no matter how long it's little life here may be!  But I also don't feel like it's bad to celebrate it in my heart for however long need be when there's no comfort in announcing early, you know?


One thing I didn't realize until it happened was that it does seem to make a difference if you have people around you who can understand (as in, experienced it themselves) pregnancy loss.  There really is a support you need in that situation that can only come from people who've been there.  I can't really describe it, and who knows, maybe it's not that way for everybody, but I've been there a lot and it had continued to ring true for me, anyway.  The only pregnancies out of my 11 that we have announced right away have been ones I ended up losings, and that was hard because I have few to no people who really understand.  If I had more family and close friends near me who knew exactly what I was going through, I'd probably feel a lot more comfortable telling people early on.  (also age groups are a factor, if you hang out with a lot of others your age.  I had my first losses for no apparent reason in my very early 20's and I was like a freak of nature to those my age...well, being married freaked them out anyway, but wanting a baby in the first place, and then LOSING was as if I was the first person experiencing miscarriage that they'd ever encountered!  Even at 27, most are "weirded out" to know I've lost 7!)


The other consideration is that un-telling isn't simply announcing loss.  It's a matter of dealing with the fact that the GOOD news seems to travel at lightening speed, while the bad news seems to barely make it around, because people are uncomfortable talking about it (which makes me sad...miscarriage is just as real as anything, it's not taboo).  So at least in my experience, it feels like EVERYONE knows about the pregnancy almost instantly, but after a miscarriage, the same people who the good news spread to quickly will have no idea, and the hard questions like "how far along are you?", "when are you due?", etc can keep coming for MONTHS.  Granted, I don't expect everyone to always know about my life, but it has been pretty consistent IME...I know a lot of people who immediately go out and start talking about pregnancy news, but those same people aren't comfortable with sharing the unfortunate news of loss. 

So those are just thoughts from someone who loses more than she keeps, and I'm not trying to be a downer, I just wish I'd had these things to consider years ago (doesn't mean deciding not to tell, just considering ahead of time) rather than learning them in hindsight.

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DD (9) ~ DD (7) ~ DS (5) ~ DS (2)

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