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#1 of 29 Old 11-17-2012, 06:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Soooo just told my cousin that my hubby and I were expecting # 3. She congratulated me, said she was so happy for us, and even jealous. Then longer into the convo she stops and says, "OMG ur gonna have 3 kids and u'll only be 24. How do you feel about that?" Ummmmm feeling good...we planned it, we're married, we're good parents, we can afford it....Show me the problem again? 

 

I took offense to it, but didn't get angry since she admitted she was jealous. I could have thrown in her face that her boyfriend is a father with two kids who have two different mothers....BUT I don't have issues with happily blended families...I think a happy family is a happy family no matter how many moms and dads their are. I've always been supportive of her because she fears people will look down to her.

 

My age was a big factor in this equation. It was like this, do it now while we're young or be done for good. 

 

My reply to her was...I'll be 44 when my youngest is 20...So yup feeling good:) I also explained that we wanted to do it while I was able to stay home until the child was in kindergarten. 

 

UGHHHH! Why does this make me so mad?! Maybe I feared people would look at us like that? Our 1st and 2nd weren't planned. We've been clear that this one was...I guess deep down I knew there would be the "Oh my! Three kids? What are they thinking?" Just hoped it wouldn't happen. 

 

Anyone else defending their decisions??

 Thanks for reading:)

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#2 of 29 Old 11-17-2012, 08:44 AM
 
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Just ignore her! People will ALWAYS find something to complain, gripe & b*tch about, lol. As long as you are happy, in the end that is all that matters! You live only to please yourself and those in your home (S/O kids etc...)

 

I had my 3rd child, 10 days after my 21st birthday!! And I LOVE being a 32 year old mom to 3 teens!! I am still young enough to be into all of the new fads, I can get active outside with them, I'd not have it any other way :) Now the fact that I am about to have another baby, with my "Baby" now, being 12 already....That's insane, rofl

 

But yeah, people will talk, they will always talk, gossip, or find something to try & bring you down about, but don't let them get to you! Congrats!!


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#3 of 29 Old 11-17-2012, 01:00 PM
 
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I agree, you have to make the decisions that are right for your family. My DH and I started young, but we spaced our kids out, that's what works for us.  Don't let other peoples prejudice get you down.


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#4 of 29 Old 11-17-2012, 01:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the replies:) On a better note my sil came over to help make pies for thanksgiving and couldn't stop taking about how excited her and her parents are for us(she's 17). That made me feel better and realized that maybe my cousin just wishes it were her..
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#5 of 29 Old 11-18-2012, 06:42 PM
 
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I feel you.  Really.  I'm 24 and we are also expecting baby #3....  Married at 19, first baby at 20 (11 months later exactly!), second at 22, and third will be at 25!  I ignore the naysayers.
 


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#6 of 29 Old 11-19-2012, 05:23 AM
 
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I had 3 kids by 25. I'm on number 4 at 27. LOL Originally, I was think I'd wait until I was 25 to have my first, but things changed and I'm happy about it.

 

I don't think I would have taken offense at that comment from your friend. I actually don't think she meant it the way you took it. Especially being that she is "jealous." She was probably just making a "fun" observation. Like wow, you are unique, you'll have all your kids before you're 25. 


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#7 of 29 Old 11-19-2012, 07:21 AM
 
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Dayiscoming, I didn't realize we were so close in age. For some reason I got the impression you were maybe 30 give or take.

 

Anyway, I have noticed that certain people have issues when people have more than 2 children that aren't spaced 3 or 4 years apart. I don't get it, but whatever. I don't think your friend meant it that way but I am just saying I have been really surprised how people treat families of more than 2 kids. I will be just barely 26 when this babe is due and it is also my third. Our first was stillborn at 38 weeks and then we had an early m/c as well so technically my 4th pregnancy in 4 years by the time I am due. (I am due 2 days after our 4th anniversary) My best friend will be 24 when her third is born and she was just commenting the other weekend how next summer when we get together we will be up to 5 kids between us from just the 3 of them this last summer. Idk, we are looking forward to it.


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#8 of 29 Old 11-19-2012, 09:37 AM
 
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Dayiscoming, I didn't realize we were so close in age. For some reason I got the impression you were maybe 30 give or take.

 

 

My husband is 30. He'll be 31 when number 4 comes along. smile.gif

 

I think age is irrelevant as long as you are a responsible parent.


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#9 of 29 Old 11-19-2012, 01:21 PM
 
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Too funny. My husband just turned 29 a couple of weeks ago.


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#10 of 29 Old 11-19-2012, 02:39 PM
 
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I feel you.  Really.  I'm 24 and we are also expecting baby #3....  Married at 19, first baby at 20 (11 months later exactly!), second at 22, and third will be at 25!  I ignore the naysayers.
 

 

About the same here.  Married at 18, and now at 27 have been pregnant 11 times (though we only have 3 living children, and are expecting #4).  People will always find something to pick apart in your life. ;)


Me (27) DH (30)...9 Years

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#11 of 29 Old 11-19-2012, 03:05 PM
 
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I'm 26 and having my 3rd, and so happy to get it done now instead of later too. We never wanted a huge family, said 2-3 kids, so we're discussing permanent options to prevent another after this. If we had wanted lots though starting like this would be the way to do that as well. Kids all out of the house by age 46 sounds pretty nice to me.

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#12 of 29 Old 11-19-2012, 06:51 PM
 
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My fifth is due in February and I'll be 25 in April. I've been told I don't look old enough to have one! ROTFLMAO.gifPeople will always have their intrusive comments/advice/questions, I just try not to let it get to me.


Single Mama to five 6 and under!
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#13 of 29 Old 11-23-2012, 09:09 AM
 
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I am in the opposite boat so I can relate to the jealously of wishing to have had children younger. In my early 20s I did so so much better with less sleep and had significantly more energy which would be so helpful with toddlers. Of course I made the decision that was right at the time, but there are such strong advantages to both having kids young and advantages to waiting depending on one's situation. 

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#14 of 29 Old 11-23-2012, 11:11 AM
 
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I was slightly older when I conceived my first (24) but I remember feeling sensitive to comments about how "young" I was. Then I had 2 by 26 and felt very much the youngest one at school, out at the playground, etc., for a long time. I finally feel like with this pregnancy, at 31, I'm "old" enough in some peoples' eyes, which is ridiculous! Being a young mom is wonderful if it works for you. Embrace it!


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#15 of 29 Old 11-23-2012, 07:21 PM
 
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I had my first baby 3 days before my 19th birthday. And I have a baby face! Now at 23 and expecting our 3rd, I guess I still look very young, because people ask questions with the intention of getting to know my age, like "Your WAY too young to have children!!!". Sometimes I'm tempted to answers that most girls now have the rules by 12 years old.... But most of the ladies asking questions are old and curious and do not mean to be rude. Most of them congratulate me for being so "couragous" after, anyway!

 

Not only the fact of us being young, but my in-laws are young grand-parents and they love it too! They are very avaible. I love to know that my kids will know them alive and healthy for a long time. If I'm shopping with my MIL, people usually think she is the mother, thought! It's her that get "stats" questions from stranger and they get all surprised if my kids call her grand-ma. She's 45.

 

I've never really felt juged by my age in playgrounds, etc. However I did felt juged by care-providers that somehow think I need to be saved.... Until they see I have a very supportive husband and family. BUT, I have an alternative lifestyle, and that I feel being juged for being different....sometimes our age (my BF is 5 months older) seems to be part of the "lot" of things we do differently.


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#16 of 29 Old 11-28-2012, 08:15 AM
 
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I'm 23 and pregnant with our 2nd and 3rd. I'm sure that people have stupid thoughts about me being young with 3 kids, but being a mom is exactly what I want to be doing in my life right now! Try not to let people get to you. I'm sure it is just jealousy. 
Isn't it funny that I'm freaking out about turning 24 because I feel old? twins.gif


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#17 of 29 Old 11-28-2012, 08:37 AM
 
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My mom had my three older brothers in the early to mid 1960s, back when it was not uncommon to get married out of high school and start churning out kids.  People at church and the study group she currently belongs to ask about her children (a great source of pride for her), and when she tells them they say with a gasp "Ohhh you had three little boys by the time you were 25! You must have been crazy!  Did you not know how that happens??" 
 

So there you have it.  My mom's 71 and she's still hearing stupid comments.

 

(And don't even get me started on the ones who say I must have been an accident since she had me at 36.)

 

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#18 of 29 Old 11-28-2012, 07:05 PM
 
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Isn't it funny that I'm freaking out about turning 24 because I feel old? twins.gif

I had a friend freak out when she turned 26 because she was now closer to 50 than 1!


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#19 of 29 Old 11-28-2012, 11:15 PM
 
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I had my fourth when I was 23.


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#20 of 29 Old 11-30-2012, 11:51 AM
 
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Congratulations! I've found that no matter when you choose to have kids or how long you wait in between or how many you have, there are always people who are convinced and will tell you that you are doing it wrong. I think people often confuse what would be right for them for what is right for everyone.

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#21 of 29 Old 11-30-2012, 12:10 PM
 
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So many people have strong feelings about what age you're supposed to be to have children, and it probably just comes down to when they did it.  They probably also believe that they know how many you should have and what you should feed them.  But I don't think everyone comes down on the side of thinking you shouldn't be having "so many" kids "so young."  I am 43 and have an almost four year old and a nine year old and I look young-ish for my age but I have had multiple people ask me if I'm their grandmother.  And I suppose I shouldn't be bothered by that as I am certainly of an age that I could be a g'mother to a 4 year old, and I suppose it is biologically possible to be a 43 yo g'ma to a 9 yo, too.

 

And I'm jealous of you, too!  Whenever I think of the fact that my little guy is only gonna be 40 when I'm 80, it creeps me out.  I don't want to be old when they're still young.  I feel like generations are really meant to be more like 20 years, but that may be because the last few generations in my family were.  


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#22 of 29 Old 11-30-2012, 12:24 PM
 
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I am so pleased I stumbled across this thread, it really does make me feel so much better knowing I'm not the only one who gets these comments. I was 19yrs old when I had ds1, ds2 was born two weeks after my 22nd birthday and now at 24 we are contemplating adding a number 3 to our family. As the op said we're in the situation now of "do it now or decide we're done" which is a hard place to be because I feel like we'll regret not adding to our family. We both come from 2 children families and I just feel like there are not enough of us.

It is so true people will always judge you no matter what you do so you may as well be happy with the decision yourself as you'll more than likely be critisized anyway.

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#23 of 29 Old 11-30-2012, 06:19 PM
 
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My MIL often tells us how she regrets not have 2 more kids...She had two kids that required frequent hospital visits and an agricultor husband that wasn't really available. But she still regrets.

 

That why there's baby number 3 right now for us: I didn't see myself wait until Papa finished school (in 8-10 years!) to have other children. In 10 years I'd like to be done with the baby phase, not starting again after a 8 years break. my oldest will be 14, I'll be 33. That sounds great to me!


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#24 of 29 Old 12-03-2012, 03:43 PM
 
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Congratulations! I've found that no matter when you choose to have kids or how long you wait in between or how many you have, there are always people who are convinced and will tell you that you are doing it wrong. I think people often confuse what would be right for them for what is right for everyone.

 

I totally agree!

 

I'm happily married, with a steady well paying job and had been very vocal about wanting to start are family shortly and yet people are still shocked when we tell them we're expecting our first. I'm 22, DH is 26. We fully expect to have a few more before I turn 26. We're both the type of people that have looked forward to a family, big or small for many years. I hope to learn quickly how to just let the comments roll off.

 

I currently don't have a track record for being a good mama, since my wee one is still in the oven, but I'm a firm believer that age isn't a deciding factor in what makes you a good mother.


 

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#25 of 29 Old 12-07-2012, 06:14 PM
 
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I will be 22 by the time number 1 comes. BUT- NOT BY CHOICE! We got married 5 days after I turned 18, and never prevented. We actively started trying when I was 20. It just took us a while to get here. And people are STILL not happy with it. During my confirmation, the nurse had the guts to say "Well, at least you are not a teenager". I was mad as hell! 

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#26 of 29 Old 12-07-2012, 06:39 PM
 
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hi, I can understand how y must feel mad, but it is probably misinterpretation

I think it is more that people are concerned with all the pressures than go with having kids and how can someone so young cope with it.

all the responsibilities and the fact that it is a rather fixed life, as in it is a full time job for life.

other people might choose to go to university and develop a career or compete in sporting events, or go travelling every year etc

by being surprised that you have kids at such a young age it's more of a wow thing that requires you to mature and settle down a lot earlier than the people who don't have kids early. and of course to have support from parents and the father.
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#27 of 29 Old 12-16-2012, 11:10 AM
 
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I'm finally turning 30 and we are pregnant with #6.  Courted at at 17, married at 18, first child at 19. It was just right for us. 

I think it all depends on your situation. If you are in a secure relationship and are both comfortable with a large family then why wait? I worry sometimes about financial things but we have no debts to speak of and live very frugally so I see no reason not to have many children and enjoy them! ( also to keep up with them while you're still young enough to)

 

Congrats on #3!
 


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#28 of 29 Old 12-18-2012, 11:32 AM
 
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Thanks BumkinsMum and all you other mama's, it's great to here from someone who's successfully on the other end of young parenting! 


 

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#29 of 29 Old 12-18-2012, 11:49 AM
 
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I don't see what's so strange about it. For me the natural age to have kids would be early to mid 20's. I was 28 before I had my son and I felt really old. I always assumed that people had a reason for thinking you have to wait to have a career before having kids, but I don't get why that is. My life has only gotten easier since having a baby. Everyone has way more empathy for someone with kids, and at work I was abused way more before, I was always the one who had to stay late, work on extra projects and just be more flexible in general because I didn't have kids.
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