Confirming twins w/o ultrasound - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 10-31-2012, 06:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
josie423's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 963
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

Talk du jour, thank you for sharing your story!!! I am so sorry that you and your little guy had to go through that. *hugs*

 

Holly, I haven't seen her since 20 weeks and no she didn't really look for two babies at that point. I measured five weeks ahead with my last baby at 20 weeks too. I don't even know what I'm measuring right now and feel that I'm probably doing it wrong and it is not as far ahead as I think. My DH hates the doppler actually. I got this http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2463326 at BRU and he gets upset when I use it and it is not a doppler. It bugs me, but I don't know what to tell you. I did try to get an u/s so obviously I'm open to it at this point. But I don't know what to do? Make up a reason to go to the ER and then explain a huge bill to DH? Go to a 3D clinic without telling him? I really don't know what to do.


Single Mama to five 6 and under!
josie423 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-31-2012, 07:22 AM
 
Adaline'sMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 4,757
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Could you explain the risks of having twins and not knowing to him. For example, maybe show him the ttts website, or explain the dangers of mono-mono twins in a homebirth situation? Or show him information on polyhydramnios and explain that you will have to have medical care with any of these situations. Is there a chance that you qualify for medicaid if you wind up needing medical care? I suppose your midwife would still see you with di-di twins, but if anything else is an issue you might have to seek medical care instead.

 

Also, it does seem like you said that he'd be open to an ultrasound if your midwife thought you needed one. Can you call her and explain that you'd really like to see just to confirm that there is only one baby and that there are no problems like polyhydrammnios and explain that your DH isnt thrilled about it, so you need her to order one? I dont think she would be compromising her morals by doing that. She is there to care for YOU- a worried mom of 5 babies in 4 years. Dont underestimate your ability to know that something is different this time. 

 

http://www.tttsfoundation.org/

http://monoamniotic.org/

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/polyhydramnios/DS01156

 

 

Anyway, I know your appointment is in a week, and my advice would be to call her ahead of time and share your thoughts with her. 


Holly and David partners.gif

Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

SIDS happens. 

Adaline'sMama is offline  
Old 10-31-2012, 08:12 AM
 
SilverFish's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 865
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I don't think I'm alone in being concerned about how your husband is restricting your access to health care. I think that parenting partners should definitely make health care decisions together, but he should NOT be making unanimous decisions about your health. period. 

 

Basically, you have a very easily solved problem here. There are some unusual things going on halfway through a pregnancy and an ultrasound would quickly and easily and fairly cheaply clear up any uncertainty that you and your midwife might be feeling about what is going on. I understand that some people believe there are health concerns with ultrasound, and don't think they should be used routinely, but you are not currently having a routine pregnancy. Getting an ultrasound soon will more than likely confirm that everything is fine, but on the rare chance that it isn't, you need to know. 

 

Anyway, this is the second or third time you've mentioned that it's your husband who refuses to let you get an ultrasound. Don't you think that it is problematic that he is making decisions about your health and your baby's health without hearing your input? 

SilverFish is offline  
Old 10-31-2012, 08:17 AM
 
Adaline'sMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 4,757
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverFish View Post

I don't think I'm alone in being concerned about how your husband is restricting your access to health care.

 

 

nod.gif


Holly and David partners.gif

Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

SIDS happens. 

Adaline'sMama is offline  
Old 10-31-2012, 08:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
josie423's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 963
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

Sure, it is problematic. He has control issues and this is not the only area in which they manifest. My weight/eating... Oh boy, I could tell you some stories! He hates pregnancy weight gain and recently told me since I started this pregnancy over my normal weight I have extra fat/muscle that my body should burn off instead of me upping my food intake when I'm hungrier. 

 

I will do my best in explaining the risks to him. He has a tendency to treat me like an irrational spaz when I am anxious about something. If I get to the point where my gut tells me that something is wrong, then I will do whatever it takes to find out. I'm not there yet, so that's why I haven't gone further.

 

I'll call my midwife hopefully later on. I'd prefer to do it when DH isn't around (he works from home) because he makes me nervous when I call her and he's nearby. :/


Single Mama to five 6 and under!
josie423 is offline  
Old 10-31-2012, 08:36 AM
 
Adaline'sMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 4,757
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by josie423 View Post

Sure, it is problematic. He has control issues and this is not the only area in which they manifest. My weight/eating... Oh boy, I could tell you some stories! He hates pregnancy weight gain and recently told me since I started this pregnancy over my normal weight I have extra fat/muscle that my body should burn off instead of me upping my food intake when I'm hungrier. 

 

grouphug.gif that's crappy. You have had a lot of babies in a short period of time. Honestly, you probably NEED to eat more than you are eating because it's likely that whatever you have left over in your body is pretty minimal at this point. What's so awesome about him? I know you've had a bunch of kids with him, and leaving doesnt sound like it's on your mind right now, but I wish you were with someone who had more respect for you than that. 

 

 

I'm glad you are going to call- I agree that you should wait until he's not around to hear the conversation. 


Holly and David partners.gif

Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

SIDS happens. 

Adaline'sMama is offline  
Old 10-31-2012, 08:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
josie423's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 963
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

What's so awesome about him, that made me laugh. ;) He has so many wonderful qualities. He's a good guy most of the time. Things have improved greatly from early on, believe it or not. We just have the same few issues we go round and round on. 

 

Believe me, I don't take any of his nutrition/pregnancy 'advice'. I up my food when necessary and don't skimp on fat, calories, protein, etc. I'd probably end up with IUGR if I listened to him. The thing is, he *really* thinks he's right. I seriously cannot understand how somebody could think it's ok to undereat in order to not gain, but in his mind it all makes perfect sense. Sigh. It's frustrating talking about this! He used to be much worse.


Single Mama to five 6 and under!
josie423 is offline  
Old 10-31-2012, 10:03 AM
 
Alphaghetti's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: A Big City in Canada
Posts: 302
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by josie423 View Post

Sure, it is problematic. He has control issues and this is not the only area in which they manifest. My weight/eating... Oh boy, I could tell you some stories! He hates pregnancy weight gain and recently told me since I started this pregnancy over my normal weight I have extra fat/muscle that my body should burn off instead of me upping my food intake when I'm hungrier. 

 

I will do my best in explaining the risks to him. He has a tendency to treat me like an irrational spaz when I am anxious about something. If I get to the point where my gut tells me that something is wrong, then I will do whatever it takes to find out. I'm not there yet, so that's why I haven't gone further.

 

I'll call my midwife hopefully later on. I'd prefer to do it when DH isn't around (he works from home) because he makes me nervous when I call her and he's nearby. :/

I'm sorry. :(  This is sad to read.  I hope you realize that he is COMPLETELY off base with this, and that this type of controlling behaviour is not ok.  Please get an ultrasound. Let him be angry. It's not HIS life that might be compromised should something be amiss. hug2.gif


Certified Crazy™ Wife to my Spiderman husband luxlove.gif(Aug '01)

 

Super proud Momma  to DD (Jan'00), DD (Apr '02) and DS (Jun '04)

Always loving and missing our Baby James angel.gif born sleeping at 19 weeks (July '03).

 

signcirc1.gif

Alphaghetti is offline  
Old 10-31-2012, 10:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
josie423's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 963
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

Yeah, I realize he's off base. We've been married for almost 6 years, so I guess I've just gotten used to it. 


Single Mama to five 6 and under!
josie423 is offline  
Old 10-31-2012, 01:42 PM
 
TIFF4NY's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,284
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by josie423 View Post

Talk du jour, thank you for sharing your story!!! I am so sorry that you and your little guy had to go through that. *hugs*

 

Holly, I haven't seen her since 20 weeks and no she didn't really look for two babies at that point. I measured five weeks ahead with my last baby at 20 weeks too. I don't even know what I'm measuring right now and feel that I'm probably doing it wrong and it is not as far ahead as I think. My DH hates the doppler actually. I got this http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2463326 at BRU and he gets upset when I use it and it is not a doppler. It bugs me, but I don't know what to tell you. I did try to get an u/s so obviously I'm open to it at this point. But I don't know what to do? Make up a reason to go to the ER and then explain a huge bill to DH? Go to a 3D clinic without telling him? I really don't know what to do.

 

I would try the 3D clinic. We have one here that has a $50 gender package. That would definitely be a way to see if there is more than one and they check for things beyond just the sex so the techs could definitely see if something was going on that shouldn't be.


Tiffany love.gif , wife to DH geek.gif, mom of DD1 10/09 energy.gif, DD2 4/12/13 baby.gif, and two dog2.gif
TIFF4NY is offline  
Old 10-31-2012, 03:57 PM
 
brambleberry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: southern Indiana
Posts: 584
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by josie423 View Post

Yeah, I realize he's off base. We've been married for almost 6 years, so I guess I've just gotten used to it. 

 

Just try not to get TOO used to it, and keep doing what's necessary to take care of yourself and your kids.  hug2.gif Does your husband go to your midwife appointments with you?  If he does, I'd definitely call her ahead of time when he's not around so that you can make sure she understands your concerns fully - just in case you don't feel comfortable talking to her frankly with him there.


Work at home, homesteading mom sharing child care 50/50 with my wonderful WAH DH. DD1 born Jan. 2010.   March '12.   DD2 & DD3 (twins) born Feb. 2013
brambleberry is offline  
Old 10-31-2012, 04:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
josie423's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 963
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

Thanks for the hugs!! I haven't had a chance to call her yet today as he's been out all day with the phone (we're usually together so we just have one cell). If I don't get a hold of her before Monday I do have opportunity to talk to her at our appointments. He does come but different things are done in different rooms and there is usually a chance for us to be alone while he entertains the kiddos.

 

But actually, thinking about it, maybe it would be good for me to just wait and lay it all out to her in person in front of him. He listens better when an 'expert' is involved, and she takes what I say seriously and always has good advice. I just may do that, it would be good for him to hear. I'm sure there will be an inevitable "why didn't you tell me?" from him, which will show him how I often don't feel comfortable/safe/listened to when I talk to him about serious matters. (This is something I told him earlier in my pregnancy and it really upset him.)


Single Mama to five 6 and under!
josie423 is offline  
Old 10-31-2012, 04:14 PM
 
WildKingdom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 667
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Josie-

 

First of all, hugs.  Keep yourself and your children safe.  

 

Second of all, and I can't really think of any gentle, nice way to say this- the way you are being treated by your husband is not right.  It is not normal.  You are not the problem here, and your concerns deserve to be taken seriously.

 

I don't want to upset you, especially during your pregnancy, but please know that there is help out there for you if you want/need it.  Please feel free to PM me.

WildKingdom is offline  
Old 10-31-2012, 04:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
josie423's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 963
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

Thank you for your support! No, there is no nice way to say it because, well, it isn't nice. It stinks. It's hard. :( Like I said earlier, if I feel my gut leading me in a direction that my husband doesn't like, too bad for him. I won't hesitate.


Single Mama to five 6 and under!
josie423 is offline  
Old 10-31-2012, 09:33 PM
 
miritree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 6
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by josie423 View Post

Thank you for your support! No, there is no nice way to say it because, well, it isn't nice. It stinks. It's hard. :( Like I said earlier, if I feel my gut leading me in a direction that my husband doesn't like, too bad for him. I won't hesitate.

 

I rarely, rarely post, but I really hope you mean that and I'm glad to hear it.

miritree is offline  
Old 11-01-2012, 06:25 AM
 
withlittlelungs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Deer Park, TX
Posts: 472
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thinking of you Josie! 
Please feel free to contact me if you ever need anything. 
hug2.gif


slingtwin.gifEllie, partner partners.gif (12.2.08), mommy to superhero.gifE (7.5.10) & bouncy.gifbouncy.gif my Baby Belugas H & L (2.25.13)

nursex2.gifcd.gif lactivist.gif novaxnocirc.giffamilybed2.gif

withlittlelungs is offline  
Old 11-01-2012, 01:16 PM
 
LynnS6's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Pacific NW longing for the Midwest
Posts: 12,446
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by josie423 View Post

Thanks for the hugs!! I haven't had a chance to call her yet today as he's been out all day with the phone (we're usually together so we just have one cell). If I don't get a hold of her before Monday I do have opportunity to talk to her at our appointments. He does come but different things are done in different rooms and there is usually a chance for us to be alone while he entertains the kiddos.

 

But actually, thinking about it, maybe it would be good for me to just wait and lay it all out to her in person in front of him. He listens better when an 'expert' is involved, and she takes what I say seriously and always has good advice. I just may do that, it would be good for him to hear. I'm sure there will be an inevitable "why didn't you tell me?" from him, which will show him how I often don't feel comfortable/safe/listened to when I talk to him about serious matters. (This is something I told him earlier in my pregnancy and it really upset him.)

 

He's left you home with 4 little kids and no phone? You don't feel safe when you talk to him about serious matters?

 

I know you're pregnant and vulnerable, but I'd just point out that his trying to control what you eat (to the point where it wouldn't be healthy for you or the baby), to dismiss your concerns, to control your access to medical care, and his isolating you are signs of an abusive relationship. I don't know if it's abusive. But I'd like you to tuck that information away in your brain for a time when you have the energy to deal with it. I'm very concerned that your health and the health of your unborn baby is not being properly looked after.

 

Please listen to your gut and push for your needs. Contact people privately if you need to (at least one person on this thread has offered to have you pm her). Be careful. I'm not liking what I'm hearing.


Lynnteapot2.GIF, academicreading.gif,geek.gif wife, WOHM  to T jog.gif(4/01) and M whistling.gif (5/04)
LynnS6 is offline  
Old 11-01-2012, 01:29 PM
 
Greenlea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: near Chicago, IL
Posts: 931
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

How is he with taking care of your kids? Remind him if something is wrong & you don't find out via U/S that he could lose his baby AND his wife - and how could he handle raising 4 little ones on his own?


Vegetarian broc1.gifmother to wave.gif(3/09) peace.gif  (11/10) and belly.gif(4/13)

Greenlea is offline  
Old 11-01-2012, 03:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
josie423's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 963
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

He was out yesterday with with our three older kids, I had the baby and we took a nap (he had the van, I had the car). We've discussed getting another phone, but he works from home and we are together much of the time so we decided what's the point. We email/text if he's out and I'm at home. He often takes our older three out to run errands while the baby and I rest or go out and do something on our own.

 

It isn't that I feel unsafe, physically, sharing with him, it's emotionally, if that makes sense. He's not a good listener. I know that there are several things going on that aren't pleasant and may not make people happy. I'm working through them the best I can. I've been in contact with several people on this site, and other friends IRL.

 

Thanks so much for the support and concern everyone!! I will update when I have something more concrete to share. smile.gif


Single Mama to five 6 and under!
josie423 is offline  
Old 11-04-2012, 01:24 AM
 
JSerene's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 751
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I just wanted to add that you need to go to a clinic and get a diagnostic ultrasound, not a 3d ultrasound that is done just for fun. Good luck.

JSerene is offline  
Old 11-04-2012, 06:23 PM
 
talk de jour's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 2,474
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The point of another phone would be to make sure you could call for help in an emergency. Yes, you can use the computer, but in a situation where you are seriously hurt and cannot move, for example, you could ask a child to hand you the phone. Also, what if one of the children is badly hurt and needs immediate medical assistance? You can't count on an email text going through or your husband seeing it quickly enough to call 911 in time. You need at least some way to contact emergency services when you are home alone.

I feel as if your husband is playing fast and loose with your family's safety and it deeply worries me.

Also -- yeah, you do need to go for a real diagnostic ultrasound, not the just-for-fun 3D kind. The 3D shop people are trained to take good baby pictures. They assume your medical care is being provided elsewhere and do not provide diagnostics or advice.

babyf.gif

talk de jour is offline  
Old 11-05-2012, 06:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
josie423's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 963
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

Thanks for your input!! smile.gif


Single Mama to five 6 and under!
josie423 is offline  
Old 11-05-2012, 03:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
josie423's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 963
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

Just a quick update because I have to run off and do some b-day prep for my oldest son's b-day tomorrow... I saw my midwife today. I'm measuring a few weeks ahead now (which is totally normal for me at this point in pregnancy). Oops! I guess I'm not very good at checking my own FH. ;) My urine looked great, no protein or ketones. BP is good, iron is good, baby is vertex, h/b was found quickly and easily with the fetoscope. I'm feeling great about things and at this time I'm not going to seek a diagnostic u/s. That's *my* decision, nothing to do with my m/w or DH. 

 

I appreciate all the advice and support that was given to me on this thread! It means so much to me. :D


Single Mama to five 6 and under!
josie423 is offline  
Old 11-06-2012, 06:04 AM
 
brambleberry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: southern Indiana
Posts: 584
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

Glad to hear everything's looking good!  


Work at home, homesteading mom sharing child care 50/50 with my wonderful WAH DH. DD1 born Jan. 2010.   March '12.   DD2 & DD3 (twins) born Feb. 2013
brambleberry is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off