I have a few other threads around, so some may realize I've had an emotional 24-36 hours. I was fine with everything, then BOOM, I suddenly did a complete emotional turnaround and started getting upset I was pregnant, then spent some time late at night in distress about this, thinking "why am I upset? what's wrong? how can I fix this?" but also obsessing over details in my life that brought me to this point. I spent some time posting because I thought/hoped it would make me feel better, but I kept deleting what I wrote, trying to better nail what I was feeling, and I realized I had spent hours on the computer.
So then I realized I had this awful, piercing headache that I get when I get myself too worked up. I think its a combo of being too worked up, and forcing myself to type for hours (horrible, i know). :( When this happens (it has happened a few other times in my life), that headache normally sticks around for 24 hours, like a caffeine withdrawl headache. Its almost like I tortured myself so much, that my head hurts from it. It just seems like a physical manifestation of pushing myself too hard, and anxiety.
Then I finally went to bed after the sun had gone up, after watching tons of news and trying to take my mind off things. I was already thinking, "I pushed myself way too far. I am going to have a miscarriage over this." I've had two miscarriages, but they were under different circumstances....this time we actually have a heartbeat with high hcg levels. I am 9w.
Anyways, still, I kept thinking, "I bet the baby is dying. I am pushing myself too hard over this." (strange, I realize, that I was stressed about BEING pregnant, then stressed that I might have killed the baby). So, then, unfortunately, this morning/afternoon I woke up and I realized almost immediately that my boobs felt different. They almost felt deflated, like when they finally come off the PMS/period hormonal thing around day 4 of a cycle. Today has really been the first day they haven't been bothering me since pregnant. If I try to shake them a LOT, I can feel some soreness, but otherwise, they feel markedly less sore maybe even a little smaller. :(
So I guess I have two questions: have any of you pregnant ladies had boobs get less sore around week 9, and it freaked you out? And was everything okay?
Secondly, could that kind of stress, like what I described, where you keep yourself up and cause yourself physical symptoms, cause miscarriage around 9w? It was remarkable to see that heartbeat, but now I just wonder if I have now screwed everything up. :(
Well, from what I am reading online, breast tenderness can come and go in early pregnancy (first trimester) and that is normal. Hmm. Well, I guess it just picked a bad day to do so! That is slightly reassuring, but will still be praying for the best.
So I guess now I am just wondering you all's thoughts on stress. I "know" this is silly....but for some reason talking to other pregnant women is what reassures my fears (yes, I obviously need pregnant friends....I am figuring that out). Is anxiety that produces a headache, and lack of sleep (one night), something that could cause serious harm (kill) the baby? I just feel they are so fragile at 8.5-9w!
IME, healthy pregnancies are pretty sturdy. I don't think a headache and a sleepless night are going to do any harm to the pregnancy. A good swift kick of hormones can *cause* the anxiety you're talking about.
That said - anxiety of the kind that keeps you up all night and won't let you go is definitely something you should discuss with your OB. You may not even be to the first appointment yet, but pre-partum depression and anxiety are real disorders that cause real problems. AFAIK, they don't cause miscarriage, but they can mess with you in plenty of other ways.