Number one worst mom award goes to... Me. - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 10-01-2012, 02:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
velveeta's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Posts: 2,564
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ugh. Hoping someone can tell me this is temporary, and the kids will be okay...

I have three kids - 9, 5, and 2. And I'm pregnant. 14 weeks. I have been lying in bed most days, doing NOTHING. The kids' homeschooling consists of watching Netflix and playing video games as they learn the "lessons" of how to make your own snack, and oh, something for your brother and sister, too. :-(

I feel so guilty and awful. The house is a wreck, and my husband is really doing as much as he can. He gets short with our nine yo bc he's so stressed with the burdens of huge work stuff, plus me being sick all the time. It is just too much.

Plus, our sweet middle boy needs a surgery, which could potentially make him deaf in one ear, and we are all super stressed about that!

I like to give my kids lots of different supplements bc they have some issues, and I make my own vitamin c gummies bc in order to reach the dosage I like, I don't want to buy premade gummies (way too much sugar at that dose), I love my kids and hate myself for not being able to just get up and make the damn vitamins!

I made them GF chicken nuggets in the toaster oven and even managed to overcook those! Can I do anything right?

I want to feel better! I WANT to be a good mom. Why can't I make myself do it?

Jean, happy HS mom to Peter (5), Daniel (9) and Lucie (2) and also someone new... baby.gif
velveeta is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-01-2012, 05:56 PM
 
odinsmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: mostly sunny Hawaii!
Posts: 704
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
(((Hugs))) mama!

Are you feeling sick from morning sickness (all day, I'm sure) or are you starting to feel depressed?

I'm 21 weeks now and have had some seriously emotionl/hormonal days with this pregnancy.
We've had our fair share of homeschooling in front of a screen days these last few weeks and I've been forcing myself to rest when my body/mind is telling me to rest.
Yes, that means the older one is making food for the younger one and dinner is whatever I can throw in the crockpot.
My house has been a wreck too and I would NOT have survived the early weeks without a dishwasher. My kids do clean up of their own messes ("you can play your math games after you pick up all the Legos") and hubby has just been understanding of the rest of the mess. Laundry gets cleaned and not put away.
But , you know what, I'm staying sane and finally feeling well because I've chosen to make my rest a priority. We'll survive with cleaned wrinkled shirts and the same lunch several days a week. It's not going to be like this forever.

Is there anything you can do to make life just a little easier right now?
Can you buy vitamins, just for the time being, to give yourself a break?
Do you have any simpler meal stuff? We have food restrictions also which has meant buying extras of the easy stuff so I can make it real quickly or ds1 can make it.

Hope you can let up on yourself a little and use any extra energy you have to just love on and play with your kids!

winner.jpgfamilybed2.gifsewmachine.gifcd.gif Homeschooling, happy, messy-housed mama to my 2 wild boys fencing.gif 10/05 and 9/08, and my sweet little girl babygirl.gif 2/13 and blessed to be married to the best guy for me since 12/96.
odinsmama is offline  
Old 10-02-2012, 07:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
velveeta's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Posts: 2,564
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
thanks for your kind reply. I think it is mainly the stress about my five yo having surgery that is putting me over the top. Yes, I am still very nauseous all the time, and it is wearing on me.

The food restrictions.... Yes! I normally never even buy ready made GF bread or many carbs at all, really. But, I am doing what I can to survive, lol.

My sons issue is congenital -- a cholesteatoma, and I just keep thinking... What can I do with his diet to support him. I realize zevia and GF pretzels are not helping, and so then I feel like a really bad mom. Also, I know my guilt doesn't help, either!

Today will be better. I just have to stay optimistic, and not allow fear to take over.

Thank you again for you kind note.

Jean, happy HS mom to Peter (5), Daniel (9) and Lucie (2) and also someone new... baby.gif
velveeta is offline  
Old 10-02-2012, 07:58 AM
 
fruitfulmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Between the Rockies and a Flat Place
Posts: 4,198
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 21 Post(s)

I think you pretty much summed up my last pregnancy. Except the surgery part. She is almost three months old andI feel like I am finally getting out of my funk but ugh, somedays are really hard. 

 

Have you tried clo for yourself? That seemed to help when I would remember to take it.

 

Netflix has somepretty goodstuff on it. Lots of history, science, literature. 

fruitfulmomma is online now  
Old 10-02-2012, 08:02 AM
 
eggsandpancakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: under the covers
Posts: 463
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

i have a 4 and 5 year old that were in school when i got pregnant with this baby. and my entire commitment to parenting my first trimester involved getting them dressed and off to school in the morning, and picking them up in the afternoon. I spent the rest of the time flinging whatever they would eat at them, and making sure the cartoons were on. we were even eating off paper plates because i couldn't get it together enough to wash dishes. i think the closest we got to real food was apples. everything else came out of packages because i couldn't seem to cook without burning things to save my life. I was totally, completely blindsided, since other than queasy, I really hadn't had morning sickness with the other two.

 

They survived, and so did I. and now at 33 weeks other than weird joint issues from the hormones I feel really good.

eggsandpancakes is offline  
Old 10-03-2012, 08:34 PM
 
craftymcgluestick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Nacogdoches, TX
Posts: 1,182
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You are actually the best mom.

The reason you are noticing such a difference in habits and daily life while you're overwhelmed with stress and nausea is because of the tremendous amount you always do for your kids every day, week in and week out, year after year.

They are all lucky to have you. Please be gentle with yourself, knowing this time will not last forever. And as another mom said, there is some high quality programming on Netflix!

Mary, proud to be a mama to Andrew (9/14/10) and Caroline (7/27/13) and wife to Matt.
craftymcgluestick is offline  
Old 10-05-2012, 04:29 PM
 
Georgetown HB Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 508
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

Right there with you! I am pregnant with my fifth baby. I have three daughters here and one daughter in heaven. I am about 14 weeks and still very tired and nauseated. My house has not been cleaned in weeks, my dining room table is piled ten miles high with clean laundry waiting to be put away, there are toys everywhere. The kids are helpful when I ask them to pick up but some days it takes too much energy for me to even ask them. My husband works a TON of hours and helps when he is around but he isn't around much these days. They laid off about 10% of his company so he is piled high with work. I know this too shall pass but these days are awfully long.

Georgetown HB Mom is offline  
Old 10-05-2012, 06:36 PM
 
newtoTTC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 79
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I hope you feel better soon.  I am 14 wks pregnant with our first, and I remember thinking in the past few weeks, "I don't know how I could do this with a child to take care of!"  As another mom said, you are noticing the difference because you are a good mom.  I don't know if you have an objection to B vitamins, but the Emergen-C is great for a bigger dose of vitamin C and still tastes good.  The B vitamins are good for nausea too! :)  Good luck with your son's surgery, I can't imagine how stressful that is.  Many good thoughts for you and your family!  


 

I am 29, married to DH for 2 years with 2 crazy pups and, after what feels like a huge wait (shorter than many, longer than wanted!), we are expecting our first little one April 2013.joy.gif

 

newtoTTC is offline  
Old 10-05-2012, 07:00 PM
 
dogretro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 1,769
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

This is temporary & your kids will be alright :) I expect all of us to suffer for the first four months of pregnancy. I usually cannot function well at all. It's largely b/c of this that dh & I have decided that this will be our last biological child (I'm due at any time now). I'm nowhere near the wife and mother I want to be & it's way too hard on everyone. Your kids will in no way be hurt by a few months of constant tv and video games. Heck, they're probably loving it! Have you talked to your care provider about anti-nausea meds? Zofran saved my life/sanity three times thus far :) I still need it sometimes. If one of my kids were facing surgery, I'd be freaking out, so be gentle on yourself there {{{hugs}}}


jumpers.gif

DD (4.25.08)  DD (4.23.10)  DD (10.13.12)

dogretro is offline  
Old 10-05-2012, 07:44 PM
 
loveandgarbage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,619
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by CraftyMcGluestick View Post

You are actually the best mom.
The reason you are noticing such a difference in habits and daily life while you're overwhelmed with stress and nausea is because of the tremendous amount you always do for your kids every day, week in and week out, year after year.
 

 

yeahthat.gif

 

To add to the commiseration, this summer when I was in my first trimester my days were very much like yours and other PPs.  I had already decided to not schedule the kids for camp because I wanted to have magical nature adventures with them every day and be supermom. Then I got knocked up, was nauseous 24/7, and felt SO much guilt about my kids' daily lives. I think my personal lowest moment was when, in a moment of extreme desperation, I bought then $20 worth of candy and let then eat it all at once in front of a movie because it allowed me to lie down for an hour and therefore not dry heave! As much as I think the occasional treat is fine, I think we can all agree that gobs and gobs of candy is WAY worse than premade GF nuggets!! Be easy on yourself. You'll be back to being the mom you know sooner than later.


Jean, feminist mama raising three boys: W (7), E (5) and L (2.15.13)

loveandgarbage is offline  
Old 10-06-2012, 06:19 PM
 
CoBabyMaker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: The place I've tried to leave 3 times!
Posts: 1,132
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'll commiserate.  I feel SO awful about this.  Today I took a nap after laying my 2 y/o down.  My 4 y/o doesn't nap but has quiet time and is a screamer so I don't worry about sleeping through a problem.  Uhh....The 2 y/o didn't nap and the 4 y/o opened her door for her.  So my kids were up, playing, completely unsupervised for I don't know how long.  Seriously not ok.  Is morning sickness over yet?


Becky- Wife to DH, Mama to "Nani" (July '08) "Coco" (July '10) and expecting one very wiggly baby boy in May 2013!

CoBabyMaker is offline  
Old 10-06-2012, 08:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
velveeta's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Posts: 2,564
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh! You're all so sweet. I am happy to now have the idea of the dining room table for storing laundry. Excellent!

I do feel I am improving day by day, and it helps in the biggest way to have other moms commiserating. This is actually my first pregnancy not to have HG, so I am thankful for that.

Newtottc, I am a big vitamin fan, and am slowly easing back into my megadoses. They were making me super sick just last week and I couldn't even drink vitamin c (my beloved!). Today was my first day back on vitamin c, so I eased in with 6000 mg. I really feel that at least I am doing the baby some good, even if I am not so great for the rest of my family yet.

Don't think I am not serving candy when I need to, too! I am deep in the chocolate chip bribery zone. I pass them out in shot glasses for a round of candy to go with marathon episodes of Dora for my two youngest and ancient aliens for me and my older boy.

My kids make turns hitting their glasses on the table and shouting... Another round!

This makes me feel we are all good moms! Thank you all so much! joy.gif

Jean, happy HS mom to Peter (5), Daniel (9) and Lucie (2) and also someone new... baby.gif
velveeta is offline  
Old 10-06-2012, 09:04 PM
 
Jennyanydots's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,374
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I can definitely relate- I miscarried last week at 11weeks, but during that brief pregnancy I was utterly unprepared for how exhausted, sick, and worthless I'd feel! I wasn't the best mom to my three, either. We are taking about TTC again, and remembering how rough the 1st trimester is is a big disincentive...

A little off topic, but I am very interested in the vit C gummies you make. Do you mind sharing your recipe? TIA smile.gif

chicken3.gif mama to two teens and two tots partners.gif madly in love with DP guitar.gif

Jennyanydots is offline  
Old 10-08-2012, 09:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
velveeta's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Posts: 2,564
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Jennyanydots, I am so sorry for you loss. I hope that your next pregnancy feels better.

It might interest you to read some of the work of two time Nobel prize winner, Linus Pauling. I am going to look for an article on preventing miscarriage with high doses of vitamin c. The kids are fighting, so maybe you could google Linus Pauling miscarriage vitamin c study.

So, I also really like grass fed gelatin for the GI healing (and skin and teeth and nails) benefits it provides. It is flavorless, and I mix a Tb in with some cold water until it is dissolved. I add it to my tea every day, and as I say, there's no taste.

For the gummies, I dissolve 3 Tb of gelatin (I buy great lakes brand from amazon) in half a cup of cold water. It gets super thick immediately! Then, I melt that mixture in a pan until it bubbles a bit. Stir constantly until smooth and clear. Just a couple of minutes. now, this mixture must cool just a bit bc if you add in the c when it is too hot, you will decrease the value of the c significantly. BUT, you don't want it to get too cool or the gummies will form before you add the c and the flavor!

Now, in a small bowl, I mix a packet of emergen-c. My kids like raspberry or black cherry. And then 2 tsp of pure ascorbic acid. This yields a total of 11 grams of vitamin c per small tray of gummies (I use up all of the mixture on one ice tray - that is my gummy mold). 1 tap of vitamin c is 5 grams. Now, just adding the ascorbic acid to one packet of emergen-c is too tart, so I sweeten to taste with NuNaturals vanilla stevia drops. Just a few drops. Depending on how much c I want a particular child to have, I might give one child the whole tray. Believe me, they gobble it down!

For fun, I use different trays I got from amazon.... Darth vader, hello kitty, etc.

Edited to add: I forgot... Once your hot mixture has cooled down a bit, add the vitamin c mixture until completely blended. Then, pour in the molds and place in the freezer for about 15 minutes. When you take them out, they will stay gummy at room temp. You can vary the amount of vitamin and sweetener to your tastes and needs, as well. I have also used honey (also not heated!) and that tastes great, too.

Jean, happy HS mom to Peter (5), Daniel (9) and Lucie (2) and also someone new... baby.gif
velveeta is offline  
Old 10-08-2012, 07:38 PM
 
Jennyanydots's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,374
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by velveeta View Post

Jennyanydots, I am so sorry for you loss. I hope that your next pregnancy feels better.
It might interest you to read some of the work of two time Nobel prize winner, Linus Pauling. I am going to look for an article on preventing miscarriage with high doses of vitamin c. The kids are fighting, so maybe you could google Linus Pauling miscarriage vitamin c study.
So, I also really like grass fed gelatin for the GI healing (and skin and teeth and nails) benefits it provides. It is flavorless, and I mix a Tb in with some cold water until it is dissolved. I add it to my tea every day, and as I say, there's no taste.
For the gummies, I dissolve 3 Tb of gelatin (I buy great lakes brand from amazon) in half a cup of cold water. It gets super thick immediately! Then, I melt that mixture in a pan until it bubbles a bit. Stir constantly until smooth and clear. Just a couple of minutes. now, this mixture must cool just a bit bc if you add in the c when it is too hot, you will decrease the value of the c significantly. BUT, you don't want it to get too cool or the gummies will form before you add the c and the flavor!
Now, in a small bowl, I mix a packet of emergen-c. My kids like raspberry or black cherry. And then 2 tsp of pure ascorbic acid. This yields a total of 11 grams of vitamin c per small tray of gummies (I use up all of the mixture on one ice tray - that is my gummy mold). 1 tap of vitamin c is 5 grams. Now, just adding the ascorbic acid to one packet of emergen-c is too tart, so I sweeten to taste with NuNaturals vanilla stevia drops. Just a few drops. Depending on how much c I want a particular child to have, I might give one child the whole tray. Believe me, they gobble it down!
For fun, I use different trays I got from amazon.... Darth vader, hello kitty, etc.
Edited to add: I forgot... Once your hot mixture has cooled down a bit, add the vitamin c mixture until completely blended. Then, pour in the molds and place in the freezer for about 15 minutes. When you take them out, they will stay gummy at room temp. You can vary the amount of vitamin and sweetener to your tastes and needs, as well. I have also used honey (also not heated!) and that tastes great, too.

Jean, thank you so much! I am going to try this later in the week- sounds great, and thanks for taking the time to type it all out smile.gif

chicken3.gif mama to two teens and two tots partners.gif madly in love with DP guitar.gif

Jennyanydots is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off